The Cruel Twists of Love (31 page)

“
You promised you never leave me, but I will leave you if you want me too?” Helen kneels down in front of him and removes his hands from his face and places them on her stomach.

“
We owe it to our child to try to make this work, I’m giving you a year to love me like the man I fell in love with. And you still get the weekend I promised you, so do what you want with me then and without any fear of me leaving you. I even keep the deal you made with the devil himself if it makes you happy” Phil strokes her stomach tenderly.

“I not told you everything Helen, I put antibiotics in your food that why the pill failed. I needed you to stay with me, I get so depressed Helen when you not around me”

“Why didn’t you talk to me? I would have moved in if you had just asked me”

“
No one has ever really loved me Helen, not even my grandparents they felt that they had no choice but to raise me. But I was the lucky one my brother and sister are in a care home with no one to look after them” Helen wipes the tears from Phil face and embraces him in her arms.

“Phil I was prepared for you to kill me, rather than leave you that how much I love you Phil. I even sleep with anyone you want me too which I feel would be worse than death”

“Mum youngest turns five next week Helen and she said she can‘t cope with him?”

“
What do you want to do?”

“
Can he come here?”

“
Why to trap me here or because of the child?” Phil holds her tight in his arms

“
Both Helen, I don’t want another child to turn out like me and I need you to help me love him”

“
What turns you on, that makes you want to hurt me?”

“
Your total control in my hands when I make you scream or beg me to stop”

“
The others you hurt, was it consensual on their part?”

“
Yes Helen, they were broken people like me and Carol. The pain set them free from the feelings inside of them. Our release was causing the pain we felt inside ourselves”

“
Did you think I was damaged like you?”

“
No Helen, Carol wanted to experience real fear when we whipped you, she a true sadist Helen and got me involved when I beat someone up in school. She said there was a way to get my kicks without fear of prison”

“
Do you still want to whip me?”

“
Yes I want to hear you scream just for me when I whip you. I felt free Helen when they used to scream for me” Helen closes her eyes, she promised she stay but could she live her life with him in fear of what he do to her

“I try to give you a day every month for your release but after the baby been born”

“No Helen, I find someone else for me to beat. I don’t want to risk losing you”

“
Did you have sex with them after you beat them?”

“
Always Helen, we were so turned on by it”

“
Then it would have to be me, I can’t share you”

“NO
, it would kill you inside and I could never forgive myself if I destroyed the only thing I have ever cared for”

“
Just one day if I can’t handle it we will try something else but I want you to get some help with this”

“
Then you stay with me?”

“
Yes Phil I promised I would” Helen looks at Phil exhausted by the turbulent day she had with him.

“I let you get the help for me, that way you know I’m not lying
, sorry but I don’t think I can be trusted if it left up to me” Helen strokes Phil face gently.

“
So when do I meet your brother?”

“
Soon Helen, but you worn out emotionally and it not good for the baby” Phil cradles Helen in his arms protectively

“
Time for bed Helen”

“
But I promised I would make love to you” Helen says sleepily

“
There are other days Helen and you can keep your promise then, but you worn out and I’m worried about the baby” Phil picks Helen up and carries Helen upstairs. Helen is fast asleep before they reach the bedroom”

            Helen feels her hair being softly stroked and she
keeps her eyes closed pretending to sleep. She doesn’t want to talk anymore or to think about anything that he told her last night. Phil nuzzles his face into Helen’s neck and he kisses her. Helen turns in his arms and kisses him hungrily and she pulls him to her.

“
Don’t talk please, just make me forget” Helen pushes Phil down and sits astride him and she takes him into her, moving slowly on him when she kisses his lips. Phil closes his eyes when he allows her to move gently on him and puts his hands on her hips and he gently takes her weight when she sits up holding onto his shoulders, taking her time and she feels him tilting his hips into her. She builds in her pleasure when she moves slowly. Stopping her movements on him and allowing his breathing to calm. Phil moves his hands around her waist and tries to makes her move on him but she pulls off him.

“
Don’t touch me Phillip” Phil goes to say something with the pain in his eyes from not being able to touch her and Helen places a finger on his lips.

“
No, don’t talk” Helen notices for the first time that they are in his grandparent’s room. She gets off the bed and goes over to his i-pod because she knew the song that matched her dark mood. When the cords from the guitar starts to plays and allowing Depeche Mode to dominate the room with the darkness she feels inside. She senses Phil behind her when she selects repeat. He doesn’t touch her but she turns to face him. She shuts her eyes and she allows the music to claim her. She wraps her one arm around his neck and buries her face into his neck.

“I feel you, the sun
its shines”
Helen starts to move her body seductively and touching his body with hers. She moves her hands over Phillip’s body and Phil wraps his hands around her when she moves for him.

“
Don’t touch me please” Helen moves his hands from her and continues with her slow dance

“I feel you, each move you make
. I feel you, each breath you take”
Helen pulls Phil lips to her and when she kisses him she bites his lip hard and she can taste the blood in her mouth, he pulls her to him and kisses her and she bites him again. Her tears she thought were all used up start to fall again.

“
Do whatever you want to me Helen” Helen buries her face in his chest and she cries

“I can’t I’m not strong enough” she desperately wants to hit him but her arms refuse to obey her mind.

“Do you want to hurt me?”

“
Yes” she buries her head in shame Phil moves away and turns the music off. He picks her up and carries her to the bed and lays down facing Helen on the bed.

“Choose some music please because I need you to make me forget”
Helen closes her eyes and thinks of Phil’s face when he saw her walking down the aisle. That the Phil she needs to focus on if she wanted to love him again she thinks to herself. Phil strokes her face tenderly and she cringes from his touch.

“
Can I kiss you?” keeping her eyes close tight and she wills herself to allow him to kiss her.

“
Yes but don’t touch me” she feels his breath when he leans in and kisses her gently on her lips. She feels his tongue gently pushing access into her mouth and Helen holds him to her and she responds to his kiss. Pushing him down on the bed and sitting astride him.

“
Don’t touch me or I will stop” she warns Phil as she pushes him inside her. She starts to move fast on him with the urgent need to free the pain in her heart. Helen leans back when she rapidly pushes onto Phil roughly and he grabs her hips and stops her moving.

“NO” He grabs hold of Helen and holds her tight to his chest. She struggles from his grip but he too strong and he holds her tight in his arms.

“Shh, what have I done to you?” he cries.

         Phil kisses her lips urgently and Helen stops fighting
him. Helen moves her hips when he cradles her in his arms. Kissing her desperately and he helps her move on him desperately matching each other as they give into their need, threading his hands into Helen’s hair when he holds her to his lips. Gently lowering her onto the bed and reaching for her hands and pinning them down with his when he moves slowly in her and kissing her neck as she curves her neck inviting him to kiss her there. Helen wraps her legs around his body and pulls him deep inside her. Keeping her eyes closed and meeting him with her body when he pushes into her.

“Helen
, look at me please” he whispers to her and Helen opens her eyes and stares into his and he moves faster in her. Helen bites his lip lightly and he thrust harder into her, groaning in harmony when they stare into each other’s eyes. Holding on to his hands tightly and she builds to her powerful climax 

“I love you Helen” he whispers softly and he follows powerfully into her. Holding her tight
when he holds her to him

        Helen lays her head down on his chest listening to his reassuring heart beat.

“Take the ring off your finger Helen I need to prove to you first that I deserve you as my wife” Helen looks at her wedding ring and nuzzles into him when she ignores him sleepily

“
Will you be here when I get home from work?” Helen nods sadly

“I
will phone in sick, it is my wedding” Helen kisses his chest and he strokes her hair gently

“
Try to get some sleep, you hardly slept last night” and kissing the top of her head gently.

“I’m hungry” she says sleepily and Phil laughs.

“Me too, what does the wench want?” Helen nudges him playfully

“
Anything Sir wants, I’m cooking”

“
We cook together” Helen rises stiffly of the bed

“
Are you o.k.?” Phil smiles nervously at Helen

“
My back’s a bit stiff, but I’m fine Phil stop worrying”

“
Then back to bed Helen. I will bring something up later” and encouraging Helen back into the bed.

“
It was a long day yesterday, but I want to cook for my husband” Phil simply kisses her head and he pulls the blankets over her.

“
There’s plenty of time Helen, we got a lifetime together”

          Helen wait’s for a few minutes and slips into Phil shirt that was left on the floor. Picking up the discarded clothes and creeping downstairs after Phil
and she watches Phil cooking pancakes, she hated pancakes she thinks sadly. There was still so much to learn about each other, Helen wonders about how he learnt French. She leans onto the workbench and distractedly playing with her hair. Phil turns around and smiles happily when he sees Helen.

“
Can you teach me French?” Phil laughs loudly

“
Only to ask for one of each” Helen looks at Phil puzzled

“
Sorry Helen, I was trying to impress you. You had the meal that looked the best when it came” Phil places her plate on the worktable and Helen pulls a face.

“
Sorry Phil, I don’t like pancakes” she shrugs her shoulders apologetically and watches Phil’s face drop in disappointment. Helen touches his hand gently and walks over to one of the cupboards and reaching for the box of muesli and going over to the fridge.

“
Sorry Helen, there no milk left” Helen shrugs, there never was any milk in the house and Helen has gotten used to making do with things she brought with her. Helen knew she brought some fresh fruit the last time she came and she finds some pouring yogurt in the fridge. It’s a bit sweet for Helen likening but at lease it would fill her hunger, she adds some blueberries to the muesli and checks the yogurt before pouring it over the muesli. Helen kisses Phil cheek before she sits down on her stool

“
Sorry but I got to go into work later, they short staffed and no-one can cover me” Helen puts down her spoon, she not hungry any more she thinks sadly.

“
Eat something Helen, I know you disappointed but you need to keep your strength up” Helen looks at her breakfast and feels her stomach-churning

“
Sorry Phil, I think it’s a bit of morning sickness” she says before running to the downstairs toilet.

       Helen feels Phil
gently holding her hair back when she is sick. She never heard him following her she thinks and she catches her breath.

“
When can I make the appointment for us?” she looks at Phil when she stands

“
Can we meet Jackson first?”

“
No Phil we need to do this as soon as possible or you never go”

“I give you a copy of my schedule” Phil looks furious and he walks back to the kitchen