The Cutting Room (26 page)

attempt at a smile. `But he unsettled me. I was scared and

when you showed us those pictures’ - she started to sob - `I

began to think what might have happened … Oh God, don’t

tell Christian. He’d go ape if he found out.’

Perhaps making tea is more of a cure for those ministering

to the distressed than for the distressed themselves. I went through to the kitchen and brewed another pot. It made me

feel better.

Back in the sitting room, AnneMarie took her cup.

`I’m sorry. I’m hardly ever like that.’

`No, don’t worry about it. We all need a good cry

sometimes.’ The friendly uncle was an awkward fit, but I

did my best. `Are you happy with tea or do you think

something stronger might help??

‘You’re really kind, but tea’s fine, thanks. The cup that

cheers but doesn’t intoxicate.’

I didn’t feel cheered. `What was it that frightened you so

much??

‘Perhaps it would just be easier if I tell you from the

beginning. Do you know what makes me most angry about all

of this, though?

I shook my head. `No.’

`That I was such a fool. Christian’s right. He’s told me over and over not to get into situations like this, but I did it

anyway. It’s my own fault.’

`We’ve all done things we regret.’

`I suppose. But I did it for money, pure greed, and that’s

crap. It makes me feel ashamed. Maybe that’s why I asked you here. I want to help you find out about the photographs, of

course I do, but it’s not just that. I needed to tell somebody.’

`Go on, then, tell me.’

She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms

round them. Her feet were bare, her toenails painted Marian

blue.

`Christian told me some old guy wanted to photograph me

alone. Unfortunately, he also told me how much he was

willing to pay for the privilege. It was a lot of money and I was tempted, stupid bitch that I am.’ She hugged her knees

tighter. `I wanted Christian to work out a compromise,

but he wouldn’t even try. He reckoned the guy was a nut

and there’d be no compromising with him. He’d wanted to

ban him from the club just for asking. Maybe it wasn’t just for asking, though. Maybe Christian sensed something. I don’t

know. Anyway, my brother may be a black belt, but he’s a big softie. Him and me, well.’ She made a rueful face and twirled her index finger around her pinkie. `I’ve always been able to twist him around my little finger, ever since we were kids. I persuaded him not to ban the guy as long as he behaved. The

following week I passed over a note with my mobile number

on it. He phoned the next day and we set up a session, simple as that.’

`Weren’t you afraid he would get the wrong idea, I mean,

paying over the odds like that, didn’t you think he might want you to do more than just pose for him?

Her voice hardened. `Obviously not or I wouldn’t have

allowed him to come here.’

`Okay, I take your point.’

`No.’ She touched my arm apologetically. `You’re right,

sorry. That’s what I should have thought, but the money

seemed to affect my brain. He was very smooth, gentlemanly.

What was it he said? He appreciated that I was conferring a

rare privilege and he gave me his word he wouldn’t step

beyond the boundaries I placed upon him. The boundaries I

placed upon him. So of course, after that, I set out my

boundaries, quite the thing. I told him he could stay for

forty minutes, we could go straight to swimwear or nude if he

wanted.’ She gave an embarrassed smile. `I thought he should get something for his money; and I said I would only do the

same kind of poses you saw me doing. Tasteful.’

`And he agreed??

‘Positively delighted. Asked if I would mind including a

couple of summer dresses. I thought he admired the whole

act.’

McKindless had read her well, anticipated her concerns,

played to her weak spot, money, and flattered her with an

interest in her costumes.

`And was it like that??

‘Of course not or I wouldn’t be sitting here crying my eyes

out. At first I thought he wasn’t coming. He was five minutes late. I’d reckoned with only forty minutes, and the meter

running, he’d be there on the dot. It turned out it was the day of the Old Firm game. He’d got caught up in traffic. When he did arrive he seemed flustered and that made me more confident.

Even the way he rang the doorbell was tentative. I opened the door and there was this pensioner almost hidden behind a big bunch of flowers, white lilies. I was actually touched. I decided he was just a lonely old man with a kink. Harmless.’

`What did he look like??

‘Very smart, quite dapper, really, but old, really old.’

`How old? Sixty? Seventy? Eighty??

‘I don’t know. Past a certain age I find it hard to tell. Old, older than you, maybe seventy. He didn’t seem ill, though. In fact, I would have said the opposite.’

`What happened??

‘I’d got myself up really nicely. I’ve got this lovely

nineteen-fifties day dress. I imagine it as a picnic dress. It’s blue with white polka dots, a touch of the “New Look”, a

lovely full skirt with frothy petticoats …’

I danced with a man who danced with a girl who danced with the Prince of Wales.

I was fascinated. For days I had been carrying McKindless’s

photographs in my pocket, trying to reach past the two

dimensions of the image, to peer round corners that weren’t

there. AnneMarie had got closer than me. She had been

inside the frame. I let her go through the description of the dress, sensing it would calm her.

`… a white shawl collar, cut low at the front and a white

rose just here.’ She indicated the centre of her cleavage. `And I did my make-up to match. Typical fifties, you know, a bit of a doll face, lots of red lipstick, roses in my cheeks. As I said, when he first came in he was shy, deferential almost, but as soon as we came in here he changed.’ She faltered. `I can’t

believe how stupid I am. It’s not as if I’m a wee lassie, I’m old enough to know better.’

`AnneMarie’ - I touched her arm - `I’m older than you

and I’ve lost count of the stupid things I’ve done. If this man abused your trust, it’s him to blame and not you, no matter

how unwise you think you’ve been.’

`I suppose you’re right, but I’m right, too. You know, I

go to Christian’s club, I know about self-defence and I know the best defence is not to get yourself into stupid situations, don’t make yourself vulnerable. I know that and yet I still

went ahead and put myself in harm’s way. I don’t mind

being wrong, but I mind being a fool. I’d like to get

revenge.

`Tell me what happened.’

`When he first arrived he was pleasant, nervous even. He

apologised for being late and gave me the flowers. He seemed a bit flustered so I offered to get him a glass of water. He asked if he could use the bathroom. I showed him where it

was and then went to get his drink and put the flowers in a vase.

`How many rooms are there in the flat??

‘Four, kitchen, living room, toilet and bedroom.’

`Did he look into the bedroom??

‘I don’t know. I showed him where the bathroom was and

then went through to the kitchen to pour him a glass of water.

He was only gone for a minute, then he joined me, collected

his water and we went through to the lounge.’

`Where’s the bedroom??

‘Opposite the bathroom.’

`My guess is he peeked in. He wanted to make sure you

were alone.’

`Could be. All of a sudden he was different, kind of cocky,

more confident, as if this was his gig and he was in charge. He asked me to bring the lilies through. I did and he took them out of their vase, dripping water all over the floor. I was put out, but didn’t say ariytFung. I suppose I thought he hadn’t noticed. I gave him a Polaroid camera and a new packet of film. He laughed and said he would rather use his own. Maybe that was when I knew I’d made a mistake. I insist on Polaroids because then there’s no negatives. I control the image. But there was something in his laugh that made me give way. Somehow I couldn’t insist.’

`AnneMari, I’m not criticising you, but why didn’t ,,you

just order him out, or, if he wouldn’t go, walk away??

‘I don’t know.’ The tears were back, shimmering above

her lashes. `At that point I didn’t feel frightened, he hadn’t done anything for me to be frightened of, I was just a little …‘she hesitated, `uneasy. He was still polite, over-polite, if anything. And it wasn’t as if I had expected to like him. Okay, things weren’t going the way I’d expected, but he was paying a lot of money. I didn’t want to blow it.’

`What happened next?

She sighed. `He asked me to take off my make-up. He used

a funny phrase. “Could you remove your face, please.” Of

course I knew what he meant, but for a second I had a vision of myself with no face. Now’s where it starts to get freaky.’ She stood up, `Fuck it,’ and walked across the room to the bar. `If I’m going to go through all of this again, I think I’m going to need a drink. How about you??

‘Why not??

‘There’s not much of a choice; vodka and orange?

‘Perfect.’

AnneMarie mixed the drinks in a cocktail shaker then

brought it and two tumblers to the table. She handed me a

loaded glass and settled back on the couch with hers.

`Tell me if it’s too weak. There’s almost a full bottle, so

don’t be shy.’

I took a sip. For a second I couldn’t speak, then it came out with a high cough. `No, that’ll be fine.’

She sipped hers coolly.

`You were about to tell me the freaky part.’

`Yes.’ She rolled her eyes. `I suppose the trouble is, I don’t have anything to compare it to. I’m an actress and artist’s

model. The whole situation was freaky. It was just afterwards, when you showed us those horrible pictures, that I really

started to put things into context.’ She took another sip of her drink and grimaced. `I cleansed my face. All this had taken

about fifteen minutes, so I was beginning to feel better again.

Less than half an hour to go. He had his camera loaded and I expected him to ask me to get undressed, but he didn’t.’

She paused.

`What did he ask you to do??

‘He asked me to sit next to him and look at his album.’ She

laughed, embarrassed, and raised her drink to her lips. `He wanted me to look at his dirty photographs. So of course I

did.’ She emptied her glass, refilled it from the shaker,

topping me up at the same time. `I mean, anything to waste

time.’

She shook her head and took a drink.

`What were they like??

‘Freaky. Of course I realised he was getting a kick out of

showing them to me, but I was relieved. Like I said, the

longer I avoided stripping off, the happier I was.’ She

blushed. `I couldn’t think of anything to say. I mean, should I admire the girls or the camera angles? So I just kept quiet.

At one point he smiled and said, “You’re not enjoying this,

are you?” Like he got a kick out of that too.’

She went over to the bar and began to put together another

batch of drinks.

`What were the photographs like?’

`Pretty Horrible. They were black-and-white, which surprised me, kind of old-looking. I commented on it and he said

something about the older one got the more one looked back

to the boldness of one’s youth.’

She returned with the freshened shaker and refilled our

glasses. I sipped mine. The strength seemed about right now.

`Tell me more about the photographs.’

She took a deep breath.

`In a couple of them, the worse ones, the women looked

like they might have been whipped. There was one, the

woman, you could see her clothes dumped any which way on

the floor. She was lying face down on an unmade bed with

marks across her back. Straight lines like prison bars.’ She shivered and took another drink. `It was in black-and-white, so I told myself it was just make-up. Chocolate sauce.’ She

made an attempt at a laugh. `She was still wearing her shoes. I remember thinking I’d like a pair the same.’ She looked at me. `Shallow, eh?’

I shook my head. `You can’t help what you see.’

`That was it, though. He never laid a hand on me, but he

got inside me anyhow.’

`Were they all like that??

‘No. For the most part they were just naked, or half-naked

women looking’ - she missed a beat - `languid.’

‘ILanguid?,

A deep intake of breath. `They were posed like corpses.’

I kept my voice calm, but inside I felt like committing

murder. `Posed??

‘Unfocused eyes, limp limbs, slack mouths, but I didn’t

think for a second that they weren’t posed.’

`And now??

‘In the photograph you showed us, the one from the other

night, that woman looked dead. And well, I’m still here,

aren’t I?V

‘What do you mean??

‘He posed me in the same way.’

I looked at AnneMarie: her clear skin flushed from

drink; dark hair slightly dishevelled; eyes red-rimmed from

crying, and reached across, taking her hand in mine. She

moved closer, our shoulders touching, I felt the quickness of her breath. A faint smell of oranges. She squeezed my