The Darcy Cousins (29 page)

At some point Clarissa came to some conclusion. She came back to where Georgiana sat and threw herself limply into an armchair next to her.

"Very well. I will confess I have behaved badly. It would be useless to say it was unintentional because I knew very well that I was behaving badly, but I could not help myself."

She let her arms fall loosely over the side of armchair and slid down until she was half reclining, like a puppet whose strings had been released.

Georgiana did not know what to do. The energy that had fuelled her anger had drained away. She could scarcely recollect the source of her anger. She had a shadowy recollection of slipping in the river and of being mocked, but she no longer knew why it had upset her so.

"There are many things you do not know about me," said Clarissa suddenly, "and in that sense I think you are right. I have deceived you, in more ways than one. If you will allow me the chance, I will explain to you how and why. But I will understand if you do not wish to listen."

Georgiana examined her cousin warily. She did not want to listen. She did not want to be taken in once more by Clarissa, who was clever with words.

But she could not deny her cousin the right to defend herself.

"I will listen," she said guardedly.

"I know my brother Frederick must have told you why I came to appear so suddenly in England. No, you need not deny it," she said, as Georgiana began to protest. "I know my brother well enough.

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He will have told you that my mother sent me here to keep me out of trouble. And that I formed an inappropriate attachment. Bad enough to bundle me onto practically the first ship out of Boston once the peace was declared. She might even have sent me away even if peace was not declared, and left me to my chances with the pirates. She probably thought the pirates would get the worse end of the deal." She paused and smiled, an ironic, bitter smile.

"My attachment to Mr Parker--that is his name--was just the last straw. I had been causing trouble for her for a while, and she did not know what to do about it. She could not wait for the war to end to pack me off to my brother and have him deal with the problem."

"Are your mother's notions very strict?" asked Georgiana, puzzling this over. It would take someone like Lady Catherine to think Clarissa so completely unmanageable.

"Strict?" said Clarissa with a laugh. "You have no idea. Most people have forgotten that we were first settled by the Puritans. In Boston now, we are very different from those early settlers. But my mother, you have to understand, is a Wigglesworth." She seemed to expect a reaction, but to Georgiana the name meant nothing.

Clarissa assumed a voice of ghostly horror. "You know--

Michael Wigglesworth, The Day of Doom?"

Even this dramatic rendition did not provoke any reaction.

"Come, you must have heard of it."

Georgiana had not.

"Well, there you are. It goes to show how different you and I are. For many years, most children in Massachusetts were required to memorize Wigglesworth's verse along with the catechism. It is a ghoulish warning against sinfulness. Anyway, the illustrious Mr Wigglesworth was a distant cousin. My mother read The Day of 265

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Doom to us as children--more because the author was a relative than for the doctrine.

"I am afraid I do not fit in very well with my mother's notions.

She sent me here because she hopes perhaps the more rigid rules of English society would help to tame me. She decided I was a lost cause. She did not realise that it is much easier to break the rules when one is surrounded by strangers. One does not know any of them, so one cannot really care for their opinion." She stared glumly at the floor.

"I understand some of what you are telling me," said Georgiana.

"But I did not come to talk to you because I wanted to know why you were breaking the rules. It is a matter of indifference to me why you do so. You may have some very clever explanations, but they do not interest me." Georgiana took a deep breath.

How could she communicate her meaning to Clarissa? "I came here because I hold you accountable. I do not believe--no matter what your troubles may have been in Boston--that you have the right to treat me as you have done. I am not a stranger. I did not consider you a lost cause. I appreciated you because you were different. I looked up to you and wanted to learn from you. And all I received from you was scorn."

Clarissa bounced up and came towards her so suddenly that Georgiana was startled. Her cousin cast herself on the floor in front of her. "Do you know what it is like to be in a country where you know no one? You will tell me that I am being ridiculous, for I am here with Robert, so I am hardly alone. But my brother is a stranger to me now. He is married, he has been here some time and has already changed so much I scarcely know him."

This was something Georgiana understood. This she could sympathise with.

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"Every face I see is new. I was torn from the place where everything was familiar and placed among people who most often than not make assumptions about who you are simply because you belong to a different country."

Georgiana tried to imagine what it would mean to leaving everything she knew behind.

"It feels lonely," said Clarissa, as if that summed up everything.

"And on top of it all, I have waited and waited for him to come to me, but he never came. He promised he would follow. I have waited, every day. But he never did."

Suddenly Georgiana understood everything. All that bright, bubbling laughter, all the mischief and the defiance, while beneath the surface lurked uncertainty, torment, and dejection.

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, I know."

Georgiana threw her arms around Clarissa, who began, quietly, to cry.

It was not long before every secret was revealed. Clarissa spoke about Mr Parker, the man she had left behind, of the dreams they had dreamed together, of her loss.

Georgiana spoke of Wickham. She spoke of her confusion when he had proposed for them to elope together, of her very difficult decision to inform her brother. What had she hoped for by doing so? She had foolishly hoped that her brother--since he had grown up with Wickham as one of his closest companions--would give them his blessing on the marriage. She had not imagined that Wickham would be sent away. Nor had she imagined that Wickham did not care for her at all.

It had taken a while for her to accept the truth. She had slowly 267

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come to terms that it was her money he wanted, not her. As news of his distressing behaviour reached her from more than one quarter, she began to shudder at her narrow escape.

And then he had died suddenly. She had been given no chance to mourn him, for no one had expected her to. What was he to her, after all? No one had given a moment's consideration to how his death had affected her. There was little enough for her to mourn, but still she felt sorrow over what could have been.

And as Georgiana spoke to her cousin, she was able, for the first time, to smile at her youthful folly and put it completely behind her.

The young ladies were laughing together when the door opened and Robert entered the room.

"You have been closeted in the room for more than two hours,"

he said. "I cannot imagine what you two could have to talk about for so long."

Georgiana, her eyes clear and sparkling, replied, "Oh, I cannot say. This and that."

"You do not fool me," said Robert, "for what other topic of conversation do young ladies have? You have been whispering about young gentlemen, of course."

"Brother Robert," said Clarissa, "in general, you are quite correct.

Gentlemen are an infinitely fascinating topic of conversation, particularly if they are handsome and charming. But in this instance you are entirely wrong, for we have been speaking about something far more important. We have been speaking about ourselves."

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Georgiana in a good natured way about the stocking episode, which Caroline had recounted to him, he excused himself and, quitting the room, left them once again to their own devices.

Georgiana did not stay very long after that. They had said everything they wished to say, and they each needed time to reflect on the unexpected revelations that had been made.

But as Georgiana reached the doorway, Clarissa called her back.

"Wait. There is still something I wanted to say."

Georgiana waited, hoping it was not some huge new revelation, for she had had enough for one day.

"I did not intend to hurt you by trying to capture Channing's attention. As you now know, I care nothing for him. My heart is still in Boston, and I still hope--though I am not so foolish as to set too much store by it--that Mr Parker will find the courage to come here and find me. Maybe not yet, but some time in the near future. Channing means nothing to me at all. I wanted to prove something to myself, though I cannot imagine what. I will not stand in your way if you care for him. Let him not come between us."

Georgiana was moved by her friend's gesture. Her road was now free. If Clarissa made no attempt to engage his interest, he would turn to her. She was certain of it. She waited for some emotion to surface--triumph, excitement, pleasure--anything. But there was nothing.

"You know, it is really quite strange, but now that you say I can have him, I realise that I do not want him either."

Clarissa laughed in relief. "Then let him not come between us,"

she said, "for I would not have liked to discover you were genuinely attached to him."

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And with that resolved, Georgiana was able to go away feeling very pleased indeed.

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Chapter 22

Georgiana woke up the next morning feeling airy and light. She took a deep breath and smiled. The iron fist that had been squeezing her for some time had gone away. For the first time for a while, she was not gripped by uncertainties the moment she opened her eyes. Anne was safe; Georgiana no longer wished to prove herself to Channing. And there was no longer any reason to be upset at Clarissa.

She had not really been really aware of it, but the rivalry between them had nagged at her for some time. Now they had put it behind them.

Georgiana spent a leisurely morning at home. She trimmed one of her hats, and settled down to a basketful of much neglected sewing which needed to be done. She was just thinking that it had been a long time since she was so contented, when she heard quick steps coming down the hallway and a moment later Clarissa hurried into the room, quite out of breath.

"I hope you do not mind, Georgiana, but I agreed to go with Mr Channing, Mr Parvis, and Miss Parvis to see the exhibition at the East India Company. Mr Parvis's father works in the company, and so Mr Parvis has access to parts of the exhibition which are not available to the general public. You know how fond I am of artefacts from the East. I was going to go alone, but then last night MONICA FAIRVIEW

it occurred to me that it might be improper, even if it is a working day and the offices are all busy, and I am taking Hatty, my maid.

Still, I think it would be better if you came with us."

Georgiana would have preferred to remain peacefully at home.

"I thought you said you would not be seeing Channing any more," she replied.

"Just this one time, and I am not going to see Channing. I am going to see the exhibit," said Clarissa. "Please can you come?" she said imploringly.

Georgiana hesitated. But after their conversation she had become too aware of her friend's unhappiness to deny her the opportunity to find some distraction.

"I will come with you. But it would be better still if Elizabeth could join us. Let me ask her."

"Make haste, then. They will be calling for me in Grosvenor Street, and I do not want to be late."

But when they asked Elizabeth, she was too distracted. Little Lewis had had a fall, and his lip was bleeding. It was all Nurse and she could do to keep him still as they held the cloth to his mouth.

He screamed and wriggled so much that Elizabeth was alarmed that he had received some other injury. She barely looked up when the girls said goodbye.

The cousins hurried to Grosvenor Street, only to find that they had plenty of time before Channing was due to call.

A carriage finally came to a halt in front of the door, but instead of Mr Channing, the butler announced Mr and Miss Parvis.

"Where is Mr Channing?" said Georgiana, when the greetings were done.

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"He will be joining us at East India House shortly. There is not enough room for all of us in the carriage, so we agreed to meet there."

Georgiana had never been to East India House. Everything about it exuded an air of grandeur. It was a vast building, meant to impress--with its huge columns, and the statues of Britannia, Europe, and Asia that presided over Leadenhall Street. Inside, it was equally awe-inspiring, though Georgiana secretly liked the Court Room best, since its light airiness formed a contrast to the more gloomy aspects of the building. Tea was brought to them by a clerk, and they partook of refreshments and cake.

"Is your father to join us?" said Georgiana, as the tea things were cleared and the guide Parvis had hired appeared before them.

"Yes, most certainly. He is in a meeting with the board of Directors, but he has promised to make an appearance as soon as it is adjourned."

"Does your father know Warren Hastings?" asked Clarissa curiously. "I read all about his trial. My father saved all the newspapers cuttings related to the case."

"Oh, did he indeed? Whatever for? What a lot of old nonsense.

Nothing to it, you know," said Parvis. "Some private jealousies and toes that were trod on--you know the sort of thing."

By now they had entered the library. Georgiana was immediately struck by the grandeur of the dome and the plaster rosettes all around. Clarissa exclaimed over the elaborate calligraphy and magnificent colours of the Persian manuscripts. Georgiana admired the collection of shells.