The Darkness Within Him: The Untwisted series (23 page)

‘Excellent plan, brother,’ Nathan agreed, but I still noticed that Stella didn’t take any food until we had full plates.

Once we all had a dinner in front of us, I tucked in but saw Stella sitting with her dinner untouched in front of her. Was she not even allowed to eat without permission? A bubble of anger rose in my throat and I realised I was dangerously close to saying something I might regret, but just then Nathan leant in close to her ear to whisper something too quiet for me to hear. I watched as Stella’s face lit up with a genuine smile of happiness: her eyes were actually twinkling and for the first time, I could see just how pretty she really was. He leant back a few inches then the two of them shared a lingering look that to any outsider would have given the impression of a lovestruck couple. Wow, how strange! Intrigued, I found myself wishing I knew what Nathan had said to her.

Nicholas remained tense next to me throughout the meal; although I suspect he was merely reflecting my own mood. He did, however, touch my hand or leg whenever he had the opportunity, trying to relax me with his contact, I guessed.

At one point when my hand lay next to my plate, Nicholas took hold of it and rubbed his thumb reassuringly across my skin, but I noticed that Nathan watched the action with a frown creasing his brows. As far as I was concerned, he could bugger off. I didn’t care if Nathan disapproved of us, and to prove this point, I gripped Nicholas’ hand and raised it to my lips, planting a swift kiss on his knuckles. My actions caused Nathan to narrow his eyes further but had the dual effect of causing Nicholas to grin and then blush, something I’m not sure I’d ever seen him do before.

Unsurprisingly conversation was light. Stella did not really contribute, but I noted that she seemed to enjoy the interactions and her eyes genuinely shone as she watched the three of us chatting around her. It was a shame she didn’t open up a bit more, because from the few glimpses I caught of her personality, she looked like she might be quite fun to chat to.

After we finished eating, Nathan nodded at Stella and she began to stack our plates. Inwardly fuming at Nathan for not making any effort to help, I stood up. ‘Let me help you clear the dishes, Stella,’ I offered, collecting the potato bowl and gravy boat and following her into the kitchen. Almost bumping into her as we passed at the sink, I gave her a reassuring smile before she caught my arm and stopped me returning to the dining area.

‘I can see your shock, Rebecca. I can tell you don’t approve of Nathan and me, but it’s not like you think. I want to be with him.’ She tipped her head to the side and smiled. ‘Actually, I chose this lifestyle by myself; you might not believe it but I sought him out and I like living this way,’ she explained simply, her green eyes burning into mine before she smiled at me and headed back toward the others.

Wow. She’d actually sounded sincere, and she’d sought him out? I’d love to know more about what lay behind that story – and perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to judge other people’s lifestyles, I thought guiltily. Suddenly, a flush of embarrassment rushed across my cheeks; if Stella had noticed my disdain then Nathan probably had too. Oh God, I’d already had enough of problems with Nicholas’ brother without adding to them with my insolence.

I rinsed my hands in the sink, then I deliberately softened my shoulders and took several breaths to relax myself. Stella was apparently happy with her unusual set-up so it was really none of my business to interfere. I still had coffee and dessert to make a better impression, so I decided I would try my best to do just that as I wandered back into the dining room, smiling my first genuine smile of the evening.

Chapter Twenty

The following morning, Nicholas and I were enjoying a lazy lie-in: me tucked under his arm and contentedly flopped across his chest while he rubbed soothing circles on my back. My bad mood from last night had dissipated; in fact, it had pretty much cleared after my quick chat with Stella when I’d realised I shouldn’t judge things on first appearances, but Nicholas had still been insistent that we needed make-up snuggling when we got home. Obviously, I hadn’t complained, although I was a bit sore between my legs now after all of yesterday’s action. Overuse, no doubt, and this from me, a girl who previously didn’t really like sex – who’d have thought it! I grinned to myself, I’d had so much sex I hurt, and I felt ridiculously proud of that fact. Gosh, I really had turned into a slut.

Yawning cavernously, I turned my head as I heard the sound of a car crunching up the gravel driveway to the rear of Nicholas’ home. Intrigued, Nicholas gently removed me from the warmth of his arms, hopped from the bed, and pulled back a curtain to see who the visitor was.

‘It’s Nathan’s car,’ he commented, indicating a shiny Audi TT parking under a tree as I joined him at the window and slipped my arms around his warm, naked waist.

I swallowed nervously as Nathan’s slicked blond hair emerged from the black car. Oh God. I hoped he wasn’t here to demand Nicholas dump me for my rude behaviour last night.

Nicholas pulled on some jeans and a T-shirt – going commando, I noticed with a faint smile – before heading downstairs, but I took a little longer to dress, actually bothering to find some underwear and running a brush through my hair before trotting down to join them, delaying the expected confrontation for as long as possible.

Hearing voices in the kitchen, I walked in to find Nicholas making a pot of coffee. Perfect. Caffeine would help me deal with Nathan, who I noticed was looking just as well groomed as yesterday in a pair of tight-fitting black jeans and a white polo shirt. I could see just why Stella wanted to be with him; he was definitely an attractive guy. Seriously intimidating, but attractive nonetheless.

Nathan nodded to me in greeting as he saw me enter. Well, at least he hadn’t ignored me, so that was a good start; perhaps I hadn’t made a complete show of myself last night.

‘I need to speak to you,’ Nathan said abruptly, causing Nicholas to turn from the coffee maker with a frown.

‘Whatever you want to say you can say in front of Rebecca,’ Nicholas replied in a cool tone, perhaps thinking along the same lines as me, that Nathan might be here to complain about my attitude to his “relationship” with Stella.

‘Not you, Nicholas, I want to speak to Rebecca,’ Nathan said calmly. ‘In private,’ he added, turning his piercing blue eyes on me and causing me to take a step back in surprise.

Me? What did he want to speak to me about? Last night? Oh God …

Nicholas turned and leant on the counter, giving his brother a long, hard look as if assessing his reasons. ‘It’s nothing serious, Nicholas; I just want a quick chat.’ Nodding, Nicholas angled his head then loped over to me and kissed me firmly on the lips before releasing me, another example of his territory-claiming behaviour. ‘Five minutes,’ he said to Nathan firmly, ‘then I’m coming in.’ He turned back to the coffee.

Confused, but reassured that Nicholas would be interrupting us in five minutes, I went with Nathan into the downstairs lounge, where he paced in front of the fire impatiently before turning to me and catching my gaze with a ferocious one of his own.

‘You can’t tell Nicholas about this,’ were the first words out of Nathan’s mouth and they were said in a low tone that instantly set my defences on high alert. For several awful seconds, as he stepped closer and closer to me, I thought he was going to try and kiss me. Then he took me completely by surprise by stopping, averting his eyes, and speaking softly near my ear.

‘Nicholas told you about our past? Our father?’ he questioned almost urgently.

‘Um, yes,’ I responded, wondering where he was going with this.

Nathan nodded tightly. ‘Nicholas had it a lot worse than me as a kid. Dad used to hit me too, but I always thought he was trying to make me better, punishing me so I could learn, you know what I mean?’ He almost appeared to seek my approval of his words.

His eyes penetrated me, demanding an answer, but if I were being honest, then no, I didn’t understand his sentiment at all. If you loved someone, there were definitely better ways to help them improve other than giving them a beating. Not that I was going to express that out loud to a self-confessed dominant like Nathan, a man who by all accounts was tougher and rougher than Nicholas had ever been with me.

I recalled how Nicholas had said he thought Nathan idolised their father and considered saying something, but seeing as it was Nathan who stood glaring at me expectantly, I decided to avoid that topic for now and be casual in my response.

‘Oh, I suppose so,’ I said vaguely. My fingers had linked together in front of me and I was twining them impatiently to try and calm the nerves that Nathan seemed to spawn inside me. But then I suspected even the coolest person would have wilted under Nathan’s scrutiny.

‘My parents never expressed their love for one another; all I saw was my father’s dominance over the household, his unyielding strength. They were united in some strange way but never affectionate.’ Nathan’s eyes had clouded as if remembering certain scenes from his past. ‘Never loving,’ he finished with a frown and a shake of his head.

‘OK …’ I began hesitantly. ‘Where do I fit in to this, Nathan, what did you want to talk to me about?’ I had to ask, because it looked like he just wanted to unload his emotional baggage on me, and right now I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Not without showing the pity I felt for them both that I knew wouldn’t be well received.

‘I want what you have,’ he said simply, crossing his arms over his broad chest and staring at me.

What
? What could I possibly have that someone as rich as Nathan couldn’t get? Had he forgotten that I’d seen his luxurious apartment? Clearly, the guy had money by the bucketload, and would be able to buy whatever the hell he wanted.

Seeing my obvious confusion, he elaborated. ‘I want to be like you and Nicholas. I can see he’s happy,
genuinely happy
, with you, Rebecca, and you with him. When you sat together last night, I could literally see the love passing between you; it was amazing. I’ve never witnessed that before.’ Shaking his head, he looked rather bemused now. ‘I’m not sure I’m capable … but I want it.’ His eyes were on my face again: not directly on my eyes, but close enough that, for whatever reason, I couldn’t look away from his inquisitive blue gaze.

‘With Stella?’ I wondered out loud, amazed and surprised by the emotional sentiment in Nathan’s statement.

‘Yes. I … I … like her a great deal, but I don’t know how to proceed,’ he admitted with difficulty. His eyes that, seconds ago, had been piercing and cold were now firmly fixed on the floor, cloudy and hesitant, and I realised he felt uncomfortable – he liked to be in control but this was something new to him, something beyond his control. It was quite an interesting experience to watch the mix of emotions playing on his strong features.

The combination of adrenalin and confusion in my system nearly made me laugh out loud; somehow, I seemed to have managed to turn into a relationship trainer for ex-dominants. Although looking at his hooded eyes and intense posture, I wasn’t sure Nathan would ever completely stop being a dominant. He was just so frigging intimidating that I struggled to draw an image in my mind of him having a softer side.

‘Tell her,’ I said simply, with a shrug.

‘No.’ He shook his head defiantly. ‘Words mean very little to me. When we were children, my mother would always say she loved us but then whenever Nicholas was hurt by Father, it was always me tending to his injuries, not her. Deserting your child? How can that be love?’

A pained expression filled his face and I almost hugged him for support, feeling sick at the thought of a young Nicholas, hurt and unloved.

His words made another piece of the jigsaw fit and helped me to understand a little bit more about the Jackson brothers. This distrust of spoken sentiments was no doubt why Nicholas always felt the urge to touch me, and why physical demonstrations of love –
sex
 – were more potent to him than verbal statements. Shaking my head, I let out a breath as, once again, I realised just how lucky I had been as a child.

‘I need to
show
Stella that I want to be with her. What do I do?’ he demanded softly.

Thinking on the spot, an idea popped into my head. ‘Well, I’d start by ripping up any “submissive” contract you have with her, if I were you. That would make it less of a formal agreement and more like a relationship.’ I remembered Nicholas mentioning that Nathan always drew up some sort of document with his live-in submissives, which sounded positively weird to me. ‘Take her out for a meal in public, hold her hand, kiss her, make her feel special, make her feel like an equal,’ I replied, vaguely aware that five minutes was nearly up and Nicholas would be charging in here at any moment.

I wanted to add, “Don’t beat the living crap out of her”, but decided not to push my luck with Nathan until I knew him better. If he really was similar to his father, as Nicholas suspected, then I needed to tread carefully. Besides, he might not punish her; I had no idea what he did to Stella in the privacy of his bedroom, and neither did I want to know, for that matter.

‘Touch her like you and Nicholas last night?’ he asked, frowning. ‘When he held your hand and you kissed him?’ Wow, he really had no clue, did he? Then I thought back to his description of their childhood home life and wondered if they’d never experienced or witnessed affection, how could they possibly know how to display it?

‘Exactly like that,’ I agreed with an encouraging nod. Nathan was going up in my estimation, I decided with a smile.

‘Do you think she likes me?’ he asked next, self-doubt clear in his tone as the lines at the corners of his eyes deepened.

I had to fight the urge to grimace – the thought that Nathan was living with a woman, sleeping with her, and didn’t actually know if she liked him or not was disturbing to say the least. Did that mean originally Nathan hadn’t cared what Stella thought and would just do with her as he pleased? Against her will, perhaps? A small shudder almost escaped me but I pushed it down. Nathan was trying to change and I needed to help him, I reminded myself firmly.

‘Well, obviously I’ve only met Stella once, but yes, I think she likes you, Nathan. In fact, she told me she wants to be with you,’ I confirmed, remembering my kitchen conversation with her. ‘And when she looked at you, her eyes lit up; that’s always a good sign,’ I added with a small smile, feeling myself start to relax with him.

Standing straighter as he absorbed this news, he stepped even closer to me. ‘Her eyes lit up. Explain what you mean?’ he mumbled, sounding confused. His voice was low but there was still an edge of demand to it, and I unconsciously shifted myself back a few steps, rewinding my previous feelings of relaxation.

‘People can smile but you know it’s genuine if it reaches their eyes, and when Stella smiled at you it reached her eyes,’ I explained simply.

Seeing the look of utter confusion on Nathan’s face, I sighed. This was like explaining something to a child. ‘OK, watch me smile,’ I instructed, before turning my mouth up in a small fake smile. ‘Now watch again and see if you can see a difference,’ I instructed.

I took a second to think about Nicholas in the kitchen, and how good it felt when he wrapped his arms around me, and a genuine smile spread across my face. I felt it crinkle the corners of my eyes and even sensed my heartbeat speed up a little.

Nathan’s brows rose. ‘Yes, I see it …’ Cocking his head, he looked like he wanted to touch my face and explore the emotion I was showing, but thankfully, he refrained. ‘Your cheeks have flushed and your eyes are …
twinkling
,’ he said, sounding bemused. ‘When did Stella look like this?’

‘As soon as you told her that eye contact was permitted.’ I shrugged. ‘And at the dinner table when you whispered something to her, she looked genuinely thrilled.’ I thought back to my curiosity from last night. ‘Can I ask what you said to her?’ I blurted out without thinking.

Frowning, he looked away. ‘She doesn’t usually socialise with me if I have company but I was very intrigued by your relationship with Nicholas and wanted her to see it too. That was the first time she’s joined me for dinner with guests and she was nervous so I said she was doing very well,’ he admitted, but I could see from Nathan’s face that there was more. ‘And I told her –’ he paused awkwardly ‘– I told her she looked very beautiful.’

A grin broke across my face; maybe there was a romantic hidden inside him after all. ‘Do more things like that, she’ll love it,’ I encouraged him, stepping forward and patting his arm reassuringly. ‘Girls like it when men express their emotions, so don’t be afraid to tell her what’s in your head,’ I advised just as Nicholas opened the door and disturbed us. His eyes instantly hardened as they settled on where I was touching his brother’s arm.

Nodding to me, Nathan moved toward the door. ‘I will, thanks, Rebecca. I gotta go.’ Evidently, he was keen to get home and try out his new techniques straight away.

As Nathan was leaving, it suddenly occurred to me what I’d just said, and more importantly,
who
I had been addressing, and after thinking about some of the twisted things that were probably in Nathan’s head I quickly clarified my final point.

‘The good stuff, Nathan – only tell her the good stuff!’ I called, and I think I actually saw him grin as he closed the door behind himself.

Turning back to Nicholas, I realised his expression was about as far from a grin as humanly possible. His eyes were shuttered and his lips drawn together in a thin line as his shoulders hunched defensively. Possessive really should be his middle name.

I shook my head in exasperation and clucked my tongue. ‘Chill out, Nicholas, he just wanted some advice from me,’ I chided, slipping my hands around his waist and tugging his reluctant frame toward me.