The Darkness Within Him: The Untwisted series (21 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Two weeks had passed since our reconciliation and I had to say Nicholas was like a completely new man. The protective, slightly dominant side was still there, and although he was working on softening it in his weekly sessions with Dr Philips, I suspected it would always be a part of his personality.

After the drab relationships I’d experienced in the past, it was overwhelming just how much Nicholas seemed to love me, but incredible too because for a change I actually felt the same way. I’d never been romanced quite like this in my life and was loving every minute.

Things between us had returned to how they’d been before I left. Our connection was still just as intense; it was like we were linked on some primal level and once again I found that I was practically living at his house.

Popping my head round his music room door, I found Nicholas absorbed in playing a beautiful piece and couldn’t help but marvel again at his skill. God, he was sexy when he played the piano. Actually, he was sexy most of the time, I thought with a roll of my eyes. I was such a lost cause.

When he finished, I wandered toward him smiling and, to my surprise, he promptly pulled me onto his lap with a look I now knew well – “I am going to kiss you”.

Unfortunately, before he’d even managed to lower his lips to mine there was a knock on the door and Mr Burrett appeared. ‘Nathan to see you, sir.’

‘Show him in,’ Nicholas said, casting an odd look at me as he felt me tense in his arms.

Oh God, the infamous older brother. I’d still not met Nathan in person but I now knew so much about him and his problems, not to mention his sexual tastes – which by all accounts were even more twisted than Nicholas’ – that I didn’t know what to expect from him.

What I didn’t expect was the absolute hunk of a man who entered the room about two seconds later. Wow, he was good looking, almost an exact replica of Nicholas. Tall, broad, and facially very similar, nearly as handsome but with more tension lines in his forehead and blond, slicked-back hair instead of his brother’s dark, unruly locks.

Jeepers, he didn’t look like the kind of guy who kept women chained up at his beck and call … More like the kind of man you might find auditioning for a part in a Hollywood blockbuster. Then again, I hadn’t thought Nicholas looked like the kind of man to wield a cane. And how very wrong I had been about that, I thought, the memory bringing with it a pang of pain that I quickly buried. Leave the past where it is, I reminded myself firmly.

Embarrassed to be caught in our intimate position, I struggled to stand from Nicholas’ lap. However, instead of helping me up he tightened his arms around me as if sensing my discomfort and choosing to keep me close.

‘Nicholas, I’m not interrupting, am I? I can come back later,’ Nathan said coolly as his ice-blue eyes bore into me unnervingly, clearly assessing the woman currently residing in his brother’s lap.

Finally, Nicholas stood, placing me at his side and wrapping an arm protectively around my waist. ‘Not at all. It’s good to see you, Nathan.’ He glanced between the two of us and smiled. ‘Nathan, this is Rebecca,’ he said, trailing his hand down my arm and sending a tingle shooting across my skin. ‘Rebecca, this is my brother, Nathan.’

‘Hi. Nice to meet you, Nathan,’ I said in a bright tone with as much of a smile as I could manage, although I wasn’t entirely convinced my tone backed up my words and was fairly sure my smile looked stretched and false.

‘Likewise,’ was all Nathan said in response.

Gosh, this was awkward. This man knew that his brother had beaten me with a cane till I bled just over a month ago, and I felt myself blush as I wondered what else these two had shared in their discussions. Shuddering at the idea of him knowing my intimate secrets, I felt the sudden desire to escape. ‘I think I’ll get a cup of tea. Would either of you like a drink?’ I asked in a surprisingly calm tone.

‘Coffee, please – you know how I like it,’ Nicholas said with a secret smile, seeming somehow to make those simple words mean so much more. Reluctantly, he let me go – but not before placing a soft kiss in my hair.

‘Coffee for me too – black, no sugar,’ Nathan said briskly, a strange edge to his voice. Although I’d only just met him, so I really shouldn’t judge him. Perhaps that was how he always sounded.

After a few minutes alone in the kitchen, I started to relax again. It was probably just as well I’d finally met Nathan. After all, he was Nicholas’ brother so I’d probably be seeing a fair amount of him in the future. But because Nicholas had finished with me after a discussion with his brother, I couldn’t help but worry what they might be talking about upstairs at this very moment.

I pulled the box of teabags from the cupboard, and promptly dropped them when I was disturbed by a soft cough behind me. Spinning around, I found Nathan eyeing me with apparent amusement. God, he had almost the exact same look of arrogant smugness as his bloody brother.

‘Hi, Rebecca,’ he said. His voice was calm, but I found myself trembling with embarrassment as I looked at the scattered teabags around my feet. What an idiot I was.

I bent to scoop the box up, and nodded. ‘Hi,’ I managed, gripping and crumpling the teabags in my hand as I rounded them up shakily.

‘You have no reason to be nervous,’ he offered, apparently thinking he was being generous, but his comment only prompted my stubborn side to emerge.

‘I’m not nervous,’ I replied smoothly, wondering why I felt the need to lie because clearly I
was
anxious around him. Who wouldn’t be? He was huge and his eyes had to be among the most intense I’d ever seen, and considering I was dating Nicholas don’t-defy-me Jackson, that was quite a claim.

‘That’s good,’ he murmured softly, humouring me. ‘I merely wanted to apologise for the bad advice I gave Nicholas when I told him to leave you,’ he said, tucking his hands into the pockets of his chinos.

Oh. An apology. Wow. I had not expected that and it left me slightly lost for words. Seeing as I wasn’t exactly sure what to say in response, I just shrugged as casually as I could. ‘OK. Accepted.’

‘Clearly you are good for him,’ Nathan observed, narrowing his eyes and watching me as I desperately tried not to squirm under his heavy appraisal.

Just then, I caught sight of Nicholas leaning on the kitchen doorframe with a smile playing on his lips and his eyes focused solely on me. Just catching his gaze made my skin heat and I felt my cheeks redden. I would never get sick of the way he gazed at me like that.

‘Just checking you two are playing nicely,’ he observed dryly before stepping into the kitchen and slipping a protective arm around my waist. I sensed he was claiming me in front of his brother, which I found a little odd. In fact, he couldn’t have been much more obvious unless he’d territorially pissed on my leg, but given the way Nathan unnerved me I found his touch reassuring so I simply leant against him and absorbed his calming strength.

‘We are, don’t worry,’ I assured him with a smile.

‘Perhaps you two would like to come for dinner at my place tomorrow for a proper catch-up?’ Nathan suggested, to my horror. ‘How about supper time, say about seven?’

‘Sounds good,’ Nicholas agreed with a nod, but my stomach dropped. I hadn’t even managed to get through a coffee with Nathan without making an idiot of myself. God knows what ridiculous things I’d do or say during the course of an entire evening around him. Clenching my teeth, I smiled too. Nicholas owed me one for this, big time. 

Chapter Eighteen

The following day, I was standing at the island in Nicholas’ glorious kitchen preparing a quick salad to tide us over until dinner at Nathan’s that night. We were discussing locations for a weekend away, something Nicholas had suggested after reading about Lake Como in a magazine. Typically, he wanted to go somewhere extravagant, but I’d tried to limit the cost by volunteering the Lake District as a possible destination. With us both being so stubborn, it was currently still up for negotiation but I had the distinct feeling I wouldn’t win.

‘Is it usual to feel this comfortable so early on in a relationship?’ Nicholas asked suddenly as he flipped idly through another travel brochure at the counter behind me.

I didn’t know how to answer his question. My two previous relationships had never developed to this level of intimacy. Yes, I had slept with both men, eventually, but I’d never lived with either of them and certainly never felt as closely linked with them as I did with Nicholas.

‘I’m not sure,’ I replied honestly, picking up a cucumber. ‘My previous relationships never really progressed this fast so I’ve never been in a situation quite like this.’

Next to me, I was vaguely aware that Nicholas had placed the brochure down and taken a step back. Continuing to slice the cucumber for a few seconds, I finally glanced across at him to see why he had moved away from me and felt my muscles freeze on the spot.

He was leaning on the opposite counter; his knuckles were white from the pressure of his grip and his face held an expression I hadn’t seen for quite a while. Dominance.

He was glowering at me, apparently fighting to control his temper, and my stomach dropped to my boots as I wondered frantically just what I had done to bring on this sudden mood swing.

‘I want to punish you, Rebecca,’ he murmured, his dark eyes probing and examining me intently, his use of my full name indicating his seriousness and making my stomach clench further.

Oh shit.
When had I forgotten how intimidating he could be? He hadn’t got this annoyed for ages. My blood was thundering through my veins as if I’d just completed a marathon and I tried to suppress the urge to run the hell away from him, knowing that would only make it worse for me if I did.

Clearly, Nicholas was having a relapse. I wasn’t naïve: I knew the fact that he was seeing a counsellor wasn’t a magic wand that had removed all his issues. In fact, I was resigned to the knowledge that the ingrained scars of his childhood would take years to heal fully, if ever, and that he was likely to maintain some of his character traits for the rest of his life, but it was still a shock to see him so enraged again.

Remembering Nicholas had told me his counsellor advised us to discuss his emotions if he ever got angry, I tried to calm myself and think what to say. Placing my knife down, I slowly turned to face him fully. I kept my back straight and forced my posture to appear confident and unthreatened, even if below the surface I was a quivering mess.

‘Why, Nicholas?’ I asked, keeping my voice soft and using his name to keep him focused on the fact that it was me here with him.

‘For having sex with other men before me,’ he answered thickly, his nostrils flaring with his obvious displeasure at the idea.

Of course … his insane jealousy – I should have realised that. It was understandable, I supposed; I got jealous too sometimes, but it wasn’t a reason to beat the living crap out of me. After all, I hadn’t met him until four months ago. Trying desperately to stay calm, I considered the best way to reduce his anger. I knew one thing that would work –
sex
. That always seemed to relax him, but he looked so furious I was actually worried he might even hurt me while doing that.

‘Nicholas … I’m 25; it’s hardly likely that I would still be a virgin. Besides, I hadn’t met you then,’ I stated calmly and rationally. Really, if one of us was going to get upset about ex-partners it should be me, not him, because Nicholas must have had an absolute stack of women in his bed over the years, which hardly compared to my lousy figure of two, did it?

‘What was his name? The one to whom you gave your virginity?’ Nicholas’ tone was deathly quiet – too quiet – and I felt my heart accelerate further in my chest to the point where it was thumping painfully against my ribs.

Truth at all times – the other thing Dr Phillips had advised.

‘James,’ I whispered, causing his eyes to narrow further. Shit. ‘If it makes you feel better, I didn’t love him and it wasn’t very good. Nothing compared to you, Nicholas,’ I explained awkwardly, but truthfully, hoping he would see how much he meant to me. ‘I love
you,
Nicholas. You are the only man I’ve ever loved.’

I was doing well; Dr Phillips would be proud of me, I was sure. I sounded much more confident than my rampaging heart implied. And so far, Nicholas seemed to be maintaining his control, which was definitely a good sign.

‘How old were you?’ Nicholas asked through clenched teeth, ignoring my last declaration.

‘Nineteen.’ Yeah, I’d been a bit of a late starter to the whole sex thing, and after the disappointing experiences with my two exes, I kind of wished I
had
stayed a virgin until I’d met Nicholas. At least then it would have been good and with a man I loved.

Studying Nicholas’ posture, it was clear to see the tension radiating from his body. Boy, he was really mad. Jeez, if he put me over his knee now he might just lose control, like the time with the cane. What would I do if he did? Would I leave again as I had promised? Could I?

I bit my lip, strengthening myself internally. Yes, I could, and if he hurt me again I would, no matter how hard it would be for me. Regardless of how much I loved him, if I couldn’t trust Nicholas, my love was worthless. What a truly depressing thought, but it brought me back to my senses. I could trust him; I just needed to remind him what we had together.

‘Nicholas, I don’t want you to spank me, or beat me,’ I said, quietly but firmly. ‘I don’t want you to punish me and I know you don’t want that either.’ I desperately hoped my words would sink in. I knew that harming me and hurting me was a huge issue for him; he still hadn’t forgiven himself for the incident with the cane that had caused us to separate so I hoped this was the right way to go.

Something flashed across his face, regret possibly, before he slowly pushed off the counter and lithely began to stalk toward me like a graceful panther, his eyes never leaving mine.

Oh God, here we go, I thought. This really could go either way. Panic registered in my brain; it was Mr Burrett’s day off so I was well and truly on my own if Nicholas freaked out on me now.

Forcing myself to stand my ground, I straightened my back again and tried to keep my courage, which was hard given that my fear had caused my muscles to rubberise and my blood to pound in my ears, almost deafening me. Nicholas stopped in front of me, his eyes dilated and blazing with a dark desire – but a desire for what? My pain, my submission, or my pleasure? I couldn’t tell, and that knowledge scared the living daylights out of me.

‘You are mine now,’ he declared quietly.

Despite his intimidating stance, the softer edge to his voice showed his vulnerability and I found that slightly reassuring.

‘Yes,’ I agreed softly, because regardless of his many issues, I really was well and truly his now, just as he was mine. As long as he didn’t freak out and beat my arse with a cane again, of course.

Without any warning, I found myself being pinned up against a cupboard as Nicholas advanced on me, gripped my shoulders, and forced me backwards. I registered the sound of a jar smashing inside as the cupboard’s contents wobbled from the impact of our bodies, before his lips desperately sought mine and pushed all other thoughts from my mind.

Somehow, he smoothly managed to pin both my wrists above my head in one of his strong hands while his other sought my hip and held me still to face his passionate onslaught.

Well, this was a turn-up for the books. I had quite honestly expected to be thrown over the kitchen counter and spanked to within an inch of my life, but this was much,
much
more preferable.

Dominant, non-spanking Nicholas I really liked: his masculine assertiveness made the muscles in my groin tighten and his desperation to claim me was a heady feeling, making me instantly wet with desire.

‘Mine,’ he grumbled against my lips. His free hand roughly pulled my left leg up and dropped it to rest on the counter behind him so it was almost wrapped around him. He tugged at one breast through my T-shirt, causing my nipple to extend below the thin material and a cry of pleasurable pain to escape from my throat.

Within seconds, he was dragging my skirt up and then, before I had time to catch my breath, Nicholas had pulled his tracksuit bottoms and boxers over his straining erection, tugged my thong aside, and pushed himself inside me with an almost guttural roar. Jeez, talk about no warm-up time; and he hadn’t even bothered to remove any of our clothing!

‘Fuck!’
I cried out in surprise, but thankfully not pain, as I dug the heel of my left foot into the edge of the kitchen counter to stabilise myself. Nicholas pounded into me relentlessly and I found the stretched material of my thong rubbing perfectly against my clitoris, an added bonus of not removing my knickers, I thought with a throaty groan of approval.

God this was good: unexpected, but amazing. My body was fast responding to his demanding rhythm, muscles clenching deep in my core, desire spiralling in my stomach as his strokes brought me closer, closer …

Suddenly, Nicholas buried himself deep inside me and stopped dead, panting heavily in my ear.

‘
No
!’ I cried out. I was so close! What the hell was he doing?

‘Tell me,’ he demanded softly, his breathing hot and ragged against my sensitive lobe as his free hand caressed my cheek with surprising compassion.

Oh, so that was what this was: punishment sex. Nicholas wouldn’t spank me so he was going to fuck me into submission instead and not let me come unless I told him what he wanted to hear. Well, this was certainly an improvement on a caning session.

‘Tell me!’
he demanded again, his voice harsh now, desperate even, and he tugged hard on my earlobe with his teeth making me wince.

‘I’m yours, Nicholas.
Yours
.’ I spoke truthfully into the damp skin of his neck, my own breathing just as hitched as his.

This declaration from me was apparently all he needed to hear because as soon as I spoke, Nicholas groaned with pleasure and began moving inside me again, slower now, with more deliberate thrusts that had me arching my back up from the cupboard to meet him stroke for stroke until finally my body tensed around his, blinding me with a body-quaking orgasm and making me cry out his name into his shoulder.

Seconds later, Nicholas emptied himself inside me with a noise somewhere near a growl and finally freed my hands, allowing them to drop limply back to my sides. It was just as well he was pushed against me otherwise I may well have slumped to the ground from the post-orgasmic muscle trembles that were shooting through my legs.

We stood joined together as we recovered our breath, my face buried in his neck, his damp forehead resting on my hair. Leaving his softening erection inside me, he leant back to look into my face.

‘Tell me again, Rebecca …
please
,’ Nicholas said quietly, an almost bewildered look on his face, as if he didn’t believe my words. How could he be so domineering one second and so vulnerable the next? My heart constricted for the damaged man in front of me, so starved of love as a child that he literally had no idea how important he was to me.

Raising my hands to his face, I cupped his jaw, rubbing soothing circles across his cheeks, and then smiled up at him. ‘I am all yours, Nicholas, and you are mine,’ I murmured.

Apparently convinced for now at least, he closed his eyes, rested his forehead on mine, and sighed. ‘Yes. You own me body and soul, Rebecca. I love you.’ A buzzing sensation shot through my chest. I would never tire of hearing Nicholas say those three words. He dropped a kiss on the end of my nose before suddenly frowning and jerking his head back.

‘Did I hurt you?’ he asked, concern evident in his tone. ‘I’m sorry if I was too rough …’

Shaking my head, I stroked his cheek reassuringly again. ‘No … I like it a bit rough sometimes,’ I admitted with a shy smile. I was about to say, ‘When I’m with you,’ to show how much I trusted him, but then remembered that talk of my other lovers had started all this in the first place and I hastily stopped myself. Good catch, I thought with relief.

‘Do you now?’ he replied with a raised eyebrow and a cocky grin. ‘That’s just as well, because you seem to be the perfect anger management strategy for me, Becky.’ I noticed he was using my shortened name again. Phew, the tantrum was over.

‘Better than using the cane?’ I asked tentatively, and in response, he glowered at me. Damn it, why couldn’t I just keep my big mouth shut?

‘Different,’ he muttered finally. ‘I don’t ever want to hurt you, Becky. The canes … They were for a different purpose, a link to my past, I suppose. But that’s all it is now, my past; I don’t need to retain it any more. I still get mad with you sometimes but I see that punishing you in that way would be wrong. I told you I don’t want to do it any more.’ He shook his head. ‘Making love to you, albeit roughly, seemed to be a way for me to vent my frustration but not hurt you.’ His eyes had widened as if he had surprised himself with this realisation.

I blushed at his admission. Wow, my body was officially an anger management strategy. Not many people could make that claim, could they?

‘Why, Rebecca, I do believe you’re blushing,’ he murmured, dropping a chaste kiss on to each of my burning cheeks before taking hold of my chin and tilting it up so I was looking into his eyes. ‘The cane was way too extreme.’ He frowned. ‘But the other stuff can be a good distraction sometimes too,’ he added cryptically.

‘Other stuff?’ I asked, wondering what he was referring to. But as his self-confident smile returned to his beautiful lips, I was fairly sure Nicholas was referring to the toys he sometimes liked to use in the bedroom and was just teasing me now. Oh goody, Teasing Nicholas was even better fun than Dominant Nicholas.