The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction (15 page)

 

“A small consolation—she got the last word!”

 

 

27 OCTOBER 2009, ARKANSAS | Thirty-year-old Ms. Devan-LeAnn of Shongaloo, Louisiana, was visiting Lake Erling with a male friend. Recent bouts of heavy rain had resulted in a flood of runoff water, and the two decided it would be “fun” to take a mattress careening down the surging water in the spillway.

An air mattress would be one thing. Unfortunately Devan-LeAnn was riding a foam egg-crate mattress pad. Imagine a wet foam pad. Are you sinking yet?

According to her friend, Devan-LeAnn simply vanished from sight at dusk. The next morning her body was found in a tangle of trees seventy yards below the spillway.

 

Parents, warn your children! Wetting the bed
can be deadly
.

 

Reference:
Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
,
Texarkana Gazette

 

“LOL! I’m glad I’m over that habit [embarrassed laugh].”

“At least she died in bed . . .”

 

 

13 AUGUST 2009, CANADA | A twenty-four-year-old was ironically successful in her attempt to catch a bus in Quebec City. Clutching a can of pop, the woman ran into a
restricted area
and tried to flag down a forty-five-foot bus that had left on time—a minute ago—without her. As she tried her best to get herself noticed, she herself failed to notice that the bus was making a swift turn in her direction.

A veteran driver pointed out that drivers cannot hear anything over the sound of their engines. The woman stood her ground—and disappeared beneath the turning bus. Suddenly, she was no longer able to concern herself with getting there on time.

Considering that you have to go out of your way to get mowed down by a bus in a transit center—such as sneaking around barricades into a restricted area and running under the tires—the bus company said it does not plan to increase security.

Instead of riding home in a crowded bus, the deceased woman enjoyed one last luxury: a private one-way trip “home” in a hearse.

 

Reference:
Le Journal de Quebec
,
CBC.ca

 

 

2009 | When she was younger, a college student had accidentally run right through the glass sliding doors at home. Ouch! After that painfully “clear” lesson, her family put decals on the doors to keep it from happening again. After all, glass is expensive.

Years later, the student was home for school break. She was doing some chores for her parents when she decided to clean the sliding glass doors. She took off the decals, put them aside, and began to polish the glass. Then the family dog sidetracked her. When the industrious daughter returned to the kitchen a few minutes later, she had already forgotten about those glass doors.

She saw her sister in the backyard, walked at a fast pace toward her, and smashed right through the glass again!

The lesson? Never—never—walk away from an unfinished job.

This lesson was learned all too dearly by the author herself (p. 3).

 

Reference: Anonymous

 

 

22 FEBRUARY 2009, UK | A woman in her forties was following a coastal footpath along the top of a cliff in Devon. While enjoying the natural scenery she noticed a beautiful feather floating just out of reach. Fencing was in place to protect people from falling, but this protective fencing was no match for the allure of a feather blown by the breeze. While chasing the elusive plume, the woman climbed the fence, slipped, and fell.

An experiment much like this one was performed from the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa. There is truly a fine line between genius and madness. Our heroine was on the wrong side of that line.

Eighty vertical feet later, the experiment data point landed.

She was airlifted to the hospital, but unfortunately there was no cure for what ailed her, and she died of head injuries the following day.

 

Reference:
Telegraph.co.uk

 

 

 

PENNSYLVANIA | My husband worked at a small, busy rural pharmacy. His customers were hard-working, simple people. Early one morning he dispensed a prescription to the mother of a teenager for anti-nausea tablets and suppositories, labeled with what he
thought
were clear directions.

Early that evening he received a phone call from the child’s mother, asking when the medications would take effect. Knowing that the suppository
should
have taken effect within an hour, he asked which form of the medicine she had given the child. The mother said she had tried both tablets and suppositories, but the patient was still experiencing severe nausea.

Since the child was evidently sicker than originally diagnosed, my husband told her that she needed to call the doctor and ask for further instructions. Then the mother asked the key question:
Should she have unwrapped the suppository before her child swallowed it?
That winner was quickly followed by her inquiry as to how far she should have inserted the tablet rectally, or rather should it have been inserted vaginally?

To this day, he includes directions for unwrapping suppositories before use, as well as stating that tablets should be taken by mouth!

 

Reference: Ann Boncal