The Dating Game (21 page)

22

So Long, Boobmeister

To:     hollygolitely

From: Your daily horoscope

HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: CAPRICORN: Sure, you’re bombarded with junk, but you’ve got to learn to sift through it carefully so you don’t miss the gold. Someone is trying to get through to you, but you keep mistaking his e-mails for spam.

To: hollygolitely

From: flappie

Re: please don’t delete me!

Holly—I’m really sorry I upset you. I didn’t mean to, I swear! I want to see you again. I know Nick’s a big liar and I don’t care what anybody says about you—I think you are so cool. I told everybody at the party that you punched me in the lip when I tried to kiss you. They were all saying what a big prude you are. Pretty fickle crowd. My lip’s already healing and anyway I don’t care about that. I just want to see you again. Please? Can we meet for coffee after school on Friday and talk? Maybe dinner or a movie after that, if you feel like it? Say yes!
—Rob.

“I scanned it for sarcasm and insincerity,” Holly said. She was sitting with Lina and Mads at Vineland after school on Wednesday, dissecting Rob’s e-mail for the tenth time that week. “I think it was clean.”

“So what are you going to do?” Mads asked.

“I don’t know. It’s hard for me to trust him after Jake.”

“Holly, do you like him?” Lina asked.

Holly looked as if she’d been stuck with a needle. “I think so. Which sucks.”

“No, it’s a good thing,” Lina reminded her. “Try to keep that in mind.”

“The question is, does he really like me?”

Lina grinned at Mads and gave Holly a piece of paper. “You walked right into our little scheme,” she said.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a quiz,” Mads said. “Lina and I wrote it just for you.”

Does He Really Like You?
for Holly by Lina and Mads

1. Someone is spreading nasty rumors about you at a party. You leave the room. Your special guy:

a _ Doesn’t move

b _ Adds to the rumors

c _ Follows you out of the room to see if you’re okay

2. You spot him sitting with friends in the school library. He:

a _ Ignores you

b _ Gives you a half-hearted nod

c _ Smiles at you and waves

3. A school dance is coming up. He:

a _ Asks another girl to be his date

b _ Doesn’t ask you but figures he’ll see you there

c _ Asks you to go with him

4. At the dance, a jerk tries to embarrass you. Your date:

a _ Leaves you in disgrace

b _ Pretends it never happened

c _ Stands by you and takes you out for milkshakes later

5. While making out in his car, you accidentally bite his lip. He:

a _ Never wants to talk to you again

b _ Tells everyone at the party what a crazy bitch you are

c _ Runs after you, tries to stop you from leaving, and immediately e-mails you, begging to see you again

Answer Key: If you answered c to these questions (and you better have!), the situation is clear: Rob really likes you!

Holly laughed. “Thanks, you guys. It’s weird to see your life in quiz form. But very revealing.”

“We just think you shouldn’t be afraid,” Mads said.

“All right,” Holly said. “I will take a chance on Rob. That’s settled. Anything else up for discussion?”

“I got something in the mail from Sean!” Mads waved another piece of paper in front of them. Lina snatched it.

“This is a bill from a carpet-cleaning service,” she said. “Seventy-five dollars.”

“I know.” Mads took it back and carefully replaced it in its envelope. “I’ll treasure it forever.”

“Are you going to pay it?” Holly asked.

“No,” Mads said. “If I paid it, I’d have to send it back to the carpet cleaners. And I want to keep it.”

“Sean will really appreciate that,” Holly said. “Before I forget, can you both come over to my house to work on our IHD paper tomorrow?” Their final report was due on Friday. Mads was in charge of gathering all the data, Holly was going to analyze it, and Lina’s job was to write it up.

“Sounds good,” Lina said.

“I’ve already charted most of the info,” Mads said. “I hope Dan’s ready for good look at the sordid underbelly of RSAGE.”

“I’ll kind of miss reading those questionnaires, even if they were a pack of lies,” Holly said. “I think we should keep the blog going. It doesn’t matter if the project is finished. We can still make matches.”

“And we can still make up quizzes to find out the deep dark secrets of our classmates,” Mads said. “That’s my favorite part.”

“Let’s definitely keep it,” Lina said.

“Good,” Holly said. “In other news?”

“The latest issue of
Inchworm
just came out.” Lina tossed a thin booklet on the table. It was printed on shiny paper, the cover illustrated with a worm crawling across a bloody ruler which, Lina concluded, was also a razor blade. “See page thirteen.”

Holly turned to page thirteen and read aloud. ‘Lost Cause’ by Ramona Fernandez:

In love, I suffered alone

Or so I thought

Then I found you

Fellow-sufferer and

Friend.

We each tilt at our own windmill, alone,

But knowing you’re out there, tilting too,

Gives me strength.

“I don’t get it,” Holly finished.

“It’s about me,” Lina said. “She likes Dan. I like Dan. I guess knowing I like him too spurs her on. Or something.”

“Is that a good thing?” Mads asked. “I mean, only one of you can have him, right? One at most. If you’re lucky.”

“I don’t know,” Lina said, and she was genuinely confused by the poem. It seemed to be a challenge and a gesture of friendship simultaneously.

“Ramona’s weird,” Holly said. “Luckily nobody reads
Inchworm
. So we don’t have to worry about what it means.”

“That’s what I figure,” Lina said.

“Lina, why don’t you forget about Dan?” Mads said. “Walker really likes you, and he’s a fox.”

“You could give him a chance,” Holly said. “I mean, what’s the point in pining over Dan like this? It’s okay to have a crush and everything, but you’ve got to be realistic.”

“I know,” Lina said. “You guys are right. It’s unrealistic and a waste of time.”

And part of Lina knew that was true. But she didn’t care. She loved Dan more and more every day. She thought about him constantly. She thought about the secret between them. She’d keep the secret, even from her best friends.

But she couldn’t live on the secret alone. She had to see him, had to kiss him, had to have a minute alone with him, had to hear him tell her how he really felt.

And her chance was coming. Because Dan had a secret, too—and Lina knew what it was.

She’d found it just last night. Scanning Web sites for ideas for the Dating Game, she came across a personal ad. A twenty-four-year-old man named
beauregard
, a high-school teacher, looking for love. And right at the top, Dan’s picture.

“You guys are right,” she said again. “I should forget about him. I will.”

But she couldn’t. And she knew she wouldn’t.

“So, how does it look?” Rob asked. He stuck out his lower lip. “All healed?”

It was late Friday afternoon, and he and Holly were sitting on a bench by the waterfront. Holly studied his lip. No sign of a scar. It was a cute, plump little lip. “Looks fine to me. Good enough to eat.” She gnashed her teeth.

He pulled away in mock horror. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m on a lip-free diet.”

“Good. Because my poor lip has been recuperating, and it needs some exercise to get back up to full strength.”

Holly leaned close to him. “Let’s test it out.”

They kissed. Why did Holly ever say that Mads’ dog Boris kissed better? It wasn’t true. Not even close.

They broke apart. Holly rested her head on Rob’s shoulder. She felt warm and happy. She had a sudden urge to run her fingers through his thick, choppy brown hair. Her new boyfriend’s beautiful hair. She understood now why boys were always telling girls they have nice hair. When you liked someone, you wanted to touch his hair. Or maybe boys just couldn’t think of anything better to say. Yes, that was more likely.

“You busy this weekend?” he asked.

“No,” Holly said.

“You are now.”

Class: Interpersonal Human Development:

The Dating Game: Who’s More Sex-Crazed, Boys or Girls?

Final Report

by Holly Anderson, Madison Markowitz, Lina Ozu

After administering several tests, quizzes, and polls to the students of RSAGE, we must reluctantly come to the conclusion that our original hypothesis was wrong. We assumed that boys were more focused on sex than girls. Our test results indicate that at the very least, girls are just as interested in sex as boys. In every poll and every quiz, the results were close to 50/50.

It is our field work that forces us to conclude that, in fact, girls care about sex more than boys. They talk about it more. They read about it more. They think about it more. Yes, this is anecdotal evidence. We are girls, we don’t get to hear what boys talk about when they are alone together. Our scientific technique is not exactly airtight here. All we can say is, we know what we know.

If you insist, we could write up a report on the tests we conducted in the field. It is highly recommended, however, for the sake of your own sanity, that you do not insist. Just take our word for it. We wouldn’t lie.

Conclusion: Girls are more obsessed with sex than boys.

“Excellent job, girls,” Dan said after Lina had read their report to the class. Mads and Holly gathered up the charts and graphs they had made and returned to their seats.

“I think we aced it,” Holly whispered.

“Me, too,” Lina said.

“Does anyone have any questions or comments about this project?” Dan asked the class.

Karl Levine raised his hand. “Yeah, I do. If girls are so obsessed with sex, how come I can’t get one to put out for me?”

The class laughed. Mads rolled her eyes. Stupid Karl. She turned to a blank page in her notebook and started doodling.

“Your listening comprehension needs work, Karl,” Dan said. “Since you raised your hand, are you ready to read us your final paper?”

Karl went to the front of the room and started reading from his magnum opus, “Lara Croft versus Xena— Which One’s Hotter?” Mads tuned out and started scribbling.

Holly Driscoll Anderson and Robert? Safran

A lot of things had changed since the beginning of the semester. Holly had a new boyfriend. And the only person who still called her the Boobmeister was Mads. And Holly didn’t really mind that. Spring was coming, and it was looking good.

Lina Alice Ozu and Walker? Moore

Maybe Lina didn’t like him that much yet but he sure liked her. Mads kind of hoped Lina would come around. And she refused to write Lina’s name next to Daniel Dorkhead Shulman’s.

Madison Emily Markowitz and Sean Herman Benedetto

Only a few weeks earlier, Sean didn’t know she existed. Now she knew his middle name! Okay, so nothing big had happened between them yet—but Mads was getting closer. She could feel it.

I, Madison Emily Markowitz, do solemnly vow that by the end of the school year, Sean Herman Benedetto will be mine
.

Here’s a sneak peek at
The Dating Game #2

Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard to Do

I
s that really Rebecca?” Holly said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her eat carbs before.”

Holly, Mads and Lina sat in the lunchroom that afternoon, watching Rebecca Hulse and David Kim feed each other spaghetti. Rebecca, a skinny blond alpha girl, was normally a bit of an ice princess, but hunky David seemed to have melted her. She cooed and slurped up a forkful of pasta, tomato sauce splattering her chin.

“I’m not sure spaghetti is the best choice for love feeding,” Lina said. “Wouldn’t strawberries work better?”

“He’s turned her to mush,” Holly said. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

“For a split second I thought she wasn’t cool anymore,” Mads said. “But then I realized—all she did was change the definition of cool. I’m suddenly desperate to grab a boy and start slapping spaghetti all over him.”

Rebecca and David nibbled a long strand of pasta, each starting at one end until their lips met in the middle. there’s something else. Before he kisses me he says, ‘Do you mind if I kiss you?’ Every single time.”

“Really? That’s uptight of him. Have you tried ordering him to stop? Or are
you
too uptight?”

“I am not!” Holly said.

“You’re just chicken,” Sebastiano said. ”Hmmm … Here’s my diagnosis. What you’ve got here is a Boy Who Likes You Too Much. He likes you so much he’s afraid he’ll do something wrong. His love for you has turned him into a wimp.”

“Is there a cure?” Holly said. “I
really
like him. And he’s only being nice.”

“Right. Nice. Nothing sexier than nice.” Sebastiano watched all the kids streaming out of the school’s main door. “What about Mo Basri?” he said, mentioning a friend of Sean’s. “I saw him checking you out the other day. Don’t underestimate your appeal, Holly. You’re smart, you’re sweet, but you have a dab of eau-de-bad-girl behind your ear, if you know what I mean.”

Holly paused. “Mo Basri was really checking me out?”

“Watched you walk from here to the gym for three straight minutes without taking his eyes off you,” Sebastiano said.

Holly let this sink in. After a long winter, spring was here. Rebirth. New possibilities. Love in the air and all that. Maybe it was time for a change … in boyfriends.