The Dating Game (14 page)

She glanced up at him, surprised. She knew who he was—they were both on the Community Service Committee, along with about a hundred other kids. She’d never given him much thought, but now that she looked at him she thought he was kind of cute. His thick, messy brown hair stuck out around his head as if he cut it himself. He had brown eyes and broad cheekbones that might have looked severe if it weren’t for the freckles dotting them all over, which made him look boyish and sweet.

But what was he doing here? Her antennae shot up warily—had he come to tease her? Torture her? Play some kind of joke? Time to bring back the tough girl act.

He sat down next to her. “You left the pool house kind of suddenly.”

“Everything’s cool,” she said. “I just needed some air. And that Nelly song was getting to me. If I hear it one more time I’m going to lose it.”

“Yeah, some stoner kept hitting repeat on the stereo,” Rob said. “You’re one of the girls who started that blog, aren’t you? The Dating Game? With those questionnaires and the matchmaking and everything, right?”

“Right,” Holly said. “It’s an IHD project.”

“God, IHD. What a stupid class. I took it last year. They should be honest and call it HWT: Huge Waste of Time.”

“What was your project?” Holly asked.

“I—don’t want to tell you. It’s too embarrassing.”

“Come on! What was it? I won’t laugh, I promise.”

“Well—remember, last year was Dan’s first year teaching, so he didn’t know what he was doing. He approved just about everything—”

“Tell me!”

“Okay. I studied my dad’s dating habits. Who he dated, how long it lasted, what they did on their dates, what my mom had to say about it…”

“I guess they’re divorced.”

“It would be pretty sad if they weren’t.”

“What grade did you get on it?” Holly asked.

“A. Doesn’t everybody get an A in IHD?”

Holly shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe Dan’s getting tougher this year.”

She felt better now. Maybe it was the fresh air. But it was also the way Rob was talking to her. He must have heard the rumors Jake was spreading, but he acted as if he didn’t believe a word of it. Still, she reminded herself, it could be just that—an act.

“It must be pretty late,” she said, getting to her feet. “I’d better go in and find my friends.”

“I’ll go with you.” Rob followed her inside. A few heads turned and noted that Rob and Holly had just been outside together. Holly could read it on their faces. But no one said a thing.

She found Lina and Walker, who told her Mads had disappeared with Dashiell. “She’s in the den,” Lina said.

“You know that room Mariska said nobody was allowed to go into?”

“Ya know, you’re so cute I could bite your little nose off,” Dash said, slurring his words. His head bobbed and he squinted at her through half-shut eyes. Mads figured he must have had six beers, easy.

“Thanks,” she said. She’d thought he was cute, too, at one point. Yes, she remembered thinking he was cute earlier in the evening. But now she thought he was a big idiot with beer breath.

She sat in Mariska’s father’s forbidden den, the most private place they could find (since Mariska had roped off the upstairs), pressed into an easy chair, with Dash on top of her.

“Ya know what? I really want to kiss you, you cute little thing.” Dash licked her nose, then kissed her wetly on the lips. She squirmed under him, trying to keep his elbow from squashing her stomach. He clutched at her back, feeling for a bra strap. Then he reached under her shirt and unsnapped her bra. Mads had the feeling he’d done this before, lots of times.

“Um, could you get off me?” she said. “My legs are falling asleep.”

He grinned down at her. “You’re so great,” he said, kissing her again. “Yeah. Ya know? Yeah.”

“What?” she asked. He was muttering, not making much sense. He kissed her throat and started nuzzling her neck. Then, suddenly, he stopped. His weight pressed down heavily on her.

“Dash?” Mads said. “What are you doing?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t move. She grabbed a hunk of his hair and lifted his head and stared at him. “Dash?”

He let out a snore. Oh, great. He was passed out on top of her!

He’s supposed to be the horniest guy in school
, Mads thought as she wriggled out from under him,
and he falls asleep on me!
But maybe it was just as well. At that moment, she found him kind of disgusting.

She redid her bra and straightened her clothes. She left him snoring and drooling facedown on the easy chair.

“Mads! What’s going on?” Lina asked when Mads reappeared in the living room. Lina left Walker in the corner and dragged Mads into the hallway for privacy.

“Absolutely nothing,” Mads said. “And I mean absolutely
nothing
.”

“You mean you didn’t…you know…”

“He passed out. He’s wasted.”

“Bummer,” Lina said, but she was secretly relieved. She knew Mads was doing all this for Sean, but somehow the idea of Mads and Dash just didn’t sit right. Mads and Dash. Mad Dash. Huh. That was funny.

“Sean left the party a long time ago, anyway,” Lina told her.

“He left?” Mads said, disappointed. “Do you think he wondered where I was? Did he say anything?”

“Not to me,” Lina said. “He doesn’t really talk to me.”

“Me either,” Mads said.

“Here comes Holly,” Lina said.

“Oh! What happened with Jake?” Mads whispered.

“Fill you in later,” Lina whispered back. “I think there’s a new development.”

“You guys ready to go soon?” Holly asked.

“I could give you a ride home,” Rob said to Holly.

“Thanks, but I drove,” Holly said. “And I’ve got to give these two a ride.” She introduced Rob to Mads and Lina.

“That’s cool,” Rob said. “Well, see you at school.” He smiled at her so warmly that Jake melted out of her system for good. Even the buzz Jake had generated died down. Now everyone was wondering if Rob and Holly were hooking up.

Holly, Lina, and Mads headed for the car. “So?” Holly asked Mads. “Are you a fallen woman?”

“No,” Mads said. “I’m so unsexy even the horniest guy in school can’t stay awake in my presence. What’s going on, Holly? What’s with this guy Rob?”

“In the car,” Holly said. “I’ll tell you all about it.”

13

Outie in Disguise

To:     mad4u

From: Your daily horoscope

HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: VIRGO: Somebody out there likes you, Virgo. It’s nice to be liked, right?

I
don’t get it,” Audrey said. She was lounging, uninvited, on Mads’ bed Sunday morning. Mads sat at her computer, reading over the new Dating Game entries. Some people wanted to be anonymous, but others were attaching photos to their questionnaires, like personal ads.

“If you’re in love with Sean Benedetto, why do you want a different boyfriend?” Audrey asked.

Mads was not about to explain the whole virginity thing to her eleven-year-old sister. That was M.C.’s assignment, should she choose to accept it.

“How is this any of your business?” Mads asked. “What are you doing in my room, anyway? And get your stinkola slippers off my bed!”

Audrey pouted and slid her dirty, pink fuzzy-bunny slippers over the edge of the bed, just enough to obey the letter of the law. “Come on, Mads, I’m bored,” she whined. “Don’t you want to do something? I hate Sundays.”

“I’m busy. Go bug the Overlord to play a video game with you.”

“He said he would after he’s finished reading the paper,” Audrey said. “The paper that never ends. He’ll still be reading it at breakfast tomorrow.” She slid off the bed and stood behind Mads, looking over her shoulder at the computer screen. “Why are you looking at a picture of some girl’s belly button?”

A girl screen-named “queenie” had submitted a picture of her midriff—and only her midriff—along with her questionnaire. It wasn’t a bad idea, Mads thought. It was a pretty cute midriff.

“What is this?” Audrey asked. “Is this that project you’re doing with Holly and Lina?”

“Yes. Now shut up. Or go away. Or both.”

“Why don’t you do an ad?” Audrey suggested. “Maybe Sean will see it and he’ll ask you out. Don’t put your belly button in the picture, though. It looks like Grandpa’s face.”

“It does not,” Mads said. She pulled up her shirt and examined her belly button. It did look a little like an old man’s shriveled face. But she’d never admit it. “At least I don’t have an outie like you.”

“It popped in a long time ago!” Audrey huffed.

“It’s still an outie in disguise,” Mads said. Audrey was very sensitive about this. It was an easy way for Mads to get to her. “Outie freak.”

But Audrey’s idea wasn’t bad. Why not post an ad on the blog? An ad that made her seem worldly, experienced, and sexy. Maybe people would start treating her differently. Maybe Sean would see it and it would change his mind. Maybe he’d even ask her out! The key was a sexy photo.

She looked at Audrey, a faithful Britney Spears disciple from the age of six. Even on Sunday, just hanging at home, Audrey wore an armload of bright plastic bangles, a flower choker, eye shadow and lip gloss with her pink flannel pajamas—sleeves and legs rolled trendily up, of course. The girl was only eleven, but Mads knew Audrey had a lot to teach her big sister about being a pop tart.

“Get Mom’s digital camera, Aud,” Mads said. “You’re going to take my picture for my personal ad.”

Mads made herself up as glamorously as she could and posed in a tube top, her lips puckered in a kiss. Audrey snapped a few shots. Mads picked the best one and loaded it onto the computer, wrote her ad, and submitted it.

Screen Name: mad4u

Age: 15

Grade: 10

Looking for: love! With a boy. I like older boys, especially seniors. I’m very sophisticated and experienced.

Remember, good things come in small packages. Not that I’m small or anything.

Now all she had to do was wait for the love to start pouring in.

“Mads’ personal ad gave me an idea for a new quiz,” Holly said to Lina as they headed for the library. “Something like, ‘Do You Know How to Decode a Personal Ad?’”

“Like, when Mads says she’s very experienced, she really means she wishes she were?” Lina said.

“Exactly.”

Lina sat at a computer terminal in the library and read the new quiz.

Quiz: Do you know how to decode the personals?

When writing an online personal ad, people are expected to describe themselves fairly accurately. A little exaggeration is to be expected, but one guy’s “rugged” is often another guy’s “acne-scarred.” How well do you know how to read the personals?

1. He says he’s “creative.” This is code for:

a _ Not good at sports

b _ Mama’s boy

c _ Fashion victim

d _ Criminally insane

e _ All of the above

2. She says she’s “voluptuous.” That really means:

a _ Sexy

b _ Curvy

c _ Busty

d _ Has a huge butt

e _ Fat

3. His face has “character.” Translation?

a _ His quirky personality is visible on his face

b _ He’s attractive in an unusual way

c _ His looks aren’t everybody’s taste

d _ He’s hideous

4. He’s taking a year off before college “to find himself.” This means:

a _ He’s traveling the world

b _ He’s doing a lot of reading and deep thinking

c _ He wasn’t accepted anywhere

d _ He’s working at McDonald’s

e _ He’s in jail

5. He’s “looking for good times” or “just someone to hang with.” In plain English:

a _ He wants to take things slowly to make sure you’re right for each other

b _ He wants to be friends first

c _ He’s got a girlfriend

d _ He wants sex and only sex, after which you will never hear from him again

6. She’s looking for a “soul mate,” meaning:

a _ Someone who really understands her

b _ Someone she has a lot of values in common with

c _ Someone to have a lot of sex with

d _ Someone who’s not allergic to her cats

e _ A sap who will do her bidding

Answer Key: If you picked mostly d’s and e’s, you know your personals, probably from bitter experience. If you picked mostly a’s, b’s, or c’s, you’re in for a shock.

“Another masterpiece,” Lina said. “You’re really good at this, Holly.” She glanced at the library bulletin board, covered with notices and announcements. “Let’s post a notice on the board so everyone will know to check our blog for the new quiz.”

She typed up an announcement and printed it out. Holly followed her to the bulletin board. While Holly searched for an available thumbtack, Lina spotted something interesting.

“Hey, look at this.” Lina pointed to a piece of paper tacked to the bulletin board. “‘Ode to Madison Markowitz.’”

‘By Paco,’ Holly read. That guy who’d said the only girl he wanted was Mads.

Mads walked in and found Holly and Lina staring at the bulletin board. “What are you reading?” Mads asked.

“Oh, nothing. Just a tribute to your loveliness.” Lina pointed to the poem, scribbled in green ink on a piece of notebook paper.

“Oh my god,” Mads said. “It’s for me? It’s a poem about me?” She unpinned the poem and read it with shaking hands.

Ode to Madison Markowitz

By “paco”

I’m in love with Madison

I’ll take her to my pad-ison

Together we’ll be bad-ison