The Davis Years (Indigo) (18 page)

“Shh. No. Never. I want the time we have left. I know you’re going to Florida at the end of it. That may be a little hard for me to deal with, but I understand you need that. I wanted you to know how I really feel. That’s all. I thought about it all night, and it might not be fair to you to say anything, but I’m done with the days when I don’t tell you what’s really in my heart.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t.” He could hear the tears in her voice even if he couldn’t see her face.

“Don’t worry about me. Go. You deserve a real chance at a happy life.”

She turned to him. “I’ll never forget you. Even if I can’t—I mean, you’re important to me.” He moved closer and she placed his hand over her chest.

He wanted forever, but he settled for pulling her close.

“I want you to know that no one has ever taken your place, Jemma. Definitely not Tara. Not anybody. And no one ever will.”

“Hey, don’t you—”

“Forget about me.”

“That’s a promise.”

“’Cause I don’t make threats.”

Their old joke again. This time, it made her a little sad.

He pressed his lips to hers. For a moment, there was no sound except for their uneven breathing and the racing of their hearts in their own ears. She pressed her thumb against his chin, parting his lips. She held his lower lip between her teeth for a moment before pushing her tongue against his. Their slow kiss deepened as they pulled each other closer, trying to shut out the world.

He lifted her onto the counter and pressed his body into hers. Maybe if he never stopped kissing her, they’d never have to leave.

***

Monday afternoon Jemma sat in the living room at Mary’s house, reading over some files for work. She’d offered to get up to speed on some files and do other client research so she would be up-to-date coming through the door. Her new boss had happily sent her the needed info. Her having the files wasn’t a problem because she already had a confidentiality form and all the other appropriate paperwork on file from her summer internship with the firm. She planned to make herself indispensable to them as quickly as possible. The job was a very important step in her career.

Besides, working was good for her. It was easier to avoid the things it was hard to think about when she had something to preoccupy her mind with like reading client files and brainstorming new marketing strategies.

She was so involved in her work, she didn’t realize it was time for Emily Rose to come over until she heard a knock at the door.

Once she and Emily Rose were sitting in the living room, Jemma took a deep breath and decided to begin with the beginning. She said, “Smooth’s up for parole.” And then she told Emily Rose all about the letter and her upcoming interview with the parole board.

“That’s what you’re doing here,” Emily Rose said in a dangerous monotone.

“What?”

“You don’t care about me anymore. Maybe you never did. You came back to Derring because of him—his parole hearing. Why am I always such a fool for you, Jemma?”

“No, that’s not why I came back.”

“It makes perfect sense. You hated helping with the wedding. It’s like you couldn’t stand to be around me. I was just something to pass the time, huh? Maybe make yourself feel good that you showed up for at least one important thing in my life since high school.”

“Emily Rose, it’s not like that at all.” Jemma reached for her, but she pushed Jemma’s hands away.

“You don’t care. You’re not the Jemma I knew. You’ve changed, and I don’t like this person you are now. At all.” Emily Rose walked across the room.

“So you want me to be broken and pitiful like I was back then?”

“I never felt that way about you. And no, I just want you to be Jemma again. I want you to care. I want you to laugh and joke with me and—I want it to be like before. Not the awful parts—I’m not a bitch like you are now. The parts with the sleepovers and the days of us hanging out doing nothing all day. I want you to be something other than this selfish, uncaring thing you’ve become. Is that what going away made you? This is what you call a better life?”

“Emily—”

Emily Rose made long, angry strides back and forth across the room. “I hate the way you are now. You’re a liar and you’re so cold. I can’t believe what I’m hearing, what I see before me—I can’t believe it. You’re no better than Tara, you know that? And you know why? All you care about is yourself. You used to be such a good friend, but not anymore.”

“No. It’s not like that. I thought about you all the time. All of you. It really did hurt to leave you all behind, but I couldn’t come back. It’s hard to explain, but I just couldn’t.” Jemma felt like she’d been punched in her heart. Em Rose was right, but there had to be some way to make her see. Some way to get their friendship back the way it should’ve been.

“Don’t I mean anything to you? Does Wendell? Your friends are nothing? Everything we had is nothing? Obviously our friendship is nothing. Was. You’re not a friend to me anymore. I don’t know what you are.” She came to a stop in front of Jemma.

“I was wrong, okay? I’m scared to death, Emily Rose. I’m confused. I don’t know how to be or how to act around anyone anymore.”

Jemma thought Emily Rose’s face fell, but she couldn’t see all that clearly through the stream of tears pouring from her eyes. The truth, which made her seem stupid, petty, and small, had tumbled out before she really meant for it to.

“What are you talking about?” Emily Rose spoke in a softer voice.

Jemma threw up her hands and shook her head. She pressed her hand to the side of her head after passing it across her eyes to knock some of the tears away.

“I don’t know what I’m talking about. It was stupid, okay? To run away. To leave you. Not to let you guys know where I was. I thought I needed to do that in order to move on. I thought starting fresh would make me happy. But really, the thought of what I did to the few people in the world who ever cared about me? It made me miserable. It’s eating me up more now that I’m back.” Her breath hitched and then she continued. “You don’t think it was hard for me? But what was I supposed to do? How could I stay?”

Emily Rose on the opposite end of the couch. “How could you abandon us? You wouldn’t send us an address or call us—you knew where we were even if we didn’t have a clue about you other than you might or might not have been somewhere in the state of South Carolina. You said when you left you weren’t even sure if you were going to go live with your aunt. That you were going to visit her and you’d take it from there.”

“My memories of you were all mixed up with Lynette and Demonte and all kinds of painful things. I was so hurt—so lost. Sometimes, I think I still am.”

“I thought you cared about us, Jemma. About me.”

“I do.”

“And you can honestly tell me Smooth’s not the only reason you came back.” Emily Rose moved a little closer to her.

“He’s not.”

“Then how could you leave me? Why aren’t we close anymore? I want us to have ‘us’ back. Why can’t we have that?”

“I want that, too.” Jemma slid closer to Emily Rose on the couch and they shared a box of tissues Emily Rose had grabbed from an end table.

“Remember how I always said I wished you were my sister instead of Tara?” Emily Rose put her head on Jemma’s shoulder.

Jemma nodded, lying her head against Emily Rose’s.

“I still do.”

“I am your sister.”

“Don’t leave me like that anymore then, okay? Even after I’m in New York and you’re in Florida. Don’t disappear on me ever again. You’re—you’re just not allowed.”

Jemma laughed a hard, relieved laugh. Things would be better now that all of what had gone wrong with their relationship was out in the open. She could feel it.

“Okay.” Jemma blotted at the corners of her eyes with a tissue. “Never again.” She threw her arms around Emily Rose.

Jemma and Emily Rose spent the next few hours catching up. Jemma got the full Michael story, including all of the stories she’d felt left out on earlier that Emily Rose, Carolina, and Meg had shared. Jemma felt like a part of Emily Rose’s life again by the time they left for Emily Rose’s house. Wendell was going by there before he left for D.C. and Jemma wanted to be able to say goodbye to him.

***

Jemma was sitting on the porch with Emily Rose and Mrs. Braden when Wendell’s car pulled up in front of the house. He drove a black Honda Accord and it looked relatively new. He and Stephanie got out and walked toward the house. Jemma was glad to see that they actually looked like a happy couple for the first time since she’d seen them together at the rehearsal dinner.

Stephanie hugged all three women. Jemma was a little shocked, but in a good way, when Stephanie’s arms went around her. She smiled and said, “The way I acted before . . .”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jemma patted her arm.

“Don’t get mad, but Wendell told me everything. Not just about you and him, but everything. And if I’d known, I wouldn’t have . . .”

“No, really. It’s okay,” Jemma said, both because she didn’t want to talk about it and because she really did understand Stephanie’s position. “I’m just glad he found you.”

She smiled, tucking her hair behind small, shell-like ears. “Me, too.”

Wendell stepped up. Jemma prepared herself for another handshake just at the moment when Wendell wrapped her in a bear hug. “Come to D.C. and visit us sometime, Ms. Assistant Director.”

She squeezed him before letting go. “Of course I will.”

He leaned over and whispered, “I’m going to ask her to marry me. I just have to get the ring first.”

“I’m glad,” she whispered back. “I’ll be looking for my invitation in the mail.”

“For what it’s worth, I think he really does love you. And you know that’s not something I’d say lightly.”

Jemma stood there, stunned speechless as the others waved and shouted final goodbyes to each other. She watched Wendell and Stephanie go back to the car, hand-in-hand. Watching them drive away, she was still unable to speak.

“What did he say to you?” Emily Rose said, waving a hand in front of Jemma’s face.

“Um.” Jemma finally managed to make a sound. “Um, something I’m not sure I heard right.” She started with the part that made sense. “He’s going to ask her to marry him.”

“He told me that already.” Emily Rose narrowed her brown eyes in that Nancy Drew way of hers. “That’s not all he said, is it?”

Jemma shook her head, trying to decide if she should repeat what she’d heard, still not sure she’d heard it right. She didn’t want Emily Rose running away with it even if she had heard right. She could run one of two ways, and Jemma didn’t want her to go in either direction. Luckily, Mrs. Braden saved her for the moment, announcing the sweet tea she’d brewed earlier was ready.

That evening, Jemma was still rattled when Davis came to pick her up after his shift. Seeing him made her feel a little better, though. An escape, even if momentary. She got in the car and kissed his cheek. The smell of grease and fried meat overpowered the clean scent of his cologne, but she still enjoyed pressing her face to his neck. “I’m glad to see you.”

He rubbed her back. “Likewise. Again, sorry about this morning. I really didn’t mean to blow up at you.”

“It’s okay. Really. I said it’s done and it’s done.” She hugged him close.

She laced her fingers through his, looking down at their hands. Being with him again, she had to back away from what she’d felt at the lake house. She needed that safe distance. She wasn’t going to let love—or worse, the illusion of it—destroy her life ever again. She wasn’t going to give up her entire future for an unrealistic dream.

Still, she had that odd feeling of wanting to protect him after seeing that peek of vulnerability. First, when she’d asked him about his marriage to Tara in the parking lot of the apartment complex. Then, that morning at the lake house. She didn’t want to have those thoughts, but they wouldn’t leave her alone. She wanted everything to be simple—to be the way she’d planned. But life didn’t seem to like to work according to her plans.

Leaving his right hand in hers, Davis used his left to pull away from the curb.

“Thursday night, I’m going to a jazz club with Em Rose.” Her head rested against his shoulder as she spoke. “You wanna come?”

“You probably want some time alone with her, huh? I know she leaves soon for New York. I’ll tell you what. Rosa’s been asking around for people to take her shift that evening. I’ll do it and then she can take my day shift Wednesday and I can have a whole day
and
night with you for a change. How about that?”

Jemma grinned, snuggling closer to him. “Sounds perfect. And I’ll come over Thursday night when you get off work?”

“Also sounds perfect.” He squeezed her hand.

When she and Davis got to his house, a black haired girl was standing in the next yard, grinning at them.

“Hi, Davis. Hi, Jemma,” the girl said.

“Hi,” Jemma murmured, wondering how the girl knew her name.

“Jemma, this is my neighbor, Ayn.”

“Yeah, I noticed you guys driving up and I wanted to say hi. Are you two back together? I’ve seen you over here a few times.”