The Dead And The Gone (28 page)

Once Bri and Julie were settled and safe, he’d somehow locate Carlos and tell him where the girls were. Mami or Papi could find him also, if they ever came back. In case anyone showed up before Monday, Alex left the note. He gave his home one more look. He still remembered moving there when he was five. He’d gone outside to play with some kids and he’d said something in Spanish. The kids had all laughed at him and he’d run back to Mami, crying.

“Here you speak English,” she said to him. “No more Spanish.”

That had been easy enough; he’d grown up hearing both. But he never tried to play with the neighborhood kids after that. Carlos had, no problem. But Alex always felt the kids looked down on him. They were all Danny O’Briens.

But in five days he’d become a Danny O’Brien. It was like something out of a Dickens novel, he thought. Foundling discovers he’s really a long-lost millionaire. Of course he wasn’t a foundling or a millionaire, but it was the same basic concept. And he’d earned this trip up the social ladder through his hard work at Vincent de Paul. Mr. Flynn wouldn’t have given the passes to just anybody. It wasn’t an act of charity. It was an act of respect.

Papi would be proud of me, he thought. I’ve taken care of my sisters. I’ve been a man.

Friday, December 9

He’d woken Julie and made her go on the food line with him. He wished he didn’t have to, but there was no food in the house and if they were going to make it through the weekend, they needed every can they could get.

The line seemed safe enough, though; there were so few people on it. Alex made sure Julie stood by his side for the couple of hours they waited. He guessed the temperature had fallen below zero. Hell won’t be hot, he thought. It’ll be cold like this.

“Where’s Kevin?” Julie finally asked.

He knew she would ask, but that didn’t make it easier. “He’s dead,” he replied.

“Are you sure?” Julie asked. “Maybe he’s just gone.”

“I was there,” Alex said. “He’s dead all right.”

“Oh,” Julie said. “Three of the sisters died, too. Well, Sister Joanne was just a postulant.”

“How’d they die?” Alex asked, not wanting to talk about Kevin.

Julie shrugged. “They got sick,” she said. “Sister Rita didn’t tell us of what or anything. She was crying, only she was pretending not to. But we could all tell. Not that there are that many of us left. Maybe some of the girls have died, too.”

“They’ve probably just moved on,” Alex said. “Most people have.”

“I don’t want to die,” Julie said. “Sister Rita said Sister Dolores and Sister Claire and Sister Joanne are in heaven with the Holy Virgin, but I’d still rather be alive.”

“Me too,” Alex said.

They stood silently for a while. Then Julie took his hand.

“I’m sorry Kevin died,” she said. “He was a good friend.”

“Yes,” Alex said. “He was.”

Sunday,[__] December 11

“Julie, I need you to go to eleven F,” Alex said after lunch. “I want you to see if there’s anything left we can use.”

“Why do I have to go?” Julie said. “There’s nothing there.”

“You have to go because I told you to,” Alex said. “Julie, just do it. Don’t give me a hard time.”

“What if there’s someone in the stairwell?” she asked.

“There isn’t,” Alex said. “No one’s left here but us. Please. It’s just one floor. You’ll be fine.”

Julie grabbed the flashlight. “You’d better hope no one’s there,” she said. “God’ll never forgive you if there is.”

“I’ll take my chances,” Alex said. “Now go.” He watched as Julie left the apartment. When he heard her walk down the hallway, he went into the bedroom. Bri was huddled in the sleeping bag, but even though she had on two coats and several blankets, she was still shaking from cold. Just one more day, Alex told himself. In one more day they’d be on their way to safety.

Bri looked up at him and smiled. “I thought Julie would come in to get my plate,” she said. “Are you doing the housework now?”

Alex grinned. “Not a chance,” he said. “No, I need to talk to you, Bri. Alone. I sent Julie off on an errand so we can talk.”

Bri struggled to sit up. The exertion made her cough. She grabbed her inhaler and took a deep breath.

One more day, Alex thought. He sat on the bed next to his sister. “Bri, I’m going to tell you something and I don’t want you to get upset,” he began. “I’m going to ask you to make a big sacrifice for Julie.”

“I’d do anything for Julie,” Bri said. “You know that.”

Alex nodded. He was counting on it. “Bri, it isn’t safe for Julie in New York anymore,” he said. “I’m not talking about the cold or being hungry. I mean safe for a girl.”

Bri’s eyes opened wide. “Nothing’s happened, has it?” she asked.

“Nothing’s happened,” Alex said. “But Papi taught me the most important thing a man can do is to protect the women he loves. I have to protect you and Julie, and I’ve been trying the best I can up until now. But conditions are getting worse, so I’ve made arrangements for all of us. We’re leaving New York tomorrow. Remember Chris Flynn? His father gave me passes for the three of us to take us to a safe place, a place where the families of the really important people go.”

“No,” Bri said, half choking. “You go. You and Julie. I’ll stay here for Mami and Papi.”

Alex stroked Bri’s hair. “Julie won’t go without you and neither will I. For our sake, you have to come with us.”

“But what about Mami and Papi?” Bri cried. “How will they find us?”

“I figured that out,” Alex said. “After we’ve moved I’ll find Carlos and tell him where we are. He can tell Mami and Papi. But we have to leave, Bri. If Julie’s life means anything to you, we all have to leave tomorrow.”

“I’m scared,” Bri said. “Alex, it scares me. I know I’m holding you back.” She began to cry. “I’m sorry I ever came home. I should have stayed at the convent and died there.”

“Idiota,”
Alex said, kissing Bri on her forehead. “I need you alive and so does Julie. Now don’t be a
dramatica
like Aunt Lorraine. Think about how wonderful it’s going to be living someplace with heat and electricity and three meals a day.”

Bri took another puff from her inhaler. “Do you think I’ll get better?” she asked.

“It’s what I pray for,” Alex said.

Bri took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t make things any easier for you. But I’m sure I’m strong enough to walk to Port Authority.”

“You won’t have to,” Alex replied. “You should see the sled I got you. Well, you will see it tomorrow. You’ll ride in luxury all the way there. After that the bus will take us to our new home. That may take a couple of days, but the bus will have heat. Can you believe that; Heat.” He laughed. “We’ll be living like royalty starting tomorrow.”

“Julie must be so happy,” Bri said.

“She will be,” Alex said. “I haven’t told her yet. You’re the next oldest, so you deserved to be told first.”

“When she gets back, can you tell her in here?” Bri asked. “I want to see her face when she finds out.”

Alex nodded. “That’s a good idea,” he said. “Now rest up, and I’ll come back when Julie gets home. Tomorrow’s going to be a big day for all of us, and I want you to be as strong and ready for it as possible.”

“I have my rosary beads in the sleeping bag with me,” Bri said. “I’ll pray now. And I’ll thank God for you and for Mr. Flynn and for everyone else who’s been so kind.”

Monday, December 12

Only five more blocks, Alex told himself. They’d made it this far; five more blocks was nothing.

The trip downtown had been far more difficult than he’d imagined, in spite of how well it had started. He’d been pleased with how he’d handled things, from breaking the news to Bri and then to Julie (who’d kept her rejoicing to a quiet roar, which he appreciated), slipping a note under the door at Vincent de Paul so Father Mulrooney and Sister Rita wouldn’t worry about them, then returning back to 12B and helping Bri and Julie pack. Then he and Julie tidied and cleaned the apartment until it was as close to immaculate as could be managed under the circumstances. They’d all eaten supper, leaving enough food so they could have breakfast the next day.

He hadn’t slept well, but that was excitement, and he figured he’d have plenty of time to sleep on the bus. He finally stopped trying around four-thirty, finished up whatever he needed to do, then woke his sisters. It felt strange and wonderful to eat breakfast; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d started the day not hungry.

He made sure Bri and Julie had packed what they intended, a couple of changes of clothes, and a personal item or two, nothing too heavy and certainly nothing bulky, since they were limited to what fit in their backpacks. They each wore several layers of clothing, more than usual, both as a packing trick and because they were going to be outside for several hours.

Finally they were ready to go. It was a slow walk down the twelve flights of stairs, since they had to stop at almost every floor so Bri could catch her breath. She wouldn’t have been able to survive much longer under these conditions, Alex thought. He was sure her inhaler cartridges were running low, and he had no idea how to replace them. But in a matter of days they’d be in the safe place and that would be no problem.

Alex left Bri and Julie in the lobby while he walked down the final flight of stairs to their old apartment. Everything was as he’d left it. He carried up the sled, and was rewarded by squeals of admiration and excitement. He put the sled out onto the street, then went into the building and carried out Bri, placing her carefully on the sled so she never got wet. It was funny to think they’d never be back, never see West Eighty-eighth Street again, or even New York City.

He suggested that before they go they pray silently, and he could see the gratitude in Bri’s eyes at his suggestion. Then when the time had come, he began pulling Bri while Julie walked along.

It was never easy, since he and Julie both had to trudge through unshoveled snow, and before long his arms and back began to ache from the burden of pulling the sled with Bri and the backpacks on it. Julie volunteered to help with the backpacks, so she ended up wearing one on her back and one on her chest. It didn’t make that much of a difference, but Alex was grateful that Julie made the effort.

It took an hour just to get to Seventieth Street, and by then Bri was having difficulty breathing. Julie fell on Sixty-eighth Street, and Alex had to pull her up, which took more energy than he cared to spare at that point. Some of the snow got into Julie’s boots, and she began shivering uncontrollably. Alex didn’t know whether to shake her, slap her, or hug her.

“Come on,” he said, at least as much to himself as to his sisters. “It’s not that much farther. We can do it.”

But by Sixty-second Street, he wasn’t so sure. They still had to navigate Columbus Circle and walk a mile’s worth of city streets. Did they have the strength? Bri was coughing and Julie’s steps were more and more labored.

This is ridiculous, he told himself. In two hours, less if everything went well, they’d be inside Port Authority, finding where they needed to go and getting ready for the bus ride to salvation. They just had to make it until then.

The wind picked up, and Alex could taste salt breeze intermixed with the familiar ash. His eyes smarted and teared until he could hardly see two feet ahead of him. He thought of Harvey’s offer, a ride from their apartment to a safe place for Bri and himself in exchange for Julie. Bri could die on the sled, he realized. Had that been another wrong decision on his part? Could he be that sure Julie would be better protected by him than by some stranger?

The wind began to sound like mocking laughter: Papi calling him a
debilucho.
Carlos calling him a sissy. They were real men. They never would have let things get this bad.

Julie fell again. The backpack on her chest got soaked in snow, and it was obviously too heavy for her to manage. Alex took it off her and put it on the sled.

“I can manage the other one,” Julie said. “Put that one on me.”

Alex shook his head. “We’re fine this way,” he said. “Let’s get a move on.”

But things got even worse at Fifty-seventh Street, because there civilization began again. Eighth Avenue had been plowed and the sidewalks shoveled, which meant the sled could no longer be used.

A truck drove by, its driver honking furiously and screaming curses at them.

“We have to get on the sidewalk,” Alex said.

“We won’t be able to pull the sled,” Julie said. Alex nodded.

“We’ll figure something out,” he said, pulling the sled to the curb.

He grabbed Bri and lifted her over his shoulder, firefighter style. Julie lifted the sled onto the sidewalk. She pulled it from there, while Alex tried to maintain his balance on the icy sidewalk.

Twice he fell. The first time Julie managed to position herself to break his fall, and the three of them tumbled onto the sidewalk together. It would have been funny if there’d been any humor left in the world.

The second time Julie had no chance to help, and Alex took a painful fall, his nose hitting the sidewalk so hard he was afraid he’d broken it. The shock jolted Bri and she began desperately gasping for breath.

As Alex wiped away the blood from his face, Julie rifled through Bri’s backpack, finally finding Bri’s rosary beads, which she handed to her sister. Bri clutched the beads as though they were her lifeline.

“Dios te salve, Maria. Llena eres de gratia,”
Julie began. Hearing the familiar words of the Hail Mary in Spanish, as Mami always said it, helped calm Bri down. When she was able, she recited it along with Julie, while Alex stood there and told himself never to underestimate his little sister again.

The journey got easier as they got closer to Port Authority, and Alex regained his faith that they would actually make it. They saw a handful of people as they walked down Eighth Avenue, and while no one offered to help, no one cursed them out, either. There were a lot of bodies, and Alex could see, from the height of the piles, that many of them were new dead. Fluicide, he decided. There’d be no need for that word where they were going.