The Dead Series (Book 1): Tell Me When I'm Dead (3 page)

After two weeks, the neck brace came off. A new set of X-rays showed that my vertebrae were fine. Jim never did reappear, and the cops didn’t seem interested in finding him. Everyone thought he’d wandered into the forest and died. A search party turned up nothing.

Something was weird. Over the same period people’s pets went missing. Then a hunter found a deer that had been gored. It was hardly breathing when the hunter sent a bullet through its brain. That was all anybody wanted to talk about at Staples. People coming down with the jimmies and animal mutilations.

“It’s nothing,” the store manager, Fred Lumpkin, said. “Probably rabid bats or something.”

Fred was a pudgy, likable guy who was not quite thirty and who had a weakness for Baby Ruths and Diet Coke. He never got mad and was always good for an advance if someone found themselves short. Holly didn’t like anyone taking advantage of Fred. I guess she was protective of him.

Fred always saw the bright side, even when the evidence irrefutably pointed towards the book of Revelation. I didn’t know if he’d suffered a breakdown at one time and this was the only way he knew to cope. I imagined him losing it one day and chopping everyone up with the fireman’s axe we kept in the back. Or maybe he was a nice guy. And there was no one better in the world than Fred to talk you off the ledge. Nevertheless, I always thought he was full of it.

In the middle of all this strangeness, Holly announced at dinner one night she was going off the pill. I kind of freaked at first, but once she explained
reasonably
how bad she wanted to start a family, I warmed to the idea. We were young, but wasn’t this how it’s supposed to be for married couples? Especially since she was a practicing Catholic, though I was so very out of practice.

“Are you sure?” I said.

“I’m sure.” She punched me in the arm. “Well, come on. I want to hear what you think.”

“Holly, I don’t know. I’m scared, I guess.”

“Okay.”

I took her hand. “I never thought about me as a dad. Are you sure?”

“You asked me that already, Dave.” She was laughing.

Then it hit me. I realized for the first time in our relationship she trusted me. She believed I had gotten control of my disease and would make a suitable father. I guess I
was
the man she made me—or at least within spitting distance.

“Yes, I want to,” I said and kissed her.

This was the happiest time of my life. I was sober and I had a beautiful young wife. My Camry was totaled in the wreck, and I used the insurance money to buy a new black Dodge truck. I had a job. I had my books. I was on top of the world.

But you know happiness is temporary, right?

Panic tore at my center
and numbed my extremities.

When can I see you?

The text message on my cell phone glowed as I woke in the morning to the faint sound of the television downstairs. I’m not a brave man. In fact, I’m a wuss when it comes to trouble. Holly could have seen the message. I recalled hearing my cell phone ding through a pasty fog of sleep. Looking over, I realized I was alone. She must be in the kitchen.

I dressed in a hurry, jammed the phone into my jeans and headed for the stairs. I passed the spare bedroom and saw Holly sitting on the floor, wearing her work clothes and facing the windows. Blue light streamed in, illuminating her hair. She looked like an angel, and I smiled as I walked in.

“What’re you doing?”

“Just imagining,” she said, and kissed me. “Once I’m pregnant we’re going shopping for baby furniture. I already know what I want.”

I kissed her head. “I need to shower.”

“It’s your day off. What’s the hurry? I’ll be leaving soon.”

“I want to get started. Got a lot of random stuff to do.”

I kept my phone with me in the bathroom. After a quick shower, I went downstairs and grabbed coffee and a bowl of cereal. Holly had the morning news on. A local woman was missing, last seen going for a run.

I got the sense Holly was watching me, but I think it was my imagination. As I ate, she kept her eyes on the TV.

“We know her, right?” I said.

“Yeah.”

“I hope they find her.” I got up.

“Why are you so busy?”

The way she looked at me, I felt she knew what was going on. Just my imagination. That and deafening guilt.

“I’m going out for a while,” I said.

She pulled out her phone and snapped a pic as I rinsed off the dishes in the sink. “There. The perfect husband.”

I felt around for my keys and kissed her. “Have fun at work.”

“Oh, sure. I hear we’re getting in a pallet of red Swingline staplers. Whoo-hoo!”

“Say hi to Fred.” I gave her a thumbs-up and ran out the door.

There was a Starbucks up the 5 in Redding. A lot of tourists stopped there on their way to Mt. Shasta. We’d decided to meet there to avoid seeing anyone we knew in Tres Marias. When I walked in, she was already sipping tea out of a huge blue cup and reading something on her phone. I looked around the store, found nothing but strangers and took a seat across from her.

When she saw me, she smiled in a sad kind of way. She looked amazing, her straight, shiny dark brown hair pulled back, huge dark eyes and full lips. Everything about her was hungry for my company. She wore a white V-neck T-shirt cut way low and denim shorts that showed off most of her tanned legs. I smelled the perfume I’d bought her when we visited a Sephora one time. If things had been different, I might have ended up—

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey.” I spoke in as neutral a voice as possible. “So why did you text me?”

“Do you want a coffee or …”

“No.”

I was somewhere between angry and turned-on. It had been two months since Missy Soldado and I last saw each other—way before any of the current craziness in Tres Marias started. Towards the end I was going over to her house two or three times a week. I blamed it on the fact that I was struggling to stay sober and needed a distraction. But I think it was because I was getting ready to end it and I wanted as much of Missy as I could get before she was out of my life for good.

I’d planned to go to her house one last time and break it off clean, but ended up having sex—the best sex I ever had with her in the six weeks we were together. Then I left. I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since.

“Why did you text me?” I said.

“I had to see you again. I’ve been thinking a lot about us. I drove over to Staples the other day and saw you inside talking to Holly. I almost went in.”

“Missy, you need to let this go.”

“I know, but I can’t.”

“You knew how things were. I never lied to you about my situation.”

“People split up all the time.”

“Well, I’m not doing that.”

“So you feel some kind of obligation to Holly? What was she, your high-school sweetheart?”

“Lower your voice. No, I feel love for her.”

“You felt love for me once. You can’t be in love with two women, Dave.”

“You’re right, I can’t. Look, I don’t want to make a scene. Please try to understand. We’ve been together for three years. I love Holly. We’re planning to start a family.”

She stirred her tea and avoided my eyes for a long time. “I don’t believe you. You just don’t have the cojones to get out of a dead relationship.”

Disgusted, I got up and looked around the store. A family of four was ordering the works. Some businessman with a laptop and earbuds was on a call. At another table some sincere-looking guy was trying to sell a middle-aged woman life insurance. Across from them several baby-faced religion students argued about Corinthians and Saint Paul’s views on marriage. At that moment I would have given my soul to be any one of those people.

“What did you even see in me anyway?” I said. “Was it the fact that I was married? Is that it? Was it a big thrill for you? You could have any guy you want. Go find somebody who’s single.”

“I don’t want somebody else.” She was crying.

“Don’t contact me anymore,” I said. “I mean it.”

She shook her head and smiled bitterly. “No, this isn’t over. I’ll do what I have to.”

I grabbed my chair and slammed it down next to her, startling the people around us and giving Missy a scare. Did I mention I have a temper?

“What exactly does that mean?” I said.

She looked up at me, her eyes defiant. “It means I love you and I’m not giving up on us.”

I hated her and wanted out. This wasn’t fair. She needed to understand that what happened, happened. It was nice, but it was over. Time to move on. Did she think she was going to talk me into leaving Holly for her?

I moved my chair next to hers and sat. “Now listen carefully, Missy. I’m going to say this once. There is no ‘us.’ There is you with your life and me with mine.”

“I have no life, Dave!” People were looking at us again, and she lowered her voice. “Not without you.”

I saw those around us getting uncomfortable. One of the baristas whispered something to, I assumed, the manager. I knew what came next—seen it a thousand times at the Beehive. First they would ask us to leave, then they would call the cops.

Missy felt the same awkwardness and laughed. “You’re so funny,” she said, touching my face.

I snatched her wrist, making her wince, and placed her arm on the table. When I released it, I saw the reddish outline of my fingers. Without another word I left, nearly colliding with a toddler who had wandered away from his mother’s side.

“Sorry,” I said.

A commotion in the street prevented me from getting out of the tiny parking lot. Sirens wailed, and when I did pull out, I saw a car wrapped around a streetlight and the female driver sitting on the curb, bloody and surrounded by onlookers. As I waited at the light, I heard voices saying something about the jimmies and the woman losing control of the car. There was no denying that the sickness was spreading.

I needed to think. Wandering the aisles at Home Depot always seemed to calm me. It had to be the orange aprons. I had a lot to do around the house and figured I’d take the day to get everything done. On the way over there, I thought about Missy.

We’d met when I started going to the gym. At first we’d acknowledge each other on the treadmills. After a while, I stopped watching television with my earbuds and we talked the whole time. I’d always found her attractive, but I never thought about doing anything.

One night she told me someone tried to break into her house and she was scared. She asked me to follow her home to make sure no one was waiting for her. As I said, I’m a coward by nature. But being the awesome gentleman I was too, I did just that. I sat in my car as she parked in the driveway, went to the door, looked back at me for the longest time, then went inside.

The next time she said she wanted to thank me for helping her out. She offered to buy me a drink afterwards. When I told her about my history, she suggested Starbucks.

The truth is, I knew what I was doing. I fooled myself into thinking the whole thing was innocent and nothing was going to happen. When I walked her to her car, she grabbed my face and kissed me hard on the mouth. I didn’t pull away. She pressed into me and I was gone.

After that episode I didn’t need to be talked into following her home. Here’s the irony. It was Holly’s idea for me to get exercise. Part of her master plan to change me. Not that I blame her for Missy. That was all me.