The Definition of Icing: A Dallas Demons Hockey Romance (Dallas Demons Series) (19 page)

Please don’t say anything about Tumble,
I will her.
Do not.

“Kenley? Can you come here please?” a voice from the living room calls out.

Oh no. No. I can’t leave them alone together. Lord knows what Mom will s—

“It’s okay, go on,” Mom assures me. “I can get to know Nate for a few minutes while you talk to my guests.”

“I’ll be right back,” I say to Nate.

“It’s okay,” Nate says. “I’m fine.”

I hurry into the living room, and Olivia pulls me aside. “Kenley, is that
the
Nate Johansson who plays for the Dallas Demons?”

Shit.

“Um, yes,” I say, nodding.

“A
Dallas Demon
is here?”

The living room is now buzzing with talk of Nate.

“He’s so
gorgeous.
”

“Did you see his forearms? Lord, talk about the perfect guest for a passion party.”

I want the floor to swallow me up. These women are going hormonal over Nate, my boyfriend has seen sex toys strewn across the table, and my mother is alone with Nate in the kitchen.

My mother is alone with Nate in the kitchen.

“Um, please excuse me,” I say, smiling. “I’ve got to see Nate out.”

But another guest stops me to talk chocolate, and it’s more than a few minutes before I can get back to the kitchen.

I stop as reach the entryway. I see my mother is engrossed in conversation with Nate.

“Promise me that,” CiCi says firmly.

Promise
what
? What the hell is she doing?

“Mrs. Hunter, you have nothing to worry about,” Nate says. “You have my word on that.”

“Am I missing something?” I interrupt, shooting my mom a look.

“No, not at all,” Mom says easily, like she was discussing the weather with Nate. “Now, Nate, it was a pleasure to meet you, but I’m going to see to my guests now. Thank you for bringing the cupcakes up for Kenley.”

“Likewise, Mrs. Hunter,” Nate says, “and you’re welcome.”

Mom leaves us, and I can hear the sounds of talking and laughter float in from the living room. I turn to Nate, who has a strange expression on his face.

“What did she say?” I demand.

“Nothing,” Nate says quickly.

Too quickly.

“Come on, walk me out,” Nate says.

“Let’s go around back,” I say, wanting to avoid the hormonal passion partiers in the living room.

We step outside into the October air. It’s in the 60’s, a drastic change from when I met Nate in August.

I walk in silence with him, cutting across the grass, opening the gate, and walking beside the house to the front yard. Nate is saying nothing, which isn’t like him, and panic begins to take over.

“Tell me what she said to you,” I beg. “Nate, I know she said something to upset you. I can tell.”

Nate stops walking.

“Kenley, how do you really feel about me?” Nate asks, his espresso-colored eyes intense.

“What? What do you mean?” I sputter, my throat growing tight.

“Do you . . . still want to take this slowly?” he asks, putting his hands on my arms. “Or has that changed since we made love?”

Complete fear washes over me. Did CiCi tell Nate I loved him? Is he freaking out about this? That I’ve suddenly changed the rules of the game by falling in love with him too quickly? Is that what she wanted? A promise from him not to hurt me?

“No, no, of course that hasn’t changed,” I lie, desperate to reassure him.

“It hasn’t? Are you
sure
about that?”

I search his eyes. What answer does he want from me?

I nearly stop breathing. Could Nate want me to say I love him?

Suddenly my gut screams at me.

Tell him you love him.

Then my head fights back.

That is not what he wants to hear yet. Don’t you dare say it, you’ll blow everything. Nate needs to get there and tell you that first.

“Nate,” I say, putting my hands on his face, “my mom is crazy, okay? And she’s had two glasses of wine. Which for CiCi, is a lot. I don’t know what she said to you, but we’re still taking this slowly. It takes time for feelings to develop, Nate. And I promise you we’re still on the same page with that. And that’s what you want, right?”

I gaze into his eyes, and I see something new there. My breath is nearly knocked out of me when I think I see sadness.

Nate is silent for a moment.

“Nate?”

Nate clears his throat. “You’re right. I mean, yes, of course, that’s what I want.”

An awkward silence fills the air between us. Nate bends down and brushes his lips against my forehead.

“I should go home. It’s been a long day,” Nate says.

I bite my lip, trying to control the waves of panic that are threatening to take over. “Okay.”

“We’ll talk later,” Nate reassures me, sliding his hands over my arms. “Night, Bae.”

“Goodnight, Nate,” I say softly.

Nate gives me one final look and walks over to his car.

I wrap my arms around myself, blinking back tears.

What just happened here?

Did I ruin everything by not saying what was in my heart?

Or did I protect what we had instead?

As these questions swirl through my brain, all I can think of is that I can’t lose Nate. Not now.

Not ever.

And I hope I just didn’t put a huge crack in our relationship by not telling the truth.

Chapter 26

Breakaway: Where there’s no defenders between the player with the puck and the goalie
—
Nate

“Seriously, this is the
best
day of the year,” Lexi says as we take our seats on the glass. “Opening night for the Dallas Demons. All is right in my world once again now that hockey is back.”

I take my seat, gazing out at the silver and black Dallas Demons logo at center ice, wishing I could feel that way about me and Nate.

That all was right in our world again.

I anxiously tug on the end of my long black cardigan. Of course, I’ve been with Nate almost every day since Friday night, and what happened in CiCi’s yard hasn’t been brought up since. But I’ve felt this distance from him the past few days. He’s been quiet. And when I look at him sometimes, I feel as though he’s lost in thought.

Or pulling away from me.

“How is Ryan feeling right now?” Lexi asks, flipping over the complimentary Opening Night programs that are in our seats.

“He’s pretty freaked out,” I admit. “But after they suspended the current producer, Ryan was the only one available to do it as an emergency replacement. I know he’ll do a good job, but like Amanda says, this is way out of his comfort zone.”

Lexi nods, flipping another page in the magazine. “What if they fire the current producer?”

“Ryan told them he’s not a hockey guy,” I explain, picking up my program. “Remember that guy from Seattle I mentioned? Well, I guess they are flying him in to interview for the job.”

“Hmmm,” Lexi says. She pauses on an ad featuring Harrison. “He’s
so freaking
hot.
” Then she laughs. “By the way, is it creepy that I have tons of pictures of your new friend’s husband in my phone?”

I grin. “Your secret love of Harrison is safe with me. Kylie will never know how much you lust for her husband.”

Lexi heaves a pretend sigh of relief. “Thank you, BFF. Because it would be awkward if she knew about . . .
the files,
” she declares dramatically.

I laugh and glance down at the glossy program, with the cover featuring the captain of the Dallas Demons with his new wingman, Nate. I trace my fingers gently over Nate’s image, anxiety filling me again.

“You’re thinking about Nate, aren’t you?”

I turn to Lexi, who is studying me with concern in her green eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I say. Poor Lexi has had to bear the brunt of my overthinking and worry about what happened last Friday night. I force a smile. “I won’t let it ruin our evening, I promise.”

“Hey, I’m your
best friend,
” Lexi says firmly, “and I will listen as much as you want.”

I nod. “I know you will.”

“I still can’t believe CiCi won’t tell you what they were talking about in the kitchen,” Lexi says, taking a sip of her beer and putting it in the cup holder in front of her.

I groan. “It’s madness. CiCi told me that was a ‘private conversation’ between her and Nate every single time I asked. Amanda got the same answer. And I’m sure as hell not going to ask Nate about it.”

“No, I wouldn’t do that,” Lexi says thoughtfully. “And I know I’ve said this to you a thousand times, but have you reconsidered telling Nate how you
really
feel? I don’t think you have anything to lose by that. I think you have everything to
gain
instead.”

I shake my head firmly. “No, that’s not an option. Lexi, you know where Nate stands on that.”

“No, I don’t. I know where Nate stood when he
met
you. But I think the game has changed now. Because from what I’ve seen, and everything you’ve told me, Nate has much more than like for you. And I think you felt that way too, until CiCi got in here,” she says, affectionately tapping the side of my temple, “and messed with your confidence.”

“Well, he still hasn’t brought up the Demons’ lounge to me,” I say, thinking of where Kylie Flynn and the other wives and girlfriends are.

Lexi snorts. “Um, why would you want to hang out and sip wine with WAGS when you can watch your man up close here?”

“That aside,” I say softly, “I’ve been wrong before. Very wrong.”

“Do not make me scream in a hockey arena,” Lexi declares. “That was one jerk.
One.
Just because CiCi doesn’t trust your judgment doesn’t mean you should doubt yourself. Or what you have with Nate.”

I can’t help it. I burst out laughing. “You know what? I can’t wait until you fall in love and get confused about things. Then I’ll be the one counseling
you
for a change.”

Lexi grins. “Okay, first that would require me meeting a man I’d want to
date,
which hasn’t happened in forever. Two, I’m not an overthinker. It is what it is. Or isn’t.”

“Oh, young grasshopper, you have so much to learn,” I say. “When you finally fall, my friend, you are going to fall
hard.
And overthink everything, I just know it.”

Lexi is about to reply when the players start to hit the ice. The Demons skate out to the rousing cheer of their fans, all of whom are screaming their approval.

As Lexi and I stand up to watch them, I see Nate once again fly out onto the ice. This game is huge for Nate. It’s his first start as a Dallas Demon, and I know he wants to be strong for his new team. He wants to prove the trade was good for the Demons, and for his new friend, Harrison Flynn.

I put my hand to the glass, which I do at every game since I started sitting in Nate’s seats. He flashes me a smile as he skates by, and I smile back. It’s our ritual now, at every game I attend, and I know that smile is only for me.

I think of all Nate has overcome to be here at this moment. Moving to a new city. Starting over with new teammates and learning the Demons’ system. He had to develop new relationships and bonds and learn to trust his line mates.

Just like he did with me.
Nate overcame his fears of getting close to someone and let me into his life.

Suddenly I’m filled with determination. Nate has put his trust into my hands, and I know how hard that was for him to do. Whatever CiCi said to him, it’s not going to ruin what we have. I’m going to reassure Nate how I feel about him. I’m going to make him feel special and loved and hopefully secure enough that he can fall in love with me.

When he’s secure, I know he’ll tell me the words I’m aching to hear
.

And once he does, I will share everything that has been in my heart, every single thing I love about him, and how there is no place for anyone but him in it.

“I don’t think I can handle it if this game goes to overtime,” I say, anxiously gripping my program. “I don’t think I can take the stress.”

I mean that. Seeing a regular season game, I quickly realized, is night and day different than watching a preseason one. And right now the Demons are tied with the Chicago Buffaloes, 2-2, in the home opener with two minutes to go in the third period. Harrison has scored one goal, the other by Matt Rhinelander, and there’s nothing more I want than to see Nate score in his first game as a Dallas Demon.

“Well, since you survived seeing Nate checked into the glass right in front of you, overtime should be easy,” Lexi says, grinning.

I groan. I literally jumped in my seat when Nate was violently slammed into the glass in front of me in the first period of the game. I panicked, as I couldn’t imagine how much that hurt him. He had to be injured, I was sure of it. But he wasn’t. And only when Nate skated away, like this was totally normal, did I breathe again.

And then I mentally called the Buffaloes player who shoved him a series of choice words I would never say in public, let alone scream in an arena. I peer right across the ice, to the Demons’ bench, as Nate and Harrison are sipping Gatorade and talking. I see Harrison gesturing with his gloved hand, and Nate nodding, and I know they are planning their next shift.

Shift
. Funny how that word has a whole new meaning to me now that I’m with Nate.

“One minute left in the period,” the PA announcer says in his booming voice.

The crowd is now cheering loudly, desperate for the Demons to score.

Nate and Harrison jump over the boards with their line.

“Line change!” Lexi cries. “Here we go!”

I bite my lip, my heart leaping inside my chest. The puck is down on the Buffaloes’ side of the ice, and the Demons are frantically trying to get it back.

Suddenly a Chicago player goes to make a pass, and Nate intercepts it.

I leap to my feet, screaming his name, and the rest of the arena is on their feet, too.

“Breakaway!” the guy behind me yells in excitement.

Nate is flying down the ice, his superior speed to that of the Buffaloes players obvious. The clock is ticking down. Nate approaches the net, and people start screaming louder. I watch as he moves the puck to his right side, and rips his stick back, taking the shot. The puck sails up high, toward the net, and zips right past the shoulder of the goalie, hitting the back of the net. The light goes off on the back of the net, the horn sounds, and the arena is going crazy.

Nate scored the winning goal.

I watch as Nate’s face erupts in complete joy. He goes to one knee, slides across the ice, and pumps his fist. Then as he gets up, the rest of the Demons swarm him, with Harrison leading the way, and everyone around us is celebrating Nate’s dramatic winning goal.

“That’s my Bae!” I yell.

Then we both erupt into happy screams as we hug each other.

“Dallas Demons goal scored by number 88, NATE JOHANSSON!” the announcer roars over the noise of the crowd.

I glance up at the clock. There are still ten seconds left in the game. The crowd remains on their feet for the face-off, and then we countdown the clock until the horn sounds, signaling the end of the game.

The Demons, thanks to Nate’s dramatic goal, have won.

“Best opening game ever!” Lexi cries.

“I can’t believe it!” I yell over the cheering noise of the crowd.

I feel my phone vibrate in my hand. I glance down and see I have a text from Amanda:

Nate is a freaking badass!!

A huge wave of pride washes over me. I feel so proud of Nate I think my heart is going to burst. Nate has the biggest smile on his face, and I find myself smiling, too.

This game was huge for him, on so many levels, and it just puts into place how his life has changed so much since coming to Dallas, but for the better.

The crowd is still going crazy. Nobody has left, as everyone is waiting to see the three stars of the game announced.

“Announcing tonight’s three stars of the game,” the PA announcer booms. “First star of the night with the breakaway winning goal, Number 88, NATE JOHANSSON!”

Now the noise level is deafening. I’m cheering for my man along with everyone else.

Nate flashes a grin and waves to the crowd.

“The second star of the night, with one goal, is your CAPTAIN, Number 22, HARRISON FLYNN!”

Harrison skates out and the noise level goes insane for the Demons’ captain. I glance at Lexi, who is recording the moment with her phone.

“The third star of the night, with one goal, is Number 43, MATT RHINELANDER!”

Matt skates out next and waves to the crowd, a big smile on his face.

As people begin leaving the arena, still talking about Nate’s exciting debut, I can’t help but think this is where Nate
belongs
—in Dallas, with the Demons, skating alongside his new best friend, Harrison Flynn. Nate is home now, with a team that wants him and a city that has just fallen in love with him.

Just like I have.

Tears fill my eyes when I think of everything that has happened in his life since he arrived here. Not only does Nate belong in Dallas, he belongs with
me.
I’m the woman he’s meant to love. I know in my heart nobody could love Nate in the way that I do. And I feel like he is getting close to loving me in that same way.

Once Nate is confident in me, in what we have, he’ll feel safe enough to love me. He can break away from his fear of falling in love, and there will be nothing to stand in our way. Nothing can change what we are building and where our hearts are destined to be.

I’m sure of it.