The Definition of Icing: A Dallas Demons Hockey Romance (Dallas Demons Series) (22 page)

Sighing, I pick up the phone. “Hello?”

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” CiCi asks, the words flying out of her mouth in a rush.

I freeze. I hear nothing but worry in my mom’s voice.

“Mom, I’m fine, why?”

CiCi gasps. “You haven’t seen it.”

A feeling of foreboding sweeps through my body.

“Seen
what?
” I ask.

“Honey, I promise you it’s going to be okay,” CiCi says firmly. “Nate is a horrible,
horrible
man. He’s not worthy of you. I was always skeptical about him. But at least the truth is out there now. You can move past it and your bad decisions about him. I know it’s hard, with him being the second man to deceive you like this, but Kenley, I’m here for you.”

What? Nate is a horrible man?

Oh shit, she’s been on Tumblr again. I relax and the sense of foreboding is gone.

“Mom, please quit reading crap on Tumblr,” I plead. “Nate and I don’t read it. It’s not
real.
And we’re fine, I promise you that.”

“I’m not on Tumble. I’m talking about
Dallas Details.
”

Wait a second. I know Nate recently did an interview for their online magazine—in fact, that’s the photo shoot he was coming back from the day of CiCi’s party and the infamous cupcake disaster.

“Mom, Nate told me about that interview,” I say in confusion. “It was a Q&A thing.”

“Oh did he?” CiCi roars, and I’m taken aback by the raw anger in her voice. “Then answer me this, Kenley. Why is the article titled ‘Dallas’ Hottest Bachelor Looking For Love,’ if he’s so syrupy sweet in love with you? Why did he say he was
single
as his status? He is a
fake.
And he
used
you!”

I shake my head. I know CiCi has this all wrong, as usual.

“Mom, I’m going to read it and call you back. But you have nothing to worry about as far as Nate is concerned.”

“Oh, I know I don’t. Because after you read this article, Kenley, you will never in your right mind ever want to see this awful, lying, fraudulent man
ever
again.”

Chapter 30

Fighting: Just what it sounds like
—
Nate

I hang up with CiCi and pick up my iPad, which is resting on the kitchen table because I’m waiting for Nate to check in with me soon.

“Okay, Mom, what drama are you manufacturing this time?” I ask myself, sinking into the couch and accessing the Internet on my device. I key in Nate’s name and
Dallas Detail
s and the article is the first thing that pops up. I click on the link and begin to read:

DALLAS DETAILS PROFILES: Nate Johansson

Dallas’ Hottest Bachelor Looking for Love in the Big D

Age: 24   

Occupation: Hockey Player, Dallas Demons

It’s easy to see why Dallas Demon Nate Johansson has taken the city by storm since his arrival from Minneapolis. The superstar winger has been paired with Captain Harrison Flynn on the ice, and their instant chemistry together has resulted in the creation of one of the top tandems in the league. We were lucky enough to sit down with Nate, and later speak to his sister, Holly, about his personal life here in Texas.

Dallas Details
: Nate, let’s start right off the bat with your status. Do you check the married or single box?

Nate Johansson
: I’m single.

Dallas Details:
The ladies certainly seem to approve of your addition to our city. Do you know your female fans are called
Johanssonistas
?

Nate Johansson (Looking embarrassed, laughing.)
Um, no, I didn’t know that. It’s very flattering, though.

Dallas Details:
How have you found the women of Dallas to be so far, Nate?

Nate Johansson:
There’s no doubt there are lots of beautiful women in this city, I have noticed that.

Dallas Details
: Are you ready to settle down? What do you see in your future as far as your personal life is concerned?

Nate Johansson
: I can’t speak to that right now.

Dallas Details:
Tell us about your life off the ice during the season.

Nate Johansson
: I enjoy taking my dog to dog parks when I’m off. But I’m boring. Pretty much a homebody these days. Just me and Marabou, hanging out and watching movies, that’s my life when I’m not playing. When the season is over, I do plan to go back to Minnesota for a while. I have a cabin up there and I’m looking forward to fishing. I love fishing and being outdoors when I’m home.

Dallas Details
: What is the way to your heart?

Nate Johansson
: It takes a lot to get there, that’s all I’m going to say. The truth
be told
, only one person has actually ever gotten there before.

So ladies, if you can put a worm on a hook and don’t mind sharing your time with a puppy named Marabou, Nate Johansson might be your man. We recently interviewed his sister, Holly Johansson, via email, and here’s what she had to say about her older brother:

Holly Johansson:
My brother will make a great husband to some lucky woman. I think he’s getting close to the point in his life where he’s ready to share it with someone, but he hasn’t found the right woman yet.

Dallas Details:
Oh, really? Why do you say that?

Holly Johansson
: When Nate is in love, he’s
expressive
about it. He will tell that woman and anyone within earshot how he feels. He wears his heart on his sleeve. That’s how I know he hasn’t found The One yet, LOL. But when he does, the world will know how much he loves her, that’s for sure.

Dallas Details
: So your brother shares those things with you?

Holly Johansson
: Absolutely he does. If Nate hasn’t told me he’s in love, then he’s not. I know that as much as I know my own name, LOL.

And there you have it. If you love dogs and the outdoors and enjoy movie nights at home, you might want to check out Nate Johansson. And apparently the whole world will know if you’ve captured his heart in your hands, because this expressive hockey player will let everyone know that you have his heart. (Awwwwwwwwwwwwwh)

I’m fighting back sobs by the last sentence. I feel as though Nate, with his words, has leapt through the screen of my iPad and ripped my heart right out of my chest.

CiCi was right.

Nate doesn’t love me.

Only one person has reached his heart.

Megan.

He can’t make it any clearer. That sentence says it all. He’s only been in love once. The woman he told the world about is the one he loved.

Holly was right. When Nate’s in love, he
says
it.

Which is why he’s never said it to me.

I’m so stupid,
I think as the tears fall down my face. I thought he was over his past. I thought he could love me. When he held my hand at the dinner table, when he protected me against Holly’s comments, I thought that was because he was falling in love with me.

But maybe he was trying to
convince
himself that he could care for me on that level. That if he tried to
act
like he loved me, he might just fall in love with me.

But obviously Nate can’t.

It’s happening all over again,
I think, sobbing so hard I can barely breathe.
Another man acting like he has feelings for me when he doesn’t.

And CiCi could see what I couldn’t.

Once again, my horrible judgment of men has torn me apart. I wanted to believe Nate’s actions; I wanted to believe he could fall in love with me.

I wanted to believe he was The One.

And while I’m here planning to tell him I love him, Nate can’t speak to what he wants in his future. Instead, he’s talking about going back to Minnesota this summer. Something he’s never mentioned to me before.

Of course, when you’re not in love, you don’t have to consult with someone on your plans to return
home.

A huge sob escapes my throat with that realization.

He’s calling Minnesota
home.

Not Dallas.

And Nate’s heart—and his home—will never be with me.

My phone goes off again.

And I don’t even have to pick it up to know it’s Nate. He’s been blowing up my phone for the past two hours.

Because that’s what it has been since my world fell apart. Two hours since I read that interview. Two hours since my heart was destroyed by Nate’s painfully honest words, two hours since I realized Nate will never love me or want to build a life with me.

And I can’t cope. I just can’t.

I’ve retreated to my room, isolating myself from the world. I’ve ignored Nate completely tonight. I didn’t respond to his Connectivity Video Connect request. I didn’t answer his texts asking if I was around for chat. I didn’t respond to the ones that followed, asking if I was okay. Probably because I never missed an arranged video chat time while he was on the road. His texts sounded increasingly alarmed, but Nate can worry about me without loving me.

But the truth is I can’t face him right now. I can’t deal with the fallout that is going to come from the interview.

Because there’s only one option for me.

I’m going to end it.

I’m going to tell him I thought he was over Megan, but he’s not. Or at least I’m not the girl who makes him feel that way. I can’t be with a man I love who doesn’t know what he wants for his future, who is planning a summer without me, who calls another city his home, who can’t verbalize things he doesn’t feel in his heart.

My phone rings again, but this time I glance at it.

It’s Amanda.

I swallow down another sob stuck in my throat and answer the phone.

“Hello?” I manage to say.

“Okay, I have confirmed you’re alive for your boyfriend,” Amanda quips. “Now will you please tell me why you are ignoring Nate this time? Because he’s freaking out because he can’t get a hold of you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I manage to get out.

“Why are you crying?” Amanda asks with urgency.

“I . . . I’m going to break up with Nate,” I say, forcing the words out.

“
What?
Have you gone
mad
? Why?”

“Read his interview in
Dallas Details.
You’ll know why I’m doing this. But . . . I’ll do it now, so you’re not dragged into it further.”

“No! Don’t do anything yet,” Amanda commands. Then she’s silent for a moment. “Wait a second. Has CiCi done something? She has, hasn’t she? I can feel it. She’s done something to make you question Nate. Whenever your confidence is rattled, it’s CiCi driven. I know I’m right!”

“For once, Amanda, CiCi is right,” I admit, hanging up the phone.

But before I can even put the phone down, another call from Nate is coming through.

And this time, I don’t ignore him.

I draw a shaky breath of air and answer it.

“Hello?”

“Bae, where have you been? I was worried something had happened to you.”

Tears flood my eyes. “Something has.”

“You’re crying. Why are you crying?” Nate asks, his voice full of concern for me. “What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nate, I can’t do this. I can’t!” I cry, the words flying out of my mouth. “Don’t stay with me and try to force feelings you don’t have!”

“
What?
Kenley, what are you talking about?”

“I read the
Dallas Details
article,” I say, choking on the words. “And you make it very clear I’m not a part of your life.”

“Christ, what are you talking about?”

“Nate, stop. Just stop it,” I plead. “You talk about how you have only let one person into your heart. How you can’t speak to your future. You talk about going home to Minnesota in the summer. You talk about your days off and how you spend your time. You confirm you’re
single
—”

“That’s not what I said,” Nate interjects. “You need to calm do—”

“I won’t calm down. I won’t be with someone who can’t love me!” I shout, interrupting him. “I need to hear those words from the man who loves me. I need to know where I stand. And I’m not getting that from you because you’re not over Megan.”

“You seriously
believe
all this? I didn’t say those things. I would
never
say those things,” Nate exclaims, shock resonating through his voice. “And do my
actions
mean nothing to you?”

“Like keeping me out of the WAGS suite?”

“What? Is that what you think I’m doing? Keeping you out? How long have you thought that, Kenley?”

“That doesn’t matter now. But instead of actions, sometimes people need to hear
words,
Nate,” I retaliate, my voice shaking. “And your words to
Dallas Details
are painfully clear as far as I’m concerned.”

“Fucking hell, I did
not say those things,
” Nate roars back, anger now taking over. “I haven’t seen the article, so you’re blindsiding me with this, but for you to sit here and say I don’t tell you I love you—
bullshit.
You’re the one who told me it takes time for your feelings to develop. Remember that? How the hell do you think I felt when you stood on your mother’s lawn and basically told me you weren’t in love with me?”

My stomach lurches. “Isn’t that what you wanted to hear? You’re the one who wanted baby steps.”

“I wanted to hear how you
really
felt about me, especially after I promised your moth—” Nate abruptly stops. “I’m not having this conversation on the phone with you, I’m not.”

“What? What did you promise my mother?”

“No. This is a conversation we need to have face-to-face. I refuse to discuss this with you over a fucking cell phone. I’m playing tomorrow in St. Louis, and I need to focus on that. I’ll be flying back after the game. You have my key, if you want to meet me at my place Friday night, do so. I’ll be in around two in the morning.”

And then he hangs up on me.