The Devil's Backbone (A Niki Slobodian Novel: Book Five) (10 page)

I stood, balancing on the thing’s back. It writhed out of the dive and moved in the other direction, toward the place beyond the wall. Toward the Wastelands.
 

I was on fire.

I wasn’t afraid. Even from the beginning I had not felt any fear that this creature would kill me. It couldn’t, I knew. I was strong, stronger than this pitiful creature. I crouched down and, plunging my hand inside of it, I grasped the ball of freezing-burning flame that writhed at the base of its throat. It let out a scream, this time of pain and I began to pull.

“I gave you the chance to run,” I said. I pulled my arm back, dripping with black, wet smoke, just as Aki had been. I stared at the orange ball of magical flame in my hand. We were falling fast, but I just stood and looked at the beast’s fire that seemed to replace its soul. Another flame rose from inside me, this one bright and so much hotter than the one I held in my hand. It wrapped around me, cloaking me in its flame, choking me with its heat. I didn’t burn, but I screamed as the fire rose to cast itself around the ball I held in my hand. With a hissing sound, the dragon’s fire was extinguished. The beast went limp and we sailed through the air, the wings hanging dead, the veins going still.

I crouched down again, holding onto the beast’s neck, the flame receding from my hands and arms, the air hurting my skin wherever it left me. My whole body ached and I could barely see through blurry eyes. The wall loomed before us, half as tall as Lucifer’s tower. I closed my eyes as we struck it, the dragon’s body crashing into solid stone. I lost my hold on its neck and felt myself flying through the air. And then I didn’t feel anything. And I welcomed the darkness.

CHAPTER TEN

“Niki,” said a voice. “Niki, open your eyes.”

“I can’t,” I whispered. “It’s too hard.”

“Niki, you have to look. If you don’t see it, you’ll always be afraid.”

“Lucifer?” I opened my eyes to darkness. “I can’t see you.”

“I don’t want you to be afraid,” he said from somewhere in front of me. I blinked, but it was like looking through ink.

“I’ll never be afraid of you,” I said. “Please. I need to see you. I want you back.”

“You never lost me,” he said. “I’ve been here all along.”

A shape formed in front of me. I watched as it coalesced into the shape of a man with his back to me, golden hair tied at the back of his head.

“Lucifer,” I said, and something itched and ached inside of me. “Oh my god. Are you alive? This is a dream.”

“A dream, yes,” he said. “Alive?” He didn’t speak for a moment. “I don’t think you can save me.”

“Lucifer. Erebos. I tried to save it. Something happened to me. I killed the monster, but Erebos—“

He turned his head slightly, but not so much that I could see his face.

“Erebos is unimportant,” he said. “Let it burn.”

“Now you’re just in my head,” I said. “That’s what I said to Bobby.”

“It’s your dream,” he said.
 

“Why won’t you let me see your face?” I said. “Please.” I tried to go to him, but I couldn’t move. I looked down at my body, but I had to shield my eyes. All I could see was light. It was hard to breathe. Smoke got in my eyes and made my vision blurry. I looked back at Lucifer.

“It’s killing me, isn’t it?”

“It may,” he said. “I do not know. But you need me.”

“I’ve always needed you,” I said. “Even before I met you. It’s always been you.”

“It’s unimportant.”

“No it isn’t!” I said, suddenly yelling.
 

“You need me to save you,” he said. His voice was oddly flat. “This time, I have to save you, Niki. But you might not be able to save me. Not this time.”

“Stop it,” I said. “Don’t say that. I’m going to find you.”

“You’re not going to like what you find,” he said.

“Do you still love me?” I said.

“What?” He moved his head as if he meant to look at me, but stopped himself.

“You said you loved me. Before you left. I didn’t say it back, but I wanted to. I really wanted to. I’m broken, Lucifer.”

“It’s unimportant.”

“Stop saying that. It’s not unimportant,” I said. “It’s never been more important.”

He paused, then nodded. “Yes.”

“Let me see your face.”

“No,” he said. “You can’t save me. You have to find me, but you also have to let me go. I’m unimportant.”

“NO.” I was on fire again, the flames ice-cold. Snow fell around us. “Turn around,”I said. “Now.”

He began to turn, his body spinning slowly like he was on some sort of spinning pedestal. I stifled a scream, putting my hand over my mouth. He was perfect, except where his face was supposed to be.
 

“You’re on fire,” said the body without a face.

Where his face was supposed to be was fathomless black. A pit. A void. Nothing.

“I don’t care,” I said, not sure when I had started crying.

“There’s no going back,” he said. “I have to save you.”

I was burning, my fingers turning to ash and falling to the ground in front of me.
 

“I’ll die before I let you go,” I said.

“Then everyone will die.”

“I don’t care.”

“Even me. Even us. All three of us.”

My arms were gone, blackened stumps the only thing left. I felt my lungs collapse, my heart turning to soot inside my chest.

“What do you want me to do? Tell me what to do. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t understand any of this.”
 

“Let them burn,” he said again.

“I
am
burning,” I whispered. “I can’t stop.”

“Not you,” he said. “Everyone else.”

* * *
 

I opened my eyes and immediately squeezed them shut again. I heard a pained groan, and realized it was coming from me. Every bone in my body hurt. I tried to move, and the ground under me crackled like old paper. Bones scraped against bones, muscles screamed and every nerve felt exposed. There was a curious heat and a brightness behind my eyes that quickly spread through my whole body. It was different than the fire I had felt earlier. More familiar and gentle.

Looking down at my body, I caught my breath. There was a gaping wound in my leg, my pants in tatters around it. It seemed to glow and I remembered when Lucifer had been injured, healing quickly with a bright light shining through. My left arm didn’t seem to be working, my elbow at a strange angle, and there was a catch in my right side, as though I had broken some ribs. I touched my head with my right hand and felt a hot wetness on my scalp.
 

The light behind my eyes intensified and I cried out at the sharp pains in my leg, arm, head, chest. I felt my back arch and my muscles clenched. If I’d had the breath, I would have screamed. It was over in minutes and I moved my left arm experimentally. My leg had closed up and my ribs didn’t hurt when I pressed on them. I tried to sit up, but dizziness flooded my head and I fell back to the ground.
 

I slept without dreaming.

When I woke, it was to the sound of crunching, like an animal’s paws on gravel. I forced my eyes open, the glow of the city that must be just beyond barely casting a light here. I could see the wall, a small section crumbled down where I had crashed through. My fingers touched something dry and soft and still-warm. I knew it was the thing I had killed.
 

I looked around for the sound that had woken me, searching the darkness for movement. I was weak and even the smallest movement was difficult. My body felt like liquid as I tried to roll onto my side. With a grunt I managed to lift myself onto my elbows, my stomach touching the dead creature underneath me. I could tell that my bones had mended, that my injuries had healed, but I was weak.

Scanning the ground around me, I let my eyes become accustomed to the lack of light here. Sensing something lingering just outside of my vision, I squinted.

“Who’s there?” I said, my voice a croak. I tried to lift myself up to sitting, but fell back to my elbows. “Please help me. If you can hear me…” I remembered what Eli had said about the creatures that lived beyond the wall. I’d been out here before, but I’d had protection. And Creator’s power or not, I was vulnerable right now.
 

There was a snort nearby and I turned my head quickly to look for the source of the sound. Something was moving toward me, slow steps crunching the small rocks. It was big from the sound of it. I stared, frozen. I slowly, painfully reached behind me, feeling in my waistband for the gun I’d put there earlier. I touched only the flesh of my own back. It was gone.
 

A silhouette came into view. It was big and looked slightly canine, though it was too enormous to be anything as mundane as a dog or a wolf. It lowered its shaggy head, seeming to sniff the air around me. It snorted again. I could feel it looking at me, eyes piercing into the dark.

“I can hurt you very badly,” I slurred. I could barely talk, let alone fight.

There was a noise in the distance. The animal froze, a low growl sending shivers down my spine. Someone was calling my name. There were footsteps, a lot of them. I heard a sound like rocks hitting other rocks. People were running up the hill that the wall sat on, trying to get to me. I looked back to where the animal was, but there was nothing there. He had gone, startled by the group that was noisily making its way toward me. As rough hands found me, lifting me up, I let my eyes slide back and slept once again.

* * *
 

The first thing Gage said to me when I woke up was, “Do you want to know how many people died?”

“Jesus, Bobby. Can I wake up from my coma first?”

“That thing,” he said, leaning forward in the chair he’d placed next to my bed. “Do you know how many people it killed?”

“Of course I don’t know,” I said, sitting up. “Have you been staring at me the whole time I’ve been asleep?”

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Creepy.”

“I’m serious, Niki, ask me how many died last night.”

“Piss off. I need coffee.”

“
Ask me.
”

“Fine,” I breathed. “How many demons died?”

“People.”

“How many goddamn people died?” I said, pushing the covers off. “You obviously want to tell me.”

“Over 12,000,” he said.

“Do you have a point here?” I said. “I didn’t have any control over the damn thing.” I looked down at my bloodied and dirty clothes and walked over the wardrobe to grab something clean.

“My point is that you killed it,” he said. “Just like that. Just jumped down and killed it with your bare goddamn hands, Slobodian.”

“You helped,” I said. “That trick with the lights was good.”

“Jesus, Niki. This is not normal.”

“I saved them, didn’t I?” I snapped, turning around and looking at him. Worry was etched on his face. I frowned, softening. He was concerned about me. “Bobby, nothing has ever been normal. Not for me. Not for you either. I don’t know what you want me to say. Blame God. The bastard just keeps giving me gifts.”

“You really think He did this to you?” he said, the confrontation gone from his voice.

I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. It doesn’t really matter, does it? I mean, either I’m killing myself trying to do the right thing, or something else is killing me for doing the right thing. Whatever’s in me, it’s not supposed to be there. The only thing I can do is keep going.”

“How do you know?”

“What?” I said.

“How do you know it’s killing you?”

I threw some clean clothes on the bed and ran a hand through my hair. My fingers got stuck in the dried blood. “Jesus, I need a bath.”

“You going to answer?” said Gage.

“You wouldn’t believe me,” I said.

“Try me.”

“I had a dream. Vision. Whatever. Lucifer told me.”

“So you’re taking health advice from your dreams?”

I shook my head. “It’s not like that. Ever since Sam died, my dreams aren’t really dreams. They’re…I don’t know. Real.”

“Always?”

“No.”

“Maybe this one wasn’t real,” he said.
 

“It was,” I said, looking away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why?”

“Because,” I said. “It’s private.”

“I need to know why you think you’re dying,” Gage said, his voice bordering on angry. “Goddammit, Slobodian. Stop this shit about not talking about things that make you
feel
. Just let them feel, for god’s sake.”

“I don’t want to
feel
, Bobby,” I said, my voice thick. “He said he needed to save me, okay? He said he needed to save me, but I wouldn’t be able to save him. He said I needed to let him go. And he didn’t have a damn face. Are you happy now? I need to find Lucifer, but I’m not allowed to keep him. He was too good, and I’m not allowed to have things that are good. Instead, I get
presents from God
that make my life into Hell.”

“Niki…” he said as I sat down on the bed, my back to him.

“I need to get dressed now, Bobby.”

I heard the chair creak as he stood up. His padded steps to the door. I looked over as he paused, hand on the doorknob. He looked over at me. He looked tired, and I regretted being angry with him. It wasn’t his fault. He shook his head.

“Did you ever think that maybe you should stop trying to do what’s right?”

“What does that mean?” I said.
 

“It means,” he said, “maybe you should stop doing what’s right for other people, Nik. Maybe it’s time to think about yourself. Maybe it
is
the end of the world. Maybe that’s best.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Yeah,” he said. “And you’re in love with the devil.”

“Yes,” I said, and if felt like a weight off to say it. “I love him more than anyone I’ve ever known.”

“Remember what you said earlier?” he said. “About doing what it takes to save the people you love?”

“What about it?”

“Do it. He makes you happy. Screw everyone else. Go save the bastard.”

“But the vision…”

“Tell the visions to kiss your ass,” said Gage. “You’ve got the power of a damn god inside you. What the hell is stopping you?”

“People might die,” I said.