The Do Over (49 page)

I let out a deep breath as I continued to scan the room. I picked up her cup of tea and dumped it in the sink. When I saw her key on the counter, the knife plunged deeper into my heart. My key ring was in its usual spot, sitting close to where she'd left her key. It was the one thing I couldn't bring myself to do. I couldn't take the key she'd given me off my key ring. It was the only way that I could stay connected with her.

I went back to the living room and sat down on the couch, staring at the wall. Every time my eyes closed, I either saw her smile or her tears, so I stayed awake. None of this made sense. It just hurt so goddamn much. The hours passed.

Before I knew it, it was seven in the morning, I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Chris.

Liam: Need you to give Macy a box for me as soon as you can.

Chris: Sure, dude. What's up?

Liam: Just need the favor.

Chris: Okay.

I set my phone down on the table and dozed off for a little while until a knock at the door woke me up. I knew it was Chris. I didn't expect him to come this soon, but I was glad he did. Chris was a good friend. He was a pain in the ass most of the time, but without a doubt, the man always came through for me and always had my back.

As I opened the door and stood to the side, I said, "Hey, bro, come in."

Chris walked in with Macy.

I wasn't expecting her. I just wanted him to come over, pick up the box, and get it out of here. "You didn't have to come right away."

"Lucas, what's the nine-one-one? You never text me at this ridiculous hour unless it's important. You really think I wouldn't come over right away?" Chris said as he looked around. When he turned back to me, he said, "Fuck. Dude, what the hell happened? You look like shit."

"Chris, not now," I said, holding everything together. I wasn't about to fall apart like the chick he said I was, especially not in front of Macy.

I just needed Macy to give Dani her stuff. She was off in the corner, texting away. She occasionally looked up and gave me a small smile, but her eyes said something else. Macy walked over. She seemed surprisingly calm.

"Liam, I can't get a hold of Dani. I've mobilized Candace to go to her house. So, it's up to me to get to the bottom of what happened." She tilted her head to look me in the eye. "Did you guys have a fight? Why do I have to give her this box?"

With my eyes closed, I held the bridge of my nose, trying to find the words to best say things without losing it. Saying it out loud was going to make it real. When I opened my eyes, I let out a deep breath. I mustered all the control I could.

"Dani needs to figure things out. Her ex has been coming around, and she wants to replace the bad memories with good ones. She doesn't know how she feels."

I started walking in circles with my hands on top of my head, breathing deeply just to keep my composure. I was hurt and pissed.

When I looked over at Macy, her body language had changed.
Shit.
I had never seen her look like anything but goofy. She was now a force to be reckoned with.

"What has that motherfucking asshole, Rick Fucking Marin, done now?" Macy asked.

Suddenly, a new level of rage emerged in me.

Both Chris and I snapped our heads in her direction.

"What did you say?" I asked Macy. I needed to make sure I heard her correctly.
Can there possibly be more than one Rick Marin in Miami?

"What has Rick done now?" she said, getting her phone ready to text.

I took the phone out of her hand and gave it to Chris.

"Babe, look at me. You have to tell us about Rick," Chris said.

"I'm confused. Dani said she told you about her relationship with Rick, and the heartbreak, and the blah, blah, blah, he's-an-asshole-but-my-asshole shit," Macy said, rambling.

I lowered my head so that Macy and I were eye to eye. "Focus, Macy. You need to tell me exactly who Rick Fucking Marin is," I said angrily.

"Liam, calm down. You're scaring me. What do you want to know about Rick the dick, except that he's an egotistical, arrogant asshole? I'm going to fucking kick his ass, and I swear Candace is going to cut off his male appendage. Fuck, I knew when we saw him last week that he was bad news, but no, Dani told me to get over it."

All I could see was red. My blood pressure was through the roof. I was ready to pop. Right now, I needed Macy to speak to me coherently. "Macy, just get to the fucking point! Who the fuck is Rick? And what do you know?"

"Don't kill the messenger," she said quite seriously.

Fuck.
I didn't have time to deal with these power struggles. I needed information.

Chris chimed in and said, "Babe, we just need to confirm the identity of Rick. I need to know if the Rick we know is the same motherfucker that you know."

"I don't think there are that many Rick Marins in Miami. Let's see. Is your Rick Marin a motherfucking asshole? If so, ding, ding, ding. By the way, how the hell do you know Rick?" Macy asked.

"Chris, I'm going to kill that motherfucker," I said, clenching my fists.

Chris put his hands on my shoulders. "Lucas, calm down. He's not worth it."

"That motherfucker has been fucking playing me from day one. Shit, that night at the club, I was ready to kick his ass when he gawked at her and made some asinine comment about tapping her." I backed away from Chris and started pacing. "During all those basketball games, he'd talk about getting his ex back. His ex is Dani. I fucking gave him advice on how to steal my girl. I'm such a fucking idiot."

"Will someone please tell me what you guys are talking about? How do you guys know Rick?" Macy asked loudly. She grabbed Chris. "Oh shit, he's not the Madison hook up, is he?"

"I know Rick from the clubs," Chris said. "I introduced him to Lucas that night you and the girls came to Breathe." He stopped and then looked over at me. "I didn't know, Lucas. Fuck, I'm sorry, bro. This is my fault."

"Dani didn't see Rick for a couple of weeks after that," Macy said, cupping his face. "Chris, it's not your fault. Trust me. Rick is a manipulative prick. He's the one at fault here. Plus, we didn't see him there. Maybe it's all a coincidence. I always thought it was strange that he ran into her at Van Dyke's, but anything is possible, right?"

"Is it a coincidence if he knew where she was going to be because I was an asshole and blurted it out?" Chris said, shaking his head. "Fuck, I'm going to kill him. Bro, I'm so sorry. Shit."

I was done listening to all of this. I needed to get out of here. I was going to kill him. That motherfucker had been playing me for months. All the bodychecks, questions, and snide remarks now made sense. I knew I hadn't liked him. I'd always had a gut feeling that he was a douchebag. I couldn't see straight. I grabbed my keys and started for the door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Macy asked. Standing with her arm out, she tried to stop me from walking out the door.

"Macy, get out of the way. Where am I going, you ask? I'm going to have a little talk with that asshole," I said, trying to push around her.

She was determined to not let me pass. For a tiny little thing, she was strong when she wanted to be.

"Since we're all here, how long have you known about all this?" I asked Macy.

Chris hung his head low, shaking it.

"You're not going anywhere. Candace and I will take care of this. And, for the record, do you really think we knew about this? If we did, this would
never
have happened," she said.

She acted as though she had some sort of say in the matter. This was my battle, and I was going to fight it.

"Macy, move out of the way," I said sternly.

"No. You're going to go kick Rick's ass because you're pissed off at him. Granted, I would actually like to watch that, but that's not the point. I'm going to go take care of my friend. This isn't about you. This is about what he's done to her."

"Macy, let me make something crystal clear to you," I said with fire glaring from my eyes. "Dani and I are one. I don't know where she starts and I end. My fucking heart was ripped out of my chest because of that asshole. Don't you lecture me on my intentions. He did this to
us
. He fucked with her; he fucked with me. I love her more than I love my own life. So, move the fuck out of my way."

"You know she loves you," she said.

"Yeah," I said, "just not the same way."

"That's not true."

"Macy, save it. You're a good friend. I have to go."

"Babe, give him space," Chris said. "Why don't you call Candace and wait for us to call you."

"No, I'm going with you guys," Macy insisted, as she walked toward the door and opened it for us.

The walk down to my car was rushed but quiet. We climbed into my car and drove to Lincoln Road since Dani told me she and Rick met there every Saturday. Macy spent the entire drive trying to convince me that I was wrong.

"I know you're pissed, and you have every right to be. I'm pretty sure that Rick fucked with her head. He's a master manipulator. Please, Liam, don't walk away from her. She doesn't know what she's doing. Just be open-minded."

I stopped acknowledging her ramblings. It wasn't Macy's job to convince me of anything. It was Dani's. At the moment, she had no idea what she wanted. I couldn't think about any of that. I only had one thing in mind, and that was Marin.

"Macy, come on, babe. Leave him alone," Chris said

"Ugh, I can't believe you're telling me to shut up." Macy said, sitting back in her seat. I saw through the rearview mirror that she had her arms crossed and was pouting. Chris looked over at her a few times, and she glared at him.

"Dude, you need to calm down," Chris tried to reason.

I shot him a look before I turned my eyes on the road, gripping the steering wheel as I drove toward Miami Beach, grateful that there was no traffic.

I drove down Alton Road toward Lincoln Road and found a spot. After we pulled in, I jumped out of my car.

Chris ran around to hold me back. "Lucas, look at me. Don't do this. He's not worth it."

"He's a piece of shit, Chris. She's not, and she is so worth it," I responded with determination. I didn't know what I was going to do to him when I saw him, but I wasn't going to let it go.

We turned the corner and started our way down Lincoln Road. I was walking, but Macy was jogging, telling me to slow down. I was in survival mode. I didn't hear anything around me. I assessed my surroundings, mentally calculating the dangers, the environment, and how to reduce risk.

I was going into a fire to save her. And then I froze.

I sat in my car, staring up at the light in his window. When I turned on my car, the radio started playing softly in the background. I couldn't put my car in gear. I wanted to run back up to his door and beg him to forgive me. I couldn't do that until I dealt with Rick and whatever was going on between us. I owed Liam that much. It would've been selfish to keep this from him and drag him through hell while I figured things out just because I couldn't bear to be without him. I had to stop being selfish. I put my car in gear and drove home.

The ride home was dark and lonely, matching my emotional state. With each passing traffic light, my heart sank lower into despair.

I pulled into my driveway and stared out the windshield. I willed myself to get out of the car and walk through the door of my dark home. I dropped my purse and keys on the table and then went straight to my room. I didn't have the energy to change. Crawling into bed and lying under the covers, I tried seeking comfort on this cold January night, but I couldn't warm the chill that had entered my heart. My tears were replaced by numbness.

In the darkness, I flipped through the pictures of Liam and me on my phone. I watched the video of when he had serenaded me. My heart ached at the memory of when he'd declared his love for me during that weekend.

He was my air.
How would I learn to breathe without him?
I'd never experienced this type of pain. My heart shattered into a million pieces. A realization seeped in.
He was my heart, and now, he was gone.
This was all my fault.
What have I done? Why couldn't I just let go of what could have been with Rick and embrace what I already had with Liam?

Morning would come soon enough. I would meet Rick, as per our unspoken ritual, an hour before brunch on Lincoln Road. Until then, I lay in the dark as I stared at pictures of Liam, gently stroking the image of his face.

I whispered, "I'm so sorry. I love you."

I put my phone down on my chest. Eventually, exhaustion got the best of me, but it was far from a satisfying peace. I tossed and turned the night away, never truly falling asleep. Lying on my side, I stared at nothing, hoping that somehow maybe it would turn into something.
Could this have all been a bad dream?
My splitting headache and the smeared mascara stains on my pillow told me it wasn't.

My room was still dark even though I could see small rays of sun barely breaking through the corner of my blinds. My heart ached at the memory of when Liam had gone to Home Depot to take care of my morning-too-bright problem. He was always taking care of me.
How did I repay him?
I broke his heart.