The Do Over (47 page)

Leave it to Madison to be a fucking pain in the ass. I just needed to talk to her, and she was being her typical self by complicating things.

I drummed my hands against Walter's desk, begging him with my eyes.

Walter sighed. "I have to go check the back door, so I won't be monitoring the desk for about ten minutes."

I slowly exhaled a sigh of relief. I won the first battle. I gave Walter a minute to get out of sight before I took the elevator to the fifteenth floor. After I knocked, I stared at the white door, running my hands through my hair. I could hear her moving on the other side.

"Please, Madison, open the door," I begged. I waited a few minutes.

Fuck.
I hated when she did this. It was like her fucking test to see if she could control me. She always did this shit.

I calmed myself down. Leaning against the door, I pleaded, "Maddy, babe, I'm not going anywhere. I'll sit here until you open this door."

"Go away, Rick. And Walter's fired."

"Walter did his job. I snuck in when he left to check on something." I ran my hands through my hair. Groveling, I said, "Just open the door, Maddy. Please. I need to talk to you."

I waited another five minutes.

She finally cracked the door open. "What do you want?"

"Let me inside." I sighed.

"I opened the door. You didn't say anything about letting you in. Now, go," she said, closing the door.

I held the door open with my hand. "Maddy, please. Let me in."

It was a battle of the wills. I wasn't backing down. I was getting answers, and we were going to be okay. She was my fucking best friend, and I didn't have many of those.

She finally relented and opened the door. "For the record, I hate you."

"I know," I whispered. "Thank you for letting me in." As I followed her inside, I ran my hands through my hair again. This was becoming a hazardous pattern. I was worried my hair was going to start falling out. The last thing I needed to think about when I was fighting to save my friendship was going bald.

Madison was wearing turquoise lounge pants with a matching hoodie. I noticed she wasn't wearing a bra. My eyes settled on her tits, and I had to stop thinking about how great they had felt in my hands. They'd tasted delicious as my tongue had swirled around them and my mouth had sucked on her hard nipples. If I kept it up, I was going to have a problem, namely my dick wanting her pussy.

She sat down on the couch, crossed her legs, and folded her arms in front of her. She motioned for me to sit on a chair across from her. She started the conversation. "What do you want, Rick? I think we pretty much said everything there was to say."

"Maddy, I don't want to be a fucking asshole anymore. More than anything, I don't want you to be pissed off at me," I said honestly.

She rolled her eyes, huffing. "So, I see you want to know if I'm right about what I said. You don't give a shit about anything else that happened. Nice, Rick, real nice."

"You got that from what I said? See, that's where you're wrong. Maddy, you're my best friend. Please tell me how to make this right." I got up, walked over to her, and kneeled in front of her. "I shouldn't have touched you. I should've at least given you an orgasm. I was just so fucking pissed at you. You know how you turn me on with that little attitude of yours." When I tilted my head, our eyes met. "It's hot. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't control it this time. Please, Maddy, forgive me," I begged.

She sat quietly, staring ahead.

I sat down next to her. I was afraid to touch her. "I was an asshole to call you a whore." I rubbed my hands on my pant legs.
She's making this so hard.
"You know, it's ironic because I almost kicked Chris's ass when he referred to your questionable reputation."

When she turned to face me, her eyes opened wide as she gasped. "What? You did?"

I laughed softly, nodding. "Yes, I did. Can you believe Lucas broke it up? If one more word came out of Chris's mouth, I was going to beat the shit out of him."

"Why would you do that?" she mumbled, staring at her hands.

I smiled as my hand brushed her hair off her shoulder. "Because you're my Maddy, and I won't let anyone talk shit about you. You're my best friend."

A small smile touched her lips as she shrugged her shoulders. "But it's the truth."

"No, it's not. That's who you let people see, but I know who you really are."

When she pulled her hair back into a mock ponytail, I saw that she still had on the bracelet I'd given to her for Christmas. My lips curled into a smile.

I gently wrapped my hand around her wrist. "This is who you really are."

"Did you give this to me as yet another gift of gratitude for helping you with your quest to destroy Daniela's life?" she asked seriously.

"No, I got this for you because you wanted it. When you saw it, you looked happy. I wanted to make you happy." I rested my hand over hers. "Please know that this bracelet has nothing to do with Daniela." I hoped that the truth was sinking in. "Why are you suddenly so anti-Daniela?"

She sat up straight and shifted slightly away from me. "Have you really thought this through? I mean, you wanted her back, but I honestly don't know if that's going to happen. She's in love with Liam. This guy will literally run into a burning building to save her." She paused, shifting her glance. "Why are you doing this?"

I didn't like this line of questioning. There were variables I hadn't used in my calculations, namely the amount of time and the Lucas factor. Daniela was supposed to fall back in love with me quickly, and she wasn't supposed to get attached to Lucas. I hadn't taken into consideration that he would be a decent guy, and I would feel bad for him. I sat back, running my hands through my hair. I stopped myself and checked my fingers, making sure no hair had fallen out.

"First of all, he's a firefighter. That's his job. Second of all, well, I figured that everything would just work itself out. I miss the life I had with her, and for the past couple of months, I've gotten to know her again. She's even greater than I remembered. I didn't think I could actually enjoy having a relationship with a woman without sex involved." I paused. "Present company excluded. You know that I really like hanging out with you, right? And we obviously don't have sex. Well, we almost did, but that doesn't count. The point is that I've never spent time with a woman, who wasn't a family member, and not fucked her. It's different…in a good way."

I got up and paced the room. Looking around, I saw that she had great art and a fantastic view of the bay. Everything worked well with the room.

I rubbed the back of my neck, making sure to stay clear of my hair. "I like who she thinks I am. When I'm with her, I'm that man who has changed and grown-up. She makes me wish that I was that man all the time." I convinced myself that I was justified for everything I'd done.

Madison sat still, watching me pace the room. "Have you thought about what this'll mean to her?"

I felt like she was pushing me into a corner.
What would it mean to Daniela to be with me?
Well, she would be happy. She had loved me once, and now, she couldn't deny that she was feeling something again. She was only confused because of Liam. What she and I had still lingered after all this time. She'd be fine. We'd be happy together.

"Maddy, what's with this line of questioning? I thought you were Team Rick?"

She smiled and then sighed. "I'll always be Team Rick…until I'm not. I don't do attachments because of this precise reason. She isn't going to be okay. You haven't seen her pictures. You haven't seen her face light up like a fucking Christmas tree when she talks about him. I just don't think that it's going to go the way you want."

She got up from the couch and stood next to me. We both stared out the glass wall that faced the bay.

I asked, "How do you keep these so clean?"

She said flatly, "Cleaning lady."

"Why don't do you do attachments?"

She walked back to the couch. "Why should I? People always disappoint you or leave or both. If I don't form attachments, then…well, I won't get hurt. And that's about all the shrink talk you're getting out of me."

"You can't say you don't form attachments. I'm an attachment. We're friends." I smirked and walked back to the couch.

She threw back her head and looked up at the ceiling. "Well, let me ask you something. When you and Daniela ride off into the sunset together, where do you think that leaves me, your best friend?"

I wondered if I could throw myself off of the balcony. This was why I based my relationships on sex. All this talking bullshit was exhausting.
Fuck
. I just wanted us to be okay, so things could go back to the way they were. I didn't ask for this fucking therapy session.
Shit, women are so complicated.
I was a simple guy. I wanted to eat, sleep, and fuck. It was pretty straightforward. Guys didn't do this touchy-feely crap unless we were touching and feeling tits, ass, and pussy.

She must have sensed that I was reaching my breaking point because she shifted and resumed her blank stare straight ahead of her.

"Fuck, Maddy, what do you want me to tell you? I have no intentions of not being your friend. You're my friend. I care about you. I'm not walking out on you. Where the fuck is all of this coming from?"
Shit.
I was running my fucking hands through my hair again.
Fuck, I'm going to go bald.
"I don't get this insecure shit that chicks go through. I don't know how to do this shit. I'm really trying here, but I need this broken down into something short, sweet, and to the point."

"Rick, you're such an asshole!" She rolled her eyes.

I sighed deeply. "That fact has already been established over and over again."

"Fine. Let me break this down into remedial male lingo. This is going to blow up in your face."

"Why are you being so negative?"

"Daniela is going to find out. I don't even want to think about Liam finding out. I worry about you every time you go play basketball with him. Shit, I think he'd kill you."

"You really worry about me? See, I knew you loved me." I winked.

"Fuck you, Rick. Stay on point. This is going to blow up in someone's face. I have nothing to lose, but you and Daniela have a shitload to lose."

"Daniela will never know." I paused. "She can't know. And just a minute ago, you were talking about losing me, which you're not. I'm just throwing your words back at you."

"If you really care about her, you need to cut your losses."

"Stop with your fucking insecurities. I'm not abandoning you. Everything will be okay."

She screamed, throwing her arms in the air. "This isn't about me! What was it that Liam said to you? You need to love her more than you love your dick. You need to do the right thing. You need to be the Rick she thinks you are. He would do the right thing."

"Maddy, why are you telling me this now? Why would you let me get this far if you thought it was a mistake?"

"It wasn't my call. Frankly, I didn't think you'd let it go this long. I underestimated your obsessiveness and determination. Just answer me one question. Why are you doing this?"

Fuck.
I felt like a freight train hit me. I needed a drink.
Fuck
. I needed to clear my head. I needed to get fucking laid.

"I thought I was making everything right between us. There's something there." When my eyes met hers, I saw something in them. I felt like a motherfucking asshole. "I don't know how to stop this or even if I want to. I want her to pick me."

Madison got up, walked down the hall, and slammed her door shut. I fell back on the couch and covered my face with one of her frilly throw pillows.

Fuck my fucking life. What the fuck am I going to do now?

The air was cold, and the night was dark. A cold front was moving in. I couldn't see a single star in the sky. I stood in front of his door, trying to find the courage to knock. I hated what I was about to do, but I knew I needed to be completely honest with Liam. He needed to know. I owed him that much. His
one
thing was honesty, and I had to give him that.

My heart hammered in my chest as tears welled in my eyes. In a few short months, this man had taught me to feel, to laugh, and to live. He was everything I had ever dreamed of and wanted in a man. He was patient and kind, loving and gentle. He was passionate and so attentive to all my needs. He was amazingly handsome on the inside and out. My heart was shattering. I knew I would crush him. I knew he didn't deserve this, but I had to do this.

I had no one to blame but myself.
What was I thinking?
I was playing with fire when I'd thought I could handle the flirtation with Rick. I didn't know what had gotten into me. I was a moth to the flame. I couldn't help it. It'd started out harmless. I'd thought it was nothing, but then I'd started to actually enjoy our random conversations and short time together. It wasn't like I'd spent my days thinking of Rick or that I'd thought of him when I was with Liam. It wasn't like that. For that brief time, I had the fantasy of what my life with Rick was supposed to be like. I'd wanted to replace the bitter memories with new ones where I had a happily ever after and not a broken heart.