Read The Doctor and the Rough Rider Online
Authors: Mike Resnick
Tags: #Fiction, #Fantasy, #Science Fiction, #Westerns, #Historical, #Steampunk, #Alternative History
“Is he also defenseless against us?” asked Roosevelt.
Geronimo's eyes widened. “I do not know.”
“I guess we'll find out, won't we?” said Roosevelt, suddenly anxious for morning to
come.
But he found he was speaking only to Holliday, as a small bird flew out the window
and was soon riding the warm thermals to the south.
R
OOSEVELT HAD RISEN, SHAVED, BATHED
, eaten a hearty breakfast, and was sitting astride Manitou before English Morton
Mickelson, the first of his Rough Riders, showed up.
“Good morning, Morty,” said Roosevelt.
“Oh God!” moaned Mickelson, shading his eyes, something his top hat didn't do. “You're
not cheerful in the morning, are you?”
“Why not? It's a beautiful day.”
“No day is beautiful that begins with the sun rising.”
“You could use some coffee.”
Mickelson made a face. “Didn't anyone ever tell you? Brits drink tea.”
“All right, have some tea. We've got a little time before everyone's assembled.”
“I hate tea.”
“I think this is a little early for whiskey, even for Doc,” said Roosevelt, amused.
“You'll just have to suffer.”
“Speaking of Doc, where is he?” asked Mickelson. “That's one man
I'd swear never saw the sun in the eastern half of the sky except when he's on his
way home from a hard night of gambling.”
“He won't be coming with us.”
Mickelson frowned. “Bad decision.”
“It was his, not mine,” answered Roosevelt. “But I agree with him. You've seen him.
We could be in for a hard two-day ride. It could damned near kill him.”
“But if it didn't, you'd be happy to have his gun on your side. He's the best I ever
saw, except maybe for Johnny Ringo.”
“He killed Johnny Ringo.”
“The second time around,” noted Mickelson. “Who the hell knows what a dead man's responses
are like? I'd have been more impressed if he'd been the first one to kill him.”
“You don't seem to find it at all unusual that Ringo required killing twice,” said
Roosevelt.
Mickelson shrugged. “Couldn't happen in England. But what the hell—this is the New
World, and clearly you haven't exorcised all your ghosts and demons yet.”
Luke Sloan and Hairlip Smith rode up.
“’Morning, Dandy,” said Sloan.
“It's Theodore,” replied Roosevelt.
“I never asked yesterday, but what does this job pay?” said Sloan.
“Not a single penny.”
Sloan smiled. “Then it's Dandy.”
“Pay
me
and I'll be happy to call you Theodore,” said Smith. “Hell, pay me and I'll call
you President Arthur if it makes you happy.”
“You're freedom fighters, not mercenaries,” said Roosevelt.
“We could be both,” offered Smith.
Roosevelt laughed. “No money.”
“Oh, hell, I guess I'll call you Theodore anyway.”
Loose Martinez was the next to arrive, followed by Turkey Creek Johnson and Sherman
McMaster. McMaster informed Roosevelt that Charlie Bassett's winning streak hadn't
ended and he sent his apologies, but
nothing
was going to get him to walk away from the table.
The last to show up was Tip Tipton, who galloped down Third Street, raising quite
a cloud of dust behind him. He turned and reached the hotel a few seconds later.
“Are we ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes, we're all assembled now,” said Roosevelt. “You seem anxious to get started.”
“That I am,” replied Tipton. “I didn't see any sense waking up the desk clerk at my
hotel, so I jumped down from my balcony.” He frowned furiously. “That goddamned bastard
actually took a shot at me!”
“Just for running out on your hotel bill?” laughed Mickelson. “The nerve of some people.”
“My view exactly,” said Tipton. He turned to Roosevelt. “Even if he's after me, and
I didn't hear no more shots, he'd be half a mile down Third Street and running on
foot, and he's packing one helluva belly, so I don't figure he's going to bother us
in the next couple of minutes, but it might be a good idea to be on our way.”
“Just where
are
we going, Theodore?” asked Johnson.
“I'll know in a minute,” replied Roosevelt, looking down the street. He couldn't see
what he was looking for, but then a small, golden bird swooped down from the roof
of the Grand and headed toward the north end of town.
“Well?” asked Mickelson.
“I'm going to feel like an idiot saying this,” answered Roosevelt, “but follow that
bird.”
“One of Geronimo's pets?” asked Sloan as they began riding north.
“Or Geronimo himself,” said Roosevelt. “He'll get us most of the way, but we'll do
the last part on our own.”
“Why?” asked Sloan.
“Because he has no defenses against War Bonnet.”
“Neither have you, you know,” said Michelson.
“Wrong,” said Roosevelt, flashing him a grin. “I have my Rough Riders.”
“Against a creature that's bigger than an oak tree and stronger than an elephant and
can't be hurt,” said Mickelson with a laugh. “That must bring you real comfort.”
“Have you ever seen an elephant?” asked Roosevelt curiously. “I don't mean in a zoo,
but in the wild.”
“I hate to break it to a proud American,” said Mickelson, “but we have mighty few
elephants strolling down Piccadilly or bathing in the Thames.”
“I mean, have you ever hunted them in Africa.”
“Good God, no. Why would I?”
Roosevelt shrugged. “No reason. It's just that Britain's thousands of miles closer
to Africa than we are.”
“By that same token, you're closer to South America than we Brits are. Have you ever
gone hunting for jaguar?”
“Not yet,” said Roosevelt. “But one day I will.” He looked ahead to make sure the
bird was still in sight. “But for the moment, let's concentrate on hunting for the
medicine men who stand in the way of America's progress.”
“This probably ain't a bad time to ask,” said Sloan. “Just what do we propose to do
when we get there?”
“The four medicine men we find where we're going—there may be more, but we know we're
after Dull Knife, Spotted Elk, Cougar Slayer and Tall Wolf—are the men who are currently
in control of War
Bonnet, so to disable him we're probably going to have to kill them. I'd love to talk
them into deactivating him, but if they were the talking kind, they wouldn't have
created him in the first place.”
“Might as well wipe out the whole lodge,” said Hairlip Smith.
“Not if it's avoidable. This isn't a war; we will be living side-by-side with the
various Indian tribes once Geronimo has ended the spell.”
“You can say it isn't a war, but will
they
agree?”
“Let's hope so,” said Roosevelt. “I want as little bloodshed as possible.”
“And as fast as possible, if this critter is anywhere near the lodge,” added McMaster.
“I don't know about this,” said Martinez, who had been silent since they began riding.
“About what?” asked Roosevelt.
“The white men want to cross the Mississippi. The Indians say no, and now you're riding
off to kill the ones who are stopping you.” He paused, frowning. “Let's say we succeed.
You kill the medicine men and War Bonnet and anyone else who stands in your way, Geronimo
lifts the spell, and the United States expands to the Pacific.”
Roosevelt stared at him, wondering what the point was.
“So you reach the Pacific,” continued Martinez. “And then you turn your gaze south,
and there is Mexico. Do you also kill any Mexican who says, ‘No, this is my land,
you may not come here?’”
Roosevelt frowned. “As far as I know, the United States has never had any territorial
ambitions in regard to Mexico.”
“I believe you are telling the truth,” said Martinez, “but how far
do
you know? Many of you are my friends, and I do not wish any of you ill, but I have
decided I cannot ride with you.”
“I understand your concerns,” said Roosevelt, “and I can only assure you that I believe
them to be groundless.”
“Let us hope so,” said Martinez. “I would not like to take up arms against you.” He
jerked on the reins, and his horse reared and spun around. “
Adios!
” he cried as he rode back to the south.
“Our noble few just got nobler and fewer,” remarked Mickelson wryly.
“He has a legitimate concern,” said Roosevelt. “If we live through this, I'll do everything
within my power to see to it that his fears remain only fears, that the United States
has no territorial interest in Mexico.”
“In the meantime, we're one less gun,” said Hairlip Smith, “and a damned good gun
at that.”
“Well, we're certainly not turning back,” said Roosevelt. “The rest of you will just
have to shoot a little faster and a little more accurately.” Suddenly he smiled. “When
you come right down to it, what's one gun more or less when we're facing a bunch of
warriors and four powerful magicians?”
“You ever study maths at Harvard?” asked Mickelson.
The Rough Riders all laughed at that, and continued on their way to their confrontation
with War Bonnet and the mages who controlled him.
“S
O HOW FAR ARE WE TRAVELING
, D
ANDY
?” asked Sloan as the sun reached its zenith and started moving slowly to the west.
“We'll know when we get there,” replied Roosevelt.
“Could be worse,” said Hairlip Smith. “Could be heading south. I always figured that's
pretty much what hell feels like, except for the occasional stream.”
“And the occasional widow-woman,” added Turkey Creek Johnson. “It's an unforgiving
land. Lot of men die before their time.”
“Of course, our friend Doc has added to that total,” said Smith.
“I wonder how many men he's really killed?” mused Tip Tipton.
“Probably more than he's been credited with,” offered Johnson.
“Or less,” said Smith. “I know he got into a couple a fights down in Mexico. They
say he killed eight Mexicans at a poker table.”
“Ah, come on now,” said Johnson. “You ever see nine men play poker all at once?”
“Maybe they had friends,” said Smith.
“What do
you
think, Theodore?” asked Johnson.
“I think he's a good man with a gun or a deck of cards,” replied Roosevelt. “Probably
a good dentist, too.”
“No, I meant how many men do you think he's killed?”
Roosevelt shrugged. “Is that important?”
“Maybe,” said Hairlip Smith. “Ain't you curious to know if you're riding with the
greatest shootist there ever was?”
“That'd be Johnny Ringo,” said Sloan.
“Bullshit!” snapped Smith. “Johnny Ringo was killed in a gunfight.” He spat on the
dusty, featureless ground. “Hell, he was killed in
two
gunfights.”
“Can't be Billy the Kid. After all, Doc killed him.”
“Ringo and the Kid were never the greatest anyway,” said Morty Mickelson. “And neither
is Doc Holliday, for that matter. Just because John Wesley Hardin's been locked away
for seven or eight years doesn't make him any the less a killer.”
“How many men do you think Hardin killed?”
“Nobody knows,” answered Mickelson. “But they proved something like forty-two in his
trial. You'd have a hard time proving Doc killed much more than ten or twelve once
the witnesses grow old and die.”
“If they met in the street, I'd take Doc anyway,” said Sloan.
“Maybe five years ago,” replied Johnson. “But he's a sick man. He walks with a cane
more often than not, and he's always coughing up blood. I just don't figure he can
be as fast, or have as true an aim, as he used to.”
“Well, hell, Hardin hasn't hit leather in years,” shot back Sloan. “What kind of shape
can
he
be in?”
“He's out of practice, not out of health,” said Mickelson.
Suddenly Roosevelt pulled Manitou to a halt and scanned the horizon.
“What is it, Theodore? You spotted some Indians already?”
“No,” said Roosevelt. “I've lost him.”
“Lost who?”
“The bird I was—” began Roosevelt. Then: “Ah! There he is!”
“Is that Geronimo?”
“I don't know if it's Geronimo himself,” said Roosevelt, “but I know whoever or whatever
it is, Geronimo's responsible for it.”
“Why doesn't he just come along as Geronimo?” asked Mickelson.
“Because War Bonnet was created expressly to kill Geronimo.”
“And you,” said Sherman McMaster. “He was created to kill Geronimo and
you
.”
“Right,” chimed in Johnson. “I never figured Geronimo as a coward.”
“He's not,” said Roosevelt.
“He's also not riding beside us in human form,” said Johnson.
“He's a medicine man,” replied Roosevelt. “His skills lie elsewhere.”
“I notice not being a blooded soldier or Indian fighter ain't stopped you from coming
along.”
Roosevelt grinned. “Let me see a show of hands. How many of you would be here if I'd
stayed behind?” No hands were raised. “There's your answer,” he concluded.
“Well, at least stay behind
us
, Dandy,” said Sloan. “This critter is looking for you, not us.”
“More to the point,” added Mickelson, “if what Doc says is right, he can't hurt any
of us except you anyway.”
“I don't know about that,” answered Roosevelt.
“But you told us Doc faced him and War Bonnet couldn't do a damned thing to him,”
said Johnson.
“People tend to learn from their mistakes,” replied Roosevelt.
“Medicine men are people. There's no reason to think they won't learn from his encounter
with Doc.”
“Either way, you're the one he wants,” said Sloan. “If we can stop him, we will, but
if not—”
“If not, then it won't matter whether I'm leading or trailing the rest of you,” said
Roosevelt. “And let me explain once again: whether they've improved him or not, War
Bonnet is not your target. Doc couldn't hurt him, and I have to assume you can't either.
You're after the medicine men. They made him; they've got to be protecting him. We
kill them, and I'll wager he's vulnerable to bullets.”
“Good term: ‘I'll wager,’” said Mickelson. “Problem is, what you're wagering is your
life.”
“I can go hunting for the men who control him, or I can sit in my room in Tombstone
and wait for him to kill me,” said Roosevelt. “It's an easy call.”
“Well, then,” continued Mickelson, “it's time to start getting practical. Let's say
there are a hundred Indians where we're going. How do we know which four we want to
kill?”
“There are maybe a dozen, and I'll point out the four medicine men when we get there—another
reason why I shouldn't be bringing up the rear.”
“You've never seen them,” said Hairlip Smith, “so how the hell will you know which
ones they are?”
“More to the point,” added Mickelson, “if this War Bonnet is half what you say he
is, what makes you think he's going to let you get anywhere near the lodge? Why won't
he come out to meet you and kill you half a mile or a mile out of the lodge?”
Roosevelt smiled. “Because no matter what you think, I'm not suicidal.”
“I'm sure that's a comfort,” continued Mickelson, “but would you
like to tell us why we should believe that when you ride two days out of your way
to confront a monster that was created for the sole purpose of killing you?”
“He was created to kill Geronimo too,” Roosevelt corrected him.
“Big fucking deal,” said Sloan. “How about answering Morty's question?”
“Because once we're in sight of the lodge, we're going to split up. I'm going to sit
on my horse and, in essence, dare War Bonnet to come out after me.”
“Bright,” said Smith, spitting on the ground. “Real bright.”
“And the rest of you are going to ride hell-for-leather toward the lodge, and I'm
betting that if it's a choice between my dying and their dying or neither of us dying,
the medicine men will opt to live, by which I mean they'll call him back.”
Sherman McMaster, who'd been listening intently without speaking, frowned and shook
his head. “That doesn't make any sense. Doc's already proved he can't hurt anyone
but you and Geronimo.”
“We don't know that's still true,” said Roosevelt. “And even if it is, it makes no
difference. Only a crazy man would get within reach of a monster like that, especially
once you see that your bullets don't harm him at all. I think they'll call him back
with the intent of scaring you off.” Suddenly he grinned. “
Now
do you know how you're going to identify the medicine men?”
“Well, I'll be damned!” said McMaster.
“Probably,” agreed Mickelson. “Well, gents, now you see the value of a Harvard education.”
The bird, which had been hovering a few hundred yards ahead of them, flew back, chirping
and squawking.
“All right, Rough Riders,” said Roosevelt. “I think he's trying to
tell us that we're wasting time, that the enemy lies ahead of us. Shall we proceed?”
“‘Shall we proceed’?” repeated Sloan with a grimace. “Come on, Dandy, you're out West
now. Say it like a cowboy.”
“Men,” said Roosevelt, spurring Manitou forward, “let's ride!”