The Dogs of Christmas (15 page)

“Do you know what kind of flowers she likes?” Leigh wanted to know.

“Who?”

“
Who?
What do you mean, ‘who?’ Kerri. Don’t send roses, send, orchids, or white tulips. Roses are too romantic and you need to apologize for being such a jerk and not imply that you expect things to just take up where you left off or something.”

“I’m not going to send flowers. I’d look like an idiot,” Josh objected.

Leigh’s eyes were full of pity. “You know, underneath, you’re a great guy, right? You just … I wish you were more social, is all.”

Josh busied himself arranging the wood fire. Lucy came alert when Josh picked up a new log to toss into the flames, then sat down with a sigh of disappointment when he didn’t offer an opportunity to tug on it. Her puppies became semiconscious when she rejoined them on her pillow, rearranging themselves with quiet peeps.

“I’m probably ruining these dishes!” Wayne called from the kitchen. He banged a couple of pots together to demonstrate.

“You’re doing fine, honey,” Leigh assured him. She was examining Josh when he sat back down next to her. “I need to tell you something,” she advised. She read his look. “No, it’s not about you screwing up with Kerri or anything like that. It’s Amanda.”

Josh watched her. “What?” he asked finally.

“She said she’s not happy. With her new situation.” Leigh shook her head. “I’m just worried how you’re going to react. She didn’t say she wanted you back or anything. You know what she’s like, she doesn’t really know what she wants. God, isn’t that just like her to call out of the blue like that? Part of me really wishes that I never introduced you guys. It’s just that, well, you know. You don’t exactly get out there. I mean, I felt like I had to do
something.
But it turns out she’s just really selfish. I didn’t know that.” Leigh’s green eyes searched Josh’s face. “Anyway, so, I wanted you to know. I’m not sure what she’s going to do. But now you’ll be prepared, in case she calls again, and Kerri’s here. So you don’t mess up again.”

“I’m putting the wineglasses in the dishwasher!” Wayne warned.

“Hand wash them,” Leigh called back, her eyes still on Josh.

Josh shrugged. “You mean
if
Kerri’s here.” He had a pretty sure sense that she wouldn’t be.

“You guys are great together. I like her, Josh.”

“Let me ask you. Did you know about Amanda and this guy? Before, I mean.”

“Josh.”

“Come on. Did she tell you?”

“I don’t even know
now,
Josh. Amanda never told me anything. She wouldn’t, she knows how much I care about you. Amanda and I are friends, but I
love
you.”

“So you would have told me? If you’d known something?” he pressed.

Leigh searched his eyes. “Would you have
wanted
me to tell you?”

What a question.

“Dude, I almost dropped this glass bowl!” Wayne exclaimed.

“Good catch, honey,” Leigh praised.

They were silent for a moment. Josh gazed sightlessly at Isabella and Lola asleep in a sprawl on his couch. “So,” he said, clearing his throat. “Amanda’s what, thinking of leaving him?”

“Josh.
Really?
”

He bit his lip, looking away. Leigh patted his knee. “Orchids. Tulips. Not roses.”

Wayne managed to finish the kitchen without destroying anything, though he made several more dire pronouncements in the process. “Kitchen’s done except the turkey, you want me to put it in the fridge or call a hazmat team?” he announced, coming out with a towel in his hands.

Josh said he’d take care of it. Wayne picked up Isabella and Josh picked up Lola and they were both equally unconscious, hanging loosely in their hands. He held Lola in his arms, waving in his window as he watched his friends drive away, feeling unaccountably sad.

The following Sunday he woke up thinking about everything Leigh had said.
Amanda’s not happy with her new situation.
He went to the plastic box in his parents’ closet and pulled out the picture of her he’d taken when he’d flown her to Kauai for her birthday. She had been happy with her situation then. They both had been happy.

I just wish you were more social. Underneath, you’re a great guy.
“Underneath,” Josh muttered.

The puppies were squalling, so he went back to let them out. It was another weird winter day, frigid but so dry Josh’s skin hurt to be out in the air. The dogs weren’t really sure why he always took them out to the cold yard behind the house as soon as they woke up, not connecting the need to squat with the fact that they often seemed to be outdoors when they did it. Oliver usually bolted for the trees, wanting to conquer new worlds, and Sophie usually found a stick to add to her toy collection, though she never seemed upset when Josh gently pulled it from her mouth before letting her back inside.

The others just waited for Josh to give them some sort of clue as to what was going on. In fact, they all seemed to look to Josh to decide everything for them. If Lucy was their mommy, Josh was the daddy. They ran to him when he knelt, they craved the touch of his hand. He loved picking them up and kissing them on their little noses. He’d never really thought about it before, but there it was: when you had dogs, they loved
you.
They never even thought to look for a “new situation.” They never said you were a “man-child” obsessed with the past, acting like it was somehow your fault that they met some guy at work and decided the new situation would be living with him in Fort Collins.

Lucy played with the puppies, rolling them with her snout, but rebuffing any attempts they made at accessing her teats, which looked to Josh as if they were rapidly receding. Josh laughed at how the dogs tumbled, and shook his head in amazement at how adroitly Rufus steered Cody back to the crowd when the little guy strayed too far away.

This was it, this was the thing he could cling to: the happiness he felt with his dog family. Amanda haunted him like a ghost and he’d blown every opportunity he’d had with Kerri, but everything was okay when he was watching the dogs.

I just wish you were more social.
Leigh was right; he needed to get out of his rut.

Down the hill was a small pond where the neighborhood children skated in the winter and, if they were very young and optimistic, fished in the summer. Josh put the puppies in a wooden crate, loaded them and Lucy in the front of his truck, and drove down there to see if there were any kids around who might want to see the puppies.

It was a blindingly clear day. Josh parked next to two vehicles that had pulled off the road by the frozen pond, changing his plans when he considered how the adults might react if he approached the children and told them he had puppies in his truck. He grabbed the crate and, marveling over how heavy the puppies had gotten, headed down to where the children were sliding around on the ice. Only one of the half-dozen kids had skates—a little girl in full Olympic figure skating dress who frowned in concentration in the center of the pond, trying to twirl. Two men sat on a crude wooden bench, talking to each other while a handful of boys kicked a plastic disc around on the ice in a game somewhere between soccer and hockey. Huffing with exertion, Josh walked over to the men with his container of puppies. Lucy was a little anxious, jumping up to look in the crate, where her brood was unsteadily riding out the movements and climbing on top of each other to try to catch a glimpse of where they were going.

The men regarded Josh’s approach speculatively. “I’ve got some puppies, here,” Josh greeted awkwardly. “I was thinking maybe the kids might like to see them. You need to socialize dogs when they’re young, get them used to people.”

The men stood and peered into the wooden box. They were both taller and heavier than Josh, both with dark hair and plaid shirts under drab jackets. Josh wondered if they were brothers.

“Fine with us,” one of them grunted after the two men passed a glance between them.

“Hey, want to see some puppies?” Josh called to the children. The boys abandoned their game and rushed over. They looked to range in age from eight to ten, maybe, all with noses red from the cold. They clung together and slid to a stop in front of Josh.

“Look!” one of the boys cried.

Inspired, Josh went out on the ice and set the crate down with a thump, tipping it up on its side. The puppies came out in a jumble.

“Can we pick them up?” one boy asked.

“Just be careful,” Josh agreed.

One of the boys went down on his knees and Sophie grabbed his scarf—toy!—in her tiny teeth and pulled it off him. Immediately she tried to run away, her feet sliding out from under her, with Oliver in pursuit. They couldn’t get traction; when Sophie tried to change direction she fell, and when Oliver grabbed at the scarf his momentum spun him in a circle.

The girl glided over. “Be careful with your skates, sweetie,” Josh told her. She solved the problem by sliding down on her hands and knees, reaching for Lola and gathering the little dog to her chest like an infant.

The dads on the bench decided they couldn’t resist and came over to play with the dogs. Josh threw the plastic disc for Lucy, who ran like a cartoon character, her legs scrabbling underneath her unproductively and then, when they seized enough purchase, propelling her right past the disc while she dug her claws in, her legs spread apart. Sophie ran over, too, but wasn’t quick enough to deprive the mommy dog of her prize.

The boys eventually came up with a game where they ran in circles on the pond, hanging on to each other, while the puppies slid and spun in pursuit. The little girl changed out of her skates to participate, giggling and laughing with the rest of them.

“Kind of dogs are they?” one of the dads asked. “Beagle mix?”

“Nobody knows. Maybe Lab/boxer/Akita. Abandoned at birth so we’ll never know unless we do a DNA test,” Josh explained.

“They for sale?”

“Oh,” Josh responded. “Uh, no, they’re just my puppies.”

The man looked at him oddly, but didn’t say anything.

When the puppies were slow to untie themselves from a particularly spectacular pile-up, Josh figured they were getting tired and it was time to head home. The children pleaded for five more minutes and he granted their wish—they weren’t his kids; it wasn’t his job to teach them the perils of instant gratification.

Josh sang “Jingle Bells” to the puppies in the front seat of his truck and they were all sound asleep when he arrived home. He swung into his parking spot, a bit surprised at who he saw sitting in her vehicle in his driveway, her engine running to keep her heat on.

Kerri.

FIFTEEN

Josh opened his door and Lucy bounded across his lap and trotted over to where Kerri was standing up out of her car. They greeted each other, and then Lucy went off to explore the yard. Josh got out of his truck, leaving the puppies in a sleeping sprawl in their crate on the floor.

“Hi,” Josh greeted cautiously, blowing the word out in a cloud of steam.

“Look, Josh. I’m sorry. I totally overreacted. That was so rude and so, so … I don’t know why, why I did that,” Kerri apologized. “I needed to tell you that in person.”

Josh took a step forward. “Okay,” he said agreeably, but when he took another step toward her, she backed up a pace.

“Nothing you’ve done, we’ve done, suggests any kind of thing with us,” she continued, brutally matter-of-fact.

“Kerri…”

“Anyway. Thanks for the flowers but you didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who was out of line.” Her eyes didn’t back up what she was saying; they looked wounded and more than a little angry.

“It’s just that it’s the first time that Amanda’s called since she left,” Josh started to explain.

“Oh, let’s
not
talk about Amanda, okay?”

Josh looked at her, searching for softness he couldn’t find. There didn’t seem to be any right thing to do.

“Anyway,” Kerri said.

“Want to come in?”

“No. I just came out to apologize. Oh, and good news.”

“Good news,” Josh repeated.

“We got applications for the puppies—like, a lot—and have approved a couple of them. It really helps because when people register on our website we can let them know about other dogs, even if they thought they only wanted a puppy. So, today’s Sunday. How about Wednesday, want to bring them down then?” She gave him a probing look. “What is it, Josh?”

How did she do that? He thought he was wearing a perfectly neutral expression but she could see that something was troubling him.

“I need to get the puppies inside,” he replied evasively. “Going to get cold in the truck, soon.”

She followed him into his house, but waited in the living room while he took the puppies back to bed. Lucy curled up on her pillow by the fireplace. Kerri had her arms folded when he returned.

“Want some coffee or something?” he stalled.

“What is it you don’t want to tell me?”

Josh looked at the carpet. “I’m not doing it.”

“Sorry?”

“I’m not giving up my puppies.”

“Oh,” Kerri murmured after a moment. Her voice carried some pity in it, so he looked at her, a bit gratified to see that the stony look on her face had softened. “I know it’s hard. But you can’t foster failure a whole litter of puppies. It’s not even legal.”

“Failure?”

“Foster failure, it’s what we call it when someone temporarily takes care of a dog and it turns permanent.”

“You say failure, but actually it’s a good thing.”

“Perhaps, but not when it’s six dogs.”

“Six?”

“I’m counting Lucy.”

“Oh. Right.” For some reason it hadn’t occurred to him to include Lucy in the count.

Kerri sat down in Josh’s big chair, unbuttoning her coat and shrugging it off. Josh did the same on the couch, forcing himself not to reveal how happy her gesture had made him, how relieved he was over the implication that she wasn’t immediately bolting from his house.

“I get how hard it must be,” she said sympathetically.

He didn’t like that very much. That’s what people had told him when his mother had so abruptly moved out, and ultimately Josh had concluded they knew
nothing
about how hard it must be.