The Downlow Alpha (The Identity Crises Book 1) (10 page)

            
 
The sound of the floor creaking, as I rocked furiously in the wooden rocking chair, echoed in the silence of the house. Panic and confusion waged war in my mind, as I tried to reconcile what had happened at the hospital with Cory. I wasn’t gay. And yet…

              Yet I couldn’t deny what had happened, how my body had reacted to the feel of his body hugging mine. His cheek as it caressed mine. The way our mouths locked together the passions his kisses ignited in me.

              I missed mom even more now. I needed to talk to someone about all of this, try to make sense of it all. The thought of being gay was appalling to me. I refused to believe it. It was my state of mind, I argued to myself. He had taken advantage of me in my time of need. In my time of desperation.

              It made me feel worse that a part of me insisted I knew that wasn’t true. I had felt alive in a way I never had before. As I thought about how I had felt, thought about our touching, our kissing, I felt my manhood start vibrating, responding with excitement to the way we had touched one another.

              Thoughts of being ridiculed by others brought a feeling of panic. Thoughts of what someone like John Briscoe would say, would do if he ever found out what I had done. I wished none of this was happening. That mom was home, doing fine. Wished I did not have to go back to the hospital again. Go back and have to see Cory. If I could just avoid him, it would be like none of this ever had happened.

              I saw it was getting late, and knew I should go to bed. The idea appealed to me, as the quietness of the house was filling me with sadness.

              I got to the hospital just before the afternoon visiting hours. I had called earlier, first thing in the morning to inquire as to the visiting hours, and was dismayed when they told me ICU was different than the rest of the hospital, and visiting didn’t start till late afternoon. I had been hoping to see mom in the morning. Needed to see her in the morning, to have someone I could connect with. I missed her terribly.

              Plus, I would have been able to get out of there before Cory started his shift. I looked around nervously as I waited to go back to mom's room, worried I would see Cory come around the corner at any time. I felt so much relief when the clock hit four and I started heading to mom's room.

              She was asleep when I walked in, and I pulled the chair up next to her, hoping she would wake soon. I knew she needed her rest and didn’t want to wake her. About two hours dragged by, without her waking up. I saw a motion at the door, and it was a nurse's aide coming in to take her vitals.

              "Excuse me," I said, as she took my mom's blood pressure. Fear filled me as my mom didn’t wake at her arm being manipulated.

              "Yes sir," she said, smiling sweetly.

              "What is wrong with my mom," I asked. "Why isn’t she waking up?"

              "Your mom is heavily drugged right now. She was in so much pain last night from the treatment that the doctor decided to sedate her over the next few days. Don’t get to concerned, sweetie. It is induced."

              I watched as she walked away, and decided to stay just a bit longer. My mom wasn’t awake, but it made me feel better being close to her. I laid my head on the bed next to her, my head partially on her arm.

              I must have fallen asleep. I was plagued by nightmares. Nightmares of mom dying, of being all by myself in the world, without a friend or anyone who cared. I felt the sadness overwhelm me, at the hopelessness of it all. I looked at mom through my blurry eyes, making sure she was still out, and let myself cry on her shoulder. I vaguely became aware of motion in the room, and felt the hand as it gripped my arm lightly. I looked up, and saw it was Cory.

              His eyes were filled with compassion, and he motioned for me to follow him.

              "Let's go get a coffee in the cafeteria, and get you out of this room. It will just make you feel helpless sitting here watching her drugged like that."

              I knew he was right, and got up, following him. We were almost to the elevator when it dawned on me I was appraising his backside. His wide, muscular shoulders stretching his scrubs, his back looking massive and powerful as it tapered down to his...

              Down to his ass, which looked hard and small in his scrub pants. I felt myself stirring as I soaked him in, and realized it again. I was attracted to him, did desire him. I was gay. There was no question in my mind now, as I got in the elevator with him. When we got to the cafeteria, he told me to go sit down, he would get the coffee and bring it to me.

              "Milk, or sugar," he asked.

              "No thank you, black please," I replied.

              He nodded, and I watched him more openly now. Now that I couldn’t fight the truth. Couldn’t fight the attraction.

              He got back with the coffee, and he let me go on again, most of it just repeating the things I had said last night, yet feeling good to say it again. There is a lot of power in sharing, even if it is repetitive. The longer I talked, looking into his dark, receptive eyes, the more I felt my attraction grow.

              He had a pure heart. Loving. I was finding myself growing infatuated with him the longer I talked, now that I had admitted to myself I was gay. I still was shy about telling him though. I had never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, was still a shy virgin. A part of me wanted to tell him, but the other part felt awkward, afraid of being rejected as I muddled conveying my true feelings. I cursed myself that the only person I was ever able to talk to intelligently has been mom.

              "Cory, you are so kind letting me go on so long. You know everything about me, and I know nothing about you. If you have the time, tell me about yourself. What made you decide to become a nurse?"

              He smiled appreciatively, at my interest in him. I found myself wanting to know everything about him now.

              "Well, it’s a simple story I am afraid to say. No earth shattering event propelled me to the field. I have always had a caring in me for healing, whether it be animal or human. My mom always indulged me as a kid, letting me bring home rescue animals. So as I got older, everyone kept saying I should go into medicine, work with people who are sick."

              I knew I didn’t want to be a regular nurse though," he continued. "I have always been drawn to others who have been on the cusp of death. Drawn to comfort them, and if I can't save them, to at least make the end of their time as comforting as possible. So I requested to be placed in ICU."

              "Many nurses can't take being in ICU. You get attached to the patients as though they are your own family, which they are. And it is a huge blow emotionally when they are finally ripped out of your life. But for me, the rewards of being of service to them outweighs the toll it takes at the end."

              My heart swelled with love for Cory. Love for his heart, the way he cared about others, even above his own well-being. No wonder mom had taken to him so quickly. I saw him look at his watch and frown.

              "I should have been back on the floor five minutes ago. I lost track of the time talking with you. You are really easy to talk to, and I like spending time with you Aaron. I get off work at ten tonight, if you feel like talking some more. Just give me a call."

              He got up, and as I watched him walk away, I felt the sexual energy vibrating strongly, as my eyes made love to him.

            
 
I was puttering around the house, feeling lost. I had always loved this house, but without mom in it, it was suffocating to me. Every room held memories, and a feeling of loss as I knew she was never going to set foot in it again. My heart was aching bad thinking about that, thinking about never being able to talk to her here, hear her voice. Never smell her food cooking, as she doted over me.

              I looked at the clock, and saw it was going on nine thirty. My mind went back over Cory's offer, and I knew I wanted his company. I sent him a text, asking him if he could stop by the house on his way home. I was nervous about having him over, a part of me hopeful that we could kiss again. Another part of me felt guilty for thinking such thoughts in the face of what my mom was going through.

              It was just after ten when he texted back, asking for my address. I sent it to him, and as I waited, I felt my excitement growing. I was really attracted to him, and just knowing he was on his way had me feeling giddy. I kept watching out the blinds for him, and my heart sped up as I saw him pull into the driveway.

              I hurried to the door, and felt a wave of excitement flow through me as I watched him come up the walkway. He was so handsome, and I was happy he was here.

              "Hey Aaron," he said, smiling that wonderful smile of his.

              "Hi Cory, I am so glad you could come. I fought with myself over even bothering you."

              "I am glad you decided to," he said as he followed me inside. I led him into the living room, asking him if he wanted something to drink, juice or water.

              "Juice sounds great, thanks."

              I was back quickly with the juice, and I sat on the couch next to him.

              "Tell me about your day, Cory. It will help take my mind off of mom," I said.

              He started telling me, and I found it hard to concentrate on his words, as I kept getting lost in his eyes, the softness of them. The excitement that twinkled in them as he described a particular quirk of one of his patients he found adorable. I don’t know what possessed me, but he was in mid-sentence when I leaned over and kissed him.

              My nerves started singing as our lips touched, and I could tell he was surprised for the briefest of seconds, before his mouth kissed me back, our tongues dancing in love with one another. As I felt the wetness of his mouth caressing mine, I could feel my cock hardening, the slick feel of emissions on my underwear as my cock grew.

              I didn’t know what to expect, what to do. So decided I would just follow his lead, and if all we did was kiss, I would be okay with that. My excitement intensified as I felt his hands on my pants, undoing them as he maneuvered himself in front of me. He left my mouth hungering for more as he pulled back, and pulled on my pants, urging me to lift my ass. I did, and watched with wonder as he pulled them off, my cock hard, glistening in the light reflecting off of the coat of emissions that had dripped onto the side of my desire.

              He stood, and I watched him disrobe, my cock vibrating with the promise of his love. His body was perfect, sculpted into a rock hard picture of masculinity. Perfect pecs, a hard washboard stomach. He took his shoes off, then slid out of his scrub pants. His loins were hard and tight, his cock huge and hard.

              I had never felt my desire so strong, raging for satisfaction as I watched him kneel in front of me, between my legs. His hands rubbed up my thighs to my balls, spreading my legs as he lowered his face onto my shaft. My body jumped as my dick slid in the warm wetness of his mouth. He slid down to my balls in one fluid motion, his chin burying itself into my balls as he began sucking, the sound of his mouths wetness being swirled around my cock sounding of in the air seductively.

              My whole body was alive, as never before as he worked on my shaft, making me feel pleasure I had only dreamed of in his wet sucking. He began sliding his mouth up and down my manhood, working it strongly as he held my cock flesh tight in his mouth, sucking and pulling. I realized I wanted release, needed it so badly my hips were gyrating. I was fucking his mouth and throat, the need to go faster in the bliss of his mouths ministrations overwhelming my every thought, as my nerves cried out in ecstasy.

              I could feel myself tightening, that familiar feel warning that explosion was imminent. I thrust my loins into his face as hard as I could, as my hands that had been on his head pulled his face tightly down on me, and my cock burst in his mouth, spurting over and over again into the relief of his mouth. My whole body was trembling as I held him to me tightly, every nerve alive as I had cum for the first time with another person.

              I had never felt anything as great as his mouth, and knew I was hooked on oral. Hooked on him. He kept lightly sucking on me, being gentle as my nerves were raw from the intensity that had just ripped through my man flesh.

              After several minutes of his mouths light sucks and licks, my cock was rock hard again. He was making love to me, taking his time to enjoy me. He looked up at me, my cock in his mouth, and the sheer desire I saw in his eyes sent chills through me.

              He slowly sucked up my thickness, making a wet popping sound as he pulled off of me. I watched him stand, wondering what he was doing. He turned around, and I saw his hard, tight ass. He had the most appealing dimples in the muscle, and I felt my excitement grow as he grabbed the arm of the couch with one hand, and lowered himself onto me.

              My eyes were tantalized as I watched my cocks head disappear in between his magnificent ass cheeks, and felt it press against his rim. He was so tight as I punctured him, slowly sliding his ass down my throbbing desire. Inch after inch he slid his way down my manhood, till he had all of me inside of him, his hard ass pressed on my balls.

              He sat there for a moment, lightly squeezing me in his backside, pleasuring me in his grasp. He slowly began sliding up me, squeezing intermittently. The squeezes tugged at my dick flesh, increasing the pleasure he was stoking within me.

              My eyes were glued to his ass as my cock slowly reappeared from being inside of him, and I was delirious in my lust. I grabbed his hips, and began pulling and pushing him up and down my hard throbbing need, faster and faster till my cock exploded like a geyser, spewing forth my satisfaction one warm spurt after another. The feel of it as it rushed around my cock in the tight confines of his perfect ass made goosebumps spread on my skin.

              Sitting still on my lap, he turned his neck and body, and leaned over and began kissing me.