The Earth Painter (5 page)

I felt my forehead wrinkle. “What do you mean she missed out on my first year?”

Nanna
shook her head. “It’s nothing.
All forgotten now.”

“No, tell me what you meant by that.”

Nanna
looked at me debating whether or not she should elaborate. I guess she decided to. “When your mother had you, she got a severe case of the baby blues. She didn’t want a thing to do with you—wouldn’t touch you or even look at you. I came down to Charleston for about a year to help your dad.”

I just looked at her. I’d never heard that before.

“I warned your dad when he started dating Heather in high school that she was too high maintenance, but all he saw was a pretty face. She’s always been so self-absorbed. When they told me you were on the way, I thought, finally she’ll have to get over herself and take care of this baby. I was sure it would be the thing to make her grow up.
But no.
She came home from the hospital and locked herself in her room.”

That sounded like Mom whenever things didn’t go her way.
“Hormones?”

Nanna
shook her head. “I suppose that was part of it. But for some reason your mother was convinced the hospital had switched her baby. She wouldn’t believe you were hers. She said you didn’t look a thing like her or your father. We kept telling her that you looked like Grandpa. You know your dad’s dad died in an accident when Randall was little. Your grandfather was redheaded and sprinkled with ginger from head to toe. I used to tease him that I liked my men spicy.”
Nanna
looked at me, her cheeks a little red. I think mine were, too.

“Anyway,
Your
mother wouldn’t hear it. So when you were about a year old, after months of medication and counseling, the therapist ordered a DNA test to set your mother’s mind at ease once and for all. It proved you were indeed your mother’s daughter. Heather finally came out of her room and started taking care of you, but always with a chip on her shoulder about it. And instead of thanking me for helping, she ordered me out of her house.”

I had no idea about any of that. I sat in silence and finished looking through the book.
Nanna
pulled out another gift for me.

“A new sundress!
Thanks
Nanna
.”
Nanna
went out to help Mom while I brushed my teeth and put on sweats. I went out to find Mom and
Nanna
redoing everything the other did.
Nanna
would straighten a table cloth and put the centerpiece on it, and Mom would follow behind and do it again. Mom didn’t even try to be subtle about it.

Then,
Nanna
mentioned how people decorated for parties down in Atlanta.

Mom looked at me and smiled.
“Sweetie, why don’t you take your
nanna
in and get started spreading ribbon sandwiches.”
Mom put the tray on the long table she was going to use to set up
the buffet. She walked over to the tables were
Nanna
was and then adjusted and readjusted the cloths.

Nanna
and I went back in and got out the spread to make ribbon sandwiches. We sat down and started spreading the two-colored versions of the pineapple, pecan, cream cheese spread to make double-decker sandwiches mom would later cut the crust off of and slice into thin finger sized slices. We had half a tray made before Mom came in.

Mom stood by us for half a second.
“Um…Sweetie?
She wouldn’t even look at
Nanna
”

I counted to ten in my head before I looked up at her. I knew that tone.
“Yes, Mom?”

“I always use this spreader to make those sandwiches.” She held up a flat knife that was a little wider than the one
Nanna
was holding.

“Does it really matter which spreader we use?”

“I suppose not.” She stood there a few seconds before going over to the counter to slice the prepared sandwiches with the electric knife. The buzz started and then it stopped. Mom came back to where we were.

“Why don’t you let me do that, and you go get ready.”

Why did she always do that?
“Fine.”
I went to my room, grabbed my bathrobe and went to take a shower. By the time I came out,
Nanna
had left and was on her way back to Atlanta.

“Where did you get that dress?”

I looked down and spread it out. It was a nice blend of turquoise and brown. “
Nanna
gave it to me for my birthday.”

Mom’s mouth drew up in disapproval “You know strappy dresses are not your friend. It’s why I knew you could never do the pageant circuit. I’d have spent a fortune on body makeup trying to cover your freckles.” Mom grabbed another tray and made her way to the door. “I’m your mother, not your friend. I’m not going to lie to you.” And she walked out.

I felt my face turn red, my blood boiled under my flesh, making my cheeks hot to the touch. I grabbed my monologue and plopped on the sofa to read over it. Not only would I keep the dress on, I would do my best to have it wrinkled by the time the party started.

I looked at the monologue and tried to push my mom from my mind. It was the opening to a play called, The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds, by Paul
Zindel
. I didn’t know the play, and trying to understand the feelings behind the words was kind of difficult. The character, Tillie, was rambling on about her hand and atoms and the sun all being a part of her. I heard a car door slam outside. I sat up and looked out the window.

“Mom, someone’s here.”

Mom ran outside to greet them. Dad hadn’t gotten home yet from the car lot so I thought she might need my help as people arrived. I stood and smoothed out my dress but remembered about our argument and stopped. By the looks of the people getting out of the car, I was dressed just fine.

Dad got home a little while after most of the guests had arrived. It was funny how the party was supposed to be for my birthday and yet I didn’t know anyone. I mainly stood around and listened to Mom brag about this and that. She introduced me to one couple—the
Cooleys
. Mr. Cooley asked me what grade I was in. I answered that I was a senior. Then he asked what colleges I was considering.

“I’m thinking community college the first two years, and then I’ll transfer to one of the universities so I won’t have such huge loans to pay back.”

My mom quickly interrupted. “Community college…tsk…Holly knows we’d never leave her to shoulder the burden of her college tuition. We probably won’t have to pay a dime anyway. She’s a straight A student and has been since kindergarten. Always has her nose in a book. We are so proud of her.” Mom squeezed me as she put her arm around my shoulder then pulled me away from them.

“Don’t go around telling people your dad and I can’t afford to send you to the college of your choice. It makes us look bad,” she whispered.

“You can’t afford to pay for my college. The burden is on my shoulders. You want me to lie to people?” I glared into my mom’s blue eyes. They were like glass—hard and cold.

“No, of course I’m not telling you to lie, just find a way to answer that leaves out the embarrassing parts. Are you trying to shame us?”

That was it. “Mom, you and Dad still have people calling to collect money for things we don’t even own anymore. But I didn’t say a word about that to Mr. Cooley. I simply answered the man’s question.”

Mom stood there. Her lips drew up like she was holding something back. She leaned in to my ear and whispered. “I was only a few points from being valedictorian; I held the most titles of any other Miss Chesnee High School in the school’s history.
Voted most popular and most likely to succeed.”
She pointed to our house. “This isn’t the life I was supposed to have.”

Mom left me to go schmooze with her guests. I didn’t feel like I belonged at her party anyway, so I went back in the house to work on my monologue. I’d never told my mom how I
honestly felt before. It was a relief. I was tired of trying to be something I wasn’t or being so scared of doing the wrong thing that I never did anything. I just wanted to be me. The best me I could be. The problem was I didn’t actually know who Holly Scruggs was, besides being Heather and Randall Scruggs’ redheaded daughter.—the girl who didn’t look, or think or act like her perfect mother.

Trying my best without having to be perfect—the thought was liberating. The churning that was always in my gut was gone for the first time.

Locking myself in my room, I changed into jeans and t-shirt. I pulled out my computer to look up the play my monologue had come from. If I knew more about what Tillie was talking about and why, I could better understand her emotions during the monologue. I was going to try my best at drama and not worry so much what people thought.

Perspiration gathered on my neck, so I pulled my hair up and raised my window. That’s when I heard two women in the side yard talking.

“They haven’t changed a bit, especially Heather. She was always such a suck up in high school.”

The other woman soon answered. “Fake, too. I don’t buy for one second that they moved back to simplify their lives. More like, came home with their tails tucked between their legs.”

The other woman replied, “My sister Susan lives in Atlanta near Randall’s sister, Connie. She said Heather likes people to think she quit working to start a family. But Connie told Susan she got fired from her first job almost as soon as she got it.” The woman snickered. “I guess she couldn’t hack it.”

***

I kept thinking about the ladies outside my window while I helped clean up the yard after the party. My mom undoubtedly wasn’t as impressive as she thought.  In fact, she
wasn’t impressing
anybody. So maybe I wasn’t as unimpressive as she made me feel either.

Mom covered trays of uneaten food with foil. “I think the party was a success. Not as posh as the ones we used to throw back in Charleston. Well neither were the guest for that matter, but still a success. What do you guys think?”

I looked at my dad who was picking up paper cups, then over at mom.

“I overheard a couple of ladies talking about you guys.”

Mom stopped what she was doing and turned her complete attention to me. For the first time, I saw a resemblance between us—the need for approval in her eyes. I’d planned to let her know exactly what was said, to let her know no one was buying her act. But looking at her—knowing how it felt not to measure up—I couldn’t do it. “They said you and Dad hadn’t changed a bit since high school.
Especially you Mom.”

Mom beamed and touched her face. “Well, that goes to show you the importance of exfoliating and moisturizing daily.”

I nodded and got back to cleaning up. “Yeah Mom, I’ll try to remember that.”

Chapter 5

After the party, I sat out on the porch studying my monologue. Mom and Dad had gone to dinner with some people from the party. A blonde girl about my age drove up to the house next door and got out. She was on her way inside when she saw me and walked over to my yard.

“Hey! My grandma lives next door.” She gestured behind her. “She told me that she had new neighbors. I’m Shelby.”

I sat up in my chair. “I’m Holly.”

“I’ve got to go help my grandma with something. When I get done, you
wanna
go cruise Chesnee with me?”

“Um…?” I couldn’t think of a reason not to. “I guess. Sure.”

“I’ll be done in a few.”

She was only inside about fifteen minutes. When she came out, I walked over and got in her car.

I fastened my seatbelt and asked, “So what’s there to do in Chesnee?”

“Not much. People drive up and down the one main street, honk, get out, and talk, text— nothing too exciting.”

I’d already been up and down the one street. I couldn’t think of a reason to do it over and over, but I didn’t want to offend her by pointing that out. “I like your car?”

“Thanks.” Shelby backed out of my driveway. “My Mimi and Papa gave me the money for the down payment, but I make the monthly payments and pay for the insurance myself.”

“How do you do that? Pay for your own car?” I didn’t know anyone back in Charleston, my age
who
made their car payments.

“I work down at the Bantam Chef after school. I’m saving up for when I graduate. I can’t wait to get out of this place.”

Maybe she and I could be good friends. All I wanted was to go back to Charleston. Not to see any certain person, but to me, it would always be the most beautiful city on the planet. I guess because it was my home. “I used to have a car, but we had to sell it.” I just needed to tell someone the whole truth. “My dad lost his job, and we struggled for a while. We sold a lot of our nice things until we gave up our house and moved here to my grandma’s old place.”

“I had horses when I lived in Forest City,” she glanced at me as she turned to head for town. “They belong to my Mimi and Papa. We used to live right next door to my dad’s folks. I miss them and riding.”