Authors: Jessica Callaghan
I ran into the centre of the green and closed my eyes, letting the heartbeats wash over me and soak in to my skin. I don’t know how long I stood for. It may have been minutes, maybe hours, but I waited eagerly for that perfect heart beat to stick out from the rest of the music living in my head.
It finally hit me. One heartbeat rose from the throng and began to beat so furiously my head started to ache. I opened my eyes and heard the sound of footsteps sweeping slowly towards me. This was my goal, my food for the night, coming towards me at a speed so slowly it tortured me. I was desperate to taste this person, and so I turned eagerly to survey my meal.
Before me stood a young man who was somewhat more striking than the average human. His cheekbones were harsh and jutting but they gave his face a sculpted appearance. As he approached me, I could see the soft ripple of muscle stand out under the short sleeves of his shirt. He had the arms of an athlete, not a body builder but still a soft definition that implied health and life.
I was enamoured not only with the incredibly strong heart that beckoned me, but also by his pure beauty which seemed to invite me in. Had I been human I would have been struck with a paralysing fear of the beauty this young man possessed, but as a vampire I knew my appeal must have been far stronger than his. Part of me wished I could turn him in to a vampire so that I could see what incredible power this young man would develop.
He approached me tentatively and stopped close enough for me to feel his breath on my cheek. He opened his beautiful lips to say something but a sudden rush of power flew over me and I grabbed his arms, pulling him towards me and locking him into a powerful embrace, our lips pressed against each other. This was more than hunger washing over me, it was lust.
Several times the young man’s breath began to fade and he tried to pull away but my desire was overwhelming and I kept him locked in my arms with a tight grip. Eventually I let him pull away as I had no desire to kill him yet, and certainly not by suffocation when his blood was calling to me. The young man gathered his thoughts, and his breath, and his words stumbled out.
“I came over to see if you were okay. Do you want to...um are you...I think you must be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He gave up in with exasperation, struggling to get his words out. I smiled at this tender yet pathetic human gesture.
“Thank you. You know, you are quite beautiful too. Do you love me?” I asked him, still holding him close. His eyes searched mine for a clue to who I was but he found nothing but darkness. That was all there was inside me.
“Yes, god yes.” He whispered.
I saw his pupils widen as adrenalin and lust poured into every corner of his body. I leaned closer to him and kissed his soft cheek.
“Tell me again” I murmured against his flawless flesh.
“I love you” he replied.
I kissed along his jaw line and down his throat before resting and returning up his neck to his jugular vein, the heart of the pulsing beat emanating from this heavenly mortal.
“Again” I ordered and he complied, pledging his undying love for me despite the fact he didn’t even know my name.
He repeated the phrase without any prompting. The intoxicating force of the admiration directed at me forced my fangs to poke through my gums. I was ready.
I pulled away from his pulsing neck and let my devoted follower see my true face. Something in his eyes was different from my first kill. My first victim had realised that I was death personified, and had seen all the evil that walks hand in hand with me. He had screamed from his very core, praying for forgiveness, salvation, peace, anything that could stop death in it’s tracks.
This man was different. He recognised the darkness in my eyes and I could see that he knew death was coming, but something about him was resigned to this fact. He didn’t try to struggle or flee and the look of love in his eyes hadn’t left. If anything his desire for me had grown stronger. I didn’t understand.
Without Gabriel to guide me I had no idea what any of this meant. As a human being my radar for the emotions of others had been mortally wounded after the murders. My transition in to a vampire had just made matters worse, and now I didn’t understand human psychology at all.
Despite my confusion, something about this man’s utter abandonment made me feel strong. My body was growing more powerful as I drank in his obvious enthralment, but this wasn’t what I had come for. I wanted the drink that came from his veins, his blood and his life.
So I did it. For the first time as a lone predator I sank my teeth into the neck of this beautiful man and let the hot blood pour out over his skin. I lapped it up eagerly as tiny droplets gathered in the crevice of his neck and soaked the edge of his T-shirt. He let out a sharp gasp as he felt his body growing colder. I put my hand on his shoulder to steady him and stop him from collapsing. I pulled my head away, finally gathering the strength to stop.
It was then that this man showed me why he had appealed to me above all others. He was still standing and his blood was still pouring out. His body was more resilient than I could have hoped for. The blood in his veins was already filling me up but there was even more coursing through his weakening body. I didn’t doubt that this man alone could fill my veins to the point of bursting.
I licked the puncture wounds on his neck, as Gabriel had told me that our saliva can help the healing process, and kissed down his neck before resting at the flash of chest that showed above his shirt. I bit into his body again in this more intimate spot. Every one of my kills with Gabriel had been at the neck, and I was thrilled to have the chance to experiment.
The blood was flowing down his body and as I pressed my cold skin against his I could feel the hot liquid gathering in pools on his shirt. The last remnants of life were leaving his body and small gasps of air escaped from his lips. I looked up towards him and saw his face twisted and contorted in pain but as his eyes flicked open I saw only desire behind them.
I had no time to be confused. I pressed my lips back onto the new wound and sucked the final droplets from his dying body. I pulled away one final time and felt his body become limp. I pushed him backwards on to a nearby bench as my head whirled in ecstasy.
My whole body was tingling and I felt triumphant. In just minutes I could have climbed Everest or conquered a mountain lion. I leaned down and bit this beautiful man’s bottom lip. A tiny drop of blood escaped and I licked it away before finally leaving him rest. I pulled my head away and stopped to stare at him.
I had killed my first victim alone and he had willingly surrendered to me. I had felt a desire for a human being stronger than any lust I had ever felt, except for my feelings for Gabriel. I had no explanation but I was overwhelmed and, most of all, satisfied.
I waited for a few moments, listening to the people around to wait for the perfect moment to speed away from the scene of the crime. I had no idea whether to hide the body or not, and even if I had decided to I wouldn’t have known how to do it.
I stared at this man who had surrendered to me and let his untainted blood seep into my cells, rejuvenating me from the inside out. Just as I began to ready myself for my return to an undoubtedly curious Gabriel, I heard something behind me.
A voice escaped into the darkness. “Hello Louisa” The voice said.
I turned around to see who had interrupted me and was shocked by what I saw.
Gabriel stood behind me in the grass with a calm yet threatening expression on his beautiful face. I was struck by terror: although I loved him, I had betrayed him by hunting alone. I didn’t know how well he would take it.
“Nice kill” he said, a cold sneer forming on his face. The sneer sent a shiver down my spine.
I didn’t respond. I thought it best to let him air his opinion before I put my foot in my mouth. I was still unsure how to handle Gabriel now that I was one of his kind. I didn’t want to risk angering him any more than was necessary.
We stared at each other in silence and Gabriel’s gaze drilled into me. I wished I could read his thoughts or understand what was going behind those sharp eyes. Excuse after excuse flew into my head. I tried desperately to pick the best one from the throng to justify my sudden departure, but each one left me cold and I decided to honour our bond. I had to tell him the truth.
“I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I came out here.” I whispered into the cold, dark atmosphere with a softness that didn’t befit my cruel nature.
For the first time since my death and transformation I felt utterly human-like a vulnerable young girl trying to broach a serious topic with her boyfriend. I risked a glance at him and saw that he was nodding his head emphatically.
“I think we have some things we need to talk about” he answered with no hint of emotion. “We need to clean this up first” He cocked his head towards the beautiful man lying dead on the bench.
How could I have been so selfish? Going out on my own had been a terrible decision. I would have left this man here to rot. His body would have been found sometime the next day and no doubt a young, attractive man like that would catch the attention of the press. I almost risked everything we had built together just because I wanted to satisfy my own desire.
A vampire is a creature designed to kill but I knew already that the only thing capable of stopping a lucid vampire from their blood lust is a threat to our safety, and this body was a threat to us. Despite my guilt, I had to push my shame away and get on with the task at hand.
Gabriel picked up the corpse with ease. I followed him as he carried my victim to the edge of a nearby lake. He tied something to the man’s foot and then threw him into the water. His body was consumed by the dark lake and quickly disappeared out of view.
I watched as the corpse disappeared underneath the still surface, but Gabriel averted his gaze, staring up at the night’s sky instead. After a few moments he turned and ran back in the direction of our home, ignoring me completely. Usually Gabriel would take my hand and we would run home together with the thrill of blood lingering in his mind. Now things between us were different.
I followed him, running at full speed to keep up with his skilled navigation. Eventually we reached our home but by the time I got there Gabriel was already inside. His abandonment was a sure sign of his sour mood. I wanted so badly for him to forgive me, to spend the rest of the night by my side telling me tales of his past, but I knew this wasn’t going to happen.
I went in the back door as I didn’t want to scale the wall again. Gabriel was already sitting in our bedroom with his back to the door, waiting for me. He didn’t look up as I walked in but I knew he could sense I was there. I took my usual place at his side and waited for him to talk. I could almost hear the cogs whirring in his head as he tried to piece together what to say.
The longer we sat in silence the more my worry grew. Finally he spoke, avoiding my gaze the whole time.
“I feel betrayed. I just-I don’t understand. I have given you a new life, training, sustenance. I try so hard to make sure
you
are catered for, I’ve gone above and beyond, but it obviously isn’t enough. You’re sneaking around behind my back already. I can’t imagine what I’ve done...” His words spilled out all at once and he looked up, coming eye to eye with me for the first time.
I almost wished he hadn’t looked up. The pain behind his gaze shone out and I was filled with regret. I hadn’t felt anything close to guilt since my death and this realisation made the shameful feeling grow even stronger. I had killed and fed on humans without remorse, but hurting Gabriel reduced me to the little girl I had been when I first met him. I longed to please him more than anything and seeing the disappointment written all over his face made my heart crumble.
“I’m so sorry Gabe” I managed to choke out, tears filling my eyes. “You can’t imagine how bad I feel. I just want to know how to make it up to you, please.” I got down on my knees in supplication and begged him from the depths of my cold heart.
Gabriel was the only man I had ever loved. I was his eternally, and I could feel him slipping away from me as the silence built up between us. He reached down to me w and gently touched my cheeks, cupping my face between his soft hands.
The cold expression in his eyes faded and I could see the love returning, radiating from somewhere deep inside him. I felt a salty tear fall down my cheek and land on Gabriel’s hand. He bent down and kissed me gently on my crown. The gesture filled me with hope and I was shocked by how easily Gabriel had forgiven me for my indiscretions.
He lifted me back on to the bed next to him with his strong hands and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I rested my pounding head against his chest and listened intently, soaking up the silence. The absence of a beating heart was oddly comforting, the opposite of the human instinct carried from infancy. I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.
I was jolted awake by Gabriel’s voice puncturing the last corner of my mind not taken over by sleep.
“Are you happy?” he asked me.
I sat bolt upright. It would have been so easy to say yes. I could have kissed him and then he would have wrapped himself around me as we drifted off together into our usual dreamless sleep. Yet I knew I couldn’t lie to him so blatantly.