The End of All Things Beautiful (12 page)

He pulls back slightly; his fingers brushing my hair back off my
face and I lift my eyes to meet his gorgeous blue ones.

“You are so beautiful,” he says and a shiver runs down my spine.
My arms wrap around his waist, holding him to me as if this is all a dream, if
I let go, if I’m not touching him, it will all vanish. “It’s been a long day,”
he says, and I nod as his lips connect with mine once again. “We’re both
exhausted, let me put you to bed.”

As much as I want him, he’s right. I just need to be near him at
the moment, so without another word spoken by me, I nod my head and he says, “Stay
with me, in my bed.”

I roll over the next morning to find Benji gone, but in his
place is a note. I pick it up, a smile already on my face. I haven’t woken up
like this in years, completely rested and happy. And after I read his note, my
day is pretty much made.

C-

Sorry, I wanted to be there when you woke up.

But I have a ton of work to do.

There’s a surprise for you downstairs.

Love

-B

I scramble from the bed, untangling myself from the sheets,
smiling the entire time. Wrapped in a blanket as I make my way down the stairs,
I find another note on the kitchen counter next to the coffee pot with a cup of
coffee waiting for me.

Look out the window.

PS…it snowed. A lot.

I run to the window my smile literally hurting my cheeks and
find there’s at least eight inches of snow covering the ground, I can hardly
see my car parked in the driveway.

The wood floor is cold on my bare feet as I take my cup of
coffee and the blanket, and curl up in the oversized leather chair that looks
out on the picturesque view of Benji’s yard. I tuck my feet underneath me as a
feeling of blissful contentment washes over me, and I realize I never want to
go back home. What if this became my life? Maybe there’s still a chance for
Benji and me to have the life we once dreamed about.
 

I finish my coffee and as I’m about to put my mug in the sink, I
notice the eucalyptus oil still on the island, but this time there’s a note
under it. I’m certain at this point nothing can remove this smile from my face.

Take a bath, relax, and when you’re

done meet me at my shop. Make sure you walk.

This is all too much and I’m now trying to figure out a way to
thank Benji for everything. Not just for the notes and the food, but for making
me happier than I have been in years.

I do as I’m told and take a bath, the water ridiculously hot and
smelling of eucalyptus as I sit in the darkness of the bathroom trying to
remember every detail from yesterday and today, committing them to memory. I don’t
want to forget there was a time when I was happy, truly happy, should for some
reason it all turn ugly again.

After I get dressed, I find another note taped to the front door
and I almost laugh out loud at how fucking perfect he is.

Put these on and take the bag with you.

Finish my snowmen along the way.

I look down and find a pair of snow boots and a bag filled with
a bunch of random stuff. Two scarves, a hat, strawberries, a small bag of birdseed,
scraps of wood, some carrots and a bunch of other things I haven’t had a chance
to look at. I have no idea what he’s done, but I’m dying to find out. I quickly
kick off my shoes and put the boots on, taking the bag with me, I leave the
house practically skipping out the door and begin my walk to Benji’s shop.

After about five minutes of walking I come across three large snowballs
stacked on top of each other, the snowman about my height and I set the bag
down and get to work. I step back and admire my work, laughing knowing Benji
will love it.

Eventually I come across another one and while I’m having a
blast, I’m hoping this is the last one because I’m freezing. I quickly add a
few things to it and take the bag with me. By now, I’m only concerned with
finding Benji and showing him exactly how happy he has made me.

When I finally make it to his shop, I’m cold but ecstatic, and I
fling the door open and find him sitting in front of the same table he was
working on yesterday. My smile is so huge I’m sure he can see it from where he’s
sitting.

“Guessing you had a good morning?” he says smiling back at me.

I don’t even answer; I run to him and throw myself into his
arms. I can feel myself begin to cry, but this time it has nothing to do with
being sad. He lifts me off the ground, burying his face in my neck, as I hold
on as tight as I can.

“I had the best morning ever,” I say, pulling back to kiss him
furiously, my lips touching every part of his face. “You are so fucking
perfect.”

“I just want you to be happy, baby,” he whispers, his hands
holding my face as he looks at me with his beautiful blue eyes and lets out a contented
sigh.

“I am now,” I say as my lips gently meet his and when I let out
a soft moan, his tongue slips in and slowly moves against mine. I can taste him;
feel his soft lips as they press against mine. I don’t want this to stop; my
body silently begging as every nerve feels like it’s on fire. When he finally
pulls away from me, his forehead resting against mine, his eyes closed, I feel
like my whole body is humming.

“Campbell?”

“What?” I ask breathlessly.

“I love you,” he says, his eyes now open and looking right at me
as if to make sure I’ve heard him, to make sure his words aren’t lost somehow. “I’ve
never stopped loving you.”

I don’t say anything for a few seconds and it’s not because I
don’t love him back. I’m hit with the memories of all the times we said these
words to each other. I always felt like it was a lot, maybe too much sometimes,
like we didn’t mean it, like it was just something we said. But now I feel like
I can’t say it enough, like all those times before this were meaningless. This
connection is far more intense than anything I’ve ever felt before, even with
Benji and I can tell he feels it too.

“I love you too.” And as the words leave my mouth, Benji takes
me in his arms, whispering I love you, over and over again.

I stand clinging to him for what feels like forever, memorizing
the way he feels in my arms, the way he smells, and the sound of his voice. It
all feels surreal, but for once I don’t dwell on what could go wrong, I just
let myself fall even more in love with him.

“Do you have any plans today?” he asks and I laugh out loud.

“What do you think? I have no idea where I am, I know no one,
and considering my car is pretty much buried, I don’t think I’m going to be
leaving any time soon.”

“Good,” he says, smiling at me. “I have to head up to Canada to
ship some things. You wanna come with me? That is, if you have your passport.”

“Funny, I actually do have my passport. I grabbed it just in
case, figuring I wouldn’t need it, but I guess it’s a good thing I did.”

“Great. We have to walk back and get my truck, but then we
should be all good. Now let’s go have a look at those snowmen,” he says winking
at me and taking my hand.

I watch him put his coat on, the lean muscles of his arms
flexing as he slips his arms in. I look around his shop knowing his body built
everything in here. There’s a reason he looks the way he does; his well-worn
and calloused hands, his muscular arms, defined to almost perfection; it’s all
unbelievably amazing. My eyes follow him as he bends down to tie his boots and
he smirks up at me.

“Stop checking me out,” he says, feigning like he doesn’t enjoy
every second of it.

“I can’t help it,” I tell him teasingly, as I shrug my
shoulders.

“Come on,” he says, taking my hand and pulling me out the door
and into the snow-filled abyss.

Trudging along, our feet crunch under the snow and gravel as we
approach the first snowman. Benji stops and looks at me, his eyes wide and questioning,
but a huge smile plastered on his face.

“You didn’t,” he says, and I giggle.

“I did,” I tease back playfully.

“Campbell, you naughty girl. You made dirty snowmen,” he says,
pointing at the carrot, which is placed in a very obvious spot. “You never
cease to surprise me,” he says, as he reaches for me and pulls me into his
arms. I know he wanted it to be something fun for me to do and I, in turn,
wanted to make it something fun for him to look at.

“The other one has snow boobs,” I whisper, my cheeks turning
pink as he laughs at me.

“Come on, crazy girl,” he says shaking his head, and I follow
him, my hand linked with his, my other arm wrapped around his bicep. No matter how
close I am to him, I still can’t get close enough. All this time apart has made
me desperate to be near him and the more time I spend with him, the more the
loneliness fades, and I start to forget how miserable I used to be.

About a half an hour later, we’re in Benji’s truck on our way to
Canada. Because of where he lives, he has to cross over into Canada to ship any
orders that are placed online. Although, Hessel has a post office, it can’t
accommodate the size or the quantity he ships. All of this is explained to me
in the short amount of time we’ve been in the car.

I admire his drive to continue to help his business grow. Most
people would’ve quit given the effort that goes into it all. Not just the
shipping, but also the amount of time and effort that goes into creating his
work. I’ve only been with him for two nights, but he obviously wakes very early
and I can’t help but think he probably finds himself working well into the
evening. And unlike me, he spends the time because he loves what he does, and
that shows in everything he makes.

We drive along quietly, only the sound of the radio to fill the
silence and when I hear Benji’s voice begin to sing along softly, I close my
eyes. His voice is exactly how I remember it, deep and raw, it’s always been
beautiful.
 

He reaches over and takes my hand in his, bringing it to his
lips and kissing each one of my fingertips.

He looks over at me and when our eyes connect, I see sadness in
his and I’m about to ask what’s wrong, but he speaks before I can. “I’m sorry,
Campbell,” he says, and a moment of panic rips through me.

What is he apologizing for? It should be me apologizing to him.
Did he ask me to come with him so we can finally talk about the accident? He
has me trapped in the car so I can’t get away from him this time. I don’t want
to do this, especially after how well everything has been going. We can just
keep acting like we’re okay. We can be fine.

His hand tightens in mine and my heart begins to race. I watch
as he wets his lips and looks away from me. I want to say something, but
nothing will come out. I’m silent.

“I’m sorry for the way I treated you after the accident,” he
says quietly, and I breathe out in relief. “I know we have a lot more to
discuss, but you need to know, I never meant to hurt you and I know I did.”

I shake my head, not because he didn’t hurt me, but because an
apology isn’t necessary. We both did things we regret, actually all four of us did
and it made us so resentful and broken and filled with guilt that we couldn’t
deal with it.

“I’m sorry, too,” I tell him, and he brings my hand to his lips
once again, kissing it, but this time letting his lips linger. “I shouldn’t
have run away the way I did.”

“It was your coping mechanism and I don’t blame you. We all do
things to cope and I drove you away because I couldn’t…” He stops short and
grips the steering wheel tighter as I see his hand shake. I can feel his other hand
trembling in mine. And inside, I feel my heart breaking, tiny pieces shattering
for all the pain we’ve endured alone.

“No more lies. No more secrets,” Benji says, his voice nearly
inaudible over the sound of the car. I nod my head slightly, but enough that I
know he sees it. “I couldn’t… It hurt to be near you,” he says quickly, letting
out a long breath as his words cut right through me.

“I hated what it did to us,” I say, the words almost too painful
to get out. “To all of us.”

I watch a tear roll down his cheek and it’s almost more than I
can bear. I can’t see him cry over this, it will be my undoing. I wrap my arm
around his and rest my head against his shoulder.

“I still hate it,” he whispers roughly, and I want to respond,
but my words get caught in my throat, painful and heavy. He holds onto the
steering wheel, his hands still shaking, his breathing erratic.

I leave my head against his shoulder, his lips occasionally
leaving a kiss on the top of my head as we drive once again in silence.

I want to tell him about Tommy, but I can’t even work out how to
break it to him that he’s lost someone else; that this horrible situation, that
this accident is still ruining our lives. I can see he’s already fragile and I
don’t want to be the one to break him.

We said no more secrets and lies, and I won’t keep this from him,
but I need to be looking at him, holding him when I tell him. I need to feel
him in my arms so he knows I’m not going to run away again. That we’ll deal
with it together.

“I love you,” I murmur, kissing his neck and his shoulder and
then taking his hand from the steering wheel, I kiss every one of his fingers,
and they finally stop shaking.
 

“I love you, Campbell.”