The End of the Rainbow (21 page)

“I don’t really know yet but I do know that whatever I’m saying, I’m going to need your help. I haven’t been involved in church in years, and I’m not even saying that I’m about to seek a wife and all that, but I know that something needs to change in my life. I don’t know how to get back into the swing of things, as far as church is concerned. I really don’t want to go back to your church, no offense, but I have too many unfavorable memories there,” he said trying not to hurt her feelings.

“I understand. Find a church where you will be comfortable.” Her voice was full of joy and her smile was from ear to ear. She knew that nothing was too impossible for God and even when she felt like giving up, God always kept reassuring her that her children were in his hands.

”Khalil I am so proud of you. You are going to make it. But I will tell you this; you are going to have to be strong, because now that you have given your life back to God, the enemy is going to be hot on your trail trying to get you back.”

“I know momma, I know,” he said softly.

“Are you going to be there when I get home?”

“I should be. I will have Spencer pick me up later this evening. I don’t know what he is going to say about all of this getting back into church stuff?” He said with nervous laughter.

“That’s not your problem. If he is your friend he will support you, if he doesn’t then God has something better for you. Listen, I have to get to this meeting, I love you and I will see you tonight.”

“I love you too momma. Talk to you later.”

“Bye sweetie.” Vanessa hung up the phone and jumped up from her desk and paced around the office waving her hands, giving God praise. As the tears of joy streamed down her face, she couldn’t help but fall on her knees in reverence because He is a God that is faithful to His word. Her afternoon client would have to wait, because she was in a meeting with the true owner of the company.

SIXTEEN

“So let me get this straight. You tried to end your life because you think you can’t make it without a dude? Come on cousin, you have got to be stronger than that,” Craig said.

The two of them walked down the hospital corridor toward the elevator. Tyrin had been released and his faithful sidekick was there in a heartbeat to pick him up. He was embarrassed by the fact that he had allowed himself fall into a pit of depression, but with all he was up against, it seemed inevitable.

As he walked past the nurses’ station he wondered how many of them knew why he was admitted. One thing he always prided himself on was his ability to overcome any obstacle, but at present he felt like a total failure. “Khalil is more than just a dude to me. He’s my soul mate. And it’s more than just losing Khalil; I have a lot on my plate right now. The loss of both my relationship and my health is a lot to deal with at once. I just need time to sort things out,” he softly said.

“You almost had eternity you dumb bastard. You know you go to hell for that suicide shit? I mean damn, you already gay, why you want to turn up the oven?” Craig said as they got onto the elevator.

“What am I supposed to do without Khalil?” he somberly asked.

“The same thing you did before you met his ass. Khalil didn’t make you, he just added to you. You were Tyrin Chase before you met him and will be Tyrin Chase after he is gone. Stop giving up on yourself.”

He looked over at Craig and was about to say something in his own defense but opted not to. He didn’t feel the need to keep this conversation going so he just turned and looked at the numbers on the elevator descend. As the transporter lowered itself, he felt as if his life were dropping along with it.Upon arrival at Craig’s house he immediately made himself a French Connection and headed outside to sit in the backyard. He was shocked and happily surprised to see Tosha running to him. “What is she doing here? When did you go and get her?” he shouted back into the house.

“Yeah, uhmm, about that. Khalil kind of told me to take her with me on the night you two had your altercation. He said she was your dog and should be with you,” Craig said as he stepped into the backyard holding a Heineken.

“She was our dog, we raised her together. Why would he just throw her out like this?”

“Man, don’t take it personal. He is dealing with some serious shit too. You actually fucked up this time Tyrin. I am surprised he even went to visit you at the hospital. I personally would have let your ass lie there and die. Khalil loved you player, but you let your dick get the best of you.”

“I know. And there is no way I can change it, is there? The one thing I promised him I would never do, I did. And on top of that I think I may have infected him as well. If you could have seen how he looked at me when I got my results. I felt him stabbing me with his eyes. I guess I would hate me too.”

“I actually don’t know what to say. I know you are hurt, and I know that you wish you could change what happened. I could see if you had feelings for old boy you got busy with, then at least all of this wouldn’t be a total loss. You just have to keep pressing on. And who knows, maybe Khalil will come around and realize that the two of you can work this out.”

Tyrin sipped on his drink and looked out into the manicured yard. He heard everything his cousin said, especially the part about this being a total loss. His heart ached something fierce and the throbbing in his temples was beginning to drive him crazy. “It’s over. He made it clear as glass that it was. I know Khalil, he doesn’t believe in second chances. It’s really over.”

“Don’t give up. Not yet at least, it’s too soon to know exactly what will happen. Stuff needs to sink in. Don’t throw in the towel.” Craig tried to comfort as best he could, but he knew that only time would heal the pain in Tyrin’s heart.

They stood and looked at the night sky filled with stars. Tyrin gazed up at the countless dotted lights that filled the sky and not one could make his wish for happiness come true. Out of billions, none would streak across the sky as a symbol of hope and a brighter day. He continued to look up for a sign, but when one never came he put the glass to his lips and emptied it. The instant buzz made what he was feeling come to the surface at a rapid pace.

“Oh man I can’t take this. What the fuck is happening? What the fuck is going on. Shit Craig, why did I do it? What the fuck was I thinking? Khalil is my world, my all and all. Five years gone, five fucking years down the drain. All over a piece of worthless ass” he turned and looked at Craig before further spitting out his pain. “I want him back. I will do anything to have him back. I can’t live without him.” Tyrin hunched over and grabbed his stomach, his eyes and nose were draining at an uncontrolled rate and his body was trembling. “Oh God give him back to me please. Please let him come back.”

Craig stood and watched him breakdown and it caused him to get nervous. He never saw this side of him; all he knew was the rock that built a company from the ground up. He knew the man that survived the death of his parents and brother. He even knew the cousin that overcame the odds and had a successful gay relationship.

Craig felt himself begin to get emotional and in the midst of the outburst he grabbed his cousin and embraced him tight, “Tyrin, let it out man. If you hold on to it, it will kill you. It’s ok to cry, you’re not a punk if you drop tears. I’m here for you man, I always will be, I promise. Release that shit, let it out.” Craig began to sniffle at the sight of what he was witnessing. He never took into consideration all that Tyrin was battling until tonight. He was used to being alone

and calling up a bitch when he got lonely, but now that he thinks about all that his cousin is losing, he feels sorry for him.

“I love him Craig. I love him so much. I’ll do anything to get him back. Anything,” he cried in the arms of his cousin and as the words rolled off his tongue, he ached with the thoughts of going on alone.

Upon release from Craig’s grasp, he began to abruptly wipe the tears that were streaming down his face. He stood still for a moment as if he were contemplating something before he headed into the house and grabbed the phone. He knew that he couldn’t call Vanessa at a time like this so he chose the person next closest. The one that would relay any message he had for his hurt lover in an effort to ease the pain that was destroying who he was.

“Hold on, let me turn the radio down!!” the voice yelled into the cell phone earpiece as he fumbled with the volume button in his car. “What’s up Tyrin? How are you doing man? It’s good to hear your voice.”

“What’s up Spencer? How are you?” Tyrin softly asked.

“I’m cool. What’s going on?”

“Uhmmm. I need to talk to you. I really didn’t know who else I could call about this and if you feel awkward talking to me then I will understand.”

“Well to be totally honest I am at a total loss of words and really don’t know what to say about all that has gone down; but I’m sure that there are two sides to the story. He filled me in on the hospital visit and I sincerely wanted to call you but wasn’t sure how you would have reacted.” Spencer said.

“I understand. Well in all honesty I probably wouldn’t have accepted your call. I know that Khalil is your boy and you have his best interest at heart and honestly I don’t deserve sympathy from any of you; but right now I need to talk to someone that can fill me in on how he is doing.”

“I understand. So what exactly do you want to know?”

“I guess, simply, how is he doing? Has he mentioned me or anything like that?”

Craig stood in silence watching his cousin pace back and forth while trying to get Spencer to fess up some information that would bring a bright spot to his dreary disposition. It was a sobering sight to see because Craig was a man of pride and would never in a million years dream of calling the friend of a scorned lover to find out whether or not he was being missed. As much as he wanted to go and snatch the phone out of Tyrin’s hand and hang it up, he knew that was not the proper move to take right now.

“Well Tyrin, to be honest he has mentioned you. But I don’t think the words he said were quite the words you are searching for.”

Tyrin bit his bottom lip and held back tears while continuing to dig deeper into the situation. “Do you think it is totally over or is there a chance for some type of reconciliation? I know he is hurt beyond belief but is it beyond repair? Spencer if you can just help me to get him back I give you my word that I would never hurt your best friend again. Maybe there is something you know about him that I don’t that would aid in a resolution?”

“Nobody knows Khalil better than you Tyrin. The side of him that you know is a side that I could never know. He was your lover and you guys have years of pillow talk that no one can tap into. Do you think that there is a slim chance that he can forgive you for what you did to him? Be honest. You have forever changed his outlook on you and his life. Khalil is forgiving but damn, you are asking for a lot.”

“I know,” He softly replied.

“Would you forgive you? I mean I for damn sure wouldn’t, but like I said, you guys have a relationship that I only know partially. This is going to take far more than flowers and candy for him to soften up. This is more like a new house and a Bentley,” he said with a chuckle, “and even with all of that he still may constantly hold this over your head for the rest of your lives together.”

“True.”

“Tyrin. Sometimes things can come to an end and they need to stay right there. If you two did work through this it would never be the same as it was before. The relationship is now tainted and as

much as you want to put it back together, it’s probably for the best that you leave it broken and on the floor.”

“It can’t be over Spencer. We put too much into all of this, there’s too much to lose.”

“It hurts me to know that you two are going through this and as much as I want to be there for you while you’re feeling pain, I have to be there for Khalil as well. I honestly don’t like being the one in the middle.”

“So have I lost you too?” his cracked voice asked in hopelessness. “I grew to love you like a brother and I know that I met you through Khalil, but you and I formed a bond as well. I don’t mean to put you in an awkward position, but you are truly my friend. I can’t possibly be losing everybody can I?”

Spencer felt a sense of déjà vu come over him. He listened to Tyrin and all he could hear was the voice of Khalil asking him “Whose side was he on?” As he pulled his Lexus up in front of Vanessa’s house, it reminded him of the vow he made to Khalil the night before. “You’re my boy Tyrin. As far as you and Khalil are concerned I have no idea as to how that will turn out, but you can count on me to remain your friend. Trust me.”

“Thanks Spencer, I needed to hear that. I hope all this works out for the best and we can all be like we used to be. When do you plan on seeing Khalil again?”

“About thirty seconds after I hang up the phone with you. I just parked my car in front of Vanessa’s house.”

“I wish I were there too.”

“Maybe one day you will be. Look I have to go. I hope you understand that I can’t let Khalil know I spoke to you. It’s kind of touchy right about now but I promise you that I will call you tomorrow.”

“I understand. I’ll await your call.”

“Take care Tyrin and get some rest. Everything is going to go exactly the way it’s supposed to go. Remember that and you won’t be let down.”

“Thanks Spencer.”

“For what?”

“For being my brother too. Love you man. Bye.”

Spencer felt like he just made the biggest mistake of his life, but why should he? Even though he knew he couldn’t tell Khalil about the conversation, he didn’t see what the big crime was in talking to Tyrin. They were all brothers and it wasn’t his fault that the two of them broke up. He still loved Tyrin and if Khalil couldn’t understand that then he was just being selfish.

However, on the other hand, he knew that now was not the time to make a stand on the subject with Khalil because he was liable to get his throat slit with a butcher knife. Spencer recomposed himself from the conversation by taking a swig of Tequila from the flask he kept in his glove box, popped an altoid in his mouth and made preparation to go and sit in front of Ms.
“I-know-what-you-did-last-night”
Taist.

*****

The two best friends rode along the 405 freeway listening to Teena Marie belt out one of her classics. After shockingly hearing of his newfound spiritual revelation, Spencer chose to keep quiet in front of Vanessa but knew that when the two of them got alone he would drill him to the core. Khalil bobbed his head with closed eyes as Lady Tee sang about
Casanova Brown
.

They shared a love for music that ran deep and as much as Spencer adored this song, he felt now was as good a time as any to start his interrogation. “OK. First let me start off by saying that I am sorry to hear about your results. I hoped and prayed that they would’ve been different. You sure you’re O.K.?”

“I’m sure. I’m actually positive. Get it, positive?” He giggled. “I kill me. Well actually Tyrin killed me, but that’s another story altogether,” he jokingly continued.

“You stupid. Anyway, have you told Tyrin?”

“No. Not yet. I actually don’t even know if he is still in the hospital. I plan on calling him tomorrow though, because I need to let him know that he can move back to the house.”

“So you are going to try and work it out with him?” he confusingly asked.

He gave Spencer a bewildered look and responded, “No. I told you about my decision. Did you think I was joking? I am moving out. By the way, can you help me?”

“Help you move? Damn Khalil, you know I hate doing that shit.”

“So are you going to help or not?” he asked, totally unmoved by the outburst.

“You know I will. So where you going?”

“To the vacant unit in our apartment complex. I guess God knew this was coming and got the place ready for me. It’s only gonna be temporary though because I do wanna live closer to the salon.”

“Cool. So what’s up with all this church stuff? I need a deeper explanation because all you said in the house was that you were going to turn your life around and start going back to church.”