The End of the Rainbow (24 page)

“I asked you a question. Do not ignore me. I swear you will regret it.” Tyrin continued.

“Khalil, leave his crazy ass standing right here and go get in your car.” Kerry said as he steadily pulled on Khalil’s arm.

“Why are you doing this, and why here? You just couldn’t wait until Tuesday could you? It’s all about you, huh? I’m not going to talk about this right now and especially not right here. So please wait until Tuesday and we can hash it all out for as long as you want and finally put the last nail in the coffin.”

“Man I’m starving. Bring your boy with us; you can come to Kerry.” Corny said as he unknowingly entered the tense moment. “It’s gonna get crowded and I am still working on that patience thing.” he continued with a laugh.“Get the fuck out of here man.” Tyrin said to Corny. “Can’t your ass eat alone, why the fuck you gotta go with Khalil? We’re discussing something right now.”

Cornelius looked at Khalil who had lowered his face into his hand and began to shake his head. He glanced over at Kerry who was staring at Tyrin with his mouth open in utter shock by his outburst. He looked back at Tyrin who was waiting to see if he was going to walk away or further challenge him. After getting his thoughts back in order he softly asked Tyrin, “Are you speaking to me?”

“Nigga you better bounce!” Tyrin answered.

Cornelius chuckled and took a step forward, “Look homie, you don’t know me or anything about me. Now I’m not gonna challenge you or anything like that but what I will say is this; Khalil is my boy and apparently something has cracked between the two of you that you aren’t stomaching too well, and that’s y’all business. However, my concern is how you can stand in front of God’s house and curse at me like you did. I am going to just chalk that up as spiritual ignorance, but what hasn’t changed is the fact that I am hungry and he and I had made plans to go and get something to eat.” He looks over at Khalil who is standing there obviously overwhelmed by what is taking place, “Let’s go K. Leave all this right here.” he said as he turned and walked away.

Khalil looked up at Tyrin and was about to say something but opted not to. Instead he turned and followed Cornelius and prayed the entire time that Tyrin would not chase after him and further escalates the situation. Kerry stood there with Tyrin and waited until the two men had turned the corner before he uttered a word.

“Will you please just let him go and try and pick up whatever pieces of his life he has left? You aren’t the only one that is going through hell and it hurts him more when you do bullshit like this. Tyrin, you came to his one safe haven that had no traces of you in it and fucked it all up. Your name is on the last five years of his life and you think he isn’t thinking of you when in fact he has no damn choice but to. Now after this little stunt, even when he comes to church he has a fucked up memory of you. That’s selfish man, really selfish,” Kerrion said as he walked away.

Tyrin stood there and looked around to see if anyone really noticed what had just transpired and from the movement and interactions he could tell that they were clueless. He composed himself and tried to recapture the feelings of security that he felt inside but now that he was back in reality, he had to deal with things in his own way. He watched Kerry go back inside the building and out of his sight before he turned and headed toward his car that was parked three damn blocks away.

*****

“
You don’t have to talk about it unless you really want to,” Corny said to Khalil as they sat across from each other at Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles. “All I am going to say is that I am your boy no matter what.”

Khalil looked at Corny and then stared out the window at the cars passing by. He wanted to confide in Corny because he needed someone that could go to God on his behalf. However he knew that church folks weren’t the easiest ones to talk to about same sex relationships, especially those between two black men.

“I’m cool man. It’s just some old dirt that is trying to bury me.” he replied with a weak chuckle.

“How long were you two together?” Corny asked before taking a sip of his lemonade/ice-tea mix.

“What?” Khalil snapped up in his seat and looked at his friend with eyes that resembled a deer in headlights. “ What did you just ask me?”

“I asked how long you and what’s his name had been together.”

“What makes you think that he and I were together? And what exactly do you mean by together? Are you talking about boyfriend, boyfriend together or some other type of together?” Hewas stammering over his words and sat nervously opposite his extremely calm and composed friend.

“Khalil, was that your ex-boyfriend or not?”

He sat there trying to figure out the best way to answer that question without saying too much. After running all the possible responses through his mind he simply settled on the word “Yes”. He released the answer and felt a weight fall from his shoulders. He had never just openly admitted anything like that to someone that he respected spiritually because he didn’t wanted to hear all the religious hoopla surrounding the gay lifestyle. However, for some reason this time was different and he felt comfortable. “I thought you said I didn’t have to talk about it if I didn’t want to.”

“All I asked was how long you two were together. I didn’t say let’s talk about why you two broke up.” he said with a chuckle.

“Whatever man.” he said with a relaxed smile. “We were together for five years. And truth be told it was the best five years of my life up until last week.”

“What happened last week?”

“That. I really do not want to talk about. But I will say that it was enough to push me back into church.”

“Let me guess. He either cheated, caught you cheating, you got something or you were spiritually convicted and could no longer take it.”

“Good guesses but I ain’t talking about it. So what’s been up with you?” he asked in an effort to switch the focus.

“Nothing much. Went to jail for a few years behind some foolishness I got caught up in, and while I was there I had lots of time to think about things. It’s amazing how all of the good advice you got from people seems to constantly sound in your ear when you are in an avoidable situation. But anyway, after jail, after probation, after getting on my feet, I decided to start my life over and try to make up for lost time, thus my push back into church.”

“Interesting. I trip off the fact that everybody in church has a story about their life prior to salvation but so few ever want to share it in an effort to help someone else. People get all holy after

they get enlightened and then forget about where they once were. I for one will never forget this hell I am in and I damn sure will help someone else avoid going through what I am dealing with right now.”

“Still don’t wanna share what happened?” Corny asked with a raise of the eyebrows. “I mean it is obvious that it is eating you up inside and I just think that if you got some of it off your chest you would be able to deal a little better. No pressure, just being concerned.”

“How do you forgive when you have absolutely no reason to? I mean did Jesus really forgive Judas for betraying him?” Khalil asked.

Corny sat and pondered the questions and tried to find the right way to express an answer without sounding cliché. He looked at Khalil who was staring at him with eyes that were filled with anger and a weight that could not be lifted by using words that sounded pretty or eloquent. He was at breaking point and it was crucial that what was said was effective and soul piercing to the point of altering his current state of mind. Fortunately the waitress walked up and removed some of the pressure that was on him and gave him more time to get his answer together.

“You gentlemen ready to order?” The teenage waitress asked as she stood over them with her notepad and pen in hand.

“Yes. Let me have the number nine with a side of grits.” Khalil answered. “No problem. And for you sir?” Corny scanned the menu, feeling a little rushed, he simply ordered a Jenny Jones omelets and side of grits. “Back in a minute,” she said as she shuffled her way back towards the kitchen.

“Let me ask you a question. Where do you see yourself, as far as ministry is concerned?”

“What?” Khalil answered with a puzzled look.

“Where do you see yourself, as far as ministry is concerned?” he slowly asked again.

“I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t have a desire to be a minister. Don’t get me wrong, I have a love for God and going to church and all that, but I have no desire whatsoever to go into ministry. Why would you let that be your answer to the original question that was asked?”

“I just have a feeling that whatever you are going through is meant to get your attention and that there is a greater purpose behind it that you don’t yet fully realize. Had I not gone to prison I would not be in church right now because I wouldn’t have sat still long enough for God to get my attention. We never know what is going to occur in our lives to wake us up and get us to do what we were destined to do. I truly believe that if you stop and think about what you are dealing with and then try to tie it in with what you are supposed to be doing, you won’t have to struggle with the forgiving part because you would understand that it was all for your making. Just try and change your outlook.”

“Corny, that sounds great, it really and truly does but right now I am on the edge on so many levels. I don’t think that anyone can fully understand what I am going through and the fact that I can’t do anything about it is irritating me the most. I mean technically I can go and dump a round of bullets into him and hide the body, but that won’t change everything.” He looked him straight in the eyes and sternly said, “Some things shall remain with me until I die and there’s nothing I can do about that.”

Corny read between the lines and knew exactly what Khalil had just shared with him. He leaned back into the booth and took it all in while trying to stay composed. He watched Khalil stare at him with a gleam of victory in his eyes because he knew that he had thrown him for a loop with the unsaid news. He felt like he was being challenged and even though his opponent had threw a sucker punch that knocked him off his feet, the ref was only on the number five.

“Well since you know that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, you need to start getting over it and move on.” He smugly said while still leaning back in the seat.

“Excuse me.”

“I said get over it. Life is foul, we all go through something and right now it is your turn. Welcome back to reality,” he continued. “You trusted somebody that obviously rolled you face down through the dirt and you can either learn from it and grow, or let it destroy you and all that you were meant to be. You have too much going for yourself to let this stop you. You are still young, from the looks of that car you are pushing you have a nice little cash flow, and on top of that you have God. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be mad or anything like that but you can only go so far with all that anger.”

“Do you know how fresh it all is? I mean you talking like it happened two years ago. All this went down last week man and I am still in shock. I know you are speaking the truth but you asking for a lot.”

“I feel you on that but regardless of when it occurred you still need to deal with it. You tell me when you think would be a good time period for you to start focusing on all of it and get to moving on? I mean if you want to harbor all of this until winter 2020 then go right ahead but life is too short and you already know that what’s done is done and you can’t change it, so stop acting like a little girl and be a man.”

Khalil sat and stared at him in complete disbelief and shock. He wasn’t used to receiving brutally harsh responses and was unsure as to whether or not he should say something in his defense or just soak it all in. Although he knew that Corny was right, he honestly wasn’t ready to start forgiving Tyrin. The right thing would be to let go and let God handle it but somehow that just didn’t seem like a realistic approach at handling the current situation.

“I’m going to the bathroom to wash my hands. You sit here and take a few minutes to talk this over with God and when I come back we are going to switch subjects and enjoy our lunch.”

*****

“So let me get this straight. He came to the church and started a ruckus?” Spencer asked Kerrion as he made a drink. “So where is Khalil? Have you talked to him since all this went down?” He took a sip of the vodka and cranberry and decided it was way too much cranberry juice in the glass. “See that’s exactly why I don’t do church. The same bullshit from the club meets you there too. Hell, I need to tell Khalil to come on back home where he belongs because ain’t shit changed. Tyrin needs his ass kicked. I’m a call you back, I need to find Khalil and make sure he alright.” He took another sip of the refurbished drink and tasted perfection.

“Bitch, I said let me call you back!” he hung up the phone, walked over to the couch and said, “You really do need your ass kicked.” as he handed Tyrin the drink. “Why you show your ass at church? God’s gonna get you,” he added with a laugh.

“I don’t know what the hell I was thinking,” he somberly said.

“You weren’t, and that is where you fucked up.” he said as he sat next to him and picked up his glass of wine.

“I thought that if I showed up and he saw how much I cared for him that he would consider talking to me. He could at least sit down and give me a decent conversation.”

”You cussed him out on church grounds in front of his momma.”

”She didn’t see all that, she was back inside, Kerry is putting more on it.”

“It don’t matter how much Kerry adds to it. You showed your ass. Why can’t you just be patient and let this run its course. I already told you that if this was meant to be then it will work itself out, but you just keep digging and digging and digging. Your dumb ass is about to be in China in a minute.”

“Spencer you don’t understand how stressful this all is. Everything that I have ever gone through over the course of the last five years was always made easier because I had Khalil to walk through it with me, but now I am going through something without him and it is killing me. Have you ever been in love with someone so hard that you felt as though you would die without them?”