The Everything Writing Poetry Book (39 page)

Yet even this is not quite accurate. Syrup can't really line a counter unless it has been spilled there. You can improve the sentence further as follows:

• Next to the espresso machine,
bottles
of different syrups such as vanilla, amaretto, and coconut
lined
the counter.

Now that the syrups are in containers, this version of the sentence can stand, without need of more revision. Following are more sentences you can use to practice finding and fixing errors:

• Various creatures could be seen out of the corner of the eye scurrying away.

• Tomatoes, corn, cucumbers, and the sweet scent of watermelon permeate the air.

• Large teardrops traced the edge of her glasses as they ran down her face and fell to her lap in a small puddle.

What's Your Style?

Another exercise that will help you with your revision process is doing a style analysis of poems you read or write. To do a style analysis, you will have to have a good grasp of grammar and sentence construction. You should also keep a calculator handy. To give you an idea of how to do a style analysis, consider the following poem by Joseph Millar, “Telephone Repairman.” The style analysis follows the poem.

All morning in the February light
he has been mending cable,
splicing the pairs of wires together
according to their colors,
white-blue to white-blue
violet-slate to violet-slate,
in the warehouse attic by the river
.

When he is finished
the messages will flow along the line:
thank you for the gift,
please come to the baptism,
the bill is now past due:
voices that flicker and gleam back and forth
across the tracer-colored wires
.

We live so much of our lives
without telling anyone,
going out before dawn,
working all day by ourselves,
shaking our heads in silence
at the news on the radio.
He thinks of the many signals
flying in the air around him,
the syllables fluttering,
saying please love me,
from continent to continent
over the curve of the earth
.

From
Overtime.
Reprinted with the permissions of the publisher, Eastern Washington
    University Press (Spokane, Washington), and the author
.

The book
Style and Statement
, by Edward P. J. Corbett and Robert J. Connors, provided the basis for this analysis. If you want to see other methods of style analysis, this book includes six different types. The analysis here uses only a fraction of the options available in the book.

You will note after going through this analysis that Millar's poem illustrates several of the principles that have been discussed so far. Millar uses concrete nouns and verbs, many of which he places at the ends of lines. He uses adjectives and adverbs sparingly. He uses a lot of function words, such as prepositions and determiners—especially the word
the
—but that is to be expected with the number of nouns here. He also uses several of the grammar tricks—participles, appositives, and absolutes—discussed in Chapter 3.

These findings will help you if you do an analysis of your own poems. You can easily see if you are using the right number of nouns and verbs, a good selection of grammar tricks, or too many adjectives, adverbs, and pronouns. If you are unsure of how to categorize a word, make use of your desk dictionary, which will show its functions and give examples of its use.

A Revision Example

To give you an idea of how the drafting process works, take a look at two versions of the poem “Thinning” by Jeanie French. The first version is an earlier draft. The second version is the polished revision you read in Chapter 14.

Reluctant, I sit down between rows
faint lines of valiant green marching
between aisles of straw, the sun hot
on my head, burning the tips of my ears
and the back of my neck and I separate
the seedlings gently with my fingertips
feeling for the strongest, thickest shoot
in the clutch of tiny succulent leaves, for
that is the one which will survive my
tender care. I can't wear gloves—
I need all the delicacy of unimpeded touch,
nothing between the ridges of my fingerprints
and the pulpy-soft, new-sprung stalks.
I grasp a spindly clump of seedlings and pull
gently, sever their roots from nurturing earth,
and lay them aside to die in the strong spring sun
.

I feel the murder in my cells as I do it,
and reach for the next sacrifice
.

Reprinted with the permission of the author
.

Reluctant, I sit down between rows
faint lines of valiant green marching
between aisles of straw, the sun hot
on my head, burning the tips of my ears
and the back of my neck. I separate
the seedlings gently with my fingertips
feeling for the strongest, thickest shoot
in the clutch of tiny succulent leaves,
for that is the one which will survive
my tender care. I can't wear gloves—
I need all the delicacy of unimpeded touch,
nothing but the ridges of my fingerprints
and the pulpy-soft, new-sprung stalks.
I grasp a spindly clump of seedlings and pull
gently, sever roots from nurturing earth,
lay them aside to die in the strong spring sun
.

Murder lives in my cells
as I reach for the next sacrifice
.

Reprinted with the permission of the author
.

French does not change many words between drafts. However, in the second draft she splits the long sentence that appeared at the beginning of the first and alters the line breaks to fall more favorably on nouns and verbs. Furthermore, she compacts the language toward the end by dropping unnecessary words, and she tightens the final couplet.

Very subtle changes have been made here, but for the better. From this example, you should learn that even if you improve a single word, the effort is well worth the trouble. Though you should always revise your poetry, be sure to keep a collection of your old drafts and ideas. These may help you revise your poems further in the future, or they can just serve as nostalgic reminders of your writing process.

Chapter 19
Poetry Groups

F
or many poets, regardless of ability or publication experience, reader feedback is a valuable tool. Some poets claim that they don't need anyone to review their work, but if they plan to get it published, it will ultimately meet an editor's red pen. Poets, especially beginners, need opinions and suggestions from knowledgeable writers and readers to help them along. One of the best ways to get this kind of feedback on your work is to join (or create) a writing group.

The Perfect Mix of Members

Writing groups are comprised of individuals who share two common desires: to enhance their own writing and to help other writers improve their work. However, finding an effective mix of group members is more difficult than it may sound. If you have ever been involved in a writing workshop, you have already found that most people who write long to be told one thing: Their writing is perfect. They hope to receive a round of applause and hear the crowd cheer, “Remember us when you're on the
New York Times
bestseller list!”

As mentioned in Chapter 1, there's plenty of ego involved in writing, and some people look to writing groups simply to boost their egos—not to get help or to help others. If you are only looking for a place to be praised and admired, you'd better start your own fan club. Writing groups are for people who enjoy the process of writing, appreciate the comments (and criticisms) of other writers, and are willing to give as well as receive assistance.

Finding Group Members

If you do not know anyone willing to join a writing group, visit a nearby bookstore or library. Many bookstores, libraries, and even colleges serve as hosts to writing groups. If there aren't any existing groups, you can advertise a call for members on their bulletin boards. Some educational institutions may allow you to advertise, but you will probably have to get permission first. Use caution when soliciting members; it will take time for you to get to know these people. However, regardless of the manner in which your group forms, these individuals may ultimately become some of your closest friends.