The Everything Writing Poetry Book (38 page)

The Noun Clause

If you add
that, whether
, or
if in
front of an independent clause, or if you change one of the nouns to
who, that, what
, or
which
, you can create a
noun clause
. The noun clause fills one of the noun slots in the noun/verb/noun pattern. For instance, if you turn the previous sample sentence into
that she is a police officer
or
who is a police officer
, you can embed both new noun clauses in the second slot:
I know that she is a police officer
or
I know who is a police officer
.

The Relative Clause

If you change one of the nouns in an independent clause into the word
who, whom, that
, or
which
, you can create a
relative clause
. The relative clause works like an adjective—it describes a noun. For example, in the sentence “My daughter, who is a police officer, lives in Los Angeles,”
daughter
is a noun. It is also the subject of the independent clause
my daughter lives in Los Angeles
. The clause
who is a police officer
describes the word
daughter
.

Punctuation

Punctuation separates word groups but it can also tell you what sorts of word groups are being separated. For example, when you use a period, you are signaling that what comes before the period is a complete thought or, grammatically, a complete sentence. If you use a period to set off a word group that is not complete, you have created a sentence fragment. To tell if a word group is complete, look first for one of the subject/verb patterns described above.

Two other punctuation marks, the exclamation point and the question mark, also signal the end of a complete thought. The thought may be a clause (“What a nice boy he is!”; “Is he a nice boy?”), an exclamation (“What a nice boy!”), or a question (“Which boy?”). The exclamation point and the question mark are not used as often as the period.

Many inexperienced poets believe that the exclamation point must be used to express an extreme emotion. They feel that the reader will miss the emotion without the signal given by the punctuation. Try instead to choose words and images that express the emotion, without relying on the punctuation. It's easy to overuse the exclamation point, so be careful not to depend upon it too often.

Marking Separation

Three punctuation marks create varying degrees of separation: the semicolon, the colon, and the dash. They do not create total separation like the period, the exclamation point, and the question mark. The semicolon can separate complete thoughts but does so in a manner that suggests that the thoughts are closely related. If you write, for example, “He went to the bank. She went to the store,” the period shows total separation between the two statements. However, if you write “He went to the bank; she went to the store,” the semicolon implies a link between the two actions—perhaps she went to the store because he went to the bank, or they acted at the same time.

When a colon separates complete thoughts, the word group before the colon anticipates the word group after it. For instance, take a look at the following: “The sergeant made a new rule: No enlisted man was to leave the barracks on weekends.” Here, the first part, “The sergeant made a new rule,” anticipates the second part. You might also say that the second part explains the first part. In this case, what comes after the colon explains what the new rule stipulated.

The dash is more visible than the colon and semicolon and creates more separation between two phrases. Therefore, it gives more emphasis to the two phrases it sets apart. Compare the following examples of these three punctuation marks:

• I was wrong; she would go on to be a great singer.

• I was wrong: She would go on to be a great singer.

• I was wrong—she would go on to be a great singer.

The dash seems to give more impact to what follows than the other two marks. Now compare these three to the total separation signaled by the period: “I was wrong. She would go on to be a great singer.” The tone, the meaning, and the style of each sentence are altered by the punctuation chosen. But remember, there is not always a right or wrong answer when it comes to choosing between these forms of punctuation. There are some cases in which a dash or a colon would work, and others in which a semicolon is the only appropriate punctuation.

The Comma

The comma separates phrases from clauses, makes lists, and marks the boundary of clauses joined by
and, but
, and
or
. However, because of its many uses, the comma tends to cause the most trouble for writers. But you need not despair. There are a few rules you can easily learn to make sure you are using the comma correctly. For instance, assess the use of the comma in this example: “I was wrong, she would go on to be a great singer.” Since
I was wrong
is a complete thought and
she would go on to be a great singer
is a complete thought, the comma is misused here.

Now consider this sentence: “After the game we went to the pub to celebrate.” There seem to be two distinct word groups here:
after the game
and
we went to the pub to celebrate
. The first group,
after the game
, is not a complete thought. For this reason, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with a comma:
After the game, we went to the pub to celebrate
.

Now take a look at this sentence: “People, who live in glass houses, should not throw stones.” It looks awkward, doesn't it? It seems more natural to leave the commas out: “People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.” Another problem arises in this sentence: “The football team which stayed at the hotel, won the game.” The commas in such a case have to go on both sides of the word group
which stayed at the hotel
—or not appear at all. The rule “Two or none but never one” applies here.

Line by Line

Once you have completed a few drafts of a poem, you should do a
line edit
to make sure your sentences are clean. Line editing means that you go through your poem line by line to correct any errors you see. The process can be laborious, but it will add polish that a careful reader will appreciate. Consider the following three suggestions to make your line-editing process smooth and helpful.

First, find the subjects and the verbs of your sentences. Seventy-five percent of all errors can be corrected by following this step. For example, look at the following sentences:

•
Sarah
pours
the water into the simmering pot and
begins
to boil.

• Different
syrups
were lined
up on the counter next to the espresso machine, such as vanilla, amaretto, and coconut.

The subjects of the sentences are underlined once, and the verbs are underlined twice. By reading aloud just the subject and the verbs of the first sentence, you can detect a major error—Sarah can't possibly be boiling herself. The following is one revision you could make:

•
Sarah
pours
the water into the simmering pot and the
water
begins
to boil.

Adding a second subject to the sentence (
water
) creates a sentence that logically connects the actions of the verbs to those performing the actions.

The problem in the second sentence arises from the use of passive voice. Passive voice tells the reader that the subject of the sentence is receiving rather than doing the action of the verb. However, in this sentence, the syrups are indeed performing the action—they are lining the counter. To revise the sentence, you might write:

• Different
syrups
lined
the counter next to the espresso machine, such as vanilla, amaretto, and coconut.

Second, make sure the modifiers are placed where they should be. Modifiers include adjectives, adverbs, prepositional phrases, participles, infinitives, and relative clauses. Generally, modifiers should be placed next to the words they modify, either directly before or directly after. The sentences used in the previous examples have unnecessary modifiers or modifiers placed in the wrong positions:

•
Sarah
pours
the water into the simmering pot and the
water
begins
to boil.

• Different
syrups
lined
the counter next to the espresso machine, such as vanilla, amaretto, and coconut.

In the first sentence, the adjective
simmering
is not used accurately. Pots don't simmer; the contents of a pot simmer. Hence, you can delete it:

•
Sarah
pours
the water into the pot and the
water
begins
to boil.

In the second sentence, the list beginning with the phrase
such as
has been placed next to
machine
, as if the machine itself could come in different flavors. The list should be placed next to the word
syrups
:

• Different
syrups
, such as vanilla, amaretto, and coconut
lined
the counter next to the espresso machine.

Third, make sure your punctuation goes where it should. Addressing the first two suggestions first will help you to find and correct many common punctuation errors. In the example sentences above, some punctuation is missing or unnecessary. They should read as follows:

•
Sarah
pours
the water into the pot, and the
water
begins
to boil.

• Different
syrups
such as vanilla, amaretto, and coconut
lined
the counter next to the espresso machine.

In the first sentence, the comma marks the boundary between clauses joined with
and
. In the second sentence, the phrase “such as vanilla, amaretto, and coconut” comes between the subject
syrups
and the verb
lined
. Remember the comma rules you learned. The phrase must be set off with two commas or no commas. Removing the comma in front of the word
such
makes the most sense.