The Final Score (8 page)

“I don’t know
. I’m just babbling. I would love to be with you and Mikey. Not that I don’t miss my family, but… my mom says Luke is doing better, he’s playing with the Renegades again so he’s not around either.”

I
tense up at the mention of Luke. I have no idea what is going on with him, nor did I know that he was playing ball again, especially for the Renegades, the first team he and Mikey were assigned to in the minors. I remember all of the trips I took that summer to see him play. I try to brush the thoughts of him from my mind and focus on Deanna. This is about her…
not him
.

“I would love for you to be here
, my room is plenty big enough and I have the extra bed,” I offer, ignoring her statement about Luke, trying to focus on Deanna’s needs.

“Is Mya going with you to Mikey
’s game?” she asks with a twinge of jealously.

“I
was thinking of asking Frank.” It’s a statement, but I say it more as a question, wanting her opinion.

“J
J, I think it’s a good idea. He would love it. Have you tw
o—
”

“No…
no… I’m not even positive he’s interested.”

“Oh, he’s defin
itely interested. The question is, are you?”

I laugh. “
I don’t know… maybe.”

“Good for you
. Ask him.”

Before we hang up, I promise to give her a play
-by-play of the game. I’m happy to hear that she is her usual upbeat self by the time we end our call.

“Hey
, Jazz, do you think I should ask Frank?” I turn to face her, only to find Frank standing behind her.

“Ask Frank what?”
he asks, smiling.

Jazz laughs
and walks out of the office, giving us some privacy. I’m left there with my foot in my mouth. I have no choice but to ask. I relay the news about Mikey and invite him to go along with me to the game. He’s thrilled that I asked and plans to pick me up by six.

***

We end up having a great time together. Mikey has a great game and the Rays beat Boston. It’s exciting to see him up on the big monitor as they flash his picture and statistics. He makes a couple of great plays behind the plate; two singles, a double and two RBI’s. Pretty impressive for a first game in the MLB. He looks confident, as if he’s been part of the team all along. I faithfully report the play-by-play to Deanna throughout the night. The game isn’t televised in Phoenix.

Mikey
’s flying to New York tomorrow. They are playing the Yankees at home. My dad told me they got a group together and are heading up by bus to watch him play at Yankee Stadium. Everyone is looking forward to it.

Chapter 7

(Luke)

I got through it, and I’m ready to take my life back
, I say to myself the moment I open my eyes on the morning of August 20
th
. Immediately following my talk with Mikey, I know I need help in coping with my feelings. I’m still battling the same demons over and over; three good days to four bad. I sit down with my mom, dad and Deanna, and confess to them what is going on with me. I tell them how I’m trying to work it out on my own, not wanting to burden them with more of my crap, but in return, all I’m doing is alienating everyone around me. I tell them how I’m struggling with being home and how I don’t feel as if I belong.

To my surprise, relief
is written all over their faces. This is the breakthrough they’ve been waiting on since I came home. With my family’s support, along with the Rays’ organization, they get me the help I need.

I beg
in to work with a therapist to help me come to terms with everything that happened. I’m having a hard time forgiving myself. No matter how you look at it, I had taken a life. I pushed everyone I loved away, thinking I didn’t deserve them. More than anything, I hate what I did to JJ. I knew I should have tried to make things right with her, but I didn’t quite understand how to deal with what happened to me. I had to forgive myself first. After awhile, I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The Ray
s’ organization has been calling. They’ve seen my pitching and want me back as soon as I’m released. Even though my pitching looks good, I know that mentally, I’m not ready to be thrown back in the spotlight.

Coach Brigg’s, my high school coach, stop
s by to see me. Apparently, he noticed that I was addicted to watching the guys at summer camp.

“So what d
id you think of my new lefty?” he asks.

“What new lefty?” I laugh, trying to pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about. He gives
me a look, telling me that he knew that I was watching. “His hips; he’s using too much upper body and not enough lower. He’ll get more velocity if he rotates his hip just a bit more,” I answer.

“I could have used you this summer
,” he says, smiling, knowing I was right on target.

“I can’t imagine what those guys must think of me
now,” I say.

“They think you’re a superstar, that’s what they think
,” he answers.

I smile
. It makes me feel good to know that people still believe in me and offer their support. I continue getting my mind stronger.

***

The day after my release date, the Rays evaluate me, both mentally and physically. Thankfully, I pass both. Immediately they place me with the Hudson Valley Renegades.

While there,
I get word from Mikey, telling me he’s been called up to the majors. I’m happy for him and it gives me the incentive to work harder than ever.

I’m able to
attend two out of the three games he plays at Yankee Stadium. The feeling I get, walking into the stadium, is a feeling you can never imagine as I see Mikey standing before me in the locker room in a Rays’ uniform. He made it. I’m proud of him. Now I, too, am working towards the same goal.

After the game, I’m standing outside of the dugout with
the other members of the organization, waiting to congratulate Mikey as he makes his way off the field after being interviewed. The Rays beat the Yankees two out of the three games, and Mikey is putting up some pretty impressive numbers; especially in this game. He put the Rays in the lead, giving them the win. I’m blindsided by an ESPN reporter who begins to interview me live on camera. I look around for someone to bail me out, but no one seems to notice. I face my biggest fear, being questioned about my ordeal. I barely get through it, but manage to keep my composure, answer the questions, and shift the conversation back to today’s game.

Thankfully, one of the managers notice
s my uneasiness and politely intervenes, giving me the opportunity to make my escape to the locker room.

***

(Jesse)

I gather
up a few friends to head over to the Sports Zone to watch Mikey’s game against the Yankees. It’s exciting watching him play on TV, and he’s on fire once again. The Rays are down 4-3 in the top of the ninth with two outs and a man on first. Mikey’s up to bat. As they discuss his impressive numbers, he hits the ball into the bleachers over center field, giving the Rays a two-run homer. The Rays hold the Yankees and keep their 5-4 lead for the win.

I watch the
TV over the bar as Mikey is interviewed after the game. He talks about how awesome it is to be playing at Yankee Stadium and how happy he is to have his family and friends there to support him. Once the interview is over, I turn my attention back to my friends as we finish up our drinks and talk. As I’m talking, I glance up at one of the TVs over the bar, behind Frank’s head. I freeze, my body goes cold and my heart starts to pound. Four TVs are all showing the same interview. In the blue banner at the bottom of the screen, it reads: LUKE DI’ANGELO.

I don’t recognize him at first. It’s not that he looks different it’s just that I’m not expecting to see him on TV. He’s
wearing dark sunglasses, his hair is a bit longer, and he has a five o’clock shadow. Luke was always clean shaven. I always thought he was big, but now, seeing him on TV, he appears larger. I barely notice that my body is trembling. He seems older. His smile is strained. I try to listen to the sound of his voice, but my heart is making too much noise and I’m unable to hear what he’s saying.

He seems uncomfortable with the interview. I
don’t remember seeing him uncomfortable in an interview before. I try taking everything about him in. He looks healthy…
and handsome
. His white, button down, cotton shirt reveals his tanned, muscular forearms. I want to see his eyes… I want to know if he’s okay. I would know, if only I could see his eyes, but the dark glasses make it impossible.

The only words
I’m able to understand are that he says he’s happy to be back. I don’t feel the tears running down my cheeks or know that Mya and Frank are watching me until I hear Frank’s voice.

“Jesse
, are you okay?” he asks while glancing back over his shoulder at the screen.

“Yeah… I’m… I’m fine…
I need some air,” I stutter, standing up and looking to Mya.

Mya
, too, glances up at the screen, seeing Luke finish up with his interview. She stands up and tells everyone we will be back in a minute.

“Jess, that’s him, huh?”
she whispers as we head out the door.

Once outside, I prop myself against the
wall for support and try to catch my breath. Mya is the only one I ever told about Luke, besides Mikey and Deanna. It was during our freshman year of school, back when we used to lay around in our beds all day in-between classes. Mya would tell me about her miserable life and I would match it with my own. Mya knows how much I was affected by him. We haven’t discussed him in over a year, but I’m guessing she figured it out by my reaction.

M
ya doesn’t say a word; she just lets me be until I’m able to catch my breath. After awhile, she asks if I’m okay. I nod and we head back into the bar to our table. Once inside, the TVs are now tuned in to another game. I ask Frank if he is ready to leave. By the look on his face, I can tell I owe him some type of explanation.

After stepping out of the bar, Fr
ank asks if I’m alright. I think about lying and saying I feel sick, but instead, I decide to be honest. The sun is disappearing behind the buildings. The air is warm, but a chill runs through my body. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with air. It feels as if my throat is closed and I’m unable to breathe.

I t
ake a few more deep breaths, hoping that once I start breathing, the piercing pain in my heart will subside. We find a bench and I decide to sit for a moment, Frank sits beside me.

“Yes
, I’m fine. I was caught off guard.”

“You’re face went white
as if you had seen a ghost.”

“Something like that
,” I reply, giving him a half-hearted smile. “That was Deanna’s brother, Luke, on TV. I haven’t seen him in a really long time.”

“I know who he is
, only I didn’t realize it was Deanna’s brother. There used to be a lot of hype about him and Mikey the year they were drafted. I take it, he was important to you?” he asks softly.

“Yes…
very.
At one time, we were very important to each other. I haven’t seen or heard from him in over two years.” I could tell I surprised him by my confession and suddenly it felt awkward sitting here with him, talking about this.

“I’m sorry. I read what happened to him.”

“I was there, with him, the day it happened… It was horrible… It was a terrible accident,” I say, remembering that afternoon in the parking lot. “Anyway, things didn’t end very well for him,
or us
. I thought we would always be in each others’ lives, but that changed when he left,” I say, looking away.

“Did it?
I mean, it looks as though he is on his way back.”

“Do you mean, on his way back to baseball, or on his way back to me?”
I ask, confused by his statement.

“
Maybe both,” he responds quietly.

“Well, it seems as though he’s returned
to baseball. But me? No. That chapter is closed. Our lives have taken us in different directions and we are not the same people we were then,” I answer definitively.

“But he didn’t leave by choice.”

“No, he may not have had a choice about going away, but he did have a choice about leaving me. I thought he would write, make things better between us, even if it was just to remain friends. We were such good friends before we were… you know… but he never did. He’s been home since spring; he hasn’t tried to contact me.”

“He knows you’re here?”

“Of course. His family lives across the street from my home in Jersey… I mean
directly
across the street. Our parents are friends. I would have known if he wanted to see me.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“I’ve moved past it… I came to terms with it a while ago. It just took me off guard seeing him for the first time today. He’s not the same person I knew.”