The Fire In My Eyes (25 page)

His hands tightened slightly. All I could do was nod.

He lifted me off my feet. “Don't ever accuse me of not knowing what I'm doing, Parker,” he said. His tone was calm, bitterly calm, even as he lifted me higher. I gasped for breath. “Don't ever accuse me of that, or assume that, or even think that. I know precisely what I'm doing with you. Alistair knows precisely what I'm doing with you. He approves, don't you realize that? You won't find any sympathy if you run to him, crying that Shade abuses you. He already knows. He watches. I think he likes it.”

“Fuck you,” I managed to choke out.

He laughed, then dropped me without warning. I landed on my ass and bounded to my feet. He kicked my legs out from under me, dumping me to the ground again. “You want to fight me now, don't you?” he asked.

Fight him? More than that. I wanted to humiliate him. I wanted him to feel as powerless as he had just made me feel. If there was something, anything I could do, just one thing that would make him terrified of me, I wanted to do it. Pure, cold revenge. I stood up, focused that inner rage, and drew my power up to the highest level I had ever managed to keep under control. Surges of power shook my body and my mind. I could almost feel raw psionic energy crawling along my skin, burrowing through my veins, spraying out with every breath I exhaled.

Shade bared his teeth in a nasty grin. “Today's your lucky day, Parker! Do your fucking best!” He whipped the sunglasses off and tossed them aside. His eyes were blazing green orbs, and then he was on me. His hands gripped my throat again and I flung him away, a telekinetic burst of rage and power. Blood dripped from my neck where his fingernails had dug in. He skidded to a stop, carving trails through the grass and dirt. He splayed his legs and planted one hand on the ground. The ground shook.

I skipped sideways. The place where I had been standing burst as if a bomb had been planted under my feet. Dirt showered me and I nearly lost my balance. I wouldn't fall, not for him. I planted my right foot and pushed myself into a dropkick in his direction, blindly guessing that he would be there. He wasn't. He snagged my feet out of the air and slammed me into the ground. My teeth clacked together and I tasted grit and iron. He pushed his toe into my side as I gasped for air. “What sort of idiot are you? Use your Sight!”

He jumped backwards, letting me catch my breath and get to my feet. I spat dirt and blood on the ground and tapped even more power, calling my Sight and focusing it on him. The world around me shimmered with the familiar web of threads, but only for a fraction of a second before they focused on him. I could see how his psionic energy was focusing, arms and legs, ground and air, not waiting for me to completely recover, but ready to launch his next assault now.

I dove sideways as energy crackled through the air, just like how he had blasted at the gangbanger at Max's place. No shield of mine was strong enough to block or even deflect that. Before that blast even completely dissipated, I could already feel him pounding toward me. He wanted to get his hands on me again, so I pulled the ground up right where I anticipated his right foot would fall.

He tripped and flung himself sideways. I charged. He planted himself again, splayed legs, one hand on the ground. I leaped forward, recognizing what he had done before. Only then did I see his focus on something else. He grabbed my foot with a telekinetic grip before I could shield against it, and swung me down toward the ground in a tight arc. My face kissed the grass, and then he used that momentum to throw me straight up in the air.

I flew upwards, cartwheeling helplessly, completely out of control. My power surged and sparked erratically. I couldn't concentrate to stabilize my power or my spinning. I just saw blue-green-blue-green-blue-green in rapid sequence, all the way to the apex of my flight. I frantically tried to focus my power, twisting it back down to controllable levels. I was at least thirty feet in the air and descending. Falling from this height might kill me. It might not. I didn't want to find out. Precious seconds were passing, but I couldn't do anything. I couldn't slow down. I couldn't stop. I was going to hit the ground.

Shade caught me. He grabbed my left leg at the ankle, holding me just inches above the ground. My body groaned at the mistreatment and my arms thumped painfully against the ground. The world spun. I couldn't see anything but a dizzying cycle of blue and green.

He laid me on my back without dropping me, then stood over me, looking down and watching me gasp for air. When I could finally focus on him, I saw that his sunglasses were back in place, covering up the glow from his eyes. “Wasn't that exciting?” he asked.

I lifted one shaky hand, middle finger extended. “Go to hell.”

He laughed. “Guess what the next stage of your training is going to be, Parker. Self-defense. Next week. This was just a taste. Next week's for real.” He spun around and walked away. I laid in the middle of the field, by myself, trying to breathe.

It was mid-afternoon by the time I got back to the dorm. I walked around Troy for two hours, wandering by small stores downtown, buying lunch, sitting outside and brooding. By the time I made it back to the dorm, I was miserable. I was exhausted, psionically and physically. I just had the shit kicked out of me. That fucker was malicious. Maybe even sadistic. I unlocked and opened the door to my room. The thought of more training with him made me nauseous. Next week would be a new level of hell. I lurched to the bathroom.

After washing up, I staggered over to my bed and found an envelope on my pillow. I sat down on the bed and looked it over. It was oddly thick, like there was more than just a letter. The return address was my dad's. Max had also written a note on there in his spidery handwriting. “This arrived yesterday, but no one checked the mail. Sorry.”

It was completely out of character for my dad to write anything to me. I rarely even got e-mail from him. I opened it, wondering what sort of terrible news it had to be. Inside was another envelope, sticky note attached to the back. My dad had written on the note, “Got this in the mail for you.”

I flipped the envelope over. Flowing neat print, all written in red ink. I knew that style. The postmark was from California. The return address had her name. Stephanie. Why was she writing to me? Why did I have to get a letter from her today of all days? Couldn't I just be miserable with my own life without her adding to it?

I opened it and read her letter, twice. When I finished, I crumpled it up and flung it toward the trash can, missing completely. I laid down on my side and closed my eyes, just for a moment. Just to forget for a moment. Just to forget her.

A loud knock on the door surprised me and I sat up. The room was darker than it just had been. Had I fallen asleep? Whoever was there knocked again. “What?” I snapped.

“I thought you'd be here. What happened to you?” Nikki walked into the room, saw me sitting on my bed, and frowned. “What the hell? Everyone's been waiting for you, but you just came back and took a nap without telling anyone?”

“Get off my case,” I said. “I can’t deal with any more bullshit today.”

“What are you talking about?” she demanded. “Talk to me.”

I pushed myself up and wiped at the corner of my mouth. I'd been drooling on my pillow. “You want to know? You really want to know what I've been going through today?”

She pulled my chair away from my desk and crashed down onto it. “Yes.”

“I went to that special training this morning. He beat the shit out of me. I thought I was doing well. I'm in shape, I'm strong, I'm in my prime, but I don't know a thing. I couldn't do anything against that bastard. He just flung me around like I wasn't even trying. Do you have any idea how helpless that made me feel?” I grabbed a fistful of my sheets and tried to blink away the burning in my eyes. “I couldn't defend myself at all!”

“You probably did more than I could,” she said. “So that's why you're here sulking? Because you learned you've got a lot to learn?”

“Fuck learning that!” I shouted at her. She sat up straight and her mouth tightened into a thin line. I clamped down on my frustration and tried again. “Sorry. It's not what I was learning. It's how he taught me. He just kicked the shit out of me and I never had a chance. Not a chance in hell. All I learned was how pathetic I really am.”

“You still could have let me know you were back, you know,” she said. “I don't know what I could do to help, but I could at least be there for you.”

My temper flared again. I didn't want her to see me like that, and I didn't want her to see me like this. “I could have, right? You know what happened when I got back here? I threw my lunch right back up, probably three days’ worth of lunches and dinners, and then I get my mail. You want to know what the final stroke was? You want to know what I just learned? Here, let me show you the letter.” I held my hand out. The wadded up letter streaked across the room to my hand, barely missing her. I smoothed it back out and held it up.

“Who's it from?” she asked.

“My ex. My kind-of ex. My best friend. My ex best friend. Fuck, I don't know! You want to know what it says?” She nodded. I read:

“Dear Kevin, how are you? I've been trying to talk to you, but I guess you don't go online much anymore, or check your old e-mail account. Maybe you're just blocking me. I wouldn't blame you, not after what happened.

“I wanted to let you know that I moved out to California after spring semester. Yes, I moved out here for him. I had to be with him. Long distance relationships don't work! Joel was always so nice to me, I couldn't take being so far away from him. I'm working part-time for a little tech company out here and saving up money so I can get my bachelor's out here. I bet my classes will be easier here than they are for you there!

“Joel's like you in a lot of ways. Did you know that? He's always so quiet, but so smart, and he knows all sorts of silly computer things just like you. He is a little temperamental, though, which isn't much like you. You were always so calm, no matter what was going on. I don't know what happened to you to get you all excited over someone like me, but I guess we all change.

“I really am sorry though, and I do miss you. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had told you yes, and Joel no. Do you really think you would have been happy with me? I'm always going to wonder about that. I'm happy with him, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I wonder if I'd be happier with someone who knew me just like you did. I mean, it hurts to have my closest friend for almost all of my life disappear on me.

“In the end, I guess I just have to deal with the hand I was dealt, right? I hope you find a nice girl who you're happy with. I also hope you don't forget me. Maybe someday we'll run into each other again.

“I put my new e-mail address on here just in case you want to talk. Please let me know how you are! I hope you get this! I miss you!”

I crumpled the letter up again and tossed it across the room again. Nikki caught it and rolled it between her hands. “So how do you feel about that?” she asked.

“How do I feel? I feel like I just got punched in the stomach.” I bounced a fist off my mattress. Reading the letter out loud had actually released some of the tension I was feeling. “She says she has a boyfriend out there, someone she moved out there to be with, and then in the next breath says she wonders what it would have been like to be with me instead! What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Nikki tapped the crumpled up letter against her chin. “Well, it means she's human, Kevin. We all wonder about that sort of thing. Don't you wonder what would have happened if she had said yes, too?”

I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to. Stephanie and Nikki had so many of the same mannerisms. How many times had I seen Steph tap something against her chin when she was deep in thought? They even looked similar. Sometimes I wondered if I was only so attracted to Nikki because she reminded me so much of Steph. How shallow would that be? I kept that thought to myself. “I feel like such a screwup today.”

“Why is that?”

“First, all the bullshit with Shade. He knows about our practice together, you know. I don't think he really approves. Maybe that's why he kicked my ass around the field.”

“Your mentor?”

I nodded. “Second, the letter from Steph. You remind me of her a lot. Maybe that's why we get along so well. I feel just as comfortable around you as I did around her, and I knew her since grade school. It's a little strange. And she hopes I find a nice girl. I don't know if that's cruel or kind.”

Nikki rolled her eyes. “I'm a nice girl, aren't I?”

“Shade called you my girlfriend, you know.” I tried to force a laugh, but couldn't really get it out.

She tilted her head and frowned. “He thinks I'm your girlfriend? That's interesting.”

“Why is that interesting?” I asked.

“Because I think I'm your girlfriend too.”

“What?”

“Did you think there was some paperwork we needed to fill out?” she asked. “I mean, Kaitlyn always asks me how my boyfriend is. Your friends talk about us like we're a couple. They make jokes about it. I think the only person who hasn't figured it out yet is you. And Andreas,” she added. “Andreas probably hasn't figured it out yet.”

“I'm missing something here,” I confessed. Was she saying what I thought she was saying or was she just trying to make me feel better?

She sighed and stood up, holding the wadded letter in the palm of her hand. It flashed into flames and ash, leaving only a thin wisp of smoke hanging in the air. She blew the ash off her hand, and it swirled through the air into the garbage. Neat bit of telekinesis. “Forget about her,” she said. “You've done what she wanted you to do. You've found a nice girl who makes you happy. At least I hope you're happy. Are you?”

“Of course I am!”

She clapped her hands to my cheeks, hard enough to sting. I was caught with nowhere to run. She looked down at me, then slowly and deliberately, bent forward and kissed me.

After a moment, I found that I really didn't want to run anywhere after all. She let go and straightened up, then held her hands out to me. “I'm happy with you too, even if you are a bit moody sometimes. Come on. We're going to go eat, and then we're going to watch fireworks. They're all waiting for you and me. Waiting for us, Kevin. Get it?”