The Fire In My Eyes (39 page)

She screamed as he dropped toward her. I reached out and grabbed the desk in a telekinetic grip, then threw it at him, trying to knock him off balance. No time for finesse. The desk shot through the air, a hundred pounds or more of steel.

It caught him just before he landed, the upper edge striking him mid-chest. It kept moving, carrying him across the room. His arms flailed helplessly. It took barely two seconds for the desk and unwilling passenger to slam into far wall. I heard a vicious crack, the snap of multiple bones breaking in unison. The floor shook. The lights flickered. The desk fell to the floor with another rattling crash, landing inches away from Yamamoto, and the agent flopped forward, face down on the desk, unmoving. A trickle of red streaked across the steel.

I knelt next to Nikki. She was my first concern. There was an ugly bruise where he had hit her, but as far as I could tell, nothing was broken. It was going to hurt like hell, though. I used a little biokinesis to make the pain fade. Her eyes focused. “Ouch,” she whispered.

I wanted to smile, but I couldn't. “Ouch.”

“Don't worry,” she said, rubbing her jaw with one hand. “Damn. That hurt.” Her eyes flickered green and she sighed. The bruise started to fade before my eyes.

“Feel better?” I asked.

She nodded and sat up, then looked around. “Where'd he go?”

I pointed. He was face down on top of the desk. One arm hung limp, the other stretched out on top of the desk, as if he was reaching toward me. Blood pooled on top of the desk and trickled down the sides. He wasn't moving. He wasn't twitching. He wasn't breathing. There was no sense of his presence, no psionic signature, no sense of life. His body was limp.

Nikki stepped over and touched his wrist. She stood there for a moment, then looked over at me. Her eyes met mine for just a moment before looking away. “We'll need to move the desk,” she said.

“Is he?” I asked.

“His legs are trapped. We'll need to move the desk to get him free,” she said.

Yamamoto groaned and sat up, clutching at his ribs. Nikki rushed to him, but he held a hand up and she stopped short. “He is dead,” he said. “I felt it. Massive trauma. Instant. He felt no pain.”

“Yamamoto!” Nikki snapped. “Don't!”

“He's dead?” I asked. That couldn't be. I hadn't tried to kill him. He should have been able to defend against that.

“That is what I said.” Yamamoto's eyes glowed orange and he groaned again, but this time, he sounded relieved. He looked over at me. “Ah. You have never killed.”

“No,” I said. My hands were shaking. I couldn't move.

“Come help me,” he said.

“I can't,” I said. “I can't move.”

Yamamoto's eyes narrowed. “Lift your leg. Step forward. Assist me.”

Almost against my will, I stepped forward. The arm reaching out across the desk still didn't move. We picked up the edge of the desk and pulled it backwards, unpinning the body from the wall. Yamamoto caught my arm as I swayed. “Sorry,” I whispered.

“You ended his life,” Yamamoto said. “You must look upon his face.”

“I can't,” I said. “I can't move.”

Yamamoto twisted my arm, forcing me to my knees. Nikki took a step forward, but stopped short again. Yamamoto pushed me forward, bowing my head toward the body. “Look upon the face of death,” he said. “Know that you did this. You will have nightmares. You will never forget this. You will show respect for those who have fallen before you.”

The agent was face down on the desk, but Yamamoto pulled his head up to reveal the face. Blood had gushed from his mouth and nose and ears, but was already beginning to dry on his skin. His eyes were gray and dark and unfocused, staring through me. Still and silent, no air pumped in and out of his lungs. Whatever defined him as a living person was no longer there. “I did this,” I said.

“You did. He fought well. You fought better.” Yamamoto let go of my arm, but kept a hand on my shoulder. His grip was firm, enough to hold me in place. “Taking a life should not be as easy as it is. We are fragile, Kevin Parker. Our lives are candles in the night. A simple breeze can end them.”

Another hand rested on my other shoulder. I could feel Nikki's presence, but she said nothing. I was sure she would later. I reached forward and brushed the man's eyes closed. “I don't know what to feel,” I said. The outward shaking had stopped. The shaking in my stomach and my mind hadn't. I truly didn't know what to feel. Regret? Satisfaction? Pain? What were you supposed to feel at times like this?

Yamamoto squeezed. “You had no intent to kill. Remember that! This man did. Do you think that Nicole would have survived his attack? You did what was necessary. It is regrettable that he died, but if you had failed to act, she would be dead, and so would I, and so would you. Yes, you killed him. You will always remember this, but you must also remember that you saved all of us. For that reason, I am in your debt, and the Kaze always honor their debts.”

“Debt,” I repeated.

Nikki squeezed my other shoulder. “He's right, Kevin, listen to him. They were trying to kill us, from the start. Let's get out of here.”

“There is more to do here,” Yamamoto said.

“Like what? Kill the others?” I snapped. “Make sure no one lives to talk about this? Is that what you want me to do?”

“No. Mindtwist them. Destroy the original research. Take the data we have decided to split.” Yamamoto's voice was calm, far calmer than it had any right to be.

“What about him?” I asked. I had to be calm. I couldn't lose it now.

“Leave him for cleanup,” Yamamoto said. “You will report your mission completed, correct? Your Establishment will send support staff to perform the necessary repairs and memory modification. That is how the Kaze act, at least.”

Nikki's hand drifted off my shoulder and she let out a long, shaky breath. “All right. Yamamoto, I'll get the flash drives. You take care of the twisting.”

I knelt there by the corpse while the two of them took care of those tasks. Nikki reached into the man's suit jacket, moving very slowly. She pulled out all four drives, walked over, pressed my flash drive into my hand. Somehow, it was undamaged. I dropped it. She studied me, picked it up, pushed it into my pocket, walked away. I looked over my shoulder. She was walking toward the researcher's computer while Yamamoto was touching the forehead of one of the fallen Bureau agents. I attempted to send a telepathic message to Ripley. Nothing happened. I tried again. My power surged away from my touch. It was impossible. I couldn't do anything.

“His computer is a write-off,” Nikki said. “I burned everything.”

I forced myself to focus on the situation we were in again. The smell of charred electronics filled the room. “Did you break the hard drive?”

“I set everything on fire. Isn't that enough?”

I forced myself to turn away from the body, to stand up, to walk over to the smoking computer. The side was peeled off and I peered in. There were multiple hard drives and all of them were scorched, but I was sure that the actual drive platters were unharmed. “You have to break the platters inside,” I said. “Or someone with proper equipment might be able to recover the data.” I pulled the drives out and tossed them on the floor.

“I see,” Nikki said, then tore them open. Screws popped loose and so did mechanisms from inside. When they were opened up to the air, she switched back to her earlier method and burned them. “That good enough?”

I nodded. “Are we done here?”

“You have your flash drives, Yamamoto?” Nikki asked.

“I do. We are done here,” Yamamoto said. He turned to me and bowed deeply. “Remember,” he said as he straightened up. “Remember tonight. And remember that the Kaze is in your debt. That I, Shigeru Yamamoto, owe you a debt of honor, Kevin Parker.”

I bowed back, and when I straightened up, he was gone. Nikki gasped. “He jumped out the window!” she said, rushing to look out.

“He needs to get out of here before the Establishment crew gets here. Can you call it in to Ripley? I can't concentrate enough to use my power,” I said.

She nodded and her eyes glowed for a few seconds, then faded. “He acknowledged it,” she said. “Said to report to him immediately.”

I tried to force a smile. “I don't really want to report. I don't really want to face Ripley.”

“Neither do I,” she said. “But we saved the kid's life. Doesn't that count for something? Let's get out of here. Come on.”

I looked back as we left the room. We had saved one life. I had taken another. What did that count for? Nikki gently closed the door and led me away.

Ripley listened to our report without comment, which surprised me. He didn't react to our story of meeting with Yamamoto, our deal with the Kaze, or even when we described how the Bureau agents had attacked us. His only reaction was to stare at me when I explained what had happened to the last agent. My speech faltered and I started to shake again. Nikki took up where I left off.

When we were done, he stood up and walked over to the window, hands clasped behind his back. He didn't have anything to say to us, but I saw green light reflected in the window, telltale signs of a telepathic message. Nikki took my hand and squeezed firmly. Neither of us said a word.

Ripley turned to look over his shoulder at us. “I have sent a message to the city. Your mentors will be returning as quickly as possible.”

“Do you need to pull them out? Is it really necessary?” Nikki asked.

He turned back to the window. “Miss Wainwright, do not test my patience any further today. You directly defied my orders. You put yourselves in danger, you risked valuable personnel, you negotiated with a Kaze agent. You had everything to lose and nothing to gain.”

“We didn't do it for our gain, Professor,” Nikki said. “We did it because it was the right thing to do. We did it to save a life. Was that so wrong?”

Ripley turned and his eyes met mine. I looked down and studied the carpet. “No,” he said, his voice barely audible. “No, Nicole, it wasn't wrong. You did what you thought was right. Kevin did what he thought was right. His blood is on my hands for sending you into this situation without adequate preparation or training. I should have taken greater precautions. I should have stopped you.”

“The blood's on my hands,” I said. “Not yours. Only mine.”

I heard his feet whisper across the carpet, then Nikki's hand drifted from mine. Two hands gripped my shoulders. I raised my head to meet Ripley's gaze at an uncomfortably short distance. “I will shoulder the responsibility for this incident, Kevin,” he told me. “Officers are held responsible for the conduct of their subordinates in the military, aren't they?”

“But-”

He shook me hard enough to clack my teeth together. “You did nothing wrong. You acted with restraint! You didn't respond to deadly force with equal force until the very end. The moment they shot at you, you were free to respond in kind. Some of our agents would feel obligated to respond in kind! The fact that you did not speaks of your character!”

I jerked backwards a step. “I wasn't even trying! I didn't mean to kill him! I didn't want to kill him! I just wanted to stop him, that's all!”

“Kevin, don't do this to yourself.” Nikki grabbed at my hand. I jerked away from her as well. “Listen! You heard what Yamamoto said. You did what you had to do, it was him or us. He would have killed you if he had the chance. He would have killed all of us!”

“Enough, Nicole,” Ripley said. He stepped between the two of us. “Kevin. You need to calm down and consider the situation rationally. You did not mean to kill him.”

The strength went out of my knees and I dropped to the floor. “No, but that doesn't change anything, does it? I know. I know it was an accident. I know I had to stop him or he would have killed Nikki. He would have killed me and he would have killed Yamamoto. He would have killed the researcher too. I know what would have happened!” My eyes stung and I raked the back of my hand across my face. “I know. But that doesn't change anything,” I repeated.

Nikki knelt in front of me. “Kevin, don't you realize you're one of the good guys? You stopped the bad guys, you saved the innocents. You saved me. Saved the princess, right?”

I tried to laugh, but choked instead. “Princess. Good guys. I don't feel it. I don't feel anything at all right now.”

She stepped forward on her knees and wrapped her arms around me. I shook and trembled and quivered and my eyes stung and watered, but no tears would come. I knew they were right. I knew it on a rational, intellectual level. I also knew that I would be hearing that dreadful crack and seeing that man's face in my dreams and in my nightmares.

She held me for a time in silence. All I could hear was my own heartbeat. I finally pulled away and she smiled and cupped my face in her hands. Knowing that she was there for me was all that held me together at that moment. I looked for Ripley and found him sitting behind his desk again.

His expression was not kind. His hands were folded just below his nose, covering his mouth, his eyebrows drawn together as he stared at me. It was cold, calculating in a way. It wasn't the look of the concerned old man he had just been wearing. It was the look of someone thinking of something unpleasant. He didn't seem to notice that I was watching him at first, but when he did, his expression eased. He lowered his hands and gave me a thin smile. “Are you more in control of yourself now, Kevin?” he asked.

“I think so,” I said. Nikki and I returned to the chairs in front of his desk. She held my hand. Hers was warm.

“Here is my conclusion,” he said. “First of all, you are both suspended from active operations. I will discuss the situation with your mentors when they return. Do not leave campus until further notice.”

“Understood,” Nikki said. I swallowed hard. Shade would blow his top over this, I was sure. I didn't know how he’d react, but I was sure it would be bad.

“Second, your encounter with the Kaze agent, Yamamoto. Under normal circumstances, I would reprimand both of you for assisting a hostile organization. However, considering the situation, we'll set that aside. I do wish that you had been able to complete it without sharing that information with them.”