The Fire In My Eyes (41 page)

I truly did want to kill him at that moment. I would have gladly tormented him just as he was tormenting me. I wanted to make him suffer, and I wanted him to die. It was cold and it was merciless. At that moment, I would have felt less remorse about killing him than I did about the accident with the Bureau agent. I would have felt more remorse about stepping on an ant.

He grabbed my belt and pulled up, arching my back, then lowered me. He repeated this a few times and I realized that he was forcing me to breathe. Apparently, I had not been doing so on my own. After another moment, I realized that he was saying something. I grunted and he looked down at my face. “You're lucid again?”

I tried to spit at him. It dribbled down my cheek. “Die,” I said.

“Do you want to die? Or are you telling me to die?” he asked, pulling me up again.

“Yes.”

He chuckled, then lowered me to the ground. “You won't die, and I'm not going to die either. You want to understand? You going to remember this, snaggletooth?”

I snarled wordlessly at him. I wasn't going to forget anything from the past two days.

He laughed at me yet again. “Self-control, Parker. Not control over your powers, that's a simple thing, and even a dumbass like you can understand that. But you know what's wrong with you? You can't control yourself. You don't think ahead. You grabbed that desk, weighed about a hundred and twenty pounds, and tossed it across the room at that agent. You threw it like it was a toy. What did you think was going to happen? That it'd bounce off? Do you have any grasp of physics at all?”

“No time to think,” I said. Talking around the broken and missing teeth hurt.

“No excuses,” he said. “Don't give me any excuses. There's always time to think. You, of all people, can't go through life acting on instinct. You have the strength to bring fucking buildings down. If you lose it again, what are you going to do? Collapse the foundations? Cause an earthquake? There's a limit to what we can fix. Why do you think Alistair's got me assigned as your mentor? It's not because you're some sort of hero, it's because you're dangerous. I'm the only one he trusts to handle you properly.”

“Kicking my ass doesn't help,” I said.

“Sure it does. It makes me feel better about this job. Keeps my morale high.”

I lifted a shaky hand and saluted him with my middle finger. “Go to hell.”

“Maybe, but you're going to think about what you're doing from now on, aren't you? Maybe you'll stop making stupid mistakes. Get this straight, Parker, I don't care that you killed him. It'd be better if you didn't. They're going to be after your ass, just like they're after mine. But you know what? I killed, and I meant to kill. You, on the other hand, were just fucking up again. There's the difference.” He stared down at me, then stood up and walked away. I watched him pass Absynthe and Nikki and head down the stairwell. As soon as he was out of sight, they both rushed over to me.

Before they even reached me, I felt their biokinesis soothing the pain away. “I told you not to get him any angrier,” Absynthe said as she knelt next to me.

“Wasn't trying to.” I took a shallow breath. I couldn't breathe through my broken nose, and breathing through my mouth was agonizing, even with their power dampening the pain. Nerves were open to air. Not fun. “Teeth?”

“Yes, we can fix them,” she said. “Nikki, you'll have to handle the anesthetic. Watch what I do. All the broken teeth and pieces are still linked. We can reconnect and seal them.”

“Is there any sort of time limit on this? How long would it be before we couldn't do anything?” Nikki asked. Her voice was slightly hoarse and she wasn't looking at me. I imagined my face wasn't exactly pleasant to look at right now. Broken and bloody.

“A few hours at most,” Absynthe said. I saw the tooth that Shade had flicked away fly to her hand. “After that, we'd have to reconstruct, and teeth are very difficult to handle. Reconstituting the enamel is very time consuming, and you know how reconnecting nerves goes.”

“Going to hurt?” I asked.

She looked down at me and nodded. “Yes. We have to make sure the nerves reconnect properly and that means turning the anesthetic off from time to time. It's not going to be fun. We'll have to put the teeth together first before reconnecting the nerves. Do you want something to bite down on?”

I closed my eyes. “Please.”

I recovered from Shade's brutality. Absynthe and Nikki put my teeth back together, straightened my nose out, sealed up the jaw fractures I hadn't even felt, healed the cracked rib, and more. While the severe injuries were healed right there, Absynthe recommended that I take it easy for the next week while my body sorted everything out. Aside from a persistent ache on the right side of my jaw, I recovered quickly.

Shade didn't show up at training again for over a month. The rest of October passed, and then half of November, and I saw him all of once during that time. Once was one time too many. We didn't get into another fight, but not for lack of effort from either of us. Absynthe had to step in. Afterwards, she must have interceded with Ripley. When she told me that she'd be taking over as my trainer for the next stage of my training, I almost cried.

The week before Thanksgiving marked the beginning of finals. I didn't quite bomb them, but I found it difficult to study. I had trouble falling asleep, and even when I did fall asleep, nightmares would wake me within hours. I was certain that my grades would be no better than last trimester, no matter how much effort I put in.

After finals ended, a couple of days before Thanksgiving, my roommates and I headed to Andreas' room to celebrate. It was getting to be a tradition among our group. To my surprise, we were the last ones to show up. The girls were there and Andreas was already playing bartender. Nikki smiled as I sat down next to her. Andreas pressed a glass tumbler into my hand and studied my face for a moment before moving on to my roommates.

“It's hard to believe you've been here for a whole year now, Kev,” Max said. He raised his glass in my direction. “Planning on sticking around next year? Or did Drew scare you off?”

I laughed and shook my head. “No, but you tried to, that first day.”

“Seriously? I don't remember that. What did I do?”

Drew laughed from where he and Lisa were tangled up in a chair too small for two, even if one of them was as tiny as Lisa. “You serious, Max? You answered the door like some freak and started going off about human sacrifice. Asked me to look for the knife or something. The look on Kev's face was priceless, man. He nearly pissed his pants.”

Almost everyone had a laugh at my expense, including myself. The only one who didn't was Nikki. She leaned close to my side, Kaitlyn on her other side, and she had barely taken a sip of the drink that Andreas must have given her before I arrived. I glanced over at her. She was staring down into her glass and didn't even notice.

“You all right?” I whispered to her.

“Fine,” she whispered back.

We spent the next couple of hours remembering the events of the last year. My roommates didn't mention the incident that very first weekend where my power had awakened, nor did Drew mention the incident where I had pushed him out of the path of an out of control car, nor did Max mention noticing anything that had happened that night when I had flung Nikki into a wall and nearly killed her. Neither remembered when Nikki had blown her top and nearly flung Drew through a window. All the memory modifications had remained intact. I kept my mouth shut for the most part and listened.

Most of the stories they were telling didn't involve me very much, and didn't involve Nikki at all. When we talked about the water war of Memorial Day, or the trips over spring and summer vacation, she wasn't involved at all. No one mentioned Valentine's Day at all. Her only real involvement with my group of friends was during the Fourth of July, when we had all gone downtown to watch some fireworks.

I glanced over at her again. Her glass was still nearly full. Was she really such an outsider here? For that part, was I? We didn't spend a lot of time socializing due to our training, but had we really missed so much? Kaitlyn and Lisa talked about the time they had gone on a double date with Drew and some other guy. When had that been? Jess talked about how she had tried to get Max to play some game with her, but I had never even noticed. If I was feeling like an outsider here, I couldn't even begin to imagine how Nikki was feeling.

Drew was telling a story about how he had gotten yet another offer to join one of the school's sports teams, but he was having trouble keeping the story straight. One moment, he mentioned football, the next, basketball. Maybe it was both. The story grew more and more disjointed as he drained his glass. Nikki leaned in closer to me and sighed.

“You're not fine,” I said quietly. Everyone else was focused on Drew, giving us the illusion of privacy. “What's wrong?”

“I'm just tired,” she said.

“It's been a long week with finals and all,” I agreed.

She sighed again. “It's more than that.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. I suspected I already knew the answer. There wasn't anything connecting her to my friends, nothing besides me and her own roommate.

“It's nothing,” she said. “Really, nothing, Kevin.”

I let it go and we watched as Andreas stepped into the other room, then returned with a glass flute filled with something tinted blue. “I have a new experimental drink,” he announced, shaking the flute slightly. Bubbles rolled up the sides. “Would anyone like to try it?”

“Not a chance,” Drew said. “I learned my lesson from that green shit last year, man. I volunteer Max. He's due for it.”

“Don't be such a pussy, Drew,” Max said. “You're the big man here, you should be able to throw down.”

“It looks like a girl drink,” Drew replied. He grabbed his tumbler off the table and lifted it. “I'll drink with you, but you're the girly dude here. Long haired hippie freak.”

“Go on, Max,” Jess cut in. “Show us you've got some balls. It won't kill him, right?”

“It will not kill him,” Andreas confirmed.

“See? You'll be fine,” Jess said. She leaned into Max. “Drink it, you pussy. Don't try and pass it off.”

Max glanced at me. I grinned and shook my head. He wasn't going to pass it off to me either. He grumbled and reached a hand out for it. “Fine, hand it over. I'll play guinea pig. You all owe me one.”

Andreas handed the flute over. Max reached out with it, clinked it against Drew's tumbler, and they both took big mouthfuls of their drinks. Andreas hovered expectantly. “How do you feel?” he asked.

“What do you mean, how do I feel?” Max snapped. “I feel fine. What was in that?”

“Quite a few things. Is the taste acceptable?”

“I don't know. I didn't taste much, and I can't really feel my throat now,” Max admitted. He hiccupped. “Smells like shit dipped in sugar though. Correction, I can't feel much of anything right now. I think I need to smoke.” He stood up to reach into his pocket, then abruptly sat back down. Jess caught him as he slumped over, eyes rolling back in his head.

“What the hell is that stuff, Viking?” she demanded as she fanned Max's face. “Were you trying to kill him? Was that antifreeze or something?”

“Apparently a failure,” Andreas said. “A pity. So much work, so much time wasted.”

“Is he going to be all right?” Jess asked.

“He will be fine,” Andreas assured her.

I missed the rest of the conversation when Nikki yawned in my ear. I looked over at her and her eyes were half closed. The glass in her hands was still practically full. I wondered if she had even taken a sip of it. “Sorry,” she murmured.

“If you're tired, maybe you should get some rest,” I suggested.

Her head snapped up and she looked me straight in the eye, then down and away. “I think you're right. I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow.” She thrust her glass into my hand, stood up, and practically ran to the door. I started to get up to follow her, but my movements were slightly uncoordinated due to alcohol and by the time I got to my feet, the door was already shut.

“What's up with that?” Drew asked. “What did you say to her, Kev?”

I opened my mouth to protest that I hadn't said anything, but Kaitlyn spoke first. “Kev's just being a typical ignorant guy. Insensitive to what a girl actually wants, you know? I guess you don't know. It's not as if any of you guys are sensitive at all. Except maybe Andreas.”

Andreas flushed, but Drew protested. “Hey! Hey, I'm plenty sensitive!”

“Andrew, my dear.” Lisa's voice held an edge of wicked amusement. “You don't want to remind me of a recent incident, do you?”

Drew returned his attention to his glass and the moment passed. Jess started trying to shake Max awake and attention focused on them. I took the opportunity to lean in toward Kaitlyn. “What did I miss?” I asked her.

“Seriously?” she said.

“Yes, seriously, I know I missed something.”

Kaitlyn sighed and put her hand on my shoulder, then slid over closer to me. “Kev, you're a nice guy. Sometimes you're too nice. She didn't want to go to bed. She wanted you to agree and leave with her.”

“Why didn't she just say so?” I asked.

Kaitlyn's arm crept around my shoulders and she drew even closer to me. “Because she's a girl. Duh.”

“That makes no sense at all.”

“It's not supposed to.”

I pulled away from her and beckoned to Andreas. “I'm going to go see her.”

Kaitlyn smirked at me. “She's not going to want to see you now. Trust me on that.”

Andreas came over and I thrust both my glass and Nikki's into his hands. “I'm going to go see what's wrong with Nikki. You can keep my seat warm until I get back.” He smiled, we switched places, and I slipped out.

When I reached Nikki's room, the door was closed and locked. I knocked, but there was no response. I called her name through the door. No response. I looked both ways down the hallway, then used my Sight to check to see if she was even in there. She was, and as soon as my psionic touch brushed her, she shielded against it and vanished. “Leave me alone, Kevin!” she called through the door.