The Folly (6 page)

Chapter
8

The groom led the horses out of the stable, giving Elizabeth a leg-up.  She rode side-saddle when they were in town, but in the country she rode astride, not caring what anyone thought.  The idea of sitting on a horse sideways always seemed ridiculous to her
,
and she often thought how amazing it would be to put on a pair of men’s riding breeches and shock everyone.  Jeremy swung into the saddle next to her and they galloped across the lawn toward the woods.  She followed him down the road at breakneck speed
,
feeling exhilarated and alive.

  Jeremy looked back from time to time to make sure she was all right and
to
give her a wicked grin, daring her to keep up. 
Elizabeth
was glad that Henry couldn’t see them.  He wouldn
’
t be pleased to see her galloping through the countryside like a hoyden.  He had relented a little about Jeremy since
agreeing to the
ball, but he still avoided him whenever he could, obviously displeased by his presence.  Maybe they just needed some time to get to know each other.  They had been away from each other for so long that they were virtual strangers to each other. 
E
lizabeth hoped that Henry’s sullenness would not drive Jeremy away.  She had been much happier since he came
,
and the idea of being left alone with her husband again left her feeling agitated and depressed. 

J
eremy had also been in better spirits the last
two
weeks.  He seemed very pleased the first time she invited him to go riding with her
,
and it became their daily habit.  He hadn’t mentioned the war again, but he did talk to her more openly.  He frequently teased Elizabeth about riding astride, calling her “a brazen wench
,
” which she secretly liked.  Elizabeth had taken to asking Cook for some food
,
and they would hobble their horses and sit on a blanket in the woods, eating sandwiches and drinking cider
,
as shafts of sunlight pierced the green darkness of the leafy canopy above their heads. 

Elizabeth reclined on the blanket, listening to the sounds of the forest.  “I haven’t felt such peace since I left
Suffolk,” she sighed.  “Thank you for showing me this place, Jeremy.  I would never have come here alone.”  She could hear the gurgling of a nearby brook, the sound of water blending in with the sounds of nature.

“
I
’
m glad you like it.  I used to come here as a boy.  There wasn’t much for me to do during the summer holidays, but explore the estate.  We found all kinds of wonderful places.”  Jeremy reclined next to Elizabeth and closed his eyes.

“Who is
‘
we
’
?  Elizabeth asked suspiciously.

“Simon and I.  He
’
s the gamekeeper’s son.  He was my only real friend when I was a boy.  Father didn
’
t approve of me playing with the village children.  He didn’t much approve of Simon either, but at least I stayed on the estate instead of running through the village with other boys.  Decorum had to be preserved at all costs,” quipped Jeremy sarcastically. 

“You must have been lonely.”

“Only until I went to school.  I had lots of friends there.  It was only when I came home that I felt alone.  There was nothing for me to do in that big, quiet house, so I escaped.  Simon and I explored the countryside for hours, which served the dual purpose of keeping me entertained and out of the path of my father.”  Jeremy reached for the bottle of cider, taking a sip and offering the bottle to
Elizabeth
.  She took it without thinking and took a long sip, suddenly realizing that Jeremy’s lips had just been on that bottle.

“What about your mother?  Did she not spend time with you?” 
Elizabeth
was curious about Lady Mariah.  No one ever mentioned her
,
and she wondered what kind of woman Henry’s first wife had been.

“
I remember my mother as being very beautiful, but sad.  She always seemed a little withdrawn, especially when Sir Henry was around.  She would come see me in the nursery when I was little and smother me with kisses.  She always said that I looked just like my father.  She stopped saying that as I grew older and her visits became less frequent.  Then I was sent away.”  Jeremy shrugged, as if it was no longer important.

“Did you mind being sent away to school?”  Elizabeth knew it was the norm to send small boys to be educated elsewhere, but she always thought it was a bit cruel.  She remembered Caroline Jarvis telling her how Peter cried and begged to come home.  The other boys teased him and called him names.

“I was a bit homesick at first, but then I got used to being at school.  I liked learning and fortunately, I had no trouble making friends with the other boys.  It was better than being here.”

Jeremy raised himself on one elbow and looked over at Elizabeth, his face lost in shadow.  “Elizabeth, I know it’s none of my business, but may I ask you something?”  Elizabeth felt a knot forming in her stomach.  She knew what he wanted to ask
,
and she desperately didn
’
t want to talk about it.

“If you must,” she answered coyly, hoping to
dissuade
him.

“Why did you marry him?” 

“My father forced me to accept Sir Henry.  There was an incident that left my reputation in tatters
,
and my father saw this as the only way to salvage my virtue
,
and profit at the same time.  My parents are very proud that I
’
m the wife of a
b
aronet.  I
’
m the first titled person in my family. 
They are hoping my social standing will improve my sister’s chances when the time comes.  I hope they
’
re right.  At least, it wouldn’t have all been for nothing,” answered Elizabeth bitterly.

“I see.  That must have been difficult.”

“To be honest, I still haven’t forgiven my parents.  I don’t think I ever will.  I did nothing wrong, but no one believed me.  No one cared.”

“I care,” whispered Jeremy, taking her hand.  “I care very much.”

“Jeremy, you mustn’t say such things.  You
’
re my husband’s son.” 

“Do forgive me.  I didn’t mean to offend you.  I only meant that you
’
re very dear to me,” Jeremy said, withdrawing his hand.

As you are to me
, Elizabeth thought.

Chapter
9

Elizabeth
had to admit that she was often agitated when not with Jeremy.  At first
,
it felt strange to have him in the house, but as the weeks passed, their friendship developed
,
and she looked forward to their walks and talks and rides through the countryside.  It had been Willa who pointed out what was troubling her.  She was sitting in front of her dressing table as Willa brushed out her hair at bedtime.  She felt listless and irritable, not even the soothing strokes of the brush helping her to relax.  Her sleep had been disrupted as well
,
and
Elizabeth
found herself lying awake long into the night, tossing and turning
;
longing for something she couldn’t name.

“Are you all right, my lady?  You seem anxious.”  Willa gave
Elizabeth
a knowing look in the mirror.

“What are you smirking at, Willa?  You look like the cat that got into the cream,” Elizabeth smiled at the girl.  She was her only friend in the house and she valued her opinion.

“I
’
m just amazed that you haven’t figured it out for yourself yet, my lady,” Willa continued to brush
Elizabeth
’s hair, enjoying her confusion.

“Figure out what, you maddening girl?”

“Oh, figure out why you can’t sleep, why you blush every time a certain someone walks into the room
,
or the intense disappointment you feel when it’s the wrong person.”

“What are you saying?”

“I thought I was being perfectly clear,” Willa put down the brush and took
Elizabeth
by the shoulders
,
turning her away from the mirror and toward herself.

“
My lady
, you have been married for two years, but you
’
ve never known love or desire.  You never had the chance to
experience passion.  Now your body has awoken, even if your mind hasn’t recognized it yet.  You are in love.”

Elizabeth
put her arms around Willa and buried her face in the girl’s apron.  “Oh, Willa, what are you saying?  I can’t be in love.  Jeremy is my stepson.  I
’
m married to Sir Henry for better or worse.  What am I to do with this knowledge
,
or this yearning that’s eating me up from the inside?  All I can think of is him.  I listen for the sound of his voice
,
or his footsteps in the hall.  I think of all the things I would like to tell him
,
and I want him to tell me what he
’
s thinking and feeling
,
and most of all
;
I want to touch him.  I have never longed to touch a man before.”

Willa stroked
Elizabeth
’s head, trying to soothe her.  “Oh, my lady, I don’t know what you are to do with these feelings, but it’s a sin to let them die.  You haven’t lived till you’ve known love.  There is no feeling in the world like having the man you love make love to you.  It’s like Heaven on Earth.”

Elizabeth looked up at Willa surprised.  “Willa, have you been in love?  Have you lain with a man?”  Willa blushed furiously and nodded. 

“I was in love with Matthew, the footman, before I came to
Flynn Manor
with you.  He wanted to marry me.” 

“Oh, Willa.  I ruined everything for you.  I am so sorry.  You didn’t say.  I would have left you if I knew.”

“It’s all right, my lady.  It’s all water under the bridge now, isn’t it?  There’ll be someone else,” replied Willa, sadly.

Elizabeth spent a sleepless night thinking about what Willa said.  Now that it had been pointed out to her, it was clear as day.  She was in love for the first time in her life
,
and it hurt way more than never having love at all.  Now she knew exactly what she was missing
,
and there was no way out.  Sir Henry would never release her.  Even if he never got a child on her, he was still getting her money
,
and he would never let that go.  His finances had taken a blow a few years back and he needed her money to maintain the estate.  She was trapped in
this loveless marriage with no way out.  She always thought that if an opportunity presented itself she would take it, but how could she do this to her husband?  He
’
d been good to her
,
and although she felt no affection for him, to betray him with his son would be unforgivable. 
Elizabeth
kicked off the blanket feeling as if she couldn’t breathe
,
and buried her face in the pillow.  Hot, bitter tears rolled down her face, the pillow absorbing her sobs.

Chapter
10

Jeremy put down his book unable to concentrate on the words.  He
’
d read the same paragraph three times, but had no idea what it said
,
and knew it was time to give up.  The house was quiet and dark, everyone asleep.  His father had gone up about an hour ago and Elizabeth retired shortly after dinner.  She seemed agitated
,
and he knew exactly how she felt.  He leaned back in the leather armchair and closed his eyes.  He knew that the right thing to do would be to leave this house.  Nothing good could come out of this situation, but he couldn’t bring himself to go.  For the first time in years
,
he felt as if he had a real home and someone who actually cared about him.  He woke up every morning with the thought of Elizabeth
,
and fell asleep at night with her face before his eyes. 

Jeremy was no stranger to women.  There had been maids at school who supplemented their income by selling certain favors
,
and once he was in the army
,
there were always camp followers and visits to brothels every time they took a town.  He wasn’t a fan of paying for sex, but when you didn’t know if you would still be alive tomorrow, moral high ground was not an option.  He
’
d never been in any one place long enough to actually get to know a woman, much less fall in love. 

This was different, however.  For the first time in his life
,
he wanted a woman for more than just sexual gratification.  He wanted her love.  Jeremy wanted to spend time with Elizabeth and make her happy. 
He wanted to protect her. 
He felt as if the sun came out every time she smiled
,
and seeing her blush when he came into the room
,
gave him butterflies in his stomach.  He woke up during the night, still dreaming of her
;
his nightshirt stained with the evidence of his desire.  If she was any other woman
,
he would pursue her and not give up until she
was
his, but this was his father’s wife, his stepmother.  What was he to do? 

If he knew that
Elizabeth
was happy with his father he would just leave –
-
go away for good and never return, but he
knew that she was miserable.  He saw her stiffen every time Sir Henry so much as touched her.  She
’
d never known love or pleasure
,
and he couldn’t just leave her to her fate.  He knew he should be remorseful and contrite, but he simply couldn’t force himself to feel those emotions.  What he felt was an overwhelming passion that refused to be denied
,
and for once in his life
,
he wanted some happiness for himself.  He
’
d never known the kind of joy he felt in the past few weeks
,
and the thought of losing it made him feel defiant and angry.  Wasn’t he entitled to some happiness or was that only reserved for other people?  He had seen on the battlefield how fleeting life was.  What was there worth fighting for if not for the love of a woman?