The Fragile Fall (34 page)

“You knew and you didn’t tell me?” Betrayal sliced through my insides, tearing my heart to shreds. Everyone had lied to me. “How could you not tell me?”

“I wanted to. God, I wanted to tell you so badly, Ry, but I promised Jax I wouldn’t tell you. He thought it would be better if you didn’t know and I didn’t know what to do. I knew you’d want to hear it from him, so I hoped he’d tell you.”

“Don’t you think it would have been better if someone,
anyone
had told me before I got that fucking letter?” I screeched at him. He moved closer to me and I pressed myself into the wall, not wanting him near me.

“I’m sorry, Ry. I should have told you, but I didn’t know what to do. I thought Jax knew what was best.”

“I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this. How could you lie to me, Will? How long have you known?”

He shrugged and his face looked pained. “Two weeks.”

“Two fucking weeks?” I screamed. I turned away, my mind reeling. He kept this a secret from me for two weeks? And Jax had known for months. They had been lying to me for so long and they didn’t even seem to mind. I felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn’t stay here a second longer.

“I have to go. I can’t stay here.”

He reached out and grabbed my shoulder. “Wait, Ry. We need to talk.”

I spun out of his grip. “Don’t fucking touch me! I don’t want you to fucking touch me ever again.” I turned and ran down the steps, then to my car. Only when I sat in the driver’s seat, did I realize that I didn’t have my keys or my wallet. I rested my head against the steering wheel and sobbed, my heart breaking over and over again. I couldn’t believe the people I loved the most had lied to me.

Realizing I had my phone, I pulled it out of my pocket and called Courtney. She would help me out. I called her, tears still streaming down my face.

“Hey, bitch. What’s up?”

“Court,” I said, my voice broken with tears and heartbreak.

“What’s wrong, Ry?”

“Can you come get me? Please?”

“Sure. Where are you?” I heard things rustling in the background and her keys as she grabbed them.

“I’m at home. My purse and keys are in the house and I can’t go back in there. I need you to come and get me.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

We hung up and I continued to fall apart, though this time I didn’t know who would hold me together.

I was curled up on Courtney’s couch, buried under blankets. I had been here for almost three weeks, only leaving for class and work. My phone had been turned off since I showed up, though it didn’t matter. I didn’t have a charger and I didn’t have anyone I wanted to talk to. I didn’t want to hear the excuses or the apologies. The only thing I wanted was for the pain to stop, but it seemed to be getting worse.

Courtney had been amazing. I had spilled my guts to her as soon as I landed on her couch and she listened and let me drowned her in my tears. A few times she’d mentioned that I should call Jax or Will, but she didn’t pressure me, telling me I could stay as long as I needed to.

After a week of not moving off the couch, she threatened to dump ice water all over me if I didn’t start moving. She said I couldn’t fail out of school or lose my job and that I was stinking up the entire apartment. While I got a long, hot shower, she went to my house and got my keys, wallet, and a few other things. A friend of hers drove her so she could grab my car. Since then, I’d gone to work and class. It seemed like a better option than drowning in ice water.

My eyes were still closed when I heard Courtney’s phone ring and her answer softly. It was hard to make out her words since she whispered, but I also didn’t try too hard. When her door creaked open and I heard her creep down the hall, my ears pricked up, wondering what she was doing.

“No, she’s still sleeping,” she said softly. “I know, but I can’t force her to leave. You didn’t see how devastated she was, Jax.” I felt like my body was burning when she said my brother’s name. I wondered why she was talking to him. “Okay, maybe you saw the beginning of her devastation, but when I got to her, she could barely form a sentence.” She was silent for a while. I would have thought she walked away, except I didn’t hear the floorboards creak or her feet shuffle away.

“How do you think you’d feel if everyone who you loved had been lying to you? … I don’t give a fuck, Jax. You handled it wrong. No, you listen. She deserved to know. I don’t want to hear any of your hero bullshit, she should have been told and you were an ass for not telling her.”

She was silent and I heard her walking toward her bedroom again. I strained to hear what she had to say, luckily she didn’t close the door the whole was so her voice still drifted down the hall. “I understand you thought you were doing what was right, but I’m telling you it was wrong. And asking Will to keep it quiet. That was a low blow, even for you. You need to give her time. I’ll keep an eye on her and let you know how she’s doing … Nope. There is no way in hell you are coming here to talk to her. You aren’t coming here and chasing her away. At least we know where she is. I don’t want her running off … Okay, good. We’re on the same page. I’ll keep you updated.”

I heard her sigh and she came down the hall. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting her to know I was awake. As mad as I was at Jax, I was glad he was checking up on me. It made me feel like he cared. I needed someone to care.

I waited until Courtney had left for class before I pulled myself off the couch and went to get a shower. I missed Jax and Will terribly, but I couldn’t stop feeling betrayed. I had to face them at some point, I just wasn’t sure when.

Will

I
DIDN
’
T
CHASE
AFTER
R
Y
even though every part of my body screamed for me to follow her. Aunt Liv stopped me, saying that Ry was trying to process too much and she wasn’t ready to listen to me. Figuring Aunt Liv knew more than me, I listened to her. When I saw Courtney pull up and help Ry out of her car, I breathed a small breath of relief, thinking she would talk to her friend and then I would have my chance to try and explain. I kept my phone in my hand for the next twenty-four hours, waiting for a text or call.

That was three weeks ago.

For three weeks, I had been going out of my mind. Any time I saw Courtney pull up to Ry’s house, I ran outside and talked to her. I always got the same answers. Ry was doing fine, she needed space, she needed some time to figure stuff out, she would call me when she was ready.

The first week, I decided space was the best option and I gave that to Ry.

The second week, I called and texted her a few times, hoping she would see my messages and realize I hadn’t meant to hurt her. I needed to talk to her so I could convince her that I loved her and I was sorry and I shouldn’t have listened to Jax. All I needed was for her to contact me and things would work out, at least that’s what I kept telling myself.

By the time the third week had passed, I was going out of my mind. I called and texted Ry constantly, and continued to beg Courtney for any kind of update. Ry never answered my calls or texts, and Courtney kept giving me the same lines she’d been using for weeks—Ry was fine, she needed space, and she’d call when she was ready.

I felt like I was falling apart. I hated that I had hurt Ry and she pushed me away. I hated that I had listened to Jax when I knew it was better to be honest with her, and I worried that one mistake had cost me the only person I could ever see myself loving.

As I crumbled, Jax shattered. Finding out that his parents had lied to him as well as to Ry killed him. He had disliked his dad before, but now he hated him, and he was afraid Ry would never speak to him again.

Exactly twenty-three days after Ryanne had fled my house my patience had worn out. I felt I had given her enough space to figure everything out and I feared Jax would have a breakdown soon if he didn’t hear from her. I was trying to figure out what to do when Jax came into the cafeteria and sat at the table across from me. He looked like a complete mess and I understood exactly where he was coming from. When he dropped in his seat, he buried his face in his hands.

“Are you doing okay?” I asked.

“No, I’m not. I just got off the phone with Courtney.” He looked up at me. Instead of the usual regret and guilt I saw etched on his face, he looked mad. In fact, he looked livid, like he was ready to kill. “Apparently, Ry has decided to move out.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I know. She’s decided she doesn’t need to come home because you and I are nothing but liars and she wants nothing to do with either of us. We’re just fucking chumps.” He slammed his hand against the table.

“I don’t even know what to say to that.”

“There is nothing to say to that because it makes no fucking sense.” He shoved his hands into his hair and held the back of his neck. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if there’s anything I
can
do. I’ve gone to Court’s to try and talk to Ry, but she refuses to see me and Court won’t even buzz me in, so I end up standing on the front steps looking like a giant asshole.”

“We need to do something.”

“I’m open to any ideas you may have.”

Obviously showing up at Courtney’s wouldn’t accomplish anything, and calling Courtney accomplished absolutely nothing. Ry’s voicemail was full and even if it wasn’t, I was pretty sure her phone was turned off. I pushed away from the table. “I’ll think of something.”

“You do that,” Jax bit out then buried his face in his hands again.

All day, I tried to concentrate on whatever class I was in, but I couldn’t. The only thing I could focus on was Ry and trying to figure out how to keep her from cutting us out of her life. I didn’t really care if she moved in with Courtney. If that was what made her happy, I was happy with it. The issue I had was the fact that she had thrown me away and was denying everything we had shared.

By the end of the day, I was so angry, I feared I would explode. I went home and paced my room, trying to figure out what to do. There had to be something I could do to cause her to wake up and realize that she couldn’t throw away our relationship because of one bad decision I made.

Will: Does your sister have a night class on Wednesday or does she work?

Jax: I just talked to Court. She’s at work.

Will: Awesome. I have a plan. I’ll let you know if it works.

Jax: What’s the plan?

I shoved my phone in my pocket, ignoring Jax’s text, then drove to Cucina Bella. There weren’t many cars in the parking lot and I hoped it wasn’t busy so she couldn’t use that as an excuse to brush me off. I pushed through the doors and scanned the restaurant; I didn’t see her until she walked from the back into the dining room, carrying a tray of food. Her eyes slid to mine and she stopped. I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting to see what she did.

She served the food, though her eyes kept finding me. I kept my eyes locked on her, daring her to ignore me or come over and talk to me. She smiled at her table and turned to go back into the kitchen. Before she disappeared around a corner, she threw me a look over her shoulder. I stayed against the wall, having no desire to cause a scene. I would stand here until she got so annoyed she had to come over and talk to me.

A few minutes later, Ry appeared and walked straight toward me, her head tucked down. “What do you want, Will?” she whispered.

“To talk to you.”

“I have a few minutes. Let’s go outside.”

I gestured for her to lead the way.

She walked outside and around the side of the building, then stopped and leaned against the wall. “What do you want?”

“I already told you, to talk to you.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Maybe you don’t have anything to say to me, but I have some things I’d like to say to you.”

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Do I have a choice?”

“You’ve had a choice for three weeks. For three weeks, I’ve let you do whatever you needed to do and now I want you to hear me out.”

“Fine, I’m listening.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I listened to Jax and I didn’t tell you as soon as I knew. I should have respected you and our relationship enough to always be truthful with you. I’m sorry I hurt you because that is the last thing I ever want to do.” I stepped closer to her, the need to touch her overwhelming me.