The Fragrance of Her Name (37 page)

Lauryn remained silent. Brant, sweet, compassionate and yet unsuspecting man that he was, still thought she was simply longing for the mystery to be over so she could go on. In a way, that was true, just not for the reasons he thought. And Lauryn, was made all the more miserable because of the reality of her situation. If the mystery was solved, if was Lauralynn found, Brant would return to his home, far away and be gone from her life. Lauryn’s guilt was two-fold…guilt at not being able to help the Captain and Lauralynn, and guilt at not wanting to help the Captain and Lauralynn.

“
I knew you were upset,” Brant said, setting his chin on the top of her head as he held her. “When I looked at you just now…in there…the color had drained from you completely.” He held her away from him and, using one strong hand tucked under her chin, tipped her face toward his. “I mean…for Pete’s sake, Lauryn. You looked like you’d seen a ghost.” With that he winked and grinned, amused with himself.

Lauryn smiled through her tears. It had been a witty remark, though Brant would never realize how completely true it had been.

“
You’re very sweet,” she whispered looking up into his narrowed eyes.

“
Am I?” he muttered and she noticed the way his gaze lingered on her mouth. No doubt her lips were red and slightly swollen from her crying. She noted the barely discernable twitching at the right corner of his smile. Was he withholding his laughter at her appearance or his own humorous remark? In any event, she pulled her face from his grasp and stepped back and out of his arms.

He took one of her hands in his and raised it to his lips kissing the back of it chivalrously.

“
Don’t worry, Lauryn,” he said, his voice low and soothing like hot cocoa on a cold, rainy night. “We
will
find her.” She forced a comforted smile.

When Lauryn looked up at Brant once more, something in his eyes had changed. Again he kissed the back of her hand and again she noticed the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth. Was it still only her imagination? Or had his lip twitched, ever so slightly, every time before he’d kissed her in the past?

“
Will you stay until we find her?” she ventured. She had to ask him. She must know. She’d asked him before, and he’d always seemed to put her off or simply infer that he wouldn’t. She needed to know finally and assuredly one way or the other.

Brant sighed and smiled rather sadly at her. “I’ll stay as long as I can, Lauryn. And then…if we haven’t found her in a reasonable amount of time…I have to go home. But I’ll come back. And I’ll keep coming back until we do find her.”

“
And…and after we find her?” Lauryn asked. It was a brave question and she tried to prepare herself for his answer.

“
After we find her?” he repeated, seeming at a loss of understanding.

“
Yes. After we find Laura. Then what will you…”

“
Oh, there you are!” Georgia exclaimed as she walked quickly toward them. “Brant! You’re Uncle Johnny is havin’…well, your Auntie called it a ‘spell’ and she needs you right away.”

“
Oh, no,” Brant mumbled. Quickly, he kissed the back of Lauryn’s hand once more. “It’ll all be fine,” he said firmly as he turned and hurried back into the house.

“
Come along, Lauryn,” her mother ordered. “We’ll most certainly be callin’ it an early night. I thought the poor man had passed away right there before me! He’s as pale as a sheet and I’m sure he’s not all over it yet.”

As she followed her mother back into the McGovern’s house, Lauryn scolded herself, as was her habit. Once again her selfish, self-pity had been put to rest by the realization of truly desperate circumstances.



“
You’ll put us on the train to home in the morning, Brant and that’s that!” Aunt Felicity stated.

Uncle Johnny was in a bad way, a condition he apparently slipped into now and again. Brant’s Aunt Felicity explained to Lauryn’s Nana and mother that the best thing to do was to get him back home to Vermont. Brant agreed. He announced that he and his Aunt and Uncle would be leaving first thing in the morning.

Aunt Felicity argued with him. She had been insisting for near to half an hour that Brant should stay and finish what he’d come to do. Lauryn’s guilt throbbed in her bosom—she hoped Brant would choose to stay at Connemara, though she knew he was too good a man to abandon his loved ones for his own purposes.

“
Felicity,” Brant began to argue, his patience well past being spent.

“
Aunt Felicity, young man!” Felicity snapped.

“
Brant should go with you, Felicity,” Nana interrupted finally. “You’ll need assistance with John.”

“
I’ll not have the boy ruining his fun just because…” Felicity argued.

“
Fun?” Brant interrupted. “Auntie what are you talking about? We’ve got to get Uncle Johnny home and you can’t possibly do it alone! I wouldn’t let you even if you could. Besides…” he paused and looked at Lauryn with a frown. “I need to get back. There’s…some things to be done.” Lauryn felt an uncomfortable chill envelope her heart. He was leaving her.

“
Brant…” Aunt Felicity began to argue again.

“
No more, Auntie,” he growled. “We’ll leave on the first train out in the morning.” Then turning, and without even bidding anyone goodnight, he left the room and went up the stairs to retire.



“
He’s leavin’,” Lauryn told the Captain quietly as he stood next to her bed. “It’s up to me again.”

“
You’re very right to be upset that he’s leaving, Lauryn. Don’t try to make it sound like it’s just because he won’t be here to help you anymore.” The Captain was too wise. Lauryn looked to him with tears in her eyes.

“
Are you completely disappointed in me?” she whispered. It seemed she’d done nothing that day but disappoint the men she cherished.

“
For loving him?” the Captain asked. He chuckled. “How could you even think that I would begin to begrudge you that?” He frowned at her. “I am disappointed, however, that you don’t credit him more highly.”

“
What do you mean?” Lauryn asked.

“
You think he won’t come back.”

“
What reason does he have to come back to Connemara, Captain? There’s nothin’ more he can do to help me…or so he thinks.”

“
He’s not here to help you, you rotten runt of a girl.”

“
Please, Captain. I…” She was interrupted by a knock on the door. This time Brant didn’t wait for her response and permission to enter her room. He simply opened the door and stepped in, securing the latch behind him.

“
I’ve got to go back, Lauryn,” Brant stated. “I’ve missed something at home. I want to look through the Captain’s things again.”

“
What?” she breathed.

“
I want to look through that old trunk at home…the Captain’s belongings. There were things in the Captain’s letters to Laura. We understood some of them and others I don’t think we did. Like…the one mentioning old Mr. Jackson. It can’t simply be coincidence, Lauryn. And…and I think I need to look through his things. I don’t remember seeing letters…but maybe I’ve just forgotten. I was pretty young when I went through it…and I didn’t do a very thorough job. If there are letters…it’s like a puzzle in my brain that I can’t quite fit together.”

“
You’ll let me know what you find?” she ventured.

He smiled encouragingly and assured her, “Of course.” He stood towering above her. “I’ll be back, you know.” Lauryn’s heart leaped slightly. She wanted to believe him.

“
I’m sure you will,” she whispered, holding back her tears.

His eyes narrowed. “You don’t believe me.”

“
I…I…of course I do,” she stammered.

Brant sighed, shaking his head. “You need some sleep, sugar.”

“
I suppose so,” she admitted.

He knelt down by her bed and taking of her small hands in his. “What’s the matter?” he asked. “What’s wrong? And why won’t you tell me?” Should she confess? Tell him the truth? She settled for a part of the truth. It was all she could risk.

“
I…I don’t want you to leave,” she sniffled.

He half smiled, half frowned. “I will come back, Lauryn.”

Lauryn nodded and tried to believe him. “I know you will. I know.”

The corner of his mouth twitched slightly as he looked at her, but he stood up. “Get some sleep now. You’re tired.”

“
Good night,” she said as he left.

“
Good night, sugar,” he responded before he left her room, closing the door behind him.

Brant had barely escaped her trap, he knew. As he ran his fingers through his hair and stripped his clothes off, he realized how close he’d come to faltering. He definitely had to quit going to her room at night. She was too soft, vulnerable and willing to be in his arms at such hours and in such warm privacy.

It was good that he was taking his Aunt and Uncle home. He worried that he might take to ravishing Lauryn at any turn if he didn’t get away for a while. Yet he did not want to leave her with the loneliness of searching on her own. No. It wasn’t even that. He simply did not want to leave her.

As he climbed into the small bed of the guest room, he wondered if he, in fact, would actually be able to leave her when the time came.

Chapter
Fifteen

As Lauryn watched Brant help Aunt Felicity board the train, her heart seemed to physically ache at the thought of their leaving. No. At the thought of his leaving! She wanted to reach out and throw her arms around him, beg him not to go, beg him to take her with him. To never leave her side again!
How could it all have come to this so quickly
? she thought.

It seemed like only hours ago that she was on her way home from New Orleans with Nana—home to be with the rest of her family and the Captain. Nothing to that point had been more important to her than her family and helping the Captain. But now, if she could have Brant, if he would love her, want to spend his life with her, want to spend eternity with her, the wicked part in her heart, however small, would abandon the Captain and Lauralynn for the sake of belonging to Brant. Yet, there would be no peace in her soul if she did that. But, she
would
do it. She would! If it meant Brant would be hers.

But he
was
leaving. His baggage had been loaded onto the train, and Lauryn could see her mother helping Aunt Felicity and Uncle John settle comfortably in their seats.

Please don't leave me
, her mind screamed at him. But she kept her mouth tightly closed. She watched him smiling at Nana and talking quietly with her as he held the elderly woman's hand affectionately in his own.

Lauryn heard the train engine begin to rumble a bit louder. With it, her breaking heart pounded harder. There were only mere moments remaining before he would be gone from her. Frantically, her mind began to conjure. How could she induce him to stay? Perhaps, if she really did throw her arms about him and beg, surely then he would not leave her. She would faint. That was it! Faint, fall to the ground, and propriety and good manners alone would not allow him to leave an ill friend collapsed on the train station grounds.

"You come back as soon as you can, angel. You hear me?" Nana ordered Brant, gathering him into an affectionate embrace.

"Yes, Ma'am," he chuckled as she reached up and pinched his cheek as though he were no more than a boy. Then turning to Patrick, Brant tousled his hair and patted his head. “You take care, Patrick. Stay out of too much trouble.”

“
Yes, sir,” Patrick agreed, barely able to withhold his sweet tears of regret.

Then Brant turned to Lauryn. She could feel the color was gone from her cheeks. All at once, she feared that she really might faint and cause some dramatic episode. He took her hand in one of his, the thrill of his touch and the pain of losing him pounded throughout her whole body.

Reassuringly, he placed his other hand on top of her hand and pressed it firmly. “Lauryn…" he began. But he seemed uncertain as to what he should say. Lauryn lowered her eyes for a moment. Then she looked up at him once again trying to be strong.

If he loves me at all, for me, he'd kiss me
, she thought.
If he cared, he wouldn't mind that his aunt and uncle or Nana or the whole world might be watching. He'd kiss me goodbye if he loves me.

And then, as if Brant read her mind, he let her hand drop. He took her face rather roughly between his powerful hands and kissed her hard on the mouth. Lauryn's heart both soared and broke, in that moment. He was kissing her, insensible to whatever or whoever was around them! And, he wasn’t just giving her a tender ‘goodbye-at-the-train-station’ type. It was passionate, unbridled!

Instead of breaking from Lauryn immediately, Brant wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her off her feet as he further ravished her before the public eye. His kiss deepened, in spite of the onlookers present and Lauryn wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss without restraint.

Patrick’s astonished exclamation of, “Oh, my hell!” was what finally brought them both to their senses.

“
Patrick Kensington!” Nana scolded. “Wherever did you pick up such a thing?” Brant released Lauryn, and smiling, winked at her guiltily.