The Friends We Keep (Mischief Bay) (30 page)

“Yes, thanks, girls,” she said. “Could you please check on Makayla? We were going to bake tomorrow. Does she still want to help with that?”

The twins grinned at the prospect of one of their favorite activities. They went careening down the hallway, Boomer following on their heels. Gabby kept hold of Jasmine as she carefully closed the study door and faced her husband.

“Hi,” she said tightly. “I don’t want any more surprises. I don’t mean that in a bad way, Andrew. I just can’t take on one more thing.” She thought about the full-time job offer and knew this wasn’t the time to discuss it.

“Don’t you want to go out to dinner?” he asked. “I’m sorry. I thought I was helping.”

“I know.” The road to hell and all that, she thought. “Look, you’re very sweet and I appreciate the effort, but I have a question. Why do we hire Cecelia?”

“Because the twins are too young to be left on their own.” He frowned. “I don’t...” His expression cleared. “You’re not asking that, are you? You want to know why Makayla doesn’t babysit sometimes.”

“Yes. She’s fifteen. She’s their sister. She needs to be a part of the family. She needs to be helping out. Things are better. I’m not complaining. I’m simply pointing out that she could do more.”

Gabby set down the cat and faced him. “Andrew, I’m not doing well. Between the twins and the baby and my work and your travel, I’m being pulled in forty-seven directions at once. I need a break. I need help. I can’t do it all.”

“So I should cancel Cecelia.”

Gabby started to say yes, then shook her head. “No. Keep her. Order in a pizza for everyone.”

“I don’t understand. Are we going out?”

“No. I’m going to bed. I’m going to sleep. You and Cecelia can keep the twins busy. I’ll deal with all this in the morning.” She started to leave, then turned back. “Do you know how to feed the pets?”

“Um...”

It wasn’t his fault, she told herself. It was hers. For not asking for more. For not making him take responsibility. Just like the situation with Makayla. She’d been so careful to let Andrew take the lead. After all, the teen was his daughter.

But not only his, she thought. Not anymore. Things had changed and they were going to change more. There was a lot to consider, but again, all that could wait until morning.

“Makayla knows. Ask her.”

“Gabby, are you okay?”

“I will be. Just let me have tonight,” she told him. “Please. In twelve hours, I’ll be healed.”

She left before he could say anything else. After putting on her pajamas, she closed the shades in the bedroom, turned on the overhead fan and climbed into bed. In the distance she heard conversation. She thought Kennedy was asking why Mommy couldn’t be with them. The need to sleep battled with comforting her daughter. She would get up and talk to her. In a second.

When Gabby next opened her eyes, it was two in the morning and she desperately had to pee. She returned to the bed and settled back down. What seemed like seconds later, it was seven-thirty and light peeked from behind the shades.

She rolled onto her back and stretched. She felt better, she admitted. Not healed, but definitely on the way to recovery. Things didn’t hurt so much. Her head was more clear.

Andrew’s side of the bed was empty. Jasmine lay curled up on his pillow. Gabby knew he’d joined her in the night, so she wasn’t worried he’d slept on the sofa. Still, it was unusual for him to be up first.

She collected her robe, brushed her teeth, then made her way downstairs. She heard the twins laughing at something and the low hum of the television. She walked into the kitchen and saw that the girls were already up and dressed. Andrew was as well, although he hadn’t showered. There was an open box of doughnuts on the table, along with several to-go containers of coffee and hot chocolate.

“Good morning,” he said when he saw her. “How do you feel?”

“Mommy!”

The twins ran over and wrapped their arms around her. She hugged them back, savoring the feel of their little bodies so close to hers. Her babies, she thought happily. They were what mattered. Her children and her husband.

She walked over to Andrew and kissed him on the mouth. “Much better. Thank you for letting me sleep. I needed it.”

“I could tell. You barely stirred the whole night. I kept checking to make sure you were breathing.”

“Afraid you’d be left alone with all this?” she asked, her voice teasing.

Andrew didn’t return her smile. “No. I was worried about you. I love you.”

The intense statement surprised her. She shifted so she could free an arm and held it open to him. Andrew joined the group hug.

After breakfast Andrew showered, then took the twins to the park. Makayla made her way downstairs about nine. Gabby was sitting at the kitchen table, planning menus for the week. She looked up when the teen walked in.

“Hey,” she said. “How are you feeling?”

Makayla crossed to her and sat down next to her.

“I’m sorry,” the girl said. “About not helping more. Dad talked to me last night.” She looked away, then back. “I didn’t mean not to help. I love Kenzie and Kennedy, you know. They’re sweet and fun. But even if they weren’t, I want to help.” Her chin raised. “I’m part of this family, too.”

A thousand thoughts descended. Gabby realized that there was a part of Makayla that wasn’t sure where she belonged. The rejection of her mother had been devastating and with the baby and no friends and no Boyd, she was truly alone.

Gabby took her hands in her own and squeezed her fingers. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I love you. I hope you know that and I’m sorry I haven’t said it enough.” Or at all, Gabby thought, suddenly feeling awful. “Makayla, you and I have been through a lot together. I learned how to be a mom with you. I know I made a lot of mistakes.” She smiled. “You’re right. We’re a family and sometimes that’s messy and sometimes it’s annoying but it’s forever. Your dad and I will always be here for you.”

Makayla’s eyes filled with tears. “I know. It’s just everything is so awful. Gabby, please don’t make me have this baby.”

Gabby drew her close and hugged her. “I’m sorry. You have to. You won’t be alone, but you’re carrying the baby to term.”

Makayla began to cry harder. “I don’t want to.”

“I know. We’ll figure it out. Together.”

Makayla straightened and wiped her tears. “This is really hard.”

“I know.” She hesitated. “Are you serious about not keeping the baby?”

Makayla nodded. “I want to give it up for adoption.”

“You have to be sure. You can’t go through the process, allow another couple to hope, then keep the baby at the last minute.”

“I’m fifteen. I want to be normal again. I want to go to classes and hang out with my friends and do my homework. I can’t do that with a baby. I can’t do that now.”

“Have you told your dad?”

Makayla ducked her head. “I thought maybe you could talk to him.”

“I will. About all of this. Then we’ll go meet with a lawyer. You can pick the family, if you want. The baby’s parents.”

“I don’t want to know anything. I just want this never to have happened.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to your dad when he gets home.”

Makayla nodded, grabbed a doughnut and went back upstairs. Gabby watched her go. She understood that the teen was hoping that after the birth, it would be like it was before. Only life wasn’t that simple. There would be complications. She would talk to Andrew about that, too. How they were going to have to trade parenting classes for emotional counseling. Maybe for all of them.

Later, when Makayla was outside playing with the twins, Gabby walked into Andrew’s study.

He got up and joined her on the sofa.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m fine. I was tired. I’m better now.”

He didn’t look convinced. “I’m scared, Gabby. Whatever happens, I don’t want to lose you.”

“Let that go. Please. I’m staying. We’re going to work this through.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve been such an asshole. I was trying to make up for Candace’s rejection by giving in to Makayla. That didn’t help anyone. I taught her the wrong lesson and frustrated you. I was totally unreasonable on the pregnancy thing. You can’t give up your life.”

“Funny how you’re saying that now.” Talk about irony.

“Because she wants to give up the baby?”

Gabby stared at him. “How did you figure that out? She asked me to talk to you, but there hasn’t been time yet.”

“She wants you to talk to me rather than talk to me herself?” He swore. “Okay. Sure. She’s scared I’ll be disappointed in her. As for the adoption, it hasn’t been hard to guess where this is all going. She’s miserable at school, she has no friends anymore. Do you think we should send her to one of those unwed mother places? At least there no one would judge.”

“Boarding school is the last thing Makayla needs,” Gabby said firmly. “She would only feel more rejected. I think we can make things work here.”

“How?”

“Give me a few days to figure it all out.” She looked at the man she loved and knew he wasn’t the only one who had screwed up. “I was wrong, too. I should have stood up to you more. I should have talked to you more, pushed back harder instead of letting you win by default.”

“Like with the booster seats. I thought I was being nice, but instead I undermined you. I’m sorry, Gabby. I never meant for it to be like this.”

She moved closer and he wrapped his arms around her. The feel of his warm, familiar body comforted her. Andrew had his faults, but they were the kind she could live with. He was, at heart, a good man and a father who loved his girls.

“We’ll talk more,” he promised. “I’m going to work on not assuming I’m right all the time.”

She laughed. “Now won’t that be nice.”

He kissed her, his mouth lingering.

“Tonight?” he asked.

She smiled. “Always.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

“That is amazing,” Hayley said, her voice laced with awe. “I know you’re not a fan, but wow.”

Nicole wrinkled her nose. “I hate Brad less these days. Although Jairus confuses the heck out of me.”

They stood together in Tyler’s room. It was Saturday afternoon and her son was at a friend’s birthday party. Nicole had invited Hayley over for some girl time and they’d ended up here—looking at the nearly finished mural.

“Tyler has got to love this.” Hayley walked to the wall and lightly traced Brad’s head. “It’s huge and colorful and his favorite character ever. So why are you freaked?” Hayley studied the painting. “Hmm, let me guess. Eric lived here all those years and was able to walk away with little more than a few boxes. You’ve known Jairus only four or five months and look how he’s left his mark on your house.”

“Ouch,” Nicole murmured. “Can we at least pretend my problem is subtle and deserving of an elegant metaphor?”

“Sorry. This one seems to be very on the nose. Am I wrong?”

Nicole led the way back to her living room. “No. I wish you were, but no.”

“Are you dying to paint over it?”

“Every day. The cans are in the hall closet.”

They sat on the sofa. Glasses of iced tea waited on the table, along with a plate of new pineapple Paleo muffins Nicole had made that morning.

Hayley took a sip of her drink, then pointed at the muffins. “Are they gross?”

“They’re weird, but not gross.”

“You don’t need to lose weight.”

“I know. I’m just trying to eat more healthy.”

“Good for you. I’d rather have chocolate.” Hayley put down her glass. “So what’s the problem?”

Talk about the blunt question. “Jairus makes me uncomfortable.”

“How and why?”

Nicole resisted the urge to squirm. “He’s in love with me.”

“That bastard!”

“Stop it. You know what I mean. He’s nice. He’s affectionate. He shows up when he says, he’s good to Tyler. He painted a Brad the Dragon mural. He’s good in bed.”

Hayley raised her eyebrows. “I want more details on that last one, but not now. We’re not getting distracted from the main point.”

“I don’t want to think about the main point.”

“Which is kind of the problem.” Hayley sighed. “So I’m just going to say it. Are you braced?”

Nicole crossed her arms over her chest and drew in a breath. Before she nodded, she reminded herself that she’d wanted to talk to her friend for a reason. To figure out what was wrong. To understand the gnawing sense of panic that filled her whenever she thought about Jairus and her relationship and the future.

“Go,” she said firmly.

“You’re scared.” Hayley shrugged. “You picked Eric and he was a dud, so now you’re gun-shy. It’s hard to risk yourself, to give your heart. You’re older now, you have a son and a life. Jairus is too good to be true. He’s nice and sweet and funny and successful. What if he breaks your heart? What if he breaks Tyler’s heart?”

“I know. I worry.”

“Which makes you want to run. But here’s the thing, Nicole. The real problem isn’t what might happen. The real problem is you. You don’t think you deserve him. For whatever reason, you don’t believe you’re good enough.”

Nicole scooted back on the sofa. Her face got hot and she didn’t know where to look. “That’s not true!”

“It is.” Hayley’s voice was soft. “I don’t know if it’s because of your mom or how you never made it as a dancer or what, but you don’t believe in yourself. You have a successful business and a great kid and you own your own home. You’re amazing. But you don’t see that. It took you nearly six months to get the courage to buy a new car, even though you needed one and had the money. You’re so scared of getting it wrong, you retreat rather than go forward. You don’t try and therefore you lose out. It’s like when you need clothes. You buy used rather than new. Which is fine, except in your case, it’s a symptom.”

Hayley leaned forward. “You don’t have to start buying designer, but indulge yourself a little. You’ve earned it. Trust your judgment. I get playing it safe. I do, but men like Jairus don’t come around very often. Wouldn’t it be horrible to lose him just because you’re scared?”

Nicole sank her teeth into her lower lip. Hayley was wrong. About all of it. Hayley didn’t understand. Nicole wasn’t like that. She couldn’t be. She was...

“I’m a mess,” she admitted. “Oh, God. What if you’re right? I’m a total wreck.”

“You’re not. Stop it. You can’t only hear the bad stuff. Conversations don’t work that way. You have to hear the good stuff, too. Look at all you’ve done. Have a little faith in yourself, Nicole.”

Was that possible? Faith? Admitting the good stuff. She wasn’t sure why it terrified her, but it did.

“If Jairus up and left today,” her friend said. “What would you do?”

“I don’t know. Miss him. Help Tyler understand what had happened. Be hurt. Be mad.”

“Would you sell your business?”

“What? Of course not. That has nothing to do with him.”

“And the house? You’d keep it?”

Nicole saw where Hayley was going. “You’re saying that I would survive. That I would keep on with my life. That Jairus is great but he’s not the center of my universe.”

“Something like that.”

There was too much to think about. Too much to understand. It was all so confusing.

“He loves you,” Hayley reminded her. “This I know for sure. Love doesn’t come along every single day. You have to make your own decisions, but if it were me, I’d hang on with both hands.”

Hanging on was scary, but losing him was worse. Nicole sighed, then looked at the coffee table. “I have M&M’s in the pantry.”

“A much better choice. See, you can do the right thing.”

Nicole laughed. “I’m not sure picking M&M’s over a Paleo muffin is exactly the same as committing to Jairus.”

“Maybe not, but it’s a start.”

* * *

“Thank God you’re here!” Morgan shouted and lunged forward. She clung to Hayley with amazing strength. “It was so horrible. He broke his leg and the bone was sticking out.”

Hayley swallowed hard to keep her stomach from rebelling. Even without details, the image was plenty frightening.

“What happened?”

“Christopher was playing at school, hanging off the monkey bars and trying some stupid trick he saw on a video game.” Morgan pushed Hayley to arm’s length and glared at her. “A video game! They’re not
people
. They’re not even alive. But does he get that? Where’s Brent? He said he’d be right here.”

“Breathe. There’s traffic. He’ll get here. What did the doctor say?”

Morgan covered her face with her hands. “He needs surgery. They have to set his leg and he has to stay at least overnight. I can’t think.”

“Where are the other kids?”

“With Brent’s mother. I’m sure she’s using the time to turn them against me.”

Hayley stifled a smile. Even in the middle of a disaster, Morgan maintained her sense of place in the world and knew what was important.

“You’re a freak, you know that, right?” she asked.

“Maybe, but you’re stuck with me.”

Hayley nodded as she admitted, if only to herself, she could live with that. Her sister wasn’t perfect, but they were still family. No matter what.

They sat down in the hospital waiting room. Morgan clutched her hand, squeezing occasionally. The frantic call had come just over an hour ago. Hayley had left work and come directly to the hospital. She thought about calling Rob, but he was busy with work. Brent would be here soon and he would take charge.

Sure enough, not ten minutes later, Brent ran into the waiting room. He hurried directly to Morgan. She raced toward him and they hung on to each other.

“Tell me everything,” Brent instructed.

While Morgan explained what had happened to their oldest son, Hayley watched the couple. Gone was the tension and Morgan’s restlessness. For all her complaining, she loved her family. Maybe the crisis would draw them closer. Hayley hoped so.

One emergency surgery, time in recovery and a bunch of drugs later, Christopher was finally in a room on one of the pediatric floors. Morgan and Brent had argued about who was going to stay with him. In the end, they decided they both would. Hayley had hugged them good-night and headed for the elevator.

There were a lot of children in the hospital. She hadn’t realized the number. Of course it made sense. Kids got sick or injured. She passed rooms that were dimly lit, with parents hovering or asleep on cots. Some of the rooms were filled with balloons and stuffed animals. Others had drawings on the wall—as if the stay was a long one. Just past the elevator bank, she saw light spilling from a room.

Giving in to curiosity, she eased in that direction and saw a boy sitting up in a bed. He was maybe nine or ten, bald and wearing a hospital gown. His room was empty. Oh, there was plenty of medical equipment, but no balloons, no stuffed animals.

He was thin, with big brown eyes. As she stood in the doorway, he looked up from the book he was reading and smiled.

“You’re working late.”

“What?”

“You’re from social services, right? I sometimes get late visits, but not this late.” He raised the bed a little more. “I can save you some time. Yes, the treatment is going well. Yes, I understand what they’re doing to me. The food is okay. Sometimes the nurses give me extra ice cream. When I can keep it down. I’m current with my schoolwork. Math is still my favorite subject, which is weird, so don’t tell anyone.”

Hayley stepped into the room. “I’m not a social worker.”

The boy chuckled. “So now you know too much about me. Who are you?”

“Hayley. Who are you?”

“Noah. Why are you here?”

“My nephew fell and broke his leg. He had surgery. I was visiting and I saw the light on.”

“Too bad for him. That’s gonna hurt.” Noah’s mouth twisted. “But he’ll be going home soon, right?”

She nodded. “Can I sit down for a minute?”

“Sure.” He pointed to one of the plastic chairs. “I don’t get many visitors.”

“How come?”

“I don’t have any family. I’m an orphan and I live in foster care.”

His tone was casual, as if the information didn’t matter anymore. Hayley felt the words cut her like a knife.

“I’m sorry.”

One bony shoulder rose and fell. “Nothing I can do about it.”

“How long have you been in the hospital?”

“Awhile. I have a few more weeks. It’s cancer. Lymphoma. I don’t mind talking about it. My foster parents always whisper when they say it. Like it’s contagious. But it’s not. It’s the kind they can cure. Doing chemo sucks, but it beats the alternative.”

“How old are you?”

“Eleven.”

He sounded so much older. Wise, even. He’d been through so much.

“Do your foster parents come visit you?” she asked.

“Naw. They’re busy. There are other kids and I can take care of myself.”

Sadness swept through her, although she did her best not to show it.

“What do you like to read?” she asked.

“Everything. Adventure stories are my favorite. But I’m not picky. I’m a fast reader.” He glanced around as if making sure they were alone. “Don’t tell anyone, but I really like the Harry Potter books. Even though they’re for kids.”

“You’re a kid.”

Noah flashed her a smile. “Sometimes. Did you know at the new theme park, they have a replica of the train? And you catch it from Platform 9—”

“I didn’t,” she admitted. “I read the books, but I haven’t been to the park.”

“I’m going,” Noah told her. “One day. You know, when I’m grown up.”

Because there was no one to take him now. If his foster parents didn’t bother to visit, she was sure there was no way they would take him on vacation.

She wanted to say she could help. That she and Rob would pay for the trip. But who would he go with? He didn’t have anyone.

“What are you reading now?” she asked.

He held up the book. “
The Hunger Games
. I’ve read it before. It’s good. Violent. I find it strange that there are so many books written about this country after a big disaster, but things are never better. Why is that? You’d think if there was a big war or something we’d learn our lesson and act right.”

“That wouldn’t be a very interesting story.”

“I guess not.”

Hayley studied the boy on the bed. “Okay, this is going to sound totally weird and you can for sure say no, but would you like me to read to you for a bit?”

Noah stared at her for a long time, then held out the book. “That would be nice.”

* * *

Despite the talk she’d had with Hayley, despite her promise to be strong, Nicole had come to the conclusion that there was only one solution to the Jairus problem. And that was not to see him anymore.

She sat across from him at Latte-Da, their untouched lattes between them.

“I have a bad feeling about whatever you want to talk about,” he told her. “Nicole, don’t.”

“You have no idea what I’m going to say.”

“I don’t have to. I can feel it. You’re scared. I get that. I’m scared, too. I haven’t been in love in a long time and I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I love you and I love Tyler. Don’t punish me for that.”

If he wanted to hurt her, he’d found exactly the right words. “Jairus, there are a lot of things I have to consider.”

“No. There aren’t. I know Eric hurt you. I know you’re worried about making another mistake. I know you have Tyler to consider. Don’t give up on us. Don’t walk away.”

He stretched his arms toward her. “Nicole, I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you and grow old with you. I want to give you everything I have, be there for you.”

His words hammered against her. They were wonderful and painful and while a part of her wanted to say yes, a thousand times yes, the rest of her said to run. To escape while she could, while neither she nor Tyler would be damaged.

“I can’t,” she whispered.

He put his hands on his lap. “Do you love me?”

She hung her head. Was that what it came down to? “I don’t know.”

“You said you do. Before. I think that’s what frightens you the most. Loving me. Knowing I’m not going anywhere. Because to make this work, you have to be all in and you’re not comfortable with that. You want to hold a piece of yourself back.”