The Ghost and the Darkness Volume 1 (The Fallocaust Series Book 2) (26 page)

Yet I would give it all back for my cabin on the hill. I felt like an ant in an ant farm. Like we were all Silas’s pets, every single one of us whether it be Morosian or Skylander, we were ants and he could to what he wanted. I would rather be in Aras and free, better than waiting for the thumb to come down and squish you.

Poor Garrett, ninety years he’s had to deal with this. I guess it didn’t get easier. Though my pity for him didn’t extend as far as it would have for a normal compassionate and understanding person. Deep down inside I was resentful that he had decided to pretend I didn’t exist.

Which is why I was going to go buy some drugs.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked down the sidewalk, lit in deceptive welcome with the shining shop lights, every small shop showing off their wares inside the warm store. They were tempting the rich and mocking the poor: big televisions, blenders, and coffee makers, even microwaves. All things my boy Reaver would have killed to open up and tinker with.

I’d show him around if he ever came here.

I glanced into the shop and saw a stack of what looked like waffle makers, that made me smile. I wonder what he was doing right now, if he was safe.

What would Reaver have done if he was there? He would have lunged and gnashed his teeth at Silas until they killed each other. But then again he knew Asher. He didn’t know Silas.

No wonder Elish had finally had enough of this. I just hoped Garrett had the balls to come to our side when it was time.

Maybe since he had me he would... because if Silas had done to Elish and Jade what he had done to me and Garrett...

Perhaps that was the last straw for Ice Man.

I brought out my fancy, black metal charge card and slid it over to the drug store lady. As usual her eyes widened and she scuttled off to prepare the bill. This card was one of Garrett’s and only chimeras or their partners or pets had them. I didn’t know how it worked, I just knew as soon as I whipped it out everyone looked at me like I had just descended from heaven and they did anything I asked. I never had to pay cash for anything; I would be lying if I said it didn’t give me a slight power trip.

I tucked my large bag of drugs into my jacket and ducked into the Penguin for a quick drink, though I scanned it first for the crimson-haired fuck and the other one. No one was there though. I drank a juice and vodka concoction, chatted it up with a few bar hoppers and went home. It wasn’t much but I missed human interaction dearly. Even if all they did was bitch about work and their partners or kids. That’s what everyone did in Melpin’s anyways so that wasn’t really a huge change.

I came home without incident; my heart sank a little more into my feet when I saw Garrett was still outside smoking. He didn’t care; he probably hadn’t even noticed I had left.

I spread my drugs on the large coffee table and organized them. I had probably purchased at least a hundred tokens worth of hardcore and softcore drugs. In the dingy, less desirable areas of my mind it was clear I was doing this as a cry for attention. That and a growing ache to have my own vices to cope.

I had cigarettes of all varieties. They dipped them in anything they could here, from meth, to LSD, to cocaine, and opium. I also had straight-out sniffable heroin called china white, meth, cocaine, Dilaudid, Xanax, Valium and some shit I hadn’t even recognised but it was on sale. Every fucking thing had the Dek’ko label plastered with warnings I don’t think any one read.

I got out my fancy metal Garrett Sebastian Dekker black card and cut myself up some china white. Then I scoured the kitchen until I found a straw and cut it to shape. With my drunken, not to suave, chimera continuing to pollute his lungs and his liver in his self-loathing I put on
Good Fellas
and took my first two lines. Then I grabbed a ChiCola and sat down to start enjoying my own unhealthy way of dealing with my issues.

As soon as the first wave of goodness came over me I closed my eyes and took in the incandescent frozen warmth that seemed to cradle my body. I let out a sigh, not of happiness or relaxation but relief. It was all going to trickle away, and what was left I would lose in the movie.

I pulled the blanket closer to me and burrowed my sullen feelings inside of it.

“You... went out?” I opened my eyes, the movie was half over, the drugs were warmth inside me. My eyes didn’t look at him but I saw his black trousers in the bend of my vision. His voice was slurred like any normal drunk and he reeked of cigarettes and rye.

He must’ve taken my silence for confirmation; I saw a long, elegant, ring-adorned hand sift through my new stash of drugs. He picked up a package and opened it, before taking out a green pill. It was one of the ones on sale.

I followed his hand as he popped the pill into his mouth and washed it down with rye.

“You shouldn’t take opiates with alcohol.” I was shocked to see how hollow my voice was, it sounded like death was twisting each word that came from my lips.

Garrett’s eyes were still heavy; he dropped the package and put his glass down. “You don’t even know what those are, do you?”

I gave him a glance before I shook my head.

“It’s Intoxone. It sucks all the alcohol from your bloodstream, the drug equivalent is Suboxone, rather handy if you’re overdosing. It was on sale right?”

I nodded.

“I made it a law for it to always be on sale somewhere in each district of Skyfall, everyone should have some around.”

Funny, he was talking to me right now, what I had been craving since we left, yet I didn’t know what to say back. My mouth felt glued shut, and my body felt stiff and cold.

A small silence fell on us, my eyes staring forward at the lay out of drugs with Garrett standing beside the couch looking at me.

I couldn’t meet his gaze. I had been waiting for him to say something to me for the past twenty-four hours and now that he had I felt shy and uncomfortable, the memories of yesterday simmering to the surface with each drawn-out moment.

It was after about ten minutes that he spoke, and to my surprise his speech had returned to normal. The Intoxone had done its job, he sounded completely sober.

“I have done a lot of thinking, Reno.”

I saw him move around from the window reflection and he took a seat beside me. His hands were clasped except for his two pointer fingers which tapped together. Hands that had grown used to always carrying around a glass and a cigar.

“Do you want to go back to Aras?”

I couldn’t go back even if I wanted to Garrett...
even the suggestion pushed a dagger through my heart. It just went to show how little Garrett knew about what had happened in my home. My uncle grabbing Killian, Redmond shooting me when I charged him... the horror and carnage we had left behind. I couldn’t go back to that, not without Silas dead and my two boys by my side. I couldn’t live with men who had turned their backs to us.

When this was over and Aras had been cleansed, I would follow King Reaver wherever he went, but right now – that was a fool’s dream. So far and out of reach it was almost cruel to tease my mind with the notion.

“No,” I whispered. I felt a small tinge of bravery I added. “Do you want me to?”

“Of course not!” My attention broke away from its hypnotic trance when I heard the shock and offence in his voice. I felt shame when I saw despair flood his green eyes. “I... I just...”

I watched him wipe his face with one of his hands and lean back on the couch. He looked defeated and tired, a sigh left his lips and he stared forward.

“I want you to be happy.”

Things were too unsure right now for me to be happy, not truly happy anyways. The brief moments of happiness that I had gotten had been with him. How many more of those would I get before Elish collected me I didn’t know. Maybe this experience with Silas would make it easier once I did leave.

I had never felt this conflicted in my life. It wasn’t something cut and dry like being raped or dealing with Reaver and Killian drama. This was complicated. Many little fabrics woven into one big clusterfuck. I had gotten eyes deep in shit and I didn’t even know where I stood anymore.

But there were moments of happiness, when I genuinely felt content, and they had all been with him. Having a drink with him and watching his eyes light up as he talked about all the work stuff I barely understood. Or the sweet and kind things he did for me to make me feel more at home.

“I’m happy with you.”

I saw the thin darkening of his jaw as it tightened, then his green eyes creased with inner turmoil. “You’re not safe here; I’m going to set you up with a very nice place in Eros...”

“What!” I said loudly, the colour draining from my face. “That’s it? Fucking honeymoon is over and now you’re just going to put me away where you don’t have to look at me? Fuck you!”

“It’s not that, Reno.”

“Yes it is!” I was getting more than just a little emotional. Fuck this shit with Garrett; it was making me understand Killian’s outbursts. I hated that. “Is this why you’re such a retard when it comes to personal relationships? Because once things get complicated you send them off to Eros? Fuck off.”

Garrett’s hands tensed, his brow was knitted together but his eyes were downcast. “You think King Silas is a
complication
?” His voice was low, almost bemused. “Everyone we love, he eventually takes away. Jade, Trig, Mika... every young piece of flesh is competition for him and he crushes any seed of competition we sew. You have a specific bullseye on you.” Garrett’s mouth twitched down. “I should... I was stupid to think I could make this work.”

“I’m made from stronger stuff,” I said flatly.

“You don’t know my family... you don’t know King Silas. You... you don’t know how bad he can get.”

I snorted. I saw him turn to me with an injured look on his face but it couldn’t be helped.

“My best friend since I was four is your master’s exact copy. You don’t think I know your family or him? Please,” I said incredulously. I didn’t stop there though; my mouth kept moving like it had just been shot with W-D-40.

“If you would’ve just got your head out of your self-loathing ass and talked to me... I would’ve been able to tell you that. I know I look stupid, I know I act like a fucking joke most of the time but you don’t hang around with Silas Junior for eighteen years and not become a bit hardened to living with a maniac, and his boyfriend ain’t much better. I... I know what... being with you entitles.” If Killian could do it I could. Then again he did dig up a dead body and lay in it.

“But...” Garrett looked completely taken aback by my small outburst, his mouth opened and closed a few times until he found his words. “What he did... made me do...”

“Yeah? And? So I got smacked around, so what?” I snapped, the anger started to burn inside me. I felt myself stand to my feet, my fists balled. I didn’t even know what was happening to me all I knew was I was getting pissed off.

“You’ve dealt with it for ninety years, why the fuck are you so broken up? I didn’t even get a god damn sympathetic look from you, and here you are whining about how I am not happy, an entire day later? You know what would’ve made me happy? A hug, that would’ve been awful nice. It’s fucking Reaver all over again. You self-hating little shit heads just go do what makes you feel good, because it’s too painful for
you
to look at me. Selfish little fuck. Maybe this isn’t fucking about
you
.”

Garrett stared up at me, and I saw his shoulders slump. Fucking ninety-year-old super chimera looked like Killian in that second, sorrowful and guilty, but I wasn’t done.

“I’ve been cleaning up chimera bullshit since I was a kid. I helped Reaver dismember a ten year old when he was eight, we ate every piece of him and no one ever found out what happened to him. So stop fucking treating me like I’m the dumb comic relief of some movie who can’t deal with the real world or King Psychofuck. Alright? I know what Silas can dish out because I’ve been cleaning up broken dishes for years. So...” I clenched my teeth; I needed to end this before I completely went off the handle. I didn’t have a fancy way of ending it so I made it easy. “So fuck off.”

Somewhere in the last ten minutes I had forgotten I was a pet in front of his master. If I was Jade I had a feeling I would’ve been knocked to the floor, but Garrett only looked up at me in shock, his mind trying to process every leaded word.

I got up and sighed with defeat. “You’ve... had a long day and rye isn’t food. Did you even eat? I’ll order you something.” I started to walk towards the dial-a-sengil wall phone but stopped as he grabbed my arm.

I looked down in shock, his hand firmly grasped around my wrist.

“I apologize... I do forget where you came from, I admit.” He began slowly, his lips forming every word carefully. “You... it’s easy to forget because you’re such a cheerful, kind-hearted person, I forget you came from such a horrible place. You hide your scars well.”

It’s not that horrible. It’s my home. I had loved my life.
I couldn’t help it I felt defensive of my old life. It was a paradise compared to this biodome.

“But you’re right, about... well... everything.” If only they would listen to me when I first said it, him and Reaver. Why was I the chimera-to-human translator? I could see all of this shit plain as day but it seemed to perplex these guys.