The Girl He Left Behind (2 page)

Making contact with anyone was a bad idea. Trying to forget his morning’s encounter with Sia, Ryan slowly got out of the car and walked towards the dilapidated house he’d grown up in. There was nothing to gain here but pain and validation of the fact that his parents had never wanted him. He was and always would be the wrinkle in their otherwise smooth life. There was no welcome waiting for him behind that door, yet he watched as his hand lifted to ring the bell. He stared impassively as the door opened a fraction of an inch and his mother’s wary face peeked out.

‘Ma.’

The shock in her eyes faded quickly into fear. ‘What do you want?’

Squashing the quick flare of hurt, he said ‘May I come in?’

Gripping the door harder, she shook her head quickly. ‘He’s not home now but if he found out, he would never forgive me.’

‘What difference does it make? He never did forgive you.’ Suddenly impatient with himself for even trying, he turned to leave.

‘Thank you.’ Her quiet words stopped him before he’d taken two steps. Turning to face her, he waited in silence.

‘Thank you for the money you’ve sent over the years. It was helpful.’

‘I don’t want or need your thanks.’ For a moment, emotion leaked through his rigid control. ‘I’m your son, ma, YOUR son!’

‘You’re his son too.’

‘No, I’m not!’ His vehemence, after all these years, surprised even himself. ‘He’s not my father.’

‘He put a roof over your head, fed you and clothed you. You’re ungrateful. That’s what you are.’

‘Ungrateful? You want me to be grateful? For what, ma? For the welts and bruises that took weeks to heal? For the daily diet of abuse he fed us? Actually, you’re right. I am grateful. I am so grateful that he is NOT my father. Finding out that his blood doesn’t course through my veins was the best moment of my life.’

Lips pursed, she waited for him to stop speaking. After a beat of silence, she whispered ‘You were a wilful child. He was just disciplining you.’

Lost for words, Ryan just stared before turning away with a muffled oath and striding to his car. Her voice reached him across the space between them as he unlocked his car and sat.

‘Don’t come back again, Ryan.’

With one final look at the woman who’d given birth to him and lived to regret it, he nodded before speeding away from the debris of his past.

* * *

Ryan spent the rest of the day in his hotel room brooding. What had he thought would happen? Nothing had changed. If he closed his eyes, he could still bring back the memory of his last night in town like it had been yesterday. He’d come home from a night out with Sia. He’d saved up as much as he could from his part time job to take her out for a late night movie and dinner. Of
course, dinner consisted of chaat from the roadside stall outside the theatre before the movie but it hadn’t mattered. Nothing had mattered but the fact that they were together. Or so he’d thought. His mind more on the fact that she was sitting close to him in the dark theatre than on the painfully mushy Hindi movie playing on the screen, he waited for a chance to casually drape one arm around her shoulder and bring her closer. As much as he hated the Bollywood movies she loved, he had to admit they had one very big point in their favour. They were long enough for him to plan and execute the get Sia snuggled up to him strategy. It had worked. Brilliantly!

Flushed from his success at having stolen a kiss in the theatre, he walked into his house later without paying much attention to his parents raised voices. It was a common enough occurrence to have him try to ignore it and head straight to his room. It took less than a minute for the words being shouted in the next room to sink in. As he stood by the door and listened, everything fell into place. It explained a lot – the hatred he’d lived with all his life.

His father hated him because he wasn’t his child at all and his mother hated him because he was a constant reminder of the one mistake she had made in her life. The mistake that had condemned her to a lifetime of fruitlessly trying to redeem herself in the eyes of the man she had betrayed. She’d done a good job of it. Barring her one slip all those years ago which had resulted in his conception, she’d been a better wife than a mother. Her choice was always very clear. He’d walked out that day and hadn’t gone back until today.

The opening of the door had him jerking his thoughts back to the present.

‘Ryan? You ready to leave? We’re due at the venue in another half hour and traffic can be a bitch this time of the day.’ Adarsh Sehgal had been his right hand and best friend for a large part
of the last six years. He’d had another best friend before that. Shoving the thought away ruthlessly, he strode towards the door.

‘Let’s go.’

Wisely maintaining his silence, Adarsh let Ryan wallow in his mood a little longer. He’d have to get his game face on once they reached the hotel anyway.

In the six years since he’d left home, Ryan Mathur had made it big. Being a freaking genius had helped. You would never know from the credentials he’d racked up that the man had started his education a good two years after his peers. Adarsh had never asked him about the delayed start to his education but he suspected it had something to do with the family and home he never spoke about. He’d worked nights at a local call centre and put himself through business school. He’d graduated with honours, worked for a couple of years and then set up his own advertising firm. ‘Hope’ had taken the advertising world by storm. At 28, he’d put Hope on the global map and made it the company to watch out for on the national scene. Ryan was today’s keynote speaker at one of their biggest client’s annual marketing summit. The conference was followed by interviews with a couple of leading dailies – something that was normally par of course for Ryan. Today, however, his legendary charm was missing. He was too busy glowering at the world through his car window.

Adarsh cleared his throat, ‘How did it go?’

‘How did what go?’

‘Dude, I know you went to see Sia today. I’m assuming from the way you’re pouting, it didn’t go well.’

‘I’m not pouting. I’m brooding.’ He retorted.

Ryan’s temper was as legendary as his charm was. Just depended on what kind of day it was. Stifling a grin, Adarsh replied ‘Okay, Mr Macho Brooding man. How did it go?’

‘I’ll tell you later over some Scotch. Let’s go get this circus over with.’

He exited the car they’d been riding in with his usual grin for the cameras and his usual smatter of small talk for the organisers. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Two hours later, after all the requisite niceties, schmoozing and interviews were over, they headed over to the pub in the hotel. Ryan let his smile slip from his face and rubbed a tired hand over his face. He was emotionally drained. He just wanted to have a couple of drinks, unwind and get back to the hotel and crash. Let his brain shut down and try to block out the expression on Sia’s face from this morning. It had been playing in his head like a stuck reel. His conversation with his mother had been easier to shrug off than Sia’s lack of welcome. Maybe the difference was his parents had always hated him whereas there had been a time when Sia would have flung herself into his arms.

She’d always been so happy to see him. He could still see the way her eyes warmed when she saw him or the way she fiddled with her hair when she was lost in thought or the way she walked like she was always in an all-fired hurry to get somewhere. Just the way she was walking right now. Right now? He blinked a couple of times but he could still see Sia walking briskly towards him. She was looking down and typing a message out on her phone and was on a collision course with him.

‘Ryan, are you coming or planning to grow roots there? There’s a beer with my name on it waiting for me and hopefully a woman to keep it and me company.’

Sia’s head snapped up at this remarkably incisive comment from Adarsh and she came to an abrupt halt. Unfortunately, the rather portly gentleman walking in behind her didn’t anticipate
that and crashed into her. His arms flailed and his briefcase clipped the side of Sia’s head on his way down. Ryan lunged forward and caught her just before she made contact with the floor.

‘Are you insane, lady?’ Red faced and huffing with the exertion of getting his bulk off the floor, the gentleman certainly wasn’t in the mood to forgive and forget. Sia on the other hand had the kind of dazed expression that cartoon characters with little birds flying around their heads sport.

‘I’m sorry, I-’

‘It was my fault. I startled the lady.’ Ryan interjected smoothly. ‘Can we help you up?’

Brushing off Adarsh’s proffered hand, the man got up, gathered the remnants of his dignity and stalked off muttering. This left Ryan standing there with Sia in his arms. Sia was dressed in an extremely short, extremely revealing black dress. High heels, subtle make up and a perfume that almost brought Ryan to his knees completed the ensemble. His grip tightened around her as his faintly dazzled eyes dropped to her cleavage that was presented to perfection. In his opinion,
the dress
, as it would forever be known in the future, deserved a place of honour in its own hall of fame. Her startled eyes lifted to his as she brought her hands up to his shoulders to steady herself and try to straighten out of the lopsided embrace he had her in. When his fingers strayed of their own volition and found the soft skin exposed by the deep back of her dress, she stiffened slightly and dug her own fingers into his shoulders in silent but pointed warning.

‘Are you okay?’ Mentally smacking his errant fingers, he released her quickly and stepped back, suddenly conscious of the audience they had. Barring a slight hitch in her breath which was probably due to being smacked in the head, she
seemed absolutely fine, he thought resentfully even as the rapid pounding of his traitorous heart refused to slow down.

‘Yes. Thank you’ She stared to turn away but was brought up short by Adarsh’s hand extended practically into her face.

‘Hi. I’m Adarsh. Would you care to join us for a drink? My friend and I were just heading over to the pub there.’

‘No thank you. I have friends joining me.’ She said, giving him a polite smile.

Ignoring Ryan’s frantic head shakes and hand signals, Adarsh dropped his hand and continued to shove his humongous foot into his even larger mouth.

‘The more the merrier. Three can never be a crowd at a pub right? Birds of a feather and all that.’ Having run out of clichés, he finally spluttered to a stop.

‘It’s my friend’s bachelorette. The only men allowed to hang out with us tonight have to take off their clothes and dance naked on the bar counter.’ She managed a faint smile before she sidestepped him and walked away.

‘Honey you’re on. I’d dance naked for you anytime.’

‘Maybe I should have been more specific. The only men allowed to hang out with us tonight will be men we want to see dancing naked on a bar counter.’ She tossed over her shoulder as she walked away.

Ryan couldn’t help grinning at that. That last remark was vintage Sia.

‘Man, she was hotttttt … smoking hot … I didn’t know your hometown had women who looked like her. Did you get a load of that body of hers? Covering it up is a crime I tell you….’ He trailed off into silence at the look on Ryan’s face. ‘What just because you’re still pouting, I’m not allowed to try and score?’

‘That was Sia.’

‘Your Sia? The I’ll always love only her Sia? That Sia?!’

‘Shut up or I’ll make you finish eating that shoe you were so determined to shovel down your throat earlier.’

‘Why the hell didn’t you say so before I made an ass of myself?’

‘Well you have such a talent for it. I figured why break your perfect record in that department.’

Bickering amicably, they walked out and headed back to their hotel in unspoken accord. Having a drink at the pub wasn’t on the agenda anymore.

‘Good morning! It’s six a.m.!!!!’

An almost inhuman growl issued from beneath the covers. A hand sneaked out, grabbed hold of the sneakers lying haphazardly near the bed and pummelled the speaker into submission. After a moment of silence, one red eye opened to glare malevolently at the remains of the alarm clock. Convinced it was dead, Sia rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Sleep however had other plans. It was her own damn fault anyway for not remembering to turn off the damn alarm the previous night. Giving up on sleep and having used up her quota of damn in her vocabulary for the day, she rolled out of bed and stumbled towards the kitchen in search for coffee.

Two mugs of coffee and a hot shower later she was ready to face the day. Or maybe not…. maybe a lazy Sunday with nothing but vegetating in front of the television would be best given her current mood. Switching on the television, she’d just settled in before the doorbell rang. Sighing, she opened the door to a frail looking, extremely pale apparition. Dressed in ratty jeans, a black t-shirt and the most humongous sunglasses to cover what were bound to be bloodshot eyes; Minty looked like the walking dead.

‘Is that coffee I smell? Gimme.’ Even her voice was going for a back from the dead ghostly whisper.

‘Well, if it isn’t Frankenstein’s bride. To what do I owe this early morning visit? Are you gate crashing my at-home-movie day?’ Sia asked knowing full well what had managed to drag her hung over friend out of bed this early in the morning.

‘Please don’t raise your volume beyond a whisper! There are monkeys with cymbals in my head right now doing the polka. Move so I can get to the couch. If the coffee revives me enough, we can figure out the movie viewing bit.’

Leaving Minty collapsed on the couch, Sia went in to brew a fresh cup of coffee. Putting the coffee and some painkiller on a tray, she braced herself for the inquisition to come and went back into the living room.

‘So, action or horror? Which would you prefer?’

‘Which one better describes your encounter with Ryan?’

Inwardly cringing again at her cupboard keys in hand moment, Sia glugged a bit of Minty’s coffee before handing it over and said, ‘That would probably fall under the heading of slapstick comedy.’

It took her less than two minutes to fill Minty in on what would probably reign as one of her most embarrassing moments in life for a while yet. Rolling her eyes at Minty’s helpless laughter, she waited for her to catch her breath before saying ‘I hope all that cackling coupled with your hangover makes your head roll off.’

‘I wish I’d been there for that. It must have been priceless.’ Still chuckling, Minty leaned back against the couch and let her head loll back against the backrest. It really did feel like it might roll off. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘For?’

‘For whatever it is you’re feeling right now. I know what it took to put Ryan behind you and it can’t be easy to have to relive it. I wonder why he’s back.’

Letting her head rest on Minty’s shoulders, Sia ran through
a list of appropriate responses in her mind. When nothing rang true, she let the conversation stall instead of attempting a lie. The truth was she had never completely put Ryan behind her. As to why he’s back, they’d just have to wait and see. Shrugging off her flicker of apprehension, Sia turned the television on and channel surfed till she found an old episode of ‘Friends.’ Letting the quiet wash over her, she watched as the show’s soundtrack of ‘I’ll be there for you’ rang through the room.

* * *

Monday morning dawned bright and early, unfortunately. Having to rely on the alarm on her mobile phone had made Sia over half an hour late for work. She’d checked her email the previous night and grimaced at the sudden early morning meeting added to her calendar. A meeting she was now not going to have time to prepare for.

Leaving her car parked at a strange angle in the first available parking slot, she ran into the office building. Taking one look at the crowd of people waiting for the lift, she took the stairs two at a time up to the third floor. Dumping everything but her laptop, she entered the conference room with minutes to spare. Minty and a few other colleagues glanced up, a little startled by her dramatic entry.

Collapsing into a chair next to Minty, she grabbed for her cup of coffee and took a large swig of it. The coffee in office sucked at an epic level but it was definitely better than nothing at the moment.

‘How in the world were you not able to wake up in time with that annoying alarm clock of yours?’ Gone was the hung over ghost who had visited her the previous day. In her place sat a perfectly groomed Marketing Manager. In a black pant suit teamed with a blood red shirt, hair pulled back into a tidy French
braid and make up slicked on, she looked professional and in control.

Sia, on the other hand looked and felt frazzled. In her hurry to make it to the meeting on time, she’d dragged a brush through her hair and put on black pants and a white shirt. Thanks to her outfit, she didn’t just look frazzled, she also looked like a frazzled waitress.

She opened her mouth to answer Minty and shut it quickly when the senior management team walked in. A Vice President, two Directors and a whole slew of managers and associates filled the room. This was starting to look a lot more serious than a regular meeting.

Once the room had settled into silence, Martin D’ Souza, Vice President - Marketing, stood up to address the meeting. Given that Martin was a portly little tub of a man who topped off at 5’2’ he didn’t always command respect at first glance. He looked a lot like a genial Santa Claus but the people who worked closely with him knew better than to take his appearance at face value.

‘Thank you everyone for coming in at such short notice. As you can see we have quite an important announcement to share with you. Let me not take up too much of your time and get straight to the point. Our market research team has recently come up with some rather disturbing findings. According to recent surveys, Trends Now’s image is taking a bit of a beating in the market. We’re being viewed more as a company that’s catering to an older, more staid market. People see us as a company which publishes books more in the genres of self-help, philosophy and biographies. Very few of the people surveyed seem to recall that we publish books in genres like romantic fiction, comedy, travel and even children’s stories. So we’re looking at an image revamp going forward. We’ve hired an external advertising agency to come in and work with all of you. We’re specifically looking at promoting our romantic fiction and children’s stories
divisions. Does anyone here have any questions before we bring in the advertising team to introduce them to you?’

Minty spoke up. ‘Is the external advertising team going to work on marketing and promotion campaigns of specific books with us? Or will they just work on an advertising campaign that will look at changing the image of the company and need inputs from us on that?’

‘The team is going to work on building an advertising campaign that will showcase all the divisions of our company while trying to give us a more trendy image.’ Martin answered. ‘Having said that, they are going to work very closely with all of you to understand the work that you do. It will go a long way in helping them conceptualize and create the new brand image. I expect every member of this team to cooperate with them and help furnish them with whatever information they may require. Are there any more questions?’

When it didn’t look like there were any more questions, he picked up the phone in front of him and spoke into it. ‘Sheela, can you send the team from Hope inside please?’

Sia’s body jerked forward, splashing hot coffee all over herself. Minty grabbed furtively for tissues and passed them over just as the door opened and the team from Hope walked in. Three men and two women, all dressed in suits walked in and took their places at the head of the table. It took all of Sia’s will power to stop staring at the table and to look over at them. For the first time since Ryan had come back, she allowed herself to really look at him. He looked all grown up. Sitting there at the head of the table with his team behind him, his natty red tie setting off his cream shirt and navy blue double breasted pinstriped suit, he looked in control. His features were the same but they looked so much more refined. His short, dark brown hair was mercilessly groomed into submission with only one errant lock falling over his forehead. He looked gorgeous,
successful and so very remote. She worked at making sure her face was expressionless while the introductions were made and waited. He locked eyes with her when it was her turn. A flare of recognition, a polite smile which never reached his eyes curved his lips and his gaze moved on. She saw the surprise in his eyes when they landed on Minty and the genuine smile that spread across his face. Introductions, a brief pep talk and some ‘good to have you on boards’ later everyone spilled out of the conference room and headed back to their desks. Sia was the first one to make her escape.

‘Sia, wait up.’ Minty tried to push through the crowd gathered at the entrance of the conference room to get to Sia. By the time she’d gotten free, the only thing she could see of Sia was her stiff back vanishing through the end of the corridor.

* * *

Four hours, five cookies, three coffees and an entire 500 ml bottle of Pepsi later, Sia still wasn’t feeling any better. Her stomach was a knot of nerves and the only thing keeping her going was her current caffeine high. Ryan was certainly making up for the last six years of absence, she thought. It didn’t matter, she reminded herself. He wasn’t back permanently and she could handle his temporary invasion of her life. They were both adults and professionals and could definitely manage to behave with decorum. Her telephone rang providing her with a much needed distraction.

‘Sia Sharma.’

‘Good afternoon Ma’am. My name is Tara and I am part of the team from Hope that’s going to be attending the four p.m. meeting with author Ms. Nisha Malik. My boss was hoping we could connect for a few minutes before the meeting so we’re better prepared.’

‘Sure. What time’s good for your team?’

‘Would three thirty work Ma’am?’

‘Yes. That should be alright. I’m booking conference room number five on the second floor. I’ll see you all there. Oh and Tara?’

‘Yes Ma’am?’

‘You can call me Sia. Ma’am makes me feel like you’re addressing one of my school teachers.’

‘Thank you Ma’am. I mean Sia. I’ll see you at three thirty then.’

‘Sure. Oh and one other thing, who else from Hope will be attending?’ Sia fought to keep all traces of anxiety from her voice.

‘Ryan, our boss, Adarsh who works on design and me. Is there a problem with that?’

‘No. No problem. Just wanted to check if everyone would fit into the conference room I booked or if we would need a bigger room. I’ll see you later then.’

Sia dropped the receiver back on to the headset and dropped her head onto the desk. It connected with a nice loud thunk.

‘Is this banging your head on the desk thing going to be a habit?’ Minty queried from the doorway.

Sia looked up beseechingly. ‘I need to pull myself together Min. I’m a mess and I can’t go into those meetings looking or feeling like a mess. Help!’

‘Alright. We can fix that.’ Minty eased the door shut and moved forward. ‘We just need to tame your hair and do something about that manic gleam in your eye.’

‘What?’ Sia yelped. ‘What’s wrong with my hair?’

‘Nothing. It looks gorgeous as always. You just need to brush it out a bit.’ Minty soothed, privately thinking Sia looked like she’d stuck her finger in an electric socket.

‘You need to calm down. Remember what we discussed
yesterday? You’ve put Ryan behind you and moved on. You can handle this.’

‘That was before I thought I had to see him at work too. Putting Ryan behind me didn’t include having him pop up in my face every single day.’ Sia wailed.

‘What does it matter? It’s just a couple of meetings, a couple of conversations. What’s the biggie?’

Calming slightly, Sia pulled out the hair brush she kept in her drawer and started to brush out her hair. ‘You’re right. I’m being silly and now that I have had my meltdown, I am going to be fine.’

‘That’s my girl. Now let me put some foundation on the red spot on your forehead. You really need to stop whacking your head on the table.’

‘Just trying to knock my thoughts into order.’ Sia muttered. Sighing, she put the brush down and let Minty smooth some foundation over her face.

‘Hmmm. Did it work?’ Not waiting for a reply, she continued, ‘There, I’m done. Now please stop running your fingers through your hair and put on some lipstick. I’ve got to run now. I have a three o’ clock deadline on a report for Martin. I’ll see you at Nisha’s meeting at four.’

Reaching the door, she hesitated for a second before turning around. ‘Sia? He looks good.’

Dropping her gaze to the table, Sia started to fiddle with her paperclips.

‘We caught up over coffee together after the meeting today.’

‘Oh?’ Unable to manage more than that, Sia mangled a paperclip.

‘Are you okay with me talking to him? Does it make you uncomfortable in any way?’

‘Min, we’re adults.’ Managing to flash a semblance of a smile, Sia said, ‘I don’t expect you to go to war with him on my
behalf. Sia kept her gaze trained on the paperclip in her hand. ‘How is he?’ The whispered question had Minty snapping out of her troubled stroll down memory lane.

The silence between them stretched and ballooned while Sia reached for another paperclip to destroy. Sia was her best friend and she hated to see her hurt like this but there was a part of her that hadn’t forgotten what a good friend Ryan had been to her in the past. While her loyalties and priorities were very clear, her heart still warmed to old friendships and the fond memories they brought with them.

After what felt like forever, Minty’s quiet voice reached her. ‘He seems more comfortable with himself and who he is now. It felt good to see him that way.’

‘I’m glad. He deserves his happiness.’