The Girl He Left Behind (8 page)

Bracing himself, Ryan moved all the bags he held to one hand and reached out to ring the doorbell. He didn’t manage to give it more than a brief push before the door opened and Sia stepped out.

Startled, he took in the fact that she was dressed and on her way out. In a floral sundress with sunglasses perched on her head, hair loose and her face free of makeup, she’d gone from the sexy siren of the previous night to the girl next door. Ignoring the tug of attraction he always felt when he looked at her, he took in the shadows under her eyes and the drooping shoulders that spoke volumes about her sleepless night.

‘Oh! You’re still here.’ She said, unenthusiastically.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Well, the last time I kissed you, you moved to a different state. And that barely rated. This time, I figured you’d be halfway to Brazil.’

Barely rated? One of his most cherished memories barely rated? Wincing, he held up the bag in his hand. ‘I brought breakfast and coffee.’

‘No, thank you. I have an appointment to get to.’ Locking the door with a firm click, she brushed past him leaving a lingering trail of the citrus fragrance she was wearing in her wake.

‘On a Sunday?’ Keeping pace with her easily, he moved to block her path, forcing her to stop and look at him.

‘Yes. On a Sunday.’

‘Where are you going?’

‘That’s none of your business.’ When he only raised an eyebrow and waited, she sighed. ‘Why do you care?’

‘I don’t want the food to go to waste.’ Knowing her weakness for filter coffee, he waved one of the cups in her face letting the aroma reach her. He’d picked it up from her favourite joint.

‘Fine.’ With one irritable swipe, she grabbed both the cup and one of the sealed packets in his hand. ‘I’ll eat what you bought me while I’m driving. Now go away.’

Unlocking her car, she got in and shoved the key into the ignition only to have him slide into the passenger side.

Wearily, she let her head drop against the steering wheel and prayed for patience.

‘Want me to drive? You seem tired.’ Nonchalantly, tearing open the packet still in his hand, he took a big bite of his sandwich.

Giving up, she put the car in gear and exited her lane with an angry squeal of her tires, barely missing an oncoming truck.

Swallowing both his gulp of fear and his mouthful of sandwich quickly, Ryan asked. ‘So where are we going?’

Silence.

Glancing down at his frayed jeans and green round necked t-shirt, he said ‘I’m just wondering if I’m dressed for it.’

More silence.

‘Want me to open your sandwich packet for you?’

Okay, silence and a glare. That was an improvement.

‘I got your favourite from the Hot Spot. Can you believe the lady who runs the shop still remembers me? She was wondering why you hadn’t visited the store in so long.’

Too many memories, you fool! Save me from the idiocy of
men, Sia thought as she turned into the parking lot and parked. Luckily, they hadn’t had far to go. Turning in her seat, she reached behind her for the purse on the backseat.

‘Too many memories?’ Startled by Ryan’s quiet echo of her thoughts, she stopped midway and looked at him. Suddenly aware of the proximity her position generated, she froze. A fraction of an inch closer and she could fit her lips perfectly to his. Resisting the urge to repeat the previous night’s mistake, she listened to his quiet breathing and fought for control.

‘Sia.’ The quietly amused murmur of her name jerked her out of her trance. Closing her hand on her bag, she turned with a swift jerk and got out of the car.

‘Sia.’ His voice stopped her headlong dash. ‘Hold on.’

Throwing her hands up in frustration, Sia spun around. ‘What? What in the name of God could you possibly want now?’ Her raised voice had a few people in the parking lot glancing over.

‘Your keys.’

When she only gaped uncomprehendingly at him, he gestured towards the car. ‘You parked with one of your tires on the pavement.’

Ryan ducked just in time to avoid the keys aimed at his head. Still chuckling, he bent to pick them up, watching her storm into the building. Noting the nameplate with ‘Home for the Aged’ lettered on it, he watched her till she was out of sight before getting into the car to park properly.

* * *

Catching up with Sia as she finished filling out a register at the reception and closed it, Ryan looked around. The place was spotlessly clean with large, open areas filled with greenery. Impressed, he kept pace with her as she strode briskly down a corridor.

‘So what are we doing here?’

‘I am here to spend time with Mrs Srinivasan. I have no idea what you are doing here.’

‘I’m here to spend time with you.’ Grinning at the frustrated glare she levelled at him, he followed her into a room at the end of the corridor.

‘Good morning.’ Smiling at the old, frail lady tucked into the bed, Sia went to lower the bed rail. ‘How are you feeling today? Recovered from the flu?’

‘I’m much better, dear. Thank you for the soup. Who’s the young man?’

‘Nobody important. Ignore him.’ Levering her up from the bed, Sia helped her over to a chair and settled her in. ‘What shall we do today? I brought cards and Scrabble®. I’ve also got a book in here if you want me to read to you?’ Rummaging in her purse, Sia brought out a dog eared copy of Paulo Coelho’s ‘Alchemist.’

‘What have you done to be ignored?’ Bright, alert eyes twinkled up at him.

‘I’m in disgrace.’ Ryan informed her solemnly.

Charmed, she leaned forward in her to chair to ask. ‘For what?’

‘Well, to begin with I was born. Things got sort of out of hand after that.’

Chuckling, she beckoned him closer. ‘I’m Mrs Saraswati Srinivasan. And you are?’

‘What I am is very pleased to meet you.’ Reaching out to cradle the hand she held out to him with both of his, Ryan lowered to his haunches in front of her. ‘Ryan. That’s my name.’

‘No last name?’

‘No, none that matters.’ Smiling to take the sting out his words, he asked. ‘How about Scrabble®? I play a killer game.’

‘He cheats.’ Watching them interact had Sia’s heart and resolve melting.

‘She’s just a sore loser. Trust me.’

Mrs Srinivasan couldn’t resist reaching out and tousling his hair like she always had her son’s. He had such sad eyes. She’d always been a sucker for sad eyes and a rakish smile. There wasn’t a woman alive who could resist that combination. Patting him on the cheek, Mrs Srinivasan smiled ‘Scrabble® it is then.’

‘Awesome.’ Jumping to his feet, he pulled up another chair and rubbed his hands together in glee. ‘I am going to destroy you. Not you, Aunty Saraswati, just her. I am the king of this game. The Scrabble® lion, so to speak.’

Rolling her eyes at his theatrics, Sia set the Scrabble® board up and handed the bag out for everyone to pick their tiles.

‘Oh.’

Looking up at the sad sound, Sia took in Ryan’s crestfallen expression as he surveyed his tiles.

‘Problem?’ She asked, amused.

‘Most of them are vowels.’ Sadly, he poked and prodded at them as if that would help.

Lips twitching, she ventured ‘So more like the Scrabble® mouse then?’

‘A mouse? You can’t downgrade me to a mouse just on the basis of the tiles I have. I haven’t played a turn yet. An open and creative mind has plenty to work with here.’ He said, sanctimoniously.

‘Okay. You play first.’ Cupping her chin with her palm, Sia beamed at him.

A little blinded by that smile, Ryan tried to refocus on his tiles. Other than the vowels, he had one ‘h.’

Accepting unavoidable humiliation, he put his tiles down on the board and waited.

‘Ooh? You made ooh?’ Looking like all her birthdays had arrived together, Sia collapsed in her chair with laughter.

‘Maybe a Scrabble® puppy.’ Patting him kindly on his hand, Mrs Srinivasan reached for her tiles over Sia’s loud, never ending laughter.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much fun. Cups of tea, lazy conversation, Scrabble® followed by cards and laughter that made his sides hurt turned into a golden memory he tucked away to savour later.

Smiling now, he watched as Sia coaxed Mrs Srinivasan into finishing her lunch. Dabbing her mouth with a napkin, Sia helped her back into bed.

Ryan leaned in to kiss her goodbye and said in a loud whisper. ‘I’ll be back beautiful. I had a great time on our first date.’

‘Even if it was a threesome?’ She whispered back, just as loudly.

Laughing delightedly at the shock and amusement mingling on his face, she patted his cheek. ‘I’m old, darling, not dead.’

Shaking her head in mock reproof, Sia leaned in and hugged her too. Promising to come back next week, they left to meet with the nurse at the reception.

He waited till Sia was done filling out the register again and they were in the car heading home before asking ‘She has no family?’

‘Son, daughter in law and grandchildren in London. I think they last came to visit about a year ago.’

‘Why doesn’t she live with them?’

Sia manoeuvred carefully around a slowly moving cyclist before answering. ‘I don’t know too many details. She doesn’t talk too much about it but the best I can infer is that they didn’t want her cramping their lifestyle. It’s becoming more common nowadays to leave elders in homes, even expensive ones like
that. It’s common for people to throw money at their problems now.’

He was certainly throwing fifty lakhs at his, Ryan reflected. He’d always had expensive problems. ‘I don’t get it. I would have loved to have someone like her as my mother. How long have you been coming to see her?’

‘I started volunteering almost four years ago but I only met Mrs Srinivasan two years back.’

‘What made you start?’

After a beat of silence, she answered ‘I was married at the time. During the week, I could hide out in the office but over the weekends I needed somewhere to go.’ Staring straight ahead, she said, ‘So I didn’t start coming here out of any noble reasons. It was survival, pure and simple.’

‘Sia.’ Lifting a hand to touch her cheek, Ryan stopped when she held a palm out stopping him.

‘Don’t Ryan. There is nothing you can say that will change anything or make any of it better. It’s the past. It’s over and so are we.’

Parking in front of the house, she got out and waited till he emerged from the car before locking it. They walked to her porch in silence but she stopped before opening the door.

When she didn’t speak immediately, he said ‘Whatever the reasons you started volunteering for, I think what you’re doing is amazing.’

Looking anywhere but at him, she said ‘I think you should leave now.’

Taking in the remote expression on her face, he accepted defeat for the moment and stepped off the porch.

He waited till she had the door open and had taken a step inside to say ‘I’m going to beat you at Scrabble® next time. Watch the lion roar.’

‘Ooh, I’m so scared.’

Slapping a hand against his heart, he gave her a wounded look. ‘Don’t you think it’s time the ‘ooh’ jokes stopped?’

‘Not a chance,’ she said with a small smile before shutting the door in his face.

Swearing viciously, Ryan lifted his finger to his mouth to staunch the bleeding. He’d managed to slice it while using his Swiss army knife to pry open a suitcase that was jammed. It seemed a fitting end to the day he’d had. Rotating his shoulders to try and relieve tense muscles, he exhaled hard. He had just got back from a two day run to Mumbai. He had a business to run and a multitude of clients who needed handholding. He needed to get back to his home and his business and most importantly, he had to remember that home was Mumbai. The Trends Now pitch had been approved and his team was more than capable of handling its execution without him hovering. He had no reason to stay. No reason other than Sia.

Hearing the subtle knock on the door, he walked over to open it for room service. Pulling it open, he’d walked halfway back into the room for his wallet before his brain registered that it wasn’t room service.

Sia stood on the threshold looking like she’d rather be anywhere else. He seemed to be conjuring her up an awful lot lately. Maybe for an encore, he could try thinking of Megan Fox. Feeling his bad mood disappear, he raised an eyebrow and waited.

Holding up the folder she carried, she said ‘I brought the
storyboard with me for the new campaign. Adarsh was working late at the office and he wanted you to see it urgently. He was going to drive here, drop it off and drive back to the office. The approval meeting is set for the first hour tomorrow morning and he didn’t want to email it because the impact gets diluted and your hotel is on my way home, so I offered to drop it off.’ When the babbling finally trailed off into silence, she took a deep breath and waited. When Ryan only continued to stare at her without saying a word, she said ‘I guess I should go then.’

‘Aren’t you going to give me the storyboard before you go?’ Holding out a hand for it, he smiled.

Flushing, Sia held it out to him from the safety of the threshold. When he made no move to come forward and take it, she was forced to take a few tentative steps into the room to reach his outstretched hand.

Shoving it at him, she said ‘Okay. I’ll go now.’

‘Stay.’ He said absently, already unzipping the folder and scanning the images. ‘You can give me your opinion on this. Dinner should be coming up any second now. I’m sure there is enough for two.’

As if to punctuate his statement, there was a discreet rapping on the door heralding the arrival of room service. Sia watched as the waiter pocketed his tip and left with the door shutting behind him with a decisive snap.

The aroma of butter chicken wafted up enticingly. She’d skipped lunch for a meeting and was starving. Trying to ignore her stomach’s jig of anticipation, she said ‘I don’t want dinner, thank you.’

‘You’re not hungry?’ Walking over to the tray, he started uncovering the steaming dishes.

‘No.’ She said, just as her traitorous stomach growled.

Grinning, Ryan held out a papad. Accepting defeat, she took it and perched on the side of the bed.

Joining her on the bed, Ryan spread the storyboard printouts out and stared at them. Biting into her papad, she watched as he frowned at the images. With his hair all mussed, in faded track pants and a plain t-shirt, he made her mouth water even more than the dinner laid out. He looked so very handsome. Stressed out but handsome. Wondering what had etched those lines of strain on his face, she shifted her gaze from him to the papers spread out on the bed.

‘They look good.’ Finishing her papad, she wiped her hands on the napkin carefully before touching the papers.

‘Hmm, I’m not so sure about the image on this one. It’s too much of a cliché.’

Looking at the paper he held out to her, Sia tried to resist the urge to reach out and smooth the lock of hair flopping onto his forehead back from his face. Maybe she should sit on her hands. Staring hard at the image and not seeing it, she said, ‘Clichés are clichés for a reason. They work.’

‘I guess. Looks fine other than that. What do you think?’ Scrubbing a hand through his hair, he stood and stretched.

Transfixed by the glimpse of his spectacular abs as his t-shirt rode up, she said ‘Mmph.’

‘Excuse me?’ Frowning at the gurgle of noise, Ryan asked. ‘Are you okay?’

Smoothing the paper she’d mangled, Sia recovered enough poise and control to say, ‘I think it looks great. You look tired.’ Okay, maybe not a whole lot of control.

Biting her lip, she forged ahead. ‘I’m sorry but you look exhausted and I was just wondering if you were okay.’

Staring at her with an unfathomable look, Ryan held out a hand and inclined his head towards the food set up on the table. They served themselves in silence and were halfway through their meal before he spoke.

‘I gave them the cheque today.’

‘Oh.’ With a pang of sympathy for his pain, she tried to think of something to say. ‘You have that kind of cash lying around?’

Shrugging, he couldn’t keep the edge out of his voice when he replied. ‘I do own a successful advertising agency. It required cashing in on a few investments but yes I do have that kind of cash lying around.’ Wishing her surprise hadn’t stung quite so much, he picked up his glass of water and sipped.

‘I’m sorry.’

Her quiet sincerity had him swallowing hard. ‘That’s okay. It’s a long way from the princely sum of a thousand rupees in savings kept in a box under my bed. I can understand the surprise.’

‘You think that-’ Understanding flooding through her, Sia had to stop herself from overturning her glass of water on his head.

‘It’s okay, really.’ Mistaking her outrage for politeness, he continued, ‘I understand. It’s why I left.’

‘Why you left?’ Sia queried softly. Deceptively calm, she put her spoon down and waited for him to continue.

‘That was the night I found out. I went home after dropping you off and walked in on them arguing.’ Getting up to pace, Ryan stared at the ground as he tried to marshal his thoughts into some semblance of order. ‘I should never have let you think we had a chance at a future together. I had no business even dreaming of a future with you when I was just a loser from a poor family with a pathetic excuse for a background. I had nothing much to offer then but after that? How could I offer you anything at all knowing that I was the result of my mother’s single act of defiance? At least before I had a father, an abusive alcoholic of a father but a father. How could I ask anyone to be Mrs Ryan Mathur when I didn’t even lay claim to that name myself?’

Standing with his back to the room, he looked out of the window. He couldn’t face the pity he was sure he would see on Sia’s face. Talking about this was hard enough without having
to deal with her feeling sorry for him. ‘Imagine having kids without knowing whose genes I’d be passing on to them.’

‘Because having the genes of that vile, repulsive excuse of a man pass on to their children is every woman’s dream come true?’

Ryan spun around to face Sia only to get hit in the face by a cushion.

‘What the hell did you think I meant when I said I loved you?’ Tears of rage glittering in her eyes, Sia looked wildly around for something else to throw.

He’d been prepared for disgust, pity and even sorrow but he hadn’t considered anger. It was a bit like being attacked by a sparrow. Fielding another pillow, he tried to make sense of her reaction.

‘I loved you and wanted to marry you when I thought your father was a horrible, hateful human being but you thought I wouldn’t want you when I found out he wasn’t?’ she shouted.

‘I don’t even know who I am or where I come from? I thought-’

‘You thought? That’s probably where all our problems started. With you thinking! Did it ever occur to you, you Neanderthal, when you were doing this thinking and deciding our future on your own that I might have wanted a say in its outcome?’

‘Don’t you get it? I had nothing to offer you. Nothing! Everything that was good and true and worth having in my life came from you. Without you, I had nothing. I was nothing!’

‘You were my best friend, my confidante and the love of my life. You were never nothing! Not for one single moment, not for one single second. I knew you better than anyone. Every flaw, every virtue and I loved you. You idiot! There was nothing about you that I would have changed. I fell in love with you, the person you were. I didn’t fall in love with your father’s son.’

She savagely wiped the tears flowing freely now. She’d
thought she was cried out as far as Ryan was concerned but she’d been wrong. He’d had no faith, she realized, not in their relationship and not in her.

‘Do you realize what people would have said about you if you’d married me? Do you know the talk your parents and you would have had to listen to?’ Ryan demanded.

‘Couldn’t have been worse than what I’ve listened to since my divorce. You didn’t know me at all if that’s what you thought mattered to me.’ And that was the crux of the whole mess. Giving up, Sia wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks. Picking up her purse, she took one last look at Ryan standing motionless near the window with the pillow still clutched in his hands. ‘If what people would say didn’t stop me from divorcing the wrong man, it sure as hell wouldn’t have stopped me from marrying the right one.’

Closing the door with a finality that echoed in her heart, she walked away without looking back.