The Girl Who Never Was (25 page)

And just like that, I hear my mother's voice again, telling me that Ben will betray me. And then he will die.

I pull back, and he looks at me questioningly.

I take a deep breath, thinking about the prophecy, whatever it is, about the other three fays that are out there, hiding, waiting for us to find them. I think of all the faeries named for no reason, of all the terror in the Otherworld, of everything that I am supposed to do. I feel momentarily swamped by it. And I know that I have my aunts and I have Kelsey, but that is not as comforting as having Ben, who is always so coolly, calmly capable. Even when he's soaking wet in a prison cell, he has never been able to destroy my utter, complete, absolute, unwavering faith in him.

'We'll do this together, right?'And I mean all of it, everything. 'You promised, right?'

He seems to know exactly what I mean. He smiles a little bit and says, 'I promised.'He leans forward, pressing his lips against my temple.

I lean forward as well, so that I'm settled heavily and comfortingly against him. It seems like the safest place in the world, and I never want to leave it. I squeeze my eyes shut and let Ben hold me, and I wonder if we'll ever reach the point again where our lives are normal and we're sitting on the Common and we're not in mortal peril.

To get there, I have to fulfill this prophecy and save the Otherworld. Which means I need to find this book. Which we can't do until Ben gets us back to Boston.

'When do you think you'll be ready to take us back to Boston?'I murmur against him.

'Wouldn't you know, I'm feeling much better?'remarks Ben.

I smile a little bit, not quite a chuckle, because I want to be able to just laugh with him, but there is still dread in my stomach over everything that has to happen first. And I could try to hide from it, I could, but I remember that poor little girl screaming as her brother disintegrated in her arms, and I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath and then straighten away from Ben. 'Good,'I say firmly. 'Let's go take down the Seelie Court.'

Boston looks exactly the way it has always looked, which is astonishing to me. With all that has happened, how can I just go back to the same townhouse with the lavender windowpanes and the non-working clock?

We sit in the conservatory that was filled with bats the last time I saw it, and we develop a plan of attack.

'They'll keep the book in the banned books room at the library,'Will says.

'I'll be able to jump in easily,'says Ben confidently.

'But you won't be able to jump out. They'll have taken that precaution.'

'So I'll walk out.'

'You don't think they'll have a goblin guard there?'

Ben frowns.

'What's the big deal about a goblin guard?'I ask.

'Goblins can stop a traveler from jumping away just by touching them,'says Ben. 'So needless to say, we are not usually friends, travelers and goblins.'

'And that's why it's a good idea to protect a room with a goblin guard,'I conclude.

'But I don't get it.'I turn to Will. 'Aren't the goblins on our side? You keep talking about them mounting armies. I assumed they were helping us. We need this book to win.'

'Because a wizard who had no doubt gone mad from being in the Seelie Court told you we did,'Will points out. 'And it's a powerful book. One of the most powerful there is, after mine, of course.'Will puffs up a bit with pride.

Ben rolls his eyes.

'The point is, they locked it up to make sure no one could get it, that no one would have the power contained in its pages. That was the point: we're all on an even playing field because none of us have the weapon. It maintains the alliance between all of us. It will look dubious to the goblins that we've suddenly decided to topple the balance of power our way.'

'It sounds like you need diplomacy,'remarks Kelsey.

'Kelsey's right. Why can't you talk to the goblins?'

'Yes, because Otherworld creatures are always so persuaded by logical arguments,'drawls Will.

'Well, it's worth a try.'

'It's not necessary,'says Ben. 'I'll go in, I'll get the book, and I'll get out before the goblins touch me. I'm the best traveler in the Otherworld. I can move a bit quicker than a couple of goblins can.'

'I'm going with you,'I say immediately.

Ben sighs.

My aunts immediately protest.

'No,'I say staunchly. 'We promised, and it's my prophecy, and this is what I'm doing: I'm going with Ben, I'm getting the book, and I'm saving the Otherworld.'

x I must be getting a lot better at standing up for myself, because no one really tries to stop me. They raise halfhearted protests, but I stare them down, and in the end, I take one of Ben's hands and Will takes the other and Ben jumps us to a large, high-ceilinged, marble room. The ceiling is so far over our heads you practically can't see it. Heavy, wrought- iron chandeliers filled with flickering, wax-laden candles seem to float in midair above us, the chains holding them up disappearing into the murk above our heads. One wall is lined with tall, narrow windows that stand open to sharp, cold air. Traffic sounds drift through them, and I walk over and peer out.

'It's Copley Square,'I note.

'Well, yes,'answers Ben. 'We're in the library.'

'I didn't think you meant the real library.'

I turn away from the windows. Will has started moving farther into the room, and Ben has wandered over to the rows upon rows of books lining the wall opposite the windows as well.

'How are we ever going to find it?'he asks, frustrated. 'It's organized.'

'What?'I ask in surprise.

'It's like New York City, everything's so sensical; it's the only place in either world where I feel lost. It's so devious.'

I peer at the books. Ben's right: they're alphabetized. Apparently, such a system stymies faeries. 'Good thing you brought a wizard with you,'says Will, coming up to us and holding up a book. 'Here it is. A Pickle for the Knowing Ones.'

Ben is looking at him with something close to awe. 'How did you do that?'

'I could have done that too,'I point out. 'He just walked over to the Ds. It wasn't any sort of wizard magic.'A bit disgruntled, I take the book out of Will's hand.

The first few lines read: IME the first Lord in the younited States of A mericary Now of Newburyport it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue.

'It's'nonsensical,'I say, flipping through the book. 'I mean, the spelling is one thing, I know it's old, but there's no punctuation.'

'The punctuation's all at the end,'says Ben simply, as if that makes perfect sense.

There are indeed pages of periods and commas at the end of the book.

'What are you supposed to make of this?'I ask in exasperation.

'It's fluent Faerie,'says Ben, and takes the book back from me.

I look down at the book, wishing that it made sense to me.

Shouldn't it? It's part of my prophecy. But it doesn't. 'Can

you read it?'

'Of course I can.'

'Then let's get this over with,'suggests Will. 'Figure out who hid the other three fays.'

'That way if I get detained by the goblins, you can still go on and fulfill the prophecy without me,'notes Ben wryly.

'No,'I say firmly and look at Will. 'We are not leaving him behind. We do all of this together. Ben and I promised each other.'

'Ah. I see. A promise from a faerie,'says Will.

'Stop, she won't be dissuaded,'says Ben distractedly, because now he is flipping through the book. His eyebrows are drawn together in dark consternation. 'This'doesn't make any sense.'

'In a faerie way or in a real-world way?'I ask, because I've noticed that the two are very different.

'It says it was my mother.'Ben's voice sounds oddly detached for this pronouncement, like he can't wrap his mind around it.

'Your mother?'echoes Will, and then, 'Well, that would make sense actually. A Le Fay enchantment has always been the best. That's why we went to you for Selkie here.'

'No, you went to me because I was mentioned in your precious prophecy.'Ben's voice is hard. He sounds furious all of a sudden. I look at him in surprise, but his gaze is still riveted to the book. 'It says here that my mother hid all of the fays

of the prophecy she could find, which might be all three or maybe not. But at any rate, for that she was imprisoned in Tir na nOg. From which she promptly escaped.'

There is a moment of utter silence. The traffic sounds from Copley Square drift up through the windows.

Will looks evenly across at Ben. I swallow, uncertain.

'Did you ever hear,'Ben asks, his voice silkily soft, 'that my mother escaped Tir na nOg?'

'She didn't,'Will answers after a moment.

'It is here!'Ben shouts. 'In this ridiculous book of power that's been kept hidden from everyone! It is right here!'

'I know what you're thinking, that your mother is alive, and she isn't. If she's alive, where has she been all this time?'

'You want me to believe that my mother escaped Tir na nOg and isn't still alive? If she could escape Tir na nOg, what could possibly destroy her?'

'If she's still alive, why hasn't she ever contacted you?'Will asks gently.

Ben sucks in a breath and his eyes widen, twilight blue. 'To keep me safe. To keep me'to keep me'to keep herself safe. If she escaped Tir na nOg, she couldn't exactly'I mean, look at us!'

'Benedict. It doesn't make any sense, and you know it.'

'Sense? Sense? We are talking about the Otherworld here!'I think of what Will told me, ages ago or just the other day, when I had first proposed rescuing Ben from Tir na nOg. 'You told me she was rumored to survive, Will,'I say, and

my voice sounds small to me, but I know it must be said. I must be honest. I must give Ben all of the information.

Ben's head swivels toward me, and his eyes are gray and cloudy. 'What? 'he demands, his voice low and furious.

'She was rumored to survive Tir na nOg. She was rumored to be the only faerie to escape Tir na nOg,'I manage. 'Until us.'

Ben looks back at Will. 'Is this true?'

'It was a rumor, Benedict. It was never anything more than a rumor. Nobody was ever able to even find a trace of her, not a shred of evidence to''

'Evidence? 'echoes Ben. 'William Blaxton, you have lived in the Thisworld too long. Do not speak to me of evidence, not in the Otherworld. If there was a rumor, I should have been told. If she is in the Unseelie Court, then there wouldn't have been evidence. There wouldn't have been a trace of her; there would have been only rumors. She is a Le Fay. She was the best enchantress ever. Do you think she couldn't have erased herself that way?'He turns his eyes to me, slicing like the dangerous silver glint of a well-polished sword. 'I cannot believe you knew.'His tone is accusatory and, underneath the thickness of that, hurt.

'Ben''I try to defend myself.

'That you knew, and you knew what I thought, and you never once'That no one ever once''He cuts himself off in sudden shock. 'Lied to!'he realizes. 'You were lying to me. I was'And I didn't'Never once''He looks horrified. He

turns back to Will. 'You did this on purpose. You did this to

protect your prophecy.'

'Benedict,'begins Will.

Ben sticks his hand out toward Will. 'Take it.'

Will blinks. 'What?'

'Take it, damn you, before I change my mind and leave you here in this room,'snaps Ben.

Will takes the proffered hand hastily.

I take the one Ben shoves at me.

We walk in silence. Well, it's more like marching. Eventually, we come to a surprisingly small door, all out of proportion to the height of the ceiling and the size of the windows. Ben hesitates with his hand on the doorknob then nudges it open a crack, and then he pulls all of us quickly through together.

I just have time to register that there is a single man there. He is an extremely attractive man in a black velvet suit and black riding boots, a cape jauntily flung back over his shoulder. He has one hand resting on the intricately jeweled hilt of a sword at his hip. On his head sits a large, bejeweled crown, flattening black hair into cowlicks that peek out from the back of his head. He focuses on us with eyes a brilliant shade of blue.

There is a moment when I feel sure that the man could have touched us, when I almost think that he is about to speak to us. But that couldn't have been possible; we were in front of him for the merest nanosecond before Ben whisked us away, and I find myself back in the middle of Beacon Street. A

truck blares its horn as it screeches toward us, but Ben takes his hand out of mine and waves at it, and in front of my eyes, the truck lifts into the air like a feather and lands safely on the other side of Ben.

'Don't go, Benedict,'Will says.

'I have to,'Ben snaps, shaking Will's hand out of his.

'No. You do not.'

'What is it?'I ask, staring at them. 'What's going on? Where are you going?'

'He's going after his mother,'Will tells me.

'I have to go,'Ben insists. 'All of my life, I have been trying to do this, and she has been out there, hiding, from me. And now that I've managed to track her down, you want me to stop because''

'Because we have more important things to do,'says Will.

'I have done the more important things for you, Will. Here is the fay I kept safe for you. Here is the book you needed me to retrieve. I've been playing at double agent for longer than a city has existed in your apple orchard. I almost got myself named several times in the process, and the whole time, you never once told me the most important fact about me.'

'Because I knew you would do this,'Will defends himself.

'Exactly. So you've manipulated me quite long enough, William Blaxton. I've done my part. When you liberate the Seelie Court, be sure to invite me for dinner at Tir na nOg, yes?'

'All right,'says Will with the air of trying to interject

some reason into the conversation. 'All right, I used you, you're right, and I'm sorry. But I'm not telling you not to do this because of the prophecy. I'm telling you not to do this because I don't know if you can trust her, Benedict.'