The Girls They Left Behind (12 page)

were going. Derek Harker had seen them as he came through Dunkirk, and spoke of an old woman who had told him this was the second time she had had to leave her home. The first time was twenty-five years ago in the Great War, and when she had returned it was to find her home razed to the ground. ‘I thought I had suffered enough,’ she said, picking up the pathetic bundle, wrapped in a tattered blanket, that was all she could carry. ‘But it seems one has never suffered too much in this world.’

Annie and Jess had agreed that the only way to carry on was

to keep busy. Constant activity would keep your mind off it. And heaven knew there was always plenty to do.

The arrival of Betty’s uniform a day or two later helped. Together she, Betty and Olive unpacked the parcel and turned over the garments inside, holding them up for inspection. Olive gave a snort of laughter.

‘Look at these gum-boots! Imagine them, all caked in mud. You’ll never be able to lift up your feet. And what about this overcoat, it must weigh a ton. They’ve sent you a soldier’s uniform by mistake.’

‘And this hat,’ Annie said. ‘It looks like Roy Roger’s, caught in a rainstorm. Mind, these long socks look all right. They’ll keep your feet warm.’

‘Well, they’ll help fill up the boots, anyway. And how about these?’ Olive pulled out a pair of fawn trousers. ‘You’re never going to wear these, our Bet! They look like riding-breeches.’

‘You don’t expect me to wear my best skirt for milking

cows, do you?’ Betty retorted. ‘Anyway, I think they’re rather smart.’ She held her head to one side and examined the corduroy breeches. ‘And they go well with the green jumper.’

‘Go on, you’ll look just like a patch of muddy field,’ Olive jeered. ‘Here, try ‘em on, I want to see what they look like.’

Betty slipped off her skirt and blouse. There were three short-sleeved shirts in the parcel as well and she pulled one over her head.

‘Well, that’s not bad.’ Annie said. ‘Quite nice, for summer.’

‘It’s aertex. See all these tiny holes, they help keep you

warm or cool, like a string vest.’ Betty struggled into the

breeches and fastened them up. Not a bad fit. I was expecting

to have to tie them up with string.’ She climbed on to a chair to see herself in the mirror. ‘What d’you think of that, then?’ ‘I don’t know what your dad’ll say, seeing you in trousers. You know he don’t like it for women.’

‘Well, he can’t tell me not to, can he,’ Betty said, exasperated. ‘I mean, I’ve got to wear ‘em. I suppose he’d rather have me climbing up on a haycart in a skirt and all the blokes looking up my knickers.’

‘Betty! There’s no call for talk like that. That’s just the sort of thing that worries me, hearing you get so coarse. If that’s the kind of thing you’ll say at home, what’s it going to be like when you’re on a farm?’ Annie shook her head. ‘I think you’re dad’s right, you ought to have stopped at home. You could easy have got a job round here. You’re too young to be going away.’

‘I’m nineteen,’ Betty said. ‘In two years I’ll be able to do what I like anyway. If you can’t trust me now—’

‘It isn’t a matter of trusting you —’ Annie began, but she was interrupted by the shrill peal of the doorbell. Sighing, she went off to answer it, while Betty looked into the mirror again and twisted herself this way and that.

‘I want a nice belt to go round my waist,’ she said to Olive. ‘That brown leather one of yours would do, you never wear it. Don’t you think these breeches make me look slim?’

‘Skinny, I’d say,’ Olive said, but there was no malice in her voice. She looked at her sister, pivoting on the chair. ‘Aren’t you going to try on the jumper? And look, here’s a tie, you ought to put that on too. And the hat.’

Betty took the tie and tied it rapidly round her neck. She put her hands on her waist and posed again. The two girls looked in the mirror and giggled.

‘Ride him cowboy!’ Olive said, plonking the hat on her sister’s head. ‘Well, if the farmer sends you home you can always get a job in films. Here comes Mum, give her a surprise.’

Betty struck another pose but the chair overbalanced and

she shrieked and grabbed Olive’s shoulders. The two girls staggered and collapsed on the floor in a tumbled heap. Olive’s skirt nicked up around her waist and Betty’s breeches

half unbuttoned. They lay giggling and Annie, coining back into the room, stopped abruptly.

‘Whatever are you two doing? Get up at once and make yourselves decent, for goodness’ sake. Here’s Graham to see you Betty, he doesn’t want to find you making a fool of yourself, and as for you Olive, you’re a married woman now, you ought to know better. Whatever would Derek think if he could see you?’

Hastily, Olive smoothed down her skirt and scrambled to her feet. She turned away, scowling slightly. There were times when being a ‘married woman’ could be a disadvantage. Did it mean you couldn’t have fun any more, even with your own sister? And it wasn’t fair of Mum, reminding her that Derek was miles away. Anyway, she knew very well what he’d think if he could see her lying on the floor with her skirt up round her waist. Her lips quivered a little at the thought.

Betty fastened her breeches quickly, hoping that Graham didn’t notice what she was doing. She definitely needed that belt She pushed back her curls and grinned at him.

‘Hullo, Gray. What d’you think of my new uniform, then?’

There was a hint of defiance in her tone. Graham had never liked the idea of her joining the Land Army. He seemed to think she ought to stay at home, ready to be there whenever his ship happened to come in. But Betty wasn’t prepared to stay at home darning socks just because her boy was away at sea. It was her life too, wasn’t it? And if she wanted to spend her time digging potatoes, why shouldn’t she?

All the same, she was disappointed when he gave her new clothes no more than a brief glance and then said tersely, ‘I’ve got something to tell you, Bet We’re sailing tomorrow.’

‘Tomorrow?’

She looked at him in dismay. Of course, she’d known he’d be going soon. They’d only stayed in harbour so long because the repairs had taken longer than expected, and there’d been so many other damaged ships coming into the Dockyard. And the battle — the Battle of Britain, they were calling it, as Winston Churchill had foretold — was getting fiercer every day. Only yesterday, there had been the biggest fight yet, with four hundred German aircraft seen off the Island, and sixty shot down, which made four hundred in less than four weeks. And although the battle was taking place in the air, the RAF still needed the support of the Navy.

Betty had known that Graham couldn’t be in Portsmouth

For long. But she had hoped they’d have this last week together, before she went off to Bishop’s Waltham.

Still, maybe it was just as well. Graham wouldn’t have taken kindly to her going away first, even if it was only just over the hill.

‘You two’d better go in the front room and have a talk,’ Annie said. ‘Olive, you can help me get supper ready. Your Dad’ll be in soon and he’ll want it on the table.’

Betty and Graham went into the front room and sat down

[ma the settee. Graham sat upright, saying nothing. His ginger hair was tousled, his bright blue eyes staring straight ahead. Betty glanced sideways at him and took his hand.

‘Aren’t you going to give me a kiss, then?’

‘Didn’t know you wanted me to,’ he said stiffly. ‘You seemed to be having a pretty good time without me. Nobody’d think, to hear you and Olive laughing and joking, that me and Derek Harker might be going to get killed any day. You dton’t seem a bit worried about me going away.’

‘Graham! That’s an awful thing to say.’ She put her arms round his neck and kissed him. ‘Of course I don’t want you to go away,’ she whispered. ‘But we both knew it was going to happen, didn’t we? And we’ve had a lovely time while you’ve been here.’

‘Maybe you have,’ he said sullenly. ‘It hasn’t been much Fun for me, I can tell you. Bloody welding going on night and day, the bulkheads half torn off, dockyard workers crawling all over the ship like ants … ‘

‘I know,’ she said. ‘But when you’ve been ashore, when we’ve been together, that’s been nice, hasn’t it?’

‘It could’ve been nicer,’ Graham muttered, not looking at her.

There was a moment’s silence. Then Betty said, ‘I’ve told you, Graham, I won’t give way. I don’t want to be left with a baby on my hands. And I don’t think you ought to keep on about it.’

‘Why not? We’re supposed to be engaged, aren’t we? I’ve given you a ring.’

‘That’s not official, you know it isn’t. I only wear it like an engagement ring when there’s no one else around.’

‘It still means we’re engaged. You said it still meant that.’

‘It doesn’t mean we’re married, though, does it? And that’s the sort of ring I want on my finger before we go any further.’ She gazed at him, wishing that he would leave the subject alone. ‘Graham, you know what could happen.’

‘It wouldn’t. I’d make sure it wouldn’t. Look, what’s the point of talking about getting married, you’ve told me time and time again your dad’ll never agree—’

‘I’m not talking about getting married!’ she exclaimed, and bit her lip.

Graham stared at her. ‘What d’you mean? Are you telling me you want to break it off? You’re giving me back my ring, the day before I go away? Well, I think that’s—’

‘Graham, no!’ She wrapped her arms around him again, holding him tightly. ‘I didn’t say that, I didn’t. I just said — oh, I don’t know what I did say now. I just don’t want to think about getting married yet, that’s all. I don’t see the point, not with things as they are. Look at our Olive, been married a month and she hasn’t seen Derek since. And if she wasn’t working for his dad, she’d just as likely lose her job. You know what people are like about married women working. Where’s the point? I don’t want to be stuck at home with nothing to do.’

‘It wasn’t me brought up the subject,’ he said. ‘All I want—’ ‘I know what you want,’ Betty broke in, ‘and the answer’s no.’

‘Betty. It’s my last night.’ He pulled her close and slipped his hand up under the green jersey. He fumbled with the buttons on the shirt and put his hand over her breast. ‘Bet, you don’t know what it’d mean to me … ‘

‘I know what it might mean to me,’ she said, a little breathlessly. Graham had always had more effect on her than she allowed him to see. If he just knew what her body was doing when he kissed her like that, when he squeezed her breasts … I shouldn’t ever have let him go this far, she

thought. One of these days I’m just not going to be able to say no…

‘I told you, I’ll look after you.’ His hand was on her knee now, sliding up her thigh. He stroked the crotch of her breeches and she gasped and squirmed. Even through the thick corduroy, there was no doubt as to her response. He slipped his hand up over her stomach-and started to fumble with her waistband.

‘Graham, don’t! Mum and Olive are in the next room and Dad’ll be home any minute, he could easy put his head in the door. Graham, please —’

‘I love you, Betty.’ His lips were covering hers, moving over her face, nibbling at her ears. ‘You’re the first real girl I’ve ever had. I just want to love you properly, just once, before I go away.’ He managed to undo the top button of her breeches. ‘Betty, I’m going to sea tomorrow, we don’t know when we’ll see each other gain, I might get killed … You can’t say no. You’ve got to let me, you’ve got to … ‘ He pulled her suddenly so that she was half-lying on the settee. He leaned over her, then laid his body on hers and pushed himself hard against her. ‘You’ve got to,’ he panted: Betty’s thoughts were in panic. When Graham kissed her, when he stroked her breast or let his hands stray down over her bottom, she found it exciting. She enjoyed his touch and wanted him to go on doing it, and sometimes she knew she’d like him to go further. But she never wanted him to go ‘all the way’. All her upbringing was against it, and always in her mind was the thought of her parents’ disapproval, a disapproval that would amount to disgust and anger if she ever brought ‘trouble’ to the house.

Until now, she had always managed to keep the situation under control. But since Graham had come home a month ago and they’d had this unexpected time together, it had been much more difficult. He was restless, demanding, less ready to accept the lines she drew. And she had known that if she wasn’t careful, this moment would come, when he would demand too much. The question in her mind had been, would she be able to resist him?

Not if he’d approached her more gradually, perhaps, in

some dark, secluded spot where no one was likely to interrupt them. Not if he’d started with some of those lingering kisses that left her weak and melting, if he’d stroked her body gently, not hurrying, just slowly increasing the intimacy with every caress. If he’d taken his time, whispering to her all the time about how he loved her, what a beautiful body she had. If he’d pressed himself more gently against her, letting her feel the firmness of his body and holding her close, even tightly, but without crushing the breath out of her in this sudden almost frantic assault.

She knew that she might have had difficulty in stopping

him then, difficulty in stopping herself. But this was worse. She sensed in Graham a desperation he had never shown before, a desperation that would not take ‘no’ for an answer. And she was suddenly, frighteningly, aware of his strength. She looked up at his face, trying to see his eyes, but they were half-closed, glazed, and she knew he did not see her. She wriggled her arms up and grasped his shoulders, trying to push him away, but he was like a rock.

‘These bloody breeches!’ he muttered, struggling with the buttons. ‘Why did you have to put these on?’

didn’t know you were coming… Graham, please don’t—’

Should she call out, shout for Mum? That would stop him, but the thought of her mother coming into the room and finding them like this, struggling on the settee half undressed, was too awful. She’d tell Dad and they’d both blame her, say she’d led Graham on, probably insist they get married. And if they couldn’t get married because he was going away, they’d be watching her for the first sign of a baby and it would be the end of the Land Army for her, they’d never let her go. And they’d never trust her again.