The Glitch in Sleep (26 page)
Coin:
Consisting of the Heads and the Tails, two rival philosophical gangs (aka Cost/Revs) continually fighting over the most vexing issues of the day.
Color Wars:
A dark era in Seemsian times when the color palette for The World was being decided. Fierce battles erupted, pitting brother against brother, Green and Blue against Purple and Red, and though a truce was ultimately reached, three of the most beautiful colors ever mixed were lost forever.
Compendium of Malfunction & Repair, The
:
The technical volume containing “everything you need to know to Fix.” Also known as: “the Manual.”
Court of Public Opinion:
The feared governing body of The Seems charged with drafting and enforcing the Rules.
Day, the:
The time before the beginning of Time when The World was under construction.
Degree of Difficulty:
The number system ranging from 1 (easiest) to 12 (hardest) to denote the level of complexity of a Mission.
Department:
A specialized area in The Seems responsible for a particular element of The World.
Door:
A portal or access point leading from The World to The Seems.
Fabric of Reality:
The thin, virtually invisible filament that surrounds and protects The World.
Fixer:
A highly trained specialist called upon to repair Malfunctions that might put The World at risk.
Flip Side:
1. Slang for whichever side (The World or The Seems) you are not on. 2. A beachfront burger joint owned by ex-Fixer Flip Orenz that is frequented by Fixers and Briefers alike.
Frozen Moments:
Pristine moments of Reality preserved at below-zero temperatures in the Department of Time.
Future Oriented:
A brain trust of some of the foremost thinkers in The Seems, tasked with charting the best possible course forward.
Glitch:
A small but lethal nuisance that can wreak havoc in The Seems and hence cause mass destruction in The World.
Golden Rule:
“No employee, agent, or advocate of The Seems having accessed (or with access to) the confidential Case File of a person in The World may engage in contact, communication, and/or relationship with said person, romantic or otherwise.”
Here, There, and Everywhere:
Three of the more popular suburban neighborhoods in The Seems (aka “the Three Towns”).
Highland Park:
1. Becker Drane’s hometown. 2. “A Nice Place to Live.”
Holding Tank:
A maximum-security prison housed in the frozen wasteland of Seemsberia. Incarcerated luminaries include: the Insomniac, Justin and Nick F. Time (aka the Time Bandits), and the Chain Gang.
Human Resources:
The division in The Seems responsible for recruiting persons from The World for those jobs that require it.
In-Between:
The space separating The World and The Seems through which all Goods and Services flow.
Institute for Fixing & Repair (IFR):
The state-of-the-art facility in The Seems responsible for training all Briefers and Fixers.
Jaws of Defeat:
Somewhere you don’t want to go.
The Know:
A shadowy Seemsian clique trading in illicit information—often pilfered from the Big Building or Future Oriented.
Leap:
The tumultuous journey from The World to The Seems, or vice versa.
Lost and Found:
Where things go when you can’t find them.
L.U.C.K. (little unplanned changes of kismet):
A thin residue generated during the process of designing Reality. Contrary to popular belief, the substance is always good. (
See also
Agents of L.U.C.K.)
Manual:
See The Compendium of Malfunction & Repair.
Mechanics:
Employees/staff at the IFR.
Middle of Nowhere:
The only location in The Seems that is off-limits to everyone, regardless of Clearance.
Mission:
A job or assignment embarked upon by a Fixer or Briefer, usually accompanied by great stakes.
Mission Inside the Mission:
An IFR term referring to the smaller, more personal stakes to which a Fixer must often cling in order to complete the challenges of a Mission.
Most Amazing Thing of All:
The most amazing thing of all.
Naming Convention:
The invite-only gathering toward the End of the Day, at which the names for The Seems and The World were decided.
Outskirts:
A far-out area of The Seems that vagabonds, bohemians, and dropouts from mainstream Seemsian society call home.
Personality Scan:
A highly advanced method of identity verification, thought to be 100 percent accurate.
Plan, the:
The organizing principle upon which The World is run.
Point of No Return:
Somewhere else you don’t want to go.
Powers That Be:
The council of the twelve highest-ranking officials in The Seems.
Practical:
The grueling, wheat-and-chaff separating, hands-on, feared and revered comprehensive examination that all Candidates must endure (and pass) before being allowed to Brief (or Fix) in the field.
Quality Control:
The division in The Seems responsible for making sure that The World is being built with the highest-quality standards in mind. Random inspections may often be conducted with regard to color, crispness, variety, etc.
Radar:
The towering convex satellite dish through which information is broadcast to The World. Drifters and seekers are known to hang out under it, hoping to catch wind of something cool.
Ripple Effect:
A large-scale unraveling of the Plan, often caused by broken Chains of Events.
Rotation (aka Duty Roster):
The list of Fixers currently on active duty.
Rulebook:
The text containing the sometimes burdensome set of regulations that govern behavior in The Seems, including the Golden Rule, the Rule of Thumb, the Rule That Was Made to Be Broken, et al.
School of Hard Knocks:
Chief rival of the School of Thought, this institution caters to the more practical-minded students and those anxious to enter the workforce.
School of Thought:
Chief rival of the School of Hard Knocks, this institution caters to the more ethereal-minded students and those not anxious to enter the workforce.
Scratch:
The basic building block of all things.
Sector:
A geographically outlined section of The World.
The Seems:
The place on the other side of The World responsible for generating what you see outside your window right now.
Seemsberia:
A vast expanse of frozen tundra on the far reaches of The Seems.
Seemsian Aptitude Test (SAT):
The exam used to determine one’s natural affinity for a position in The Seems (1800 is a perfect score).
Slim Jim:
A chewy meat by-product available in stick form at supermarkets and convenience stores in The World.
Special Commendation:
An award or certificate granted to a Fixer or Briefer for exceptional performance in the line of duty.
Stream of Consciousness:
Beginning in the Middle of Nowhere and bisecting Alphabet City, this tributary is believed to contain the sum experience of everyone who’s ever been. Swimming is strictly prohibited, though teenagers in The Seems have been sneaking in for years.
Stumbling Block:
A multitiered obstacle course designed to test the physical, emotional, and spiritual limits of Candidates at the IFR.
Sunset Strip:
The back lot in the Department of Public Works where Sunset Painters prepare their daily masterworks for display.
The Tide:
A revolutionary movement in The Seems bent on unseating the Powers That Be and redesigning The World.
Tool:
A device/gadget used by Fixers or Briefers to complete their crucial work.
Toolkit:
Any case or bag carried by Fixers containing their Tools.
Toolshed (aka Shed):
The facility on the grounds of the IFR in which Fixer Tools are developed and housed.
Torch, the:
Lit by Jaysun himself and protected by a small bronze censer, this flame symbolizes the unofficial leader of The Fixers. It has never been extinguished.
Train, the:
An old-fashioned steam locomotive (complete with passenger and sleeping cars) that travels to the Outskirts, Beyond, Who Knows Where, and the End of the Line.
Training:
The time period during which one is a Candidate at the IFR.
Twists of Fate:
Small pretzel-like connectors used to affect wild changes in the Plan.
Unwilling, the:
An intransigent group of naysayers who meet on a regular basis, usually to issue “Disagreements”—dense treatises decrying this, that, or the other thing.
Violation:
The breaking of any Seemsian Rule.
Who Knows Where:
A small settlement on the border of Seemsberia and the Middle of Nowhere, populated by exiles, unauthorized Hope prospectors, and other unsavory elements.
Window:
A screen, TV, or flat-panel LCD used to monitor goings-on in The World.
Winds of Change:
Powerful gusts of magnetic energy that are known to sweep across the In-Between, sometimes causing wild paradigm shifts in The World.
The World:
An ambitious project in The Seems whose stated intention is to create “the most amazing, magical realm possible.”
Another Story
It’s not a glamorous story, but it is the way it happened.
Back in the Day, the people who lived in The Seems didn’t really have a name for it. If they had to call it something, they called it “Here,” and when the idea for The World came up, they just called that “There.” And then there was everything “In-Between.” Anyway, while The World was still in preproduction, a few of the Powers That Be decided that these names were boring and not reflective of the magical qualities that they were trying to represent. Hence, the Naming Convention was held to try to sort this mess out.
The World was named The World in short order (that’s Another Story 2), but deciding on the name of the place where they worked and lived plunged the entire assembly into a fierce debate. Some wanted to call it “The Other Side,” others “The Backdrop,” and still others something “more fantasy/sci-fi” like “Zebulon” or “Planet X,” but these were all shot down. Finally, a group of moderates suggested “The Seams,” based on the seams in the newly woven Fabric of Reality, through which people could move back and forth between the worlds. This garnered a fair amount of support, but still felt a little flat, until the Original Artist (a humble painter tasked with designing the look and feel of both sides) remarked, “Why don’t we call it The Seems?”
It didn’t quite make sense, and there was some concern about the spelling and whether anyone would get it, but everyone agreed it had a certain “trippy” quality about it (which they liked) as well as some actual relevance and double entendre. Over the course of the lunch break, various factions began to coalesce around this initiative, and by five o’clock Happy Hour (when Cups of Cheer were handed out), it was all but a fait accompli.
Occasionally, there are still calls for a second Naming Convention, but given the amount of letterhead, signage, and popular support for the current monikers, most authorities on the subject believe that train has already left the station.
Tools of the Trade
Selected Tools from “The Glitch in Sleep.” (Note: Reprinted from The Catalog, copyright © Seemsbury Press, MCGBXVII, The Seems.)
Tool Name:
Blinker™
Use:
Communication. While older series featured only “call-in” functionality, newer titanium models include access to FixerNet and Mission Dbase, as well as Mission Simulation mode.
Designer:
Al Penske
