The Glitch in Sleep (27 page)

Tool Name:
Me-2™

Use:
Named “Tool of the Year” for the sixth consecutive season, the Me-2 provides the ultimate in cover. Employing “youplicate” technology, the Me-2 inflates to a perfect replica of its owner and adjusts to any and all situations.

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
Sprecheneinfaches™ (spréck-en-ein-fack-ess)

Use:
Universal language translator. Fluent in every known language (including Plant and Animal). Affixes to the tongue via polyurethane sheath.

Designer:
Klaus van Barrelhaus

Tool Name:
Glitchometer™

Use:
Tracking Glitches. Retired due to design flaws that surfaced in “Clean Sweep,” Glitchometers are no longer manufactured, but they can often be found on the Black or Gray markets. Handle with care.

Designer:
Jayson

Tool Name:
Toolmaster 3000™

Use:
With its “Inverted Space Technology” (IST), the Toolmaster 3000 redefines “state of the art.” Carries up to 500 items. Includes Velcro straps; triple stitched for comfort.

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
Receiver™

Use:
Intra-Seems telephony. Now available in blue, black, Guide Gold, and traditional orange.

Designer:
The Handyman

Tool Name:
Time Piece™

Use:
Accurate Seems–World Time reflection. Available at fine Second Hand Stores everywhere. (Requires one BBB battery, not included.)

Designer:
Department of Time

Tool Name:
Transport Goggles™

Use:
Eyewear specifically created for In-Between travel. Features No-fog lenses®. Also jacks into Blinker for use in VR applications.

Designer:
The Handyman

Tool Name:
Trouble Gum™

Use:
Available in cherry, grape, old-fashioned bubble, and flavorless flavors. Delivers calm in the toughest Fixing spots—a must-have.

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
A Breath of Fresh Air™

Use:
Resuscitation. When properly used, this tool clears the lungs and gives you a whole new lease on life.

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
Concrete Galoshes™

Use:
“Never leave home without ’em!” These boots provide added weight for light-hearted or lack-of-gravity situations. Steel-toe reinforced, made from 100% stone-milled cinder.

Designer:
The Handyman

Tool Name:
Those Things That Look a Lot Like Tweezers That You Cut Wires With™

Use:
Pinching, biting, grabbing, twisting, stabbing, cutting, snipping, clamping, cocktail party conversation.

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
Pajamas™

Use:
Specific to the Department of Sleep, Pajamas are your hazmat solution source. Protects against Sleep, Hot Flashes, Bad Vibes, et al. In-store only.

Designer:
Department of Sleep

Tool Name:
Bed Bug Repellent™

Use:
The pet project of Briefer Milton Frye, Ret., this repellent temporarily renders Bed Bugs (and many others) incapacitated for 7–9 sms. Available upon request.

Designer:
Milton Frye

Tool Name:
Jayson’s Invention™

Use:
All.

Designer:
Jayson

Note:
Clearance 9/9+ required. Please allow 4–6 weeks for delivery.

Tool Name:
The Helping Hand (patent pending)

Use:
Snatching things from relative distances. First used in “The Glitch in Sleep.” Available Winter MGBJUIKK.

Designer:
Fixer F. Becker Drane

*For more information on Tools, arcana, and Seemsian détritus en général, please visit the Fixer’s Lounge area of theseems.com. [Password:
LTF-FTL
]

Mission: The Glitch in Sleep [037001]

Filed by: F. Becker Drane

All in all, I would say that the Glitch in Sleep went pretty well. There were a few minor Blunders on my part, but thankfully I was able to recover and, using proper techniques, complete the Mission at hand. I had fun doing it, per Fixing 302, and ultimately The World was saved and Sleep restored to said persons. Despite the Degree of Difficulty involved, it was a great first Mission for me and I am proud to have gone on it.

Well, there was one small, minor mistake, which we don’t have to get into any further, but I would say following the Rules a little more closely would probably be a good idea for me next time. Unless they have to be broken, of course.

Simly performed extremely well during the Mission and I would recommend him highly to any other Fixer, as well as possibly to be considered for promotion someday.

Confidence still an issue.

I know everyone complains about this, but it would be really great if we could get better Receiver reception within The Seems. Maybe a Fixer or a Mechanic could be assigned to add another tower or increase the amplitude of the existing one? Also, this might not be the place to talk about it, but I was thinking maybe we should change the Rotation system to be less random and more tailored to whoever is right for the job. That way someone with experience with Glitches might have gotten this one, instead of me. (Not that I’m complaining.)

Check here if you are interested in volunteering for the annual Food for Thought fund drive.

Signature

Human Resources

Dear Friend:

Thank you for your interest in The Seems!

As you may or may not know, positions in The Seems occasionally come open for qualified persons in The World. Fixer, of course, is one of our most popular offerings, but there are countless other jobs (full and part time) which are essential to the smooth running of both sides.

Whether catching the Breeze or checking your local pond or lake for proper Shimmer is your cup of tea, we invite you to fill out the following SAT (Seemsian Aptitude Test) or visit our Web site, theseems.com.

Even if we can’t fulfill your employment request at this time, we keep a large file of completed SATs on hand.After all, you never know when you might be called upon to chip in for the cause.

Again, thank you for your interest in The Seems and have a great day!

Best Regards,

Nick Dejanus

Nick Dejanus

Associate Director, Human Resources

c/o Big Building, Floor 143 · One Seems Plaza, The Seems

TAKE THE SEEMSIAN APTITUDE TEST (SAT)

12 questions. 200 points each

Question 1:
Are you a little bored with life? Not that you’re unhappy, but have you always had this nagging feeling in the back of your mind that maybe you were meant to do something more?

A.______YES or B.______NO

Question 2:
If there was a Tear in the Fabric of Reality and you were called in to handle the job, which Tool would you employ?

A.______A Rounded Scopeman 4000™