The GOD Box (18 page)

Light poked through the dark veil when
May and Dane were talking at the table the third night of his silence. May shed a few tears off and on. Her head was in her hands as they sat at the table. Dane was next to her. They had been there for hours. Ninety percent of the communication was silent. An internal debate, one that had been on her mind for a long time, was weighing on her. Clearly, she was making attempts to be rational, but felt forlorn.

“I have a hard time wanting to stay here.” She said, “I like traveling, meeting new people, I like feeling purpose as I search for something. Now I’m not sure what it is I’m searching for. Or, I know what it is, and I’m just not sure I want it.”

Dane didn’t wipe the tear off of her face, but watched her calmly, as if trying to figure out if he could help.

She continued,
“I think a lot about what Treman wrote about… about relationships and women and men. That women need to make a choice if they want children. How he’s tired of women complaining about being forced to stay at home with children. If they don’t want that, they shouldn’t have sex. Well… it happened and, to some extent, I’m not sure I chose it, or, I didn’t choose this. You know?”

A tear rolled down her cheek. She tapped the wood anxiously with h
er fingernails, “I can’t tell which one I want, or which one I’m supposed to want.”

Gabe perked
up, “
Supposed
to want?” he asked. His voice cracked. He was intruding. He knew it. Nonetheless they were patient and looked at him for some potentially intellectual an inevitable remark. “Why should you suppose to want anything? The point of wanting things had nothing to do with supposition.”

“And why shouldn’t it?” May asked
heavily. Gabe couldn’t tell if she was interested or just being polite.

“The only reason you would
supposed to do something is if its benefits outweigh the cost. You act like there’s a right way to do it.”

“Is there?”

“No. It’s just however you choose to do it that benefits you.”

May and Dane drifted back quietly to their own thoughts, not even finishing their previous conversation. It was very quiet
in the whole house… Gabe was put out that they didn’t argue back. He sat back, feeling dejected and looked around the room.

Samson was reading in a corner. All of the children were asleep in the back room. Janine was tidying up but was fading to sleep fast. When she finally said goodnight and slipped into her room, Miek
, who was wasting his time until then, poking at the fire, immediately got up and headed to the front door.

May looked up and locked eyes with Miek whose
lively eyes shone brightly in firelight which was coming from a few small candles. The message was clear. She knew where he was going. There was something he was supposed to remember, probably. Something they talked about was important from their hushed conversation last night. Gabe had a suspicion of what it was. It all happened so quickly from Janine going to her room to Miek walking out the door.

“Whoa, Whoa, where’s he going?” Gabe said as he watched Miek leave. The look he got from May and Dane was dry and uninvolved.
But this was a nightly habit of Miek’s. Gabe anticipated that it was something “shameful” that Miek felt the need to hide. Which, Gabe thought, for research purposes is needing to be discovered. What people choose to hide says a lot about society.

More quickly than anyone expected from an old
depressed man, he got up and was out the door. Maybe this was a conspiracy, because the confusion his abrupt departure left on the three waking faces didn’t result in resistance. Looking behind him through the window, just in case, he jogged a little toward the road. Miek waited for him, but as they walked together, they didn’t say where they were going. Both knew, however, and didn’t want to talk about it.

The discomfort encouraged Miek to compensate for the silence by making popping noises, and airy whistling while swinging his lanky arms back and forth.

Gabe tried not to show how uncomfortable he was by clearing his throat non-discreetly. He found himself feeling grateful when he saw Miek raise his arm and point out the first house they’d seen in about a mile. This road seemed oddly forsaken. Gabe wished that he had his little foot pedometer that he usually wore to tell him his daily distance.

When he became
conscious of his thoughts again, Gabe realized he was staring down at his feet. Quickly, he snapped his head up, weary to be caught and teased for staring at the ground. The determination of his forward vision was making him feel more and more like a bird of prey. He willed himself to stand straighter.

Miek said, as he pointed, “That’s Tatum’s house. She’s a good friend of May’s …” Then, he was as silent as before he started. Gabe didn’t know how that was important. His scowl increased when Miek looked at him helplessly for a more inspired conversation. Instead, Gabe zone out at the ground again.

His thin companion took his turn now to clear his throat and said, “Um, this house over here is Dr. Selm. May highly recommends his therapy. I’ve gone twice. He’s okay. Dane also goes there, but he tends to hop around anyhow. In any city we’re in he finds some doctor to go to, looking, I think for as much help as valuable theories.”

“Does everyone go to a therapist?”

“… Yeah… most people.”

“Why?”

Miek seemed a lot more hesitant to talk than usual. Not as though he was afraid of giving something away that he ought not. More, it seemed, that something he would say would convict him of the sin of poor intellect. Anything he said, Gabe could forcefully disagree and make him feel like an idiot. Still, he tried, but lacking confidence,

“Depression mostly… anxiety… addiction. Um… Dane once expressed to me some
desperate circumstances he was in. He’s uh… a bit of a perfectionist… makes him fret too much.”

“I could have told you that.
”

Miek’s mood brightened a little with a positive response from Gabe.

Continuing through town Miek pointed out a few more doctors, including his favorite. Gabe had the suspicion that Miek liked her less because of her therapy and more because of her pretty face and flattery. 
At least he was encouraged by it.
They walked through the market which was the center of town. Gabe was here trying to answer his last question. What do they worship?

Seemed like doctors was a positive possibility. But w
hat were they being healed from? Was it really all depression and anxiety? They had tried to avoid that when they planned. What would have been the catalyst if not chronic? Maybe doctors wasn’t it.
Gabe focused more on what Miek was saying, which ended up being quite beneficial.

“… We’re doing the best we can to be happy… I mean, it’s like you think you know everything… and none of us can match up. Not even May and Dane understand what you’re talking about half the time. I just can’t really imagine how you’ll help us…”

Gabe didn’t say anything immediately. This was a really crucial moment. Perhaps he could win Miek over if he was convincing. He explained that they could teach them, if they wanted. Then he asked what it was that they were really looking for. Miek admitted he didn’t really know. He personally was not looking for anything, but was there simply because he liked and trusted May and Dane.
Frightening, a bit, how loyal he is. What do they represent to him? Knowledge, experience, adventure… no, maybe a home; people to love. That is what boys like him need.
His maturity level was less than his age would expect. Turned out Miek was actually the oldest of all of them. Twenty-five years old made him the oldest of the group.

That could
be why they don’t stop him when he leaves to go anywhere. Gabe thought back to the look May gave Miek as he left. Despite what he just said, Gabe was sure that May was his favorite therapist. She was more likely to chastise him, than the stranger he saw with the pretty face. The accountability he held to May was endearing. So many discoveries were made tonight talking to Miek as they walked. His theory of what they worshipped became more and more sure. Every therapy session was paid for personally, out of pocket, usually trading for other goods. It was an expected expense. Miek had become accustomed to it now. Though, when he was younger he couldn’t afford it.  Then he listed for Gabe the issues they were facing just within their household. Anger management, depression, paranoia and anxiety, insomnia … Gabe would have said all those and more.
Even addiction.

Come to think of it, he was surprised they functioned at all.
Maybe there would be a market for drugs here.
Gabe was no pharmacist, but they could use Jonathan’s pills to decipher what they needed. Gabe changed the subject; he had another question that he was very serious about.

“Why do you act like what you are doing is wrong?”

“Well, don’t you think it is? Especially with May and Dane and the higher rules they seem to live by?”

“What do you mean?”

“They just think some things are… bad. They aren’t mean about it or anything, it’s just… like… well,
this,
what I do, is bad. Samson’s anger is bad, Jonathan’s addiction is bad. Drugs and alcohol are bad. Disloyalty in romance is bad. Dane’s depression, not that it’s bad, but it’s imprisoning him… they feel like it all takes away from freedom and happiness… get it? For May, it’s mostly related to relationships, I’m sure you know that.”

“
For the most part that’s all something we called morality.” Gabe conceded honestly, and so friendly it surprised even himself, “You know, I think you might be interested in an old story. There was a doctor who felt he had two parts of himself… the respectable part that he had honed according to the expectations of society, and the animal-like, free spirited part. He lost himself when he created a potion that would change him into a different person that was his second self. Might be worth studying.”

“Which part made him happier?” Miek asked.

“Neither” Gabe said without further explanation.

A few people along the way had been awake and waved at Miek who was at very least a pleasant acquaintance to them. They suspected nothing ill from him and made no judgmental looks about where he was undoubtedly headed. But this part of town was still
very social. Many recognized him and waved and cheered his return to their town.

About forty minutes later, they had reached their destination, and it was precisely what Gabe expected.
A few of the women waved and smiled, shyly, even. Clearly they recognized Miek. The building was a smaller building than what Gabe had seen each of the last four times, but it seemed quite busy. Fifty or so people lounged about outside. Flickering candles and silhouettes decorated the inside.

A young blonde girl, who Miek had been specifically looking for, came up, put her hands on his abdomen and
tiptoed to kiss him. It was that point in the night that he and Miek separated.

…

Before going back to May’s house, Gabe stopped by all of the shops, looking in to see what they sold. He hoped Miek wasn’t going to come looking for him. It seemed well enough understood that they’d be apart for the rest of the night. Feeling a little like a thief, Gabe was afraid he might alert someone. But nothing happened. They were a trusting community. That by itself made the town worthy.

However,
May and Dane with their “higher rules” made them not the right candidates anymore. No one else seemed to mind or take issue with Miek’s choices. Taking a road south of the whore house, Gabe found more loudness and chatter, a pub of some kind. He didn’t have any money, so he didn’t dare enter, but he loitered outside for a bit, hoping to catch some conversation, see what they were selling. He couldn’t see much of anything interesting further south, so he turned back up the road he came.

Things were quieter as he passed the little house now, it was getting late. Miek was probably back home by now.
The realization of intense quietness frightened him, and he started breathing heavy, tensing his whole body. Maybe he was just paranoid, but he kept hearing sounds like someone was behind him. He fought this paranoia as best as he could, but it was going to ultimately win. One last thing he needed to check was a medical building May had shown him earlier… he thought it was more north. Suspicious that he would see a scene similar to that of the first cloning with the girl holding her stomach, he needed to know what they did there. Very few lights were flickering now. Familiar landmarks caught his attention so he could remember his way.

Still he heard sounds of scuffling behind him. Or maybe not
. I don’t have anything, I don’t have anything, leave me be.
He thought. One light was on in the medical building. He didn’t dare look, not now, time to head back… find the main road…

The doctors Miek pointed out along the way
obviously worked from home, and slipping by there with his face creeping in the window, would likely have worse consequences than just looking in stores.

Everything was
too eerily quiet as he made his way through the town. Those who were awake when they first passed were now in their houses, sleeping. This is when people die, when the movie goes silent, when you wait with bated breath.