The God Box (23 page)

Like Pa, I'm learning to live my life one day at a time. And I'm trying to trust a God bigger248than any box and see where he'll guide me.Sometimes I grow impatient and ask,

"What's your will for me now, Lord?"If the answer doesn't come, I remind myself of Psalm 46: Be still and know that I am God.And I try to wait patiently, taking hold of Manuel's hand.249GLOSSARY OF SPANISH WORDS AND PHRASES:ABUELITA/ABUELITO-grandma/grandpa amigo - friendARROZ CON POLLO- rice with chicken, a Latin American dish"AY, QUE GUAPO" - Oh, how handsomeBUENOS DIAS- Good morningFELIZ

NAVIDAD- Merry ChristmasGRACIAS- thank you or thanksMARICON- derogatory term for a gay personMI AMOR- my loveMIJO- my son (contraction for mihijo)SENORA- ma'am or ladyTE QUIERO- I love you/I care about you

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

SINCE THE PUBLICATION OF MY FIRST NOVEL,RAINBOW BOYS, I'VE RECEIVED

THOUSANDS OF E-MAILS FROM TEENS ALL ACROSS AMERICA, TELLING ME THEIR

OWN STORIES OF GROWING UP GAY. MANY LETTERS HAVE BEEN LIKE THESE:

Being gay and Christian is the hardest thing in the world. One day at church the pastor said the worst things about gay people. It was so hard for me not to cry, and my mom (who I just came out to) stared at me with a sorry feeling. But I still love God, and no matter what anyone says, I am what I am.My parents are very staunch Christians and when they found out about my homosexuality, they sent me for counseling. It didn't really work. My parents now think that I'm

"okay". Only I know that my sexuality hasn't changed at all. I love being a Christian and I know that Christianity is real. But according to church doctrines, it's wrong. Now I don't know where to turn.253Nothing is quite as bad as when you're hanging out with friends, driving down the highway, moshing at a concert, eating tacos at 5 a.m., and you think that there's no place you'd rather be in the world than with these people . . . but you always know in the back of your mind that if you asked them what they thought about homosexuality they would say you're going to hell. No questions asked. Fire and brimstone, forever. I think that's what hurts the most.Reading such comments made me recall my own faith journey. Growing up, I was blessed to have a mom and dad who accepted me, regardless of my sexuality. But the church presented an image of a God who didn't love me quite so unconditionally.It took quite a few years for me to get up the courage to revisit the Bible and come to my own conclusions about God. And as I began to hear the struggles of young people, I came to believe that my own experience might help others. The result was The God Box. As I wrote and did research for my novel, the following books were a great help to me: What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality (Millennium Edition), by Daniel A. Helminiak (Alamo Square Press, 2000), Stranger at the Gate: To be Gay and Christian in America, by Mel White (Penguin Plume Books, 1995), and John Shelby Spong's books, Living in Sin?: A Bishop Rethinks Human Sexuality (HarperCollins Publishers, 1988) and Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism: A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning of Scripture (HarperCollins Publishers, 1991).For those who are still struggling to reconcile religion and sexuality, my website, www.AlexSanchez.com, includes a Spirituality page, with links to diverse religious groups that accept gay and254lesbian people, including Christian evangelical, Mormon, and Muslim groups.Know that you're not alone. Have courage. And love, respect, and accept yourself for the beautiful soul you are. PEACE, Alex

ALEX SANCHEZ received his master's degree in guidance and counseling from Old Dominion University. For many years he worked as a youth and family counselor. His novels include the Lambda Award-winning So Hard to Say, the Rainbow Boys trilogy, and Getting It. When not writing, Alex tours the country talking with teens, librarians, and educators about the importance of teaching tolerance and self-acceptance. Originally from Mexico, Alex now lives in Thailand and Hollywood, Florida. You can visit Alex at www.AlexSanchez.com.