The Godmakers (18 page)

Yellow scales rasped with every breath the thing took. The narrow, birdlike head twisted to one side, lowered. Its beak mouth opened to reveal a forked tongue and sawteeth.

Primordial instinct pressed Orne back in his chair. He smelled the stink of the creature -- sickly sweet with overtones of sour cream and swamp.

The Shriggar bobbed its head and coughed: "Chunk!" Stalk eyes moved, centered on Orne. One taloned foot lifted and it plunged into motion toward the man trapped in the chair. The high-stepping lope stopped about four meters away. The lizard cocked its head to one side while it examined Orne.

The beast stink of the thing almost overpowered Orne's senses. He stared up at it, aware of painful constriction across his chest, the probing eyes.

The green wall behind the Shriggar continued to wriggle with iridescent purple lines. The movement was a background blur on Orne's vision. He could not shift his focus from the lizard. The Shriggar ventured closer. Orne smelled the fetid swamp ooze on its breath.

This had to be hallucination, Orne told himself. I don't care what Bakrish said: This is hallucination. Shrigger are extinct. Another thought blinked at him in the sway of the lizards terrible beak: The priests of Amel could've bred zoo specimens. How does anyone know what's been done here in the name of religion?

The Shriggar cocked its head to the other side, moved its stalked eyes to within a meter of Orne's face. Something else solidified at the green wall.

Orne moved only his eyes to discover what lay in this new movement.

Two children dressed in scanty sun aprons skipped onto the stone floor. Their footsteps echoed. Childish giggling rang in the vast emptiness of the domed room. One child appeared to be about five years old, the other slightly older

-- possibly eight. They betrayed the Chargon heaviness of body. The older child carried a small bucket and a toy shovel. They stopped, looked around them in sudden confused silence.

The smaller one said: "Maddie, where are we?"

At the sound, the Shriggar turned its head, bent its stalked eyes toward the children.

The older child shrieked.

The Shriggar whirled, talons scratching and slipping, lunged into its high-stepping lope.

In horrified shock, Orne recognized the children: his two sisters, the ones who'd laughed at his fearful cries on that long-ago day. It was as though he had brought this incident into being for the sole purpose of venting his hate, inflicting upon these children the thing they had derided.

"Run!" he shouted. "Run!"

But there was no moving the two children from their frozen terror.

The Shriggar swooped upon the children, blocking them from Orne's view. There was a childish shriek which was cut off with abrupt finality. Unable to stop, the lizard hit the green wall and melted into it, became wriggling lines.

The older child lay sprawled on the floor still clutching her bucket and toy shovel. A red smear marked the stones beside her. She stared across the room at Orne, slowly got to her feet.

This can't be real, Orne thought. No matter what Bakrish said.

He stared at the wall, expecting the Shriggar to reappear, but aware the beast had served its purpose. Without words, it had spoken to him. He saw that it had really been a part of himself. That was what Bakrish had meant. That thing was my beast.

The child began walking toward Orne, swinging her bucket. Her right hand clutched the toy shovel. She glared fixedly at Orne.

It's Maddie, he thought. It's Maddie as she was. But she's a grown woman now, married and with children of her own. What have I created?

Flecks of sand marked the child's legs and cheeks. One of her red braids hung down partly undone. She appeared angry, shivering with a child's fury. She stopped about two meters from Orne.

"You did that!" she accused.

Orne shuddered at the madness in the child voice.

"You killed Laurie!" she accused. "It was you."

"No, Maddie, no," Orne whispered.

She lifted the bucket, hurled its contents at him. He shut his eyes, felt sand deluge his face, pelt the bowl on his head. It ran down his cheeks, fell on his arms, his chest, his lap. He shook his head to dislodge the sand on his cheeks, and pain coursed through him as the movement disrupted the microfilaments connected to his scalp.

Through slitted eyes, Orne saw the dancing lines on the green wall leap into wild motion -- bending, twisting, flinging. Orne stared at the green and purple frenzy through a red haze of pain. He remembered the priest's warning that any life he called forth here would contain his own psyche as well as its own.

"Maddie," he said, "please try to under --"

"You tried to get into my head!" she screamed. "I pushed you out and you can't get back!"

Bakrish had said it: "Others may reject your half of the creation out of hand." Child Maddie had rejected him because her eight-year-old mind could not accept such an experience.

Realizing this, Orne recognized that he was accepting this occurrence as reality and not as hallucination. He thought: What can I say to her? How can I undo this?

"I'm going to kill you!" Maddie screamed.

She hurled herself at him, the toy shovel swinging. Light glinted from the tiny blade. It slashed down on his right arm and pain exploded there. Blood darkened the sleeve of his toga.

Orne felt himself caught up in nightmare. Words leaped to his lips: "Maddie!

Stop that or God will punish you!"

She drew back, preparing herself for a new assault.

More movement at the wall caught Orne's attention. A white-robed figure in a red turban came striding out of the wall: a tall man with gleaming eyes, the face of a tortured ascetic -- long gray beard parted in the Sufi style.

Orne whispered the name: "Mahmud!"

A gigantic tri-di of that face and figure dominated the rear wall of the inner mosque Orne had attended on Chargon.

God will punish you!

Orne remembered standing beside an uncle, staring up at that image in the mosque, bowing to it.

Mahmud strode up behind the child, caught her arm as she started another blow with the shovel. She twisted, struggling, but he held her, turning her arm slowly, methodically. A bone snapped. The child screamed and screamed and .

. .

"Don't!" Orne protested.

Mahmud had a low, rumbling voice. He said: "One does not command God's agent to stop His just punishments." He lifted the child by the hair, caught up the fallen shovel, slashed it across her neck.

The screaming stopped. Blood spurted over his gown. He let the now limp figure fall to the floor, dropped the shovel, faced Orne.

Nightmare! Orne thought. This has to be a nightmare!

"You think this is a nightmare," Mahmud rumbled.

Orne remembered what Bakrish had said: If this creature were real, it could think with his memories. He rejected this thought. "You are a nightmare."

"Your creation has done its work," Mahmud said. "It had to be disposed of, you know. It was embodied by hate and not by love. You were warned about that."

Orne felt guilty, sickened and angry. He recalled that this test involved understanding miracles. "Was this supposed to be a miracle?" he asked. "This was a profound mystical experience?"

"You should've talked to the Shriggar," Mahmud said. "It would've discussed cities of glass, the meanings of war, politics and that sort of thing. I will be more demanding. For one thing, I wish to know what you believe constitutes a miracle."

An air of suspense enclosed Orne. Prescient fear sucked at his vitals.

"What is a miracle?" Mahmud demanded.

Orne felt his heart hammering. He had difficulty focusing on the question, stammered: "Are you really an agent of God?"

"Quibbles and labels!" Mahmud barked. "Haven't you learned yet about labels?

The universe is one thing! We cannot cut it into pieces with our puny expediencies. The universe exists beyond the labels!"

A tingling sense of madness prickled through Orne. He felt himself balanced on the edge of chaos. What is a miracle? he wondered. He recalled Emolirdo's didactic words: chaos . . . order . . . energy. Psi equals miracles.

Words, more words.

Where was his faith?

I exist, he thought. That is enough.

"I am a miracle," he said.

"Ohhh, very good," Mahmud said. "Psi focus, eh? Energy from chaos shaped into duration. But is a miracle good or evil?"

Orne took a shuddering breath. "I've always heard that miracles are good, but they really don't have to be good or evil. Good and evil relate to motives.

Miracles just are."

"Men have motives," Mahmud said.

"Men can be good or evil by any definitions they want," Orne said. "Where's the miracle in that?"

Mahmud stared down his nose at Orne. "Are you good or evil?"

Orne returned, the stare. Winning through this test in his ordeal had taken on a profound meaning for him. He accepted now that this Mahmud was real.

What was the prophet trying to make him say?

"How can I be good or evil to myself?" Orne asked.

"Is that your answer?"

Orne felt danger in the question, said: "You're trying to get me to say that men create gods to enforce their definitions of good and evil!"

"Oh? Is that the source of godliness? Come now, my friend. I know your mind; you have the answer in it."

Am I good or evil? Orne asked himself. He forced his attention onto the question, but it was like wading upstream in a swift river. His thoughts twisted and turned, showed a tendency to scatter. He said:

"I'm . . . if I'm one with all the universe, then I am God. I am creation. I am the miracle. How can that be good or evil?"

"What is it about creation?" Mahmud demanded. "Answer me that! Stop evading!"

Orne swallowed, recalled the nightmare sequence of this test. Creation? And he wondered if the great psi machine amplified the energy humans called religion.

He thought: Bakrish said I could bring the dead to life here. Religion's supposed to have a monopoly on that. But how do I separate psi from religion from creation? The original Mahmud's been dead for centuries. If I have recreated him, how do his questions relate to me?

And there was always the possibility this whole thing was some form of hallucination despite the peculiar sense of reality of it.

"You know the answer," Mahmud insisted.

Pressed to his limits, Orne said: "By definition, a creation may act independently of its creator. You are independent of me even though you partake of me. I have cast you loose, given you your freedom. How can I judge you, then? You cannot be good or evil except in your own eyes. Nor can I!" Exultantly, he demanded: "Am I good or evil, Mahmud?"

"Thou sayest it for thyself and, thereby, are reborn an innocent," Mahmud said. "Thou hast learned thy lesson and I bless thee for it."

The robed figure bent, lifted the dead child. There was an odd tenderness in Mahmud's motions. He turned away, marched back into the writhing green wall.

Silence blanketed the room. The dancing purple lines became almost static, moved in viscous torpor.

Orne felt his body bathed in perspiration. His head ached. His arm throbbed where Maddie had slashed it. His breath came in gasping sobs, as though he had been running.

A bronze clangor echoed behind him. The green wall returned to its featureless gray. Footsteps slapped the floor. Hands worked at the bowl on Orne's head, lifted it gently. The straps that had confined him fell away.

Bakrish came around to stand in front of Orne.

"You said it was an ordeal," Orne panted.

"And I warned you about hate," Bakrish said. "But you are alive and in possession of your soul."

"How do you know if I still have my soul?"

"One knows by the absence," Bakrish murmured. He glanced at Orne's wounded arm. "We must get that bandaged. It's night now and time for the next step."

"Night?"

Orne peered up at the slitted windows in the dome. They gave him a view of darkness punctured by stars. He looked around the giant room, realized the shadowless exciter-light of glowglobes had replaced the daylight. He said:

"Time goes quickly here."

"For some it does," Bakrish sighed. "Not for others." He motioned for Orne to get up. "Come along."

"Let me rest a moment. I'm worn out."

"We'll give you an energy pill when we bandage your arm. Hurry along now!"

"What's the rush? What am I supposed to do now?"

"It is apparent that you understand the two faces of a miracle," Bakrish said.

"I observe that you have a personal mystique, an ethic in the service of life, but there is much more to your ordeal and the time is short."

"What's next?" Orne asked.

"You must walk through the shadow of dogma and ceremony. It is written that motive is the father of ethics and caution is the brother of fear . . ."

Bakrish paused. ". . . and fear is the daughter of pain."

Silence is the guardian of wisdom, but loud jesting and levity lead a man into his own ignorance. Where there is ignorance there is no understanding of God.

-- Sayings of the ABBODS

"He shows a nice restraint," the Abbod said. "I observe that in him: a nice restraint. He doesn't play with his powers."

The Abbod sat on a low stool in front of his fireplace, Macrithy standing behind him with the latest report on Orne. In spite of the hopeful words, there was sadness in the Abbod's voice.

Macrithy heard the tone, said: "I, too, observe that he did not call his woman to his side or otherwise experiment with the Great Machine. Tell me, Reverend Abbod, why is it you do not sound happy about this observation?"

"Orne will reflect upon this himself, given time. He will see that he does not need the machine to do what he wills. What then, dear friend?"

"You have no doubts that he is the god you called up?"

"No doubts at all. And when he discovers his enormous powers . . ."