the city. During the journey they were silent, not daring to share
confidences, not able to offer one another false reassurances. The
van drove through two sets of gates. Their reception was brisk but
civil. Their belongings were logged individually in a large stiff-
backed book before being taken for storage. In a small room they
were each given a rough grey serge uniform and told to change.
There was even a child’s outfit for Lili. A female guard watched
them and placed their own clothes into a large brown paper bag.
Back at the reception desk Magda was told to sign the book that
listed their belongings. They were shown to a white- walled, cold
room just large enough to accommodate five thin beds. There was
no bedlinen, only a dirty blanket folded at the foot of each bed.
Their mother muttered repeatedly, ‘It’s a mistake. We’ll be home
shortly.’
Eventually Charlotte interrupted her. ‘Don’t say that, Mama. We
all know what’s going to happen.’
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Her mother stared at her.
‘No, Charlotte,’ said Hannelore gently. ‘We don’t know. Mama
may be right. And Lili . . .’
Hannelore looked at her and smiled, soothing her with her eyes.
But Charlotte had no regard. ‘We’ve seen the families. We’ve forgotten them. No one’s ever come back. It would take a miracle.’
‘Well, let’s believe in that miracle,’ said Anneliese.
They fell silent again.
3
The publicly appointed defence lawyer met Magda and the girls in a
small, shabby office at the detention facility. Lili did not remember hearing his name. Though a kindly looking man in an old- fashioned wing collar, he sat on the only chair and spread his papers on the
rickety table, leaving Magda to stand before him like a supplicant.
Lili tried to pay careful attention but could not stop herself watching the trees swaying in the wind outside.
The man told Magda that the family lawyer was sadly unavailable
to represent them. In any case it was doubtful that sufficient funds remained to pay for him. Their assets had been confiscated pending
judgement. He had been appointed by the court in their interests
and would do his very best for them. He smiled comfortingly before
continuing.
‘Your husband’s case will be heard in two weeks’ time,’ he said,
‘and then your position will be clearer. But there are separate considerations, not least your husband’s Jewish heritage.’
‘But my husband isn’t Jewish.’
‘Of course. That may be so. But it appears that the state may con-
test that assertion. There is an allegation that one or more of his grandparents may have been Jewish. Researches are now taking
place. Given that your husband’s maternal grandparents grew up in
Pomerania, however, this may prove problematic. We’re reliant on
the Polish authorities.’ He looked at her with a little smile of helplessness. ‘Whether or not one or both of his maternal grandparents
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was Jewish is of course critical to a judgement as to your husband
being a non- Aryan of the first or second degree.’
Lili was having difficulty following the logic.
‘But neither of his mother’s parents were Jewish,’ said Magda.
‘They were Germans, from Danzig, with German passports. That
should be simple enough to check.’
‘Do you know for certain?’
‘Well, no. It never seemed important.’
‘Indeed,’ said the lawyer cheerfully. ‘Check they will. Diligently.
Naturally they cannot simply accept a citizen’s word. And given the, er, questions regarding your husband’s integrity and therefore the
family’s, they will also be checking carefully your own ancestry.’
‘Of course,’ said Magda. ‘I understand.’
‘Should it be discovered that relevant facts have been concealed
from the authorities by you or your husband, there will be an
impact. But the greatest consequences will flow from your hus-
band’s trial.’
‘I’m sure Albert would never be disloyal to Germany. He’s not
interested in politics.’
‘Naturally you would say that. But you can’t expect the state to
take it on trust. Especially in the circumstances.’
Magda stared at the man. Lili’s attention drifted. All she wanted
to do was to return home and lie in her soft feather bed. It had
begun to snow again and she watched the flakes driven by the wind.
It was cold, always cold here, and the boredom and the dirt and the despair accumulated in their squalid little room.
Finally, the funny little man with the wing collar was saying
goodbye.
‘I’m sure it will all work out for the best,’ he said, as Anneliese wept. ‘We’ll meet again shortly to consider what we should do
next.’
Her mother had not yet cried; not even in the deep of night when
she could not sleep had Lili seen tears on her mother’s face. Han-
nelore embraced Anneliese as she shook. Charlotte stared on
blankly. Lili felt sad but was not quite sure why. Possibly because of the distress of her sisters and her mother’s clouded face.
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4
She did not see the lawyer with the wing collar again.
If only they had known these days would be so precious. They
had certainly not seemed so at the time. They were confined to
their room apart from their short excursions into the winter cold to walk around the bleak courtyard. She did not know whether they
were kept there or chose to remain. Every so often, a meagre meal
would be delivered, usually cold, by a woman with an unsmiling
face. Each time Lili wanted to use the stinking lavatory facilities along the corridor her mother went with her. The corridors were
deserted, though Lili could hear the distant sounds of children chattering somewhere else in the building. They did not sound happy
but she might have been projecting her own feelings on to them.
She knew something was seriously wrong but could not bring her-
self to believe that her father had done anything sufficiently bad to visit this upon them.
It could only have been a short number of uneventful weeks but
Lili later recalled them more vividly than the following years.
She would wake first and try to gain extra warmth by twisting
the rough blanket around her more closely. She would lie quietly
and watch her mother sleeping on the bed opposite hers. The beds
were close enough together for her to touch her mother but she
never dared do so for fear of waking her. Magda was near to exhaus-
tion anyway. But sometimes Lili would stretch her neck and reach
her face towards her mother’s so that she could feel her breath on
her cheeks and sense the life in her. When it was bitter cold, Magda would invite Lili into her narrow bed, and they would put one blanket on top of the other and Magda would wrap her arms around
her and squeeze her and bury her face in Lili’s dirty hair, and Lili would snuggle back so that every part of the back of her body was
touching her mother’s. But the bed was too small and Lili too rest-
less at night. She insisted unless it was just too unbearable that she was warm enough in her own bed. Because she knew her mother
needed sleep.
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They would all rise together and she would watch as her mother
and sisters summoned the facial expressions that would say to one
another: it’s all right, it could be worse, soon it will be over. None of them believed it but it was a means of navigating the day. One of
the sisters might be able to find a corner of bread and some water
for breakfast and then they would talk, avoiding stories of the life they had once led and instead looking forward to the lives they
would later enjoy. Lili had decided she would become a teacher and
that she would never marry and that she would move to a small vil-
lage in Bavaria where she would live in a cottage.
‘A gingerbread cottage?’ Charlotte had said, laughing.
‘Why, yes,’ Lili had replied. ‘How did you know?’
Every so often the talking would stop, for a reason Lili could not
divine. Anneliese would turn her back on her sisters and whimper.
Hannelore would comfort her. Charlotte would stare into the mid-
dle distance and Magda, grey lines framing her eyes, would sigh.
In the afternoon, perhaps after a bowl of thin soup, they would
be allowed out to walk around the building. They walked in a yard
bordered on one side by a blank windowless wall and on the other
three by uncultivated scrubland. They were somewhere outside the
city, yet it did not seem to Lili as if they were in the country. Tall fences topped by three long coils of barbed wire marked the
boundary.
During the evening they talked again, always in undertones as if
they might disturb someone, or quietly played the childish games
they had made up. They never spoke of Albert Schröder, and some-
thing inside Lili told her not to ask Magda about her father. At a
certain point, never predictable, the light would cut out abruptly
and it was time to try to find sleep.
5
They heard nothing about the proceedings against their father. Their life consisted of waiting, for invisible processes to be completed and decisions to be taken. That much seemed to be tacit between her
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mother and the people who oversaw their detention, ordinary people
for the most part, with haunted and harried looks on their faces. Or possibly this was a complexion Lili later placed on them.
The next phase was managed with characteristic precision by the
authorities, and a little finesse. Magda was called to the facility manager’s office on the floor below to discuss certain legal matters. She followed the burly supervisor obediently, head down; she had
already been conditioned in the way of things.
‘We’ll practise some French when I get back,’ she said. They had
taken to lessons together, with no books and relying on Magda’s and the other girls’ own knowledge. It was a way of passing the time.
A few minutes later the supervisor returned. She said brightly,
‘Showers. They’ve fixed the boiler at last. You girls will be the first to use them. Your mother will have a chance when she gets back.’
She handed over thin, stiff towels, the colour washed out, threads
hanging from them, but laundered at least, leaving one on the bed
for Magda. The girls filed along the long linoleum corridor and into a suite of rooms they had never seen before, better maintained than the rest of the accommodation.
‘New clothes as well,’ said the supervisor. ‘And a medical check-
up. I’ll leave you to get ready for the showers. They’re just through there. Leave your dirty clothes in a pile in the corner.’
They undressed and looked at the new underwear, trousers and
tunics that lay on the benches. Hannelore folded and stacked the
clothes they had taken off and, carrying their towels, they walked
through.
It was a communal shower, with more than enough space for
them all to stand together. Charlotte found the tap and they watched as the powerful flow became warmer. Eventually it was steaming
hot and they walked under the healing waters. Lili realized that no one had spoken since their mother had left their room but now they
were giggling and whispering.
It felt like a rebirth, the warm water cascading down on them.
There was even soap. Grey runnels of grime drained down the
sluices below their feet. Finally, the supervisor called from the adja-cent room, ‘Time’s up.’
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Buoyed, they dried themselves by the benches and pulled on the
clean clothes. Charlotte made a neat pile of the towels.
The supervisor carried a clipboard. ‘Medicals now,’ she said, ‘and
then please, straight back to your room.’ She opened the connect-
ing door to another room, in which, Lili could see, a bespectacled
woman in a white coat stood waiting.
‘Schröder, Hannelore,’ announced the supervisor, and Hannelore
walked with her into the room.
‘Until later,’ she said, smiling.
The supervisor closed the door firmly behind her. The remaining
three girls were excited.
‘It must have been sorted out. Perhaps that’s what Mama is talk-
ing about with the manager,’ said Anneliese.
‘We’ll soon be home,’ said Lili.
‘I’m going to put on my best clothes and dance in the ballroom,’
said Charlotte, ‘on my own.’
It was only a few minutes before the door opened again. Han-
nelore did not come back.
‘She’s back in your room,’ said the supervisor, smiling in reassur-
ance. ‘Now, Schröder, Charlotte.’
Charlotte walked into the room, giving a little wave as she went.
A small patch of darkness crossed Lili’s consciousness but it was
soon gone as Anneliese took up the commentary on what she
planned to do when they arrived home. After a short time she too
was gone.
Left on her own, Lili began to think. Their mother had told the
other girls that if they were ever separated one of them should
always stay with her. But there was no need to worry. They were on