The Goodbye Man (32 page)

Ghosts that kiss me goodbye.

Hugo arrives later
that night with our new supplier and four donor bodies to be processed. It is not like with Caesar because they don’t want to come peacefully, instead they scream, bite and fight as they are processed and stripped of their humanity. Two of them will take weeks for the drugs to work out of their bodies, if they live that long. The quality of donors here is going to be a little lower than we are used to. I make Lettie watch as we process them, and she bites her lip and hides her tears as she stands next to me every single step of the way. Once the four beds are occupied and the monitors beep loudly, I feel settled and a strange sense of accomplishment.

“Get them tested against the waiting list,” I bark out at the doctor who happens to be closest at the time. I return to the office to pay the man for the delivery and arrange a few more.

“Next time, healthy. No drugs and I pay you better,” I remind him as I send him away with a giant smile plastered on his face. This is easy money for him. I cannot help but notice the defeated silence that is coming from Lettie as we are left alone in the small office.

“What’s wrong, Lettie Doll?” I ask her.

“This is wrong, it’s not like Caesar. He saved them, gave them death when they wanted it. These ones don’t want to die, they are scared and it feels too wrong.” She is crying by the time the last words spill from her mouth and onto my cold heart. I am not him. I cannot do this his way, it is time to do it my way, the easiest and quickest way we can right now.

“I am not Caesar, Lettie. I cannot do this his way. You need to accept that. I am never going to be him.” I storm out of the office, leaving her there. I wish she would let him go. I don’t want her thinking of him. I am afraid she still loves him more than me and the jealousy makes me seethe. I seek out my place of solace, the waiting room. I stand there and listen to the constant beep that has kept me company for so long, it calms me. I peel the sheet off of the girl that only hours before fought me with all the strength she possessed. She is petite and her soft golden skin is already losing its glow. I run my hand over her cheek and softly trace the lines of her lips. Her heavy breasts move slightly with her shallow breaths as I undress to climb onto her bed. I need this. I need to find the calm in the chaos and this is where I have always found it. If she wants to think of Caesar, I will think of them. As I kiss the beautiful Mexican doll beneath me, I hear the door open and swing closed again. I don’t stop, she made me do this. She needs to feel the hurt she inflicts on me, she can watch me finding my peace in another. Her pussy doesn’t welcome me like Lettie’s does. She doesn’t move beneath me or take anything more than what I give her. My eyes look up to see my Lettie Doll watching me, the tears falling freely down her cheeks as she watches me fuck another. I close my eyes and keep going, but I cannot find the satisfaction that I chase, there is no reward at the end of my efforts as she is just another body beneath me. She doesn’t
want
me. My defeat is excruciating as realize I can no longer get what I need from them without her and she killed the last one I shared with her. I am afraid that she would do it again, this time with malice as there is new monster being born in her. How is that she has managed to win again?

“Go away, Lettie,” I bellow at her to leave so I can finish what I started. I hear her steps as she retreats and when the door bangs closed, I slump over the body beneath me, unsatisfied and angry.

I lie there for a long time trying to understand why Lettie has changed me so much. Why I love her, why the weapon I planned to use on her is wounding me so deeply? I stare up at the metal roof above me and contemplate how much has changed so fast. I miss Caesar, but I also don’t miss him. I wish I could ask him what to do. My eyes close and all I see are hers. I feel her lips kiss me even when she isn’t there. I want every single bit of her pleasure, pain and sorrow for myself. Yet here I lie next to another, betraying her love again. The filth of what I have done begins to cling to me and I want it gone. Slipping out of the bed, I pull my clothing back onto my body. My head hangs down and I am heavy with the weight that love has forced on me.

I plan an apology in my head as I walk back to find her. I know I will never say it out loud, but I am sorry. I am sorry for so many sins that have been my life until her. My Lettie Doll. When I reach the office, I immediately feel the cold chill of something very wrong. The door is wide open and still swings a bit. Inside my new chair is turned on its side and lies empty on the floor. This is not Lettie’s rage I see before me. The drawer is open and my files and lists are all gone. The processing papers of the girls that arrived today have been ripped from the clipboard. As I take in the scene before me and I feel the urgency of the situation building inside me, I hear a single scream pierce the silence. My body moves without me telling it to as I run towards the only exit, the large metal door is open and the sunlight is streaming in. By the time I get there they are gone, only a cloud of dust remains, and Lettie is gone.
I betrayed her and she left me. I told her to go away and she went.
Her scream brings reality back to me with a violent punch in the gut - Lettie would never leave me, she was taken. My knees hit the dirt beneath me as the agony of losing her rips me to shreds and I feel the screams escaping but hear nothing but the static inside my head.
Someone has found us. They took her and they will kill her to get to Caesar - or me.

Ashleigh lives in South Africa with her husband, two little girls and a zoo of pets. She is slightly obsessed with serial killer shows on TV and loathes purple sweets with a passion.

She likes to write the darker side of love and her characters are not very often the “nice guys” we expect in romance.

When not in her cave writing the next twisted story she can be found travelling her beautiful country and wrangling her two young girls.

Mary E. Palmerin is the international bestselling author of the Monster Series. She currently resides in Indiana with her husband and two small boys. She enjoys writing raw, taboo tales that strike various emotions in her readers. When she isn't busy writing, she usually has her nose in a good book. Mary loves spending time with her family and friends, anything outdoors, cooking, art, tattoos, red wine, traveling, and anything that makes her laugh. You can follow her blog at authormarypalmerin.com as well as on Facebook at Facebook.com/succumbingtoscarsandsorrow. She also tries to keep her Twitter page up @MP_writer 8! Mary loves to hear from her readers!