The Grace Series (Book 3): Dark Grace (22 page)

We stopped at the intersection of highways 113 and 112 so that everyone could stretch.  I gladly climbed out of the crowded back seat, followed by Gus and Bobby.  Boggs got out through his own door, and walked to the side of the road.   I wanted to walk to him in hopes of a conversation of some sort, but his body language warned me away.  Gus took me gently by the elbow and we moved away from the vehicle. 

Standing face to face, he placed his hands on my shoulders and spoke quietl
y.  “He’s hurting, Zoe.  Give him time.”

I nodded in understanding.  “No one’s noticed,” I said quietly.

“Noticed what?”

“That the baby’s gone.”  I set my hand on my empty belly.

“I think everyone’s frazzled right now.  If you want I’ll talk to everyone when we get to the motel, so you don’t have to explain.”

“I need to be the one to tell Boggs.  And Abbey.  I know she’ll be crushed.”

“Ok.  Just let me know if I can help, ok?”

I nodded again.  I found myself aching to be held by the man standing in front of me, but knew the timing would be outright cruel to Boggs.  Instead, I placed one of my hands in his and squeezed lightly.  “Thanks, Gus.”

The others were busy piling back into the station wagon.  Nathan took the driver’s seat to spell Susan for the rest of the drive.  Otherwise we all ended up in the same arrangement that we had been in since leaving the electric tower behind. 

After about another hour we began to see signs indicating Neah Bay was near.  We drove west, with the sun directly in front of us, making its way toward the horizon.  A few lone homes and farms dotted the landscape.  A few buildings had burnt to the ground.  Curiously, we saw no Roamers. 

As the sun kissed the horizon before us, the small town of Neah Bay came into view.  The entry to town held five large totem poles as a welcoming presence.  Sadly, one had fallen over.  They looked like they were each carved from a solid old-growth log and each was painted in bright colors.  The largest building was labeled with an intricate sign that read
The Makah Cultural Center
.  It was constructed of large logs and planks.  The large front windows had been smashed in by looters.  There were no signs of people remaining as we drove through the town.  Nathan had told us that they found very little in the way of life as they explored.  It was as is if the population just got up and left.  Eventually Nate turned to the left, heading southwest toward the beach where the elder Boggs’ motel was situated.  It had been years since I had been out this way, but the route seemed familiar.  I guessed we were only about fifteen or twenty minutes from the little motel.

Just as the sun was casting its last rays for the day, Nathan pulled off of the road and into the motel parking lot.  It was just as I recalled it: a small old-fashioned strip motel with a main office in the middle and a handful of units to either side.  It appeared to have been painted not long ago with clean beige siding and dark green trim.  It was a stark contrast to many of the buildings we’d come across since the dead had risen.  Nate pulled the car around to the backside of the building where the parking lot extended to allow for four extra vehicles as well as a dumpster area.  My mind was blessedly clear of the dead.  The smell of the ocean was heavy; salt mixed with the vague scent of sand warmed by the sun.  Nate cut the engine. 

“Here we are,” he said, sounding tired.  “Home Sweet Home.”

I stepped out of the car and breathed in the fresh air.  It was getting darker than felt safe. 

“There’s eight units in all,” said Susan.  “We’ve been sleeping in the guest rooms, but there’s a room underneath where supplies were kept and laundry done.  It’s concrete with no windows, so we’ve been using it to store stuff, eat meals, and spend time as a group.  It’s our safe room should the dead attack.”

“We’re working on constructing an escape route,” added Nathan.  “And reinforcing the only entry.”

“C’mon, I’ll show you!” said Abbey excitedly.  “We have all kinds of cool stuff down there we got from stores and houses in town.  I even have a little library I started!”

I was glad to see Abbey happy.  Even through her excitement I could tell she bore a sadness that I knew
would scar her for life.  She’d lost her parents and her sister, as well as Emilie and Jane most recently.  I allowed her to pull me along toward the room, which meant walking slightly downhill since it was built below the motel under the main lobby.  The door was painted the same green as the trim on the rest of the building.  It didn’t have a knob, but rather a latch that allowed for a padlock.  Abbey dialed in the combination, which she promised to help me remember later on.  The door swung inward noisily and she pulled me into the dark room.  The fading daylight only lit our way for a few feet. 

“Here, I’ll turn on the lantern,” she said quietly.

A moment later the room was bathed in a soft white light with shadows cast about eerily.  The lantern was battery-powered so the beam of light was steady.  Nathan entered behind us.  The room was larger than I had expected.  Industrial sized washers and dryers, three of each, lined the back wall.  Of course they’d be of no use now, with no electricity or running water.  A row of dark wood shelves lined another wall.  They were stocked with canned goods, boxes of dried goods, textiles, all sorts of chemicals and cleaners, bottles of water, even a small supply of prescription bottles.

“Some of it was already here.  The rest we scavenged from town.  Of course we want to add more,” said Nathan. 

“Zoe, the combination’s easy.  12-24-30.  We always keep it locked on the outside unless someone’s in here.  If it’s locked from the inside, knock three times and then two times.  That’s our signal.  If you’re inside always keep the door locked.  It’s just a metal hook that goes through this hole,” pointed Abbey.

“Thanks, Abs,” I said.  I put my hand on her head and she smiled at me.

“Let’s get settled for the night.  All the rooms have back windows, so if there’s any alarm during the night head out that way and straight to this door.  First one here opens it.”

“Got it.”

Nathan led us back outside where the rest of the group was waiting, except for Boggs.  I assumed he had gone ahead to wherever his room was.

“Susan, Abs, and I are sharing a room,” said Nathan.  “Boggs is next to us.  You’re welcome to take your pick from the other six rooms, but I’d suggest staying close to the lobby since
it’s closest to the safe room.” 

“Thanks, man,” said Gus.  “It’s good to be back with you all.”

Nathan slapped Gus on the back gently in acknowledgement and agreement.  “C’mon, we’ll grab keys from the lobby and get you settled.”

We walked the short distance to the front of the building and followed Nathan into the lobby.  Susan and Abbey continued on to the room they were sharing with Nathan. 
The reception area had been stripped of furniture and looked rather barren.  There were no wall decorations.  Nothing to give it personalization.  Nathan walked around the reception counter and asked which rooms we wanted. 

“You’re not keeping the keys hidden?” asked Gus.

“Nah.  We all talked it over and wanted to leave them in case any other survivors wander by while we’re not here.  Just a good karma thing.  Anyway we’re already using rooms three and four.  The next closest are five, six, seven, and two.  Five and six are just the other side of the lobby.”

“Bobby?  You pick first,” said Gus.

“I think I’d feel safest in five or six if that’s ok?”

“Of course it is,” I said.  “Nathan, go ahead and give her five since it’s the closest.”

“I’ll take six,” said Gus.

“Zoe?  Two or seven?” asked Nate.

I shook my head ‘no.’  “I’m good.”  I placed my hands on Gus’ elbow and took a side-step closer to him.

Nathan looked at me without saying anything, stole a glance at Gus, and then finally nodded once.  He looked haggard.  He handed each of us a flashlight.  “You’ll need these.”

We left the lobby and parted ways with Nathan.  Gus and I helped Bobby into room five.  Gus did a quick walk-through just to double check for any hidden dangers.

“Bobby, if you need anything during the night just knock on the wall, ok?” said Gus.  “Even if you just need company.”

“Thanks,” she said softly.  “I kinda feel like the outsider, not knowing the others.”

“You’re part of the group now,” I reassured her. 

“Things feel pretty tense with you and the rest,” she observed.

“Ya,” I admitted.  “We’ll explain soon.”

“It’s ok, I didn’t mean…”

Gus winked at her.  “Get some sleep, Bobby.  Stay inside unless there’s any emergencies.  Out the back window to the room below if we’re attacked.  And knock if you need anything,” he reiterated.

Gus and I left Bobby’s room, and waited until we heard her engage the deadbolt.  We walked hand-in-hand to the next door down.  I turned my flashlight on while he unlocked the door, and followed him inside.

“You sure you want to do this?” he asked me once the door was closed and locked.

“Do what?”

“Share a room.”

I nodded.  “I’m tired, Gus.  Tired of struggling with it all.  He didn’t even acknowledge me, let alone notice that the baby’s gone.”  I began to choke on my words.

Gus wrapped his arms around me and held me close.  My heart ached in so many ways that I doubted I would be able to cope long term. 

“He’s hurting, Zoe.  Because of both of us.  You know I like Boggs, and even consider him a brother.  I wish to God we hadn’t caused him this pain.  But still, him hurting you back as revenge like he’s doing kills me.  I wish I could make it all better, but it’s going to take time.”

“I would have given my life for hers, Gus.  And he just left us, and hasn’t even asked about her.”

“I know.  He’ll come around.  And I still stand by what I said.  I’m here for you no matter what, including if you decide you want me to step back.”

I nodded into his chest.  “Can you just hold me for a while?  I ache all over and I’m so tired.”

“Of course I will.”  I felt his hands near my waist, lifting the bottom of my borrowed sweatshirt upward.  “But I’m not holding you with these filthy clothes on.”

I raised my arms and let him pull the sweatshirt over my head.  He unwrapped the strip of sheet that was still binding my sore breasts.  I slid the boxers down past my legs and stood before him nude.  For the first time, I felt no sense of embarrassment at his seeing me naked. 

“Are they still sore?” he asked, nodding toward my swollen breasts.

“Ya.”

“It’ll take your body a few days to realize she’s gone.”

I frowned.  “It’s so hard, Gus.  Not having her with me.”

“I know darlin’.”

If anyone knew the pain I was suffering, he did.  Chances were beyond slim that his own children had survived this plague of the dead.  He’d never know for sure, which might be even harder.  I reached a hand up and placed my palm on his cheek.  His stubble had grown out just enough that it felt soft now.  I stroked his cheek with my thumb, needing to just
feel
him.  We looked at each other in the dim light of the flashlight.  For the briefest of moments in time there was a spark within my brain that I was sure was part of his soul connecting directly with my own.

“Did you feel that?” I whispered.

He stroked my hair back from my face and nodded.  “In my head.  I felt
you
,” he whispered back.  “It was like I breathed you in.”

I knew then that we had connected in a way that would forever bind us.  It was one of the most intimate moments
that I had ever experienced. 

Gus took his own clothes off.  His jeans were still damp from our swim in the river.  I placed a hand on his bare chest and felt the rhythm of his heartbeat.  We held each other close and it felt so
very right.  I held onto him more tightly when he lifted me off the floor and cradled me in his arms as he walked us to the bed.  He used one hand to draw the covers back and then gently set me down on the bed.  He carefully climbed in next to me and pulled the covers over us.  I placed my head on his chest while he held me.  I listened to the beating of his heart, something I had quickly grown to love doing.  Before long, we both slept.

It was morning when knocking at the door woke me.  I was still nestled against Gus.  I lifted my head, slightly confused.  I used my free arm to wipe drool off of my chin.  Poor Gus’ chest suffered the worst of my saliva assault.

“Gus,” I whispered.  “Someone’s knocking on the door.”

He stirred next to me.  “Ok.”  He sounded tired still.

“Zoe!”  I heard Abbey’s voice call from outside our front door.  “Zoe, time to get up!  I brought you clothes!”

I moaned.  “I don’t wanna get up yet.”

I felt Gus’ chest move up and down as he chu
ckled.  “I’ll take care of it.  Go back to sleep.”

The mattress moved when Gus did.  I closed my eyes and wrapped the blankets around myself to keep the heat in.  “Don’t forget you’re naked.”

“I have a towel, don’t worry.”

I listened as the deadbolt was undone.  Gus opened the door.

“Hi Gus.  Why are you in here?”

“It’s just how it worked out, Abbey,” he said.  “Zoe’s still sleeping.  Can I give her the clothes?”

“Uh, sure.”  She sounded a bit confused.  “But can you tell her breakfast will be ready in half an hour?  We’re eating on the beach!”

“I’ll make sure she’s there.”

“Thanks!” chirped the preteen.

“Anyone out there with you, Abs?”

“Uncle Nate’s just at the lobby waiting for me.”

“Ok, head on down and I’ll watch to make sure you get there safe and sound.”

“Thanks Gus!”

I heard her skip away.  Eventually our
door shut again, the deadbolt clicked, and Gus sighed.

“Guess it’s time for breakfast,” he announced.

“I am kinda hungry,” I admitted.  I threw the blankets off and rolled out of bed. 

“Here, this is from the Abster.” 

He handed me a folded piece of tie-dye fabric in bright blues, reds, and oranges.  I shook it out to discover it was a sleeveless sundress.  It looked big, but I was glad to have something clean.  I pulled it over my head, wincing at the pain that the fabric caused when it hit my bare nipples.

“You’re hurting,” said Gus softly.  “Let me wrap you again?”

I nodded.  Gus took the top sheet off of the bed and used the knife from the ranger station to cut an edge.  He tore it the rest of the way.  He was gentle in wrapping my chest, and when he finished he kissed me very softly on the lips.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

I slipped the dress back on and walked to the small bathroom near the back of our motel room.  The back window was actually in the bathroom, which helped with lighting.  I looked in the mirror, startled at my own appearance.  My hair was tousled, my face dirty, and I was too thin.  I looked ten years older than when this plague had changed our lives.  I did my best to comb my hair with my fingers, but it did little to help.

“Gus?” I called out.  “Can you rip off another piece of the sheet?  About two inches wide?”

“Ayup.  How long?”

“Maybe two feet or so?”

“Ok.”

I heard the ripping of cloth again and frowned at myself in the mirror.  I watched Gus walk up behind me as I stared at our reflections
in the mirror.  He held the piece of cloth over my shoulder and continued to stand behind me. 

I slipped the piece of sheet under my hair and tied it in a bow at the top.  It was a messy excuse of a headband, but at least it would keep my untidy hair out of my face.

“You look lovely,” whispered Gus.

I rolled my eyes at his reflection.  He moved my tangled hair to one side, leaned down, and kissed me lightly on the neck.  “Let’s go,” he breathed against my skin.  My insides tingled from the simple kiss.

***

As we walked past Bobby’s room, I knocked gently.  Bobby opened the door quickly, and smiled when she saw me. 

“Ready for breakfast?” I asked.  “I guess we’re expected out on the beach.”

“I’m starving,
” she said with just a small smile on her lips.

“Great, you can walk with us,” said Gus.

Bobby locked her door and the three of us walked around to the back of the motel, where we quickly located the pathway to the shore.  The sand was damp from dew that had formed overnight.  It made walking much easier.  We walked up an incline for a short distance before reaching the crest.  The ocean was before us, the sound of the waves crashing on the beach reminding me of when I had played on this same beach as a child.  Sand dunes spanned the distance to both sides of us with sea grasses just starting to grow for the season.  Ordinarily the wind blows quite heavily on the beaches of Washington State, but this morning was unusually calm.  Seagulls screamed overhead, searching for sand dollars in the surf to fill their own bellies.  I looked over at Gus and forced a nervous smile. 

Nathan, Susan, and Abbey were all sitting on a blanket they had spread out, halfway down to the water’s edge.
  The tide was just starting to recede, creating a feast for the birds.  I looked down the beach and found Boggs sitting by himself on a large piece of driftwood. 

“I need to go talk to him, Gus.”

“I know, darlin’.  I won’t be far away.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and made my way down to where Boggs sat looking out at the waves.  He seemed unaware that I was behind him, so I cleared my throat.

“Mind if I sit?” I asked.

He looked back at me and just stared for a moment
, with something resembling hate heavy in his eyes.  He didn’t answer, so I walked around to the front of the log.  I seated myself a couple of feet away from him.

“You left us,” I said
.  He remained quiet.  “Boggs.  You left us.”

“What did you expect, Zo?”  He sounded so
very angry, and so hurt.

“I admitted what I had done was wrong.  Boggs, everything is so messed up in this life.  I made a mistake.”  I was getting angry myself.  “Everyone makes mistakes,” I whispered.

He turned his head to look at me and had venom in his eyes.  “You fucked Gus.  That’s more than just a mistake.  How do you expect me to just forgive you for that?  I thought I could, but Jesus.”

I glared at him.  “I don’t know that I do want forgiveness anymore.  It seems so insignificant now.  So petty.”

He leaned his head back as if he were going to look at the sky, and laughed loudly.  “Petty?  That’s rich.” 

He stood up suddenly, startling me.  The look in his eyes reminded me of the horrible day when he had struck me.  His hands were clenched in fists.  I followed his lead, also standing, and backed away a couple of steps.

“You’re not Mr. Perfect either, Boggs.”

He laughed again.  This was not the
person I had known since I was a child.  This was not the man I had fallen in love with. 

“At least I didn’t go fuck Emilie.  Or
Susan
!”

“You hit me.  You left me.  You left
us
, Boggs!” 

“
Us
?  You expected me to stay with Gus?”  His eyes were wide and he ran a hand firmly through his unruly dark hair.

“Not
Gus,
you
idiot
!  Me! And our baby!”  I was screaming, unable to keep my cool any longer.  “You left me and you left
her
!”

The others had made their way closer to where we were standing, except for Susan who stayed farther down the beach with Abbey.  I ignored their proximity.  I needed to say what I had to say.

“And you don’t even care!” I added.

“Care about what?” yelled Boggs.  He had taken a step toward me, and I instinctively took a step back.  “You expect me to care about the fucker who screwed you?  Care about you after you did something so sick?”

“I expected you to care about your daughter, and what happened to her.  I expected you to care enough to be there.  Gus is the only father she knew!” I spat at him.  “He was the one there when we needed him.  He’s the one who first held her when she came into the world. 
He’s the only father she knew!
” I screamed.  “He’s the one who buried her, and he’s the one who cried over her grave!”

I hadn’t realized that Gus was at my side until he stepped between me and Boggs.  My heart was pounding from the adrenaline rushing through my veins.  Hot tears were staining my cheeks.

“You don’t even know her name,” I moaned.

Boggs had his hands on his hips, still clenched in fists.  “For all I know he
was
her father.”  His eyes had taken on a haze.  Gus guided me away from him.  We walked the beach together, not speaking.  Once we stopped, Gus put an arm around my shoulders.  I was facing the waves, closed my eyes, and drew the air deep into my lungs.

“I’m sorry, Gus.”
  I was shaking.

“What for?” he asked, sounding dumbfounded.

“For that outburst.”

“You needed to.  No apologies.”

I turned to face him and looked up at his face.  He leaned down and kissed me with passion.  It wasn't the deepest of kisses, or the strongest, but was full of deep rooted emotion.

“Let’s go back?” he said questioningly.  “Have some breakfast?”

I nodded.  “Ok.”

We walked back to the gathering, holding hands.  I could tell Abbey had been crying.  Everyone was quiet.  Breakfast was laid out in bowls.  Everything was meant to be eaten by hand.  Fresh cooked clams, canned green beans, Ritz crackers, and pretzels.  Everyone was quiet as we ate.  Bobby seemed uncomfortable.  I figured she felt awkward and out of place.  I made a mental note to talk to her after breakfast to explain a few things.  Boggs was absent, having wandered off somewhere to be by himself.  Right about then I didn’t care where he was.

“Gus, mind lending a hand today in the safe room?  We want to get the escape hatch built,” said Nathan with his mouth half full.

“Sure, anything you need.  Just name it.”

“We have a pile of lumber inside and I sketched some basic plans.  The walls and floor are concrete, so I want to cut through the lobby floor today.  If you can pound some nails and come up with the hatch itself while I cut into the floor that’ll be a huge help.”

“Will do.”

“Boggs is building a ladder.  Once it’s done the hatch will open upward.  We’ll cover it with an area rug to hide it from above.”

“Sounds well thought out,” I said.

“Zoe?”  Abbey called my name quietly.

“Ya, Abs?”

“I’m sorry about the baby.”

“Abbey,
shhh,” whispered Susan.

“No, it’s ok.  Thanks, Abbey.  I wish you could have met her.  She was beautiful, like you.”

“Did you give her a name?”

I nodded.  “Molly.”

“That’s pretty.”

“Was she…” she paused in thought.  “Was she born alive?”

Talking about Molly’s short life was easier than I had expected.  I wanted to remember every moment I had been given with her.  “She was.  She was perfect, with dark curly hair.”

“What happened to her?”

“I fed her and held her for a long time.  We were both tired and slept.  When I woke up she was gone.”  I forced myself to not cry, wanting to be strong for Abbey’s sake.  “Gus wrapped her in a soft towel and I held her some more.  I couldn’t leave her behind, so I held her while we drove.  We buried her beside a pretty lake.”

Abbey scooted closer to me and wrapped her arms around me.  I returned her hug and held her for a while.  We looked out at the ocean waves crashing on the shore.  “It’ll be ok, Abbey,” I whispered and kissed the top of her head.  A breeze picked up and I shivered.