The Grunt (14 page)
The water drenched her clothes. With her purse on her arm, she stood in front of his truck with the lights on her as the downpour beat against her body. The outline of her breasts showed through the soft fabric, making her look even more vulnerable.
“Shit,” Brett said as he put the truck in park and jumped out of the truck. “What are you doing?” he asked, walking up to Courtney.
Her eyes were bright. “Going with you,” she said, reaching for his hand.
Wrapping his arm around her, he quickly escorted her to the passenger side of his truck, out of the rain. Loading her in, he closed the door behind her and pulled off as David walked out of the store to stop her.
Kung-Foo Fighters played on the radio. Rain beat down on the car and thunder rumbled through the sky. It was just the kind of day that would have been relaxing if it weren’t for the tension she could cut with a knife. “I’m so sorry,” Courtney said, wiping the rain water from her face. She looked over at him with her hands wrapped tight in front of her.
Brett turned on the heat and passed her a towel from the backseat to dry herself off. His gaze lingered on her before he spoke. “What do you have to be sorry about? You’re brother’s a douche bag. That’s not your fault,” he said as he turned onto the main thoroughfare. The truck splashed through the large puddles made from the sudden downpour.
“I’m sorry because I shouldn’t have put you in that situation.” She sighed and sat back in the leather seat as she wiped off.
He huffed in frustration. “Look, I know he’s your brother and my commanding officer, but sooner or later, he’s going to have to deal with this.”
Courtney looked over at him and bit her lip. She knew that he was right. Only, she didn’t want him to suffer the consequences of her actions. David had always been an overprotective big brother who would go to the end of the universe for her. And once he got it in his mind that something was supposed to be a certain way, he never backed down.
“Where are we going?” she asked, finally shutting her memory of the many men her family had run off before Brett.
“To the beach,” Brett answered. He kept his eyes on the road.
Courtney swallowed hard. “Do you think that we should go now?” After the circus show at Subway, she was not in the mood, and she didn’t see how he could be. In fact, she was certain that the only reason he would want to have sex was to get back at her brother for being an asshole.
With one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the arm rest, Brett furrowed his brow and looked over at her. His body was tense and unyielding with animosity.
Courtney couldn’t help but feel responsible. After all, it was her family that he was involved with, and that was no easy task. All her life, her father and brother had been over protective and completely unhappy with her choices in men. And normally, they would have been right. But Brett was different. He was the first man that she’d been absolutely proud of. It was a shame that she had to keep him a secret.
She ran her hand over his and tried to calm him, hating to see him this way. “We don’t have to go to the beach right now,” she said softly. “I don’t want to. I just want to be with you.”
Easing his foot up off the accelerator, he slowed his driving and his breathing. His square jaw was clenched tight.
Great, now Lawless had ruined this for me today too
, he thought to himself. With his eyes blazing with fury, he looked over at her. “I hate that he thinks that he’s better than me just because I’m a grunt,” Brett confessed. “What I do in my personal life is not his business.”
“You’re right about the personal part. But he doesn’t think that he’s better than you. Trust me. If you were another captain, he would give you the same cold shoulder,” she said defensively.
“I doubt that,” Brett said quickly. “You don’t understand the relationship between enlisted men and officers.”
“My brother isn’t an elitist. He’s just sensitive about me.”
“Officers think that they are God’s gift to humanity. It’s common knowledge. If you were to ask him if his life is more valuable than mine, he wouldn’t think twice about answering yes, because to him, it is.”
“Okay. I’m lost. Is this about my brother not approving of us, or is this about my brother being an officer?” Courtney asked defensively.
“This is about both. I mean, don’t you get it? You’re the daughter of an officer. You couldn’t possibly be that blind to what is happening here. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories. We don’t mix. Oil and water. Plus, it’s against the code of conduct for us to fraternize.”
“I’m not an officer. So, it doesn’t apply to me. I’m just a normal human being. Just Courtney,” she said in a strained voice.
“You keep telling yourself that, and at the same time, we’ll keep hiding the fact that we’re together,” he said snidely.
“I can understand that you’re angry, but your view about officers just isn’t true.”
“And you would know that
how
? You’ve been catered to on base your entire life. You have no idea what it’s like
not
to have that little blue strip on the front of your car to let everyone know that your daddy is the colonel. You were probably born with a fucking salute.”
“I don’t have the blue strip on the front of my car. I didn’t bother to even get it. So, evidently, I don’t think that it is that important.” Courtney folded her arms in frustration. She had no idea he felt like this about officers. The thought infuriated her, though she couldn’t articulate why.
“Go on. Tell me how much of a jerk I’m being,” Brett said, realizing that he’d just lashed out at her. However, she didn’t have to say anything. He knew that he was being a complete asshole, and he hated himself for it.
“Are we going to make our entire relationship about my father and my brother, or are we going to start making it about us?” she asked, frustrated. She felt like a little rag doll being pulled by both her legs and one arm.
“This has always been about us,” Brett said, checking his rearview mirror.
“Are you sure about that?”
“I asked you to marry me, didn’t I?” he snapped.
“You asked me to marry you to take care of Cameron so you could go to Afghanistan with a built-in babysitter.” Before she could even say the words, she wanted to take them back. Sitting back in the seat, she looked out the window and shook her head. Her voice cracked. “I didn’t mean that, Brett.”
“You meant it,” he replied flatly.
Pulling over to the side of the road quickly, he made a U-turn, digging his tires into the road as he did so. He kept his eyes straight ahead and his lips pursed together. The only sound was that of windshield wipers moving across the window. Within minutes, he had pulled back up to the Subway parking lot next to her car. He stepped out in the rain and went to her side, opened the door and offered his hand to help her out. The look in his eye destroyed her. She grabbed his large hand and felt it grab and cover hers. Gently, he led her over to her car.
As she opened the door, she turned to him. The rain drenched her again. She wiped her face and spoke. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
Brett suddenly seemed not to feel the rain as it soaked him. His icy blue eyes were pained with the reality of Courtney’s statement. Somehow, she suspected that he only wanted to use her. He looked out over the parking lot then back at her as she got inside. “See you tonight when I get home. I’ll make sure that I’m not late,” he said as he closed the door behind her.
Walking away, he didn’t look back.
***
The rain beat down on the battalion office as David waited to be seen. The door to his father’s office quickly opened after his meeting and a captain and his subordinate passed David with a nod before he strode inside and closed the door. His father was sitting quietly behind his desk, reading a newspaper and nursing a cigar.
“What brings you in to see me today, Captain?” Colonel Lawless said as he licked his thumb and turned the page.
“I found out who Courtney’s employer is,” David said, having a seat.
The colonel put down his newspaper and looked over at his son and passed him a shot glass. Opening his desk, he pulled out a ten-year-old scotch and poured him some.
“Who is the lucky gent?” the colonel asked as he set his own glass in front of him.
“Staff Sergeant Black. The guy who lost his wife in the plane crash.”
The colonel’s eye twitched. He put the cigar in the side of his mouth and pushed back in his seat. A deep sigh escaped him.
“I can see why she was so tight-lipped then.”
David shook his head and reached over for the glass. “Salute.”
“Salute,” the colonel said, picking up his glass and downing the strong drink. He placed the glass in front of him and ran his finger around the rim. “How did you come by this information?”
“I saw them together at Subway…all curled up together like some married couple. Of course, when I came over to speak, they both went straight as a board.” He downed his drink and sat up at the end of his chair. “Do you realize how incredibly bad it looks to have a Staff Sergeant in your own company sleeping with your sister?”
The colonel laughed. “You’re forgetting that you’re in my unit, boy. It looks even worse on my part.” He smacked his lips and gave a grin, thinking something in the back of his mind that he wouldn’t verbalize. Pointing his long, thick finger at his son, he raised his brow. “You keep your eye on him. Make sure that we aren’t being made a mockery out of by this Black until we can figure out where this is going.”
“Of course, he would never admit what is really going on over at that house. He’s not stupid enough to, but you don’t have to be a damned genius to know,” David said, growing more and more appalled as he thought about it.
“This is one of those very
sensitive
situations. Black is a good Marine. He’s served his country well, and he’s suffered a hardship. The Corps would look negatively on any personal business you or I have with him that would affect his ability to perform or function in the workplace.”
“I know,” David said, shaking his head. His blood boiled but he kept his poise. His father didn’t tolerate hot heads.
The colonel shook his head. He wasn’t particularly happy about the news himself but it didn’t surprise him. This was Courtney that they were talking about. To calm his son’s growing agitation, he offered an olive branch. “I bet I know at least one person who knows what is going on over there. I’ll talk to your mother tonight, but until I tell you otherwise, keep your hands off of him.”
“Yes, sir,” David said, standing up. “I better get back. See you for dinner tonight.”
The day couldn’t have been any longer if more hours had been added. Brett could barely pay attention during inspection. His mind continually raced back to lunch and the short exchange he had with Courtney.
Why would she think that he was just using her? He loved her for goodness sake.
Maybe Amy had been right. Maybe he wasn’t articulate enough to explain a fart. That is what she used to always say every time he fumbled over his words when he tried to tell her how he really felt. And now, here he was in the same kind of predicament with a different woman, a good woman. Only, he didn’t want to mess this up. Courtney was the best thing to ever happen to him, and probably on a hundred other men’s radar around town.
The bar was not an option tonight. Tomorrow, he shipped out to the desert across the country. The urgency running through his veins felt like venom killing him with every minute that passed.
As soon as he was dismissed, he made a B-line for his truck and sped home.
When he pulled up to the house, words could not express his relief to see her truck. He ran in out of the rain and closed the front door behind him. Kicking off his boots, he dropped his assault pack and called out for his family.
“Cort?” he said as he headed for the kitchen.
The house was spotless. Not a thing was out of place, and it smelled like her apartment the first night that he had met her - fragrant and happy. He took a deep breath of it and tried to commit it to memory for his long stint away.
Courtney was in the den with Cameron reading him a book. Perched on her lap, his son rested his head back and listened as Courtney read to him and rubbed her fingers through his tousled brown locks. They both looked up at Brett when he walked in, both of them as beautiful as any sunset he’d ever seen. The sight warmed his heart and almost brought tears to his eyes. How could he lose this?
“Hey,” Brett said, already pleading through his eyes.
“Hey,” Courtney said softly.
“Hey, Daddy,” Cameron said, without getting up. “We’re reading Dr. Seuss.”
“
Cat in the Hat
,” Brett said, sitting in the chair across from them. “I love that book.” He looked over at Courtney and swallowed hard. “Could I talk to you for a minute?”
“Cam, honey, can you go upstairs for a minute while I talk to your daddy?” Courtney asked, picking him up off her lap and placing him firmly on the ground.
“Will you read some more tonight after dinner?” Cameron asked as she planted a kiss on his rosy cheek.
Courtney smiled. “Of course, baby,” she said, giving him the book. “Now, put this up in the book box and go play in your room for a while.”
Cameron walked over to his father and gave him a hug, then darted out of the room with the book tucked under his arm. When he was gone, Courtney turned to Brett and put her feet under her. “What’s up?” she asked gently.
Brett got up out of his seat and came over to the couch where she was. Sitting beside her, he turned to face her and took her hand. Looking down at her fingers, he shook his head. His voice was low and somber. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Courtney was quiet.
“And I was wrong for shooting off on you today when I was angry with your brother,” he confessed.
She raised her brow but did not speak.
He continued even though he suddenly felt desperate. “Cort, I love you.” He looked in her eyes.
Courtney could feel herself softening. She took her hands from him and ran them through his blonde high and tight haircut. “Maybe we’re moving too fast. I spent the evening thinking, and I’ve decided, at least for my part in this, that we should slow down. Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I do. It just means that I want to make sure that we’re making decisions based on that love and not just on circumstances.”
“Don’t do this,” Brett pleaded.
A single tear fell from her bright hazel eyes on to her cheek. She wiped it away quickly. “I’m going to watch Cameron while you’re away at CAX. I’m going to stay right here while you’re in Afghanistan. And when you come back, you’ll be able to make some decisions about your son without worrying about your career.”
“This isn’t about my career,” he said, looking away from her.
“Let’s not say any more about it tonight, okay. We’ve got to get you ready to head to the desert, and I’m sure that Cameron wants to spend some time with you before you go. Plus, I fixed dinner, and I’m sure it’s getting cold.”
Getting up, she left him sitting on the couch alone with his head buried in his hands. Walking out of the room, she tried to hide the pain that stabbed in her gut. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to pull herself away from him or Cameron. She loved them both like they were her own, but she also didn’t want to end up hurt again.
The entire afternoon after leaving him, she had spent her time wondering if he wasn’t being deployed would he even feel like he did about her. Plus, he seemed awfully conflicted about a public relationship. What if there was more to him keeping her a secret than just her father? What if the fact that she was a black woman was too much for him to deal with right now?
It was painful to even consider, but she had to take her head out of the clouds and see things for what they were. This was probably just a relationship of convenience. He could help her with her desire to finish school, and he needed a live-in babysitter. And marriage was just too sacred to barter away just to get ahead.
She wanted a real marriage. She wanted him to get on one knee and propose. She wanted him to confess his undying love for her in front of her family, to be proud to take her into public as his wife and bring her on base and not care who saw them. Maybe it was too much to ask of Brett, but it was the only way that she would consider marrying him, especially after today. If there was going to be a problem with her father and brother, then she at least wanted it to be about her and her love for a man and not because someone needed a helping hand.
Dizzy with thoughts, she stood in a daze in the hallway leading to the kitchen. Suddenly, she had gone numb. Her mind raced with questions, concerns and confusion.
She didn’t even hear Brett when he walked out of the den and saw her standing in the hall. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her body. She stood as stiff as a board with tears running down her face.
“Cort,” he turned her to him. “This is killing me.”
“You?” she said with a sigh. Wiping her face, she cleared her throat. “Look, I’m going to go out for some fresh air. Dinner is on the stove. Don’t wait up.”
“Please just wait,” Brett said, holding her waist.
What words could he say to get her back?
He was disgusted with himself. It was happening again. He was locking up, sending the wrong signals, not saying the right words. And he could see it in her face. He was losing her.
Courtney wiggled out of his embrace. Pointing towards the door, she shook her head. “I’ll be back. I just…” She stepped away from him. “I just need to go and clear my head.” She shrugged her shoulders and turned and walked away.
Brett stood in the hallway and listened as her footsteps trailed away. Her keys jingled when she picked them up off the coffee table. Then, the front door opened and closed shut.
He slid down the side of the wall and propped his feet up. With his arms over his knees, he sat in a daze, replaying every minute of today.
He knew that this was all his fault. He had been stupid enough to take out his frustrations on her like it was her fault that her brother was his commanding officer and her father was the battalion commander. Hell, he should have been honored, but no, not him.
What he hadn’t told her was that he had found out that the man Amy was leaving him for was Captain Jermaine Hodges. That information had come from a good friend in Intel. The mistake he had made was that he hadn’t shared with Courtney how inferior it made him feel that he wasn’t good enough in Amy’s eyes, even though he had willingly gone to face his death for her and her son on several occasions, risked life and limb, saw men blown apart by IEDs, climb the ranks, taken shit and lived in dirt and sand just to make her happy and her life better.
Now, he had allowed his anger for a woman dead and gone to possibly ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him in his entire life. And what had he done about it? Nothing. He had let Courtney walk out of the door. Amy had walked out of the same door. And he had done nothing about that either.
***
Courtney could barely drive for crying. Wiping her face, she headed into town but wished that it would stop raining so that she could catch and a wave and find some peace. The look on Brett’s face as she pulled away confused her even more. Why couldn’t he just tell her how he really felt? True, he had said he loved her, but what she wanted to know was why. She wanted to be sure that what she felt for him was reciprocated and not just a knee-jerk reaction to his severely fucked-up situation.
This all was driving her crazy. She had never believed in love at first sight before this. But she
had
fallen in love with Brett the minute that she laid eyes on him at the library. And that love had only gotten stronger over the last couple of months.
However, this kind of spontaneous behavior was exactly what her father had been complaining about for years. She always saw the best in people. She always wanted to believe their words, and she would always suffer from their actions. The bleeding heart role was getting old.
“What do you want from me?” she said aloud, hitting the steering wheel.
The painful part was that she was in love with more than just Brett. She loved Cameron, too. She loved how she felt, loved how good it felt to be needed and depended upon.
Most women her age would be out perusing the bars and looking for one-night stands, but she was happy at home with Cameron and Brett. She was happy to plan dinner and teach words and have quiet weekends on the beach and have a family of her own. She was happy with that.
Her phone rang. Swerving as she reached into her purse, she picked it up and saw that it was Brett. She almost put it away but couldn’t fight the desire to hear his voice. Flipping it open, she put it to her ear.
“Hello,” she said with a sniffle.
“Where are you?” he asked quickly.
“I’m driving to Jacksonville.”
“Come back home.”
“Brett, it’s not
my
home. It’s my place of employment, and I’m
just
your girlfriend.”
Brett sighed. “Baby, listen to me.” His voice was deep and raspy. “I’m sorry for everything that I said or didn’t say today. But this is getting out of control. Please, come back home. We can talk about it.” His southern accent was like silk against her ears.
She closed her eyes but then quickly opened them to pay attention to the road. “I just need to clear my head and figure things out.”
“Let me help you. Come home, and we’ll talk about it,” he pleaded.
“I don’t know if this is going to work, Brett. I’m…I’m losing myself. And it took me a long time to get to this point, where I know what I want out of life. Do you know how helpless that feels? To lose yourself?”
“Yes, I know exactly how helpless it feels. And it feels even worse when the person who makes you feel that way is driving away from you.” He sat down at the kitchen table with his son and put a napkin in front of Cameron’s nightclothes so that he wouldn’t mess them up while he was eating his spaghetti. “Everything that you’re experiencing, I’m experiencing with you. Now, this is your home. We are your family. And that is not going to change. So, if you would just come home, we can talk about this…all night if you need to.” He listened to the other end of the phone. Her radio played in the background. Wipers scraped against the windshield.
Courtney finally spoke. “I’ll be back in just a little while. I just need some time.”
***
It was a little after midnight when Courtney pulled back up to the house. Parking the car, she looked up to see every light in the house was off, and the porch was pitch black. Climbing out of the car, she grabbed her purse and inched up to the front door with swollen eyes from crying and a hand full of tissue. She was shocked to see Brett sitting in the rocking chair on the porch. He had fallen asleep waiting on her. God only knew how long he had been out there.
As her foot hit the wooden step, he jumped up and took his feet off the table across from him.
“You didn’t have to sit out here and ruin your last sensible night’s rest, Brett. I told you that I was coming back,” Courtney said, feeling even worse now.
“I was afraid that you wouldn’t come back,” he said, standing up.
Courtney was about to ask why when she thought of Amy. Opening the front door, she motioned for him. “Get in here, now. You’ve got to go and get some sleep.”
He walked in after her. They both were met by an arctic chill. Courtney went over to the thermostat and turned off the air, then dropped her purse at the table. She turned on the lamp and looked across the room to find his eyes as red as hers.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Courtney said in a low whisper.
“No, I should be the one apologizing. I’m horrible with expressing myself, Cort. I would have guessed that you’d know that about me by now, but you’re not a mind reader. I just…have a hard time saying exactly how I feel.”
Courtney crossed her arms across her chest. “You seem to express
anger
pretty well.”
“Amy was leaving me for a black officer in Japan. An officer that I didn’t like was responsible for one of my good friends getting killed in Rahwah a few years back. Amy’s parents always hated me for not being an officer. And I guess a part of me always carried a bit of resentment. But it wasn’t a big deal until I found out a few weeks ago about who Amy was leaving me for.”
“Did it piss you off that he was black? Better yet, are you ashamed of our relationships because I’m black? Is that hard to share with your friends? I mean, I know about Joe, so please don’t say that one of your best friends are black, because I think I’ll just die here on the spot. I just want to know if this,” she rubbed her skin, “is creating a problem for you.”