The Guardian's Wildchild (35 page)

Sam was receptive to her coaching and nodded when he understood and asked for clarification when he didn’t. He was an easy student, as though he’d traveled the path before and only needed to be reminded of the pitfalls and traps. Sidney reached for his hand.

“You’re in a very vulnerable state. Be wary of being deceived by a Dark path. It may appear to be for the higher good. People of fear will attempt to draw you back to old ways. Always ask yourself, ‘Why am I doing this?’”

He nodded. “Come into my stateroom. I need to do some packing.”

Sidney followed. “Packing? Why?”

He led her into his bedroom and went to his closet to pull out uniform shirts.

“I meant to tell you earlier. I’ll be flying to New Seattle tomorrow morning.”

He continued packing, but Sidney jumped and grabbed his arms. She pleaded with her eyes.

“Not to worry, Sidney. Bridges and Lorna will take care of you.”

“I’m not worried about that. I … ”

Sam pulled away from her and returned to his closet. He grabbed his uniform pants.

“No need to worry about anything, at least until the
Nonnah
arrives in New Seattle. Understood?”

He waited for her response. She stood like a frightened child, her hands drawn up to her chest. Tears brimmed in her eyes. He moved close to her.

“What’s the matter, Sidney?”

She stepped away from him, again and again. “I should have known I couldn’t handle this,” she muttered to herself. Finally, she took a deep breath and approached him. She reached for his hands and held them in hers.

“Sam, I can’t imagine going through a whole day without you.” She touched his face.

“Sidney … ”

“It’s okay, Sam. I know you don’t have the same feelings for me.”

He caressed her arms. “You shouldn’t go making such assumptions. I’ve shut down my feelings for so long, I’m not sure if I’m capable of feeling much of anything for anyone except for my boys. And, well … look, Sidney, I’ll get you back to Dan. So far, you haven’t done anything that — ”

Sidney gasped. “You know about Danik?”

Sam folded his arms across his chest. “Actually, I’ve known about him since the first day. You called for him a couple of times in your delirium. Sounds like he’s pretty special to you.” Sam returned to his packing.

Sidney frowned. “You never mentioned that you knew about him.”

“There wasn’t any evidence to show that he participated in the espionage, other than to deliver you to the base.” Sam grabbed extra pairs of socks and shorts. “Wasn’t all that important.” Sam disappeared into his bathroom to find his travel shaving kit. He hollered from the bathroom. “Anyway, I’m sure he’s going to be relieved to get you back, right?”

Sidney didn’t answer. Sam returned to the bedroom.

“Right?” he repeated.

Sidney smiled. “Uh huh.”

Sam tossed the kits into the suitcase. “So, there’s no problem. You’ll forget about the miserable S.O.B. who kept you locked up and threatened to carry out your execution, right?” Sam straightened up from his suitcase and saw her still grinning at him. “What?” he asked.

She moved close to him. “You’re right about one thing, Sam. Dan is special. I love him.”

Sam turned back to his suitcase. “So everyone gets what they want.”

Sidney grabbed Sam’s arm and pulled him back toward her. “There’s something you should know about Dan.”

Sam pulled away and opened his dresser drawer. “Think I have a pretty good idea already except maybe why he let you go off on some damn suicidal mission.” He slammed his dresser drawer shut. “How the hell could he do that?”

Sidney stepped between him and his dresser. “Because he knows that even in death, we can’t be separated.” She paused and looked into his eyes. “Sam, Danik is my brother.” Sidney placed a brief kiss below his ear, and pulled back slightly with her lips lingering near his mouth. “There’s no one else. There never has been anyone that I love … the way I love you.”

Sam couldn’t speak for the moment. The discovery that Sidney wasn’t involved with someone else had opened up a flood of emotions he’d struggled to hold in check. He wanted to hold her, touch her. His need rose to the surface. It had been a year since he’d felt the burning passion of wanting to be with a woman.

“Sidney, you’re quite, well, special.” He caressed her face. Returning to his suitcase, he went through the motions of checking everything. “Got to admit you’ve flicked a switch in my life. I’d pretty well given up. Somehow, because of you, I’ve found hope. I’m grateful to you.”

He closed the suitcase and placed it on the floor. He had to keep focused on the fact that he was leaving her, would probably never see her again. There was no way to predict how the struggle with the admiral would play out, but he was certain Sidney would never trust him again after this. He had to remain objective.

“I have one request,” Sidney teased.

“Name it.”

“Take me sailing some day, Sam, if we get out of this.”

The request touched Sam. He recalled the vision in which he and Sidney were trying to find a safe place to anchor their sailing ship near the island’s shore beyond the reef.

“Any place special?” he asked.

Sidney gazed into his eyes. “No. Just some place where there’s the sea, the ship, and you and me. No one else, no rule book.”

“Sidney … ”

Sidney walked close to put her arms around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder. “If you had a choice, Sam, where would you like to be right now?”

What would it hurt?
he wondered. He wanted her to feel safe. He owed her that much and more. But he couldn’t surrender his heart. Not now when his sons’ future depended upon him being clear headed. He held her tightly to his chest and whispered in her ear.

“I’d like to take you dancing — a nice slow waltz around the dance floor.”

He lifted her face to his and kissed her passionately. In a single breath, all the barriers, all the rules, all the fears slipped aside. Sam unfastened the buttons of her shirt and eased the garment over her shoulders. It slipped to the floor around her ankles. Soon his uniform fell to the floor and became lost in the folds of her clothes as Sam and Sidney began their intimate dance.

20. Drowning an Admiral

Saturday, July 13, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii

As the first rays of the morning sun swept into Sam’s bedroom, he woke to find Sidney sitting in her lotus position at the foot of the bed. She was deep in her meditation. The kiss of the sunrise touched her hair and graced the soft curves of her naked body. He saw the glow on her face and thought to himself that she was indeed a goddess — full of magic and mystery.

He shifted abruptly, hoping to get her attention. She slowly opened her eyes. All too soon, it was nearing time for Sam to disembark the
Nonnah
. Quietly they showered together, gently touching, softly kissing, scarcely breathing.

While Sidney dried her hair, Sam prepared a small breakfast. The tropical breeze washed away his anxiety, but it wouldn’t be easy to say goodbye. He briefly considered taking Sidney off the ship and releasing her into the Hawaiian mists, although he knew he couldn’t. If Admiral Garland discovered he’d set her free, Simon and Nathan would disappear before he reached New Seattle.

By the time Sidney joined him on his veranda, the sunrise was casting a rosy tone on the white walls of the veranda. She sat down on the deck in front of him and quietly began her ritual of giving thanks while Sam poured her a cup of coffee.

“What are you particularly grateful for today, Sidney?” he asked when she opened her eyes.

She patted his knee. “For the love and guidance of the Guardians, for all the trials and tribulations that taught me tolerance and courage, and for all the events that led me to you.”

Sam nodded. “It’s easy to be grateful for the good things in plain view. It takes a higher soul like yours to be grateful for your troubles, the gifts hidden in the darkness.”

Sidney smiled. “Spoken like a true Guardian.”

Sidney became quiet as she nibbled at her toast and cheese. Sam waited for her to speak, but he became concerned that her silence was born of worry.

He touched her hair lightly and asked, “What’s on your mind?”

She hesitated, struggling with an internal conflict. She stood up and walked toward the ship’s railing, and Sam followed her. He tried to be patient until he glanced at his watch.

“We don’t have much time. I have to put you back in safekeeping and head to the airport.”

Sidney appeared lost in the distant Hawaiian mountains. She nodded as if receiving advice from the island’s spirits. Her eyes filled with tears.

“Sam, you can’t come back to the ship.”

“Explain.”

She replied as if still in her trance. “Once you’ve taken your boys from the admiral, he’ll have no advantage over you. The admiral’s paranoia runs deep. And there are others, a woman, who considers you a great risk away from the admiral’s control. You know too much. You may suffer the same fate as Joy. Take your boys and disappear with them. Please don’t come back to this ship.”

“Do you see some prediction?”

“Only a basic sketch. More of a feeling than a clear picture of the future. Admiral Garland isn’t the real threat. And I believe there are those who are not worthy of your trust.”

Sam shook his head. He knew that his life hung on a precipice and every step must be carefully placed.

“My son’s lives are all that matter. You don’t know how they’ve changed since living under a strictly regimented household. I’ll do whatever it takes to get them out of there. And I’ll be coming back. End of discussion.”

“I can get off this ship myself. I have other resources. Once the
Nonnah
is docked in New Seattle, I — ”

He kissed her forehead and led her toward his office. The kiss had been effective before at distracting her. His motives for coming back to the ship were clear in his mind. If necessary, he’d be paying for his freedom with the transfer of Sidney to Admiral Garland — not as a prisoner, but as a powerful ally — or so the admiral would be led to believe.

Sidney stepped away from Sam. The kiss had been mechanical. She recognized his manipulation and refused to be swayed. She brushed aside her annoyance and centered herself.

Finding her center in her Guardian soul, she said, “Whatever you’re planning, don’t forget the higher good. Whatever action you create in the universe will return to you, and you’ll suffer the consequences of any harm done to others.”

“Right.” He was only half listening to her. With each passing minute he felt the shackles of the past year slip away. Nothing would get in his way now.

“Sam, you’re not listening!”

Sam smiled at her and stepped into his office.

Sidney trailed along behind him. “They’re going to kill you!”

“I’ve never run from a fight.” He went to his desk and activated his computer and security systems.

“You need to think of your boys. They need you more than ever.”

Sam’s guilt about his failure in not being a better dad exploded to the surface. “Don’t start telling me what a lousy father I’ve been!”

“That isn’t what I meant.”

There was a knock at Sam’s door.

“Come in!” he shouted.

Commander Moon entered. “Everything okay, Captain?”

Sam straightened into his officer’s posture. “Yes. How are the repairs coming along?”

“The engine’s purring like a grouchy old lion, and the deck’s temporary repairs are done, at least as much as we can do here. Got sheets of plywood covering the bigger holes. I’ve advised New Seattle Naval Base that more permanent deck repairs need to be scheduled when we arrive. You’re ready to disembark, sir?”

“Not quite. I’ll be off in twenty minutes. I’ll see you at the gangplank.

Just before the commander left, he set a bright yellow shopping bag on Sam’s desk.

“This just arrived for you, sir.”

Sam checked his E-mail. The officers had returned to the ship and were reporting all systems ready for return to sea.

“The
Nonnah
is ready and so am I. Let’s go.” Sam firmly displayed military conduct. He was brisk and in control.

“Sam, I’m sorry. I don’t believe you’re a lousy father.”

Sam studied Sidney momentarily. “You see something in your crystal ball?”

“Not a crystal ball. My intuition … and other ways.” She moved close to him. “Have you packed all your things? Your crystal and Celeste’s feather?”

“No. Just going to use my wits and a dab of gun powder, if necessary.”

“No, Sam!”

“Don’t worry. I’ll just put a little dent in the admiral’s armor. Nothing fatal.” Sam paused, and then went to his desk and retrieved the feather and the crystal.

“Here, you take my crystal, and I’ll bring the feather. Feel better?”