The Guide to Getting It On (32 page)

Anticipation vs. Dread

If it stops being fun for the two of you, or if it starts to feel uncomfortable or overwhelming, stop!

If you go beyond what feels good, her body will tense up the next time, and that’s exactly what you don’t want to have happen. If this is something the two of you try again, then she needs to look forward to it. Anticipation is an amazing thing. It can work for you, and it can work against you.

While the next part of this chapter describes techniques for stimulating the inside of a woman’s vagina, it does so only in the name of exploration, and because some women find it enjoyable. Plenty of others don’t like it.

Don’t expect sexual pleasure to have rules and to be universal, which is what some of the women’s magazines and the burgeoning home-sex-toy party circuit wants you to believe.

Fingers inside Her Vagina

You never want to surprise a woman’s vagina by suddenly shoving an entire finger into it. A more satisfying approach is to ease your finger in, one joint at a time, and then only after she’s spreading her legs and arching her hips into your caressing fingertips.

Once you get the signal that she wants your finger inside of her, slide it in as far as the first joint. Before you go any farther, make sensuous circles inside her vagina, gently pushing the tissue this way and that. After a while, if she gives you a cue to up the ante, glide your finger in a little farther until you reach the middle knuckle. Stop and play some more. At that point, she might want it to go all the way in, or maybe she’ll prefer the added fullness of a second finger. She might want you to do an in-out motion with your fingers, or maybe she’ll want you to stimulate the roof of her vagina. Maybe she will want you to jiggle your hand or pull upward, so the fingertip part stays inside her vagina and the inner knuckle part pulls up against the tip of her clitoris.

If you have been stimulating her clitoris with good results and her genitals are puffed up, you might want to keep pleasing her clitoris with one finger while exploring her vagina with a finger from your other hand. Think of using both hands as if you were playing a guitar. If the two of you give each other lots of feedback, you will soon discover what does and doesn’t work.

Who knows where the fun spots will be, or if they will be. Think of it as a most excellent treasure hunt, one you will hopefully do time and again.

If Old-Fashioned Finger-Fucking Is What She Wants

In reviewing lesbian porn movies, author Jay Wiseman noticed that when lesbian performers put their fingers in a partner’s vagina, they almost always use two fingers—not one or three. Wiseman asked a number of women about this, and most replied that two fingers simply feel better. Some of this Guide’s women readers said they enjoy one finger, three fingers, an entire fist or a big toe, but most agreed that two fingers is a fine number. The number of fingers a woman wants inside of her will also depend upon her level of arousal and sometimes upon her body’s menstrual status.

You might consider wearing latex gloves when spending long periods of time with your fingers inside a woman’s vagina. The smooth latex surface sometimes feels nice for the woman and helps to keep your fingers from stinging when they marinate in vaginal fluids, which are fairly acidic. Try putting a dab of water-based lube inside each fingertip of the glove and see if it makes any difference for you or her.

Isn’t She Supposed To Scream with Delight?

Actually, no. Some women who are totally relaxed and receiving maximum sexual pleasure zone out and go into another world. While they certainly might moan or smile, hip-bucking and screaming aren’t usually part of it. With other women, you might need to give the neighbors ear plugs. There is no correlation whatsoever between decibels and delight.

Other Kinds of Vulva and Vagina Massage

If this chapter seems too involved or doesn’t seem spontaneous enough, there are plenty of other things to try. Here are some things to consider:

• When massaging different parts of a woman’s genitals, apply just enough pressure to move the skin back and forth over the tissue that’s under it. Press harder if she asks.
  
• Finding a man’s peehole is not a particularly taxing exercise; finding a woman’s can take a bit of work. Why would you want to? Because there is a small dome of tissue that surrounds a woman’s urinary opening. Some women might enjoy it if you stimulate this area. Ask.
  
• Think of the vagina as a tube that’s about four inches long. Once a woman is sexually aroused, start at the rim (opening) of the vagina. Put pressure on each part of the tissue as your finger eventually makes a complete circle. She needs to give you feedback about any spots that she might want you to revisit. Then move your fingertip a little deeper inside and do the same thing all over again. Keep repeating this until you have done her whole vagina. It helps to be extra thorough about exploring the first third of the vagina, because that’s a part that can be most sensitive to touch. Pay special attention to the upper half of her vagina between 9:00 and 3:00. A number of women report pleasurable responses in this part of the vagina.
  
• Some women feel a certain dull but enjoyable sensitivity around the base or deepest part of the vagina, a full finger deep. This part of the vagina might be more sensitive to pressure than touch.
  
• Place your free hand over the lower part of your lover’s abdomen. Experiment by applying different kinds of pressure with your top hand while you are exploring inside her vagina with the fingers from your other hand.
  

• A woman’s cervix can usually be found in the upper rear part of her vagina. It is easily felt if she is on all fours or brings her legs to her chest. The cervix feels like a little dome of tissue that’s fun to run your fingers around. It may also have a small cleft in the middle, like your chin. Some women may enjoy it if you carefully stimulate the area surrounding the cervix. Others won’t. Cervical sensitivity can vary with a woman’s menstrual cycle; massaging it may release some blood if she is close to her period.
  
• The perineum is the groin’s version of a demilitarized zone that separates the anus from the vagina. Push into the surface with your fingertips and see what she says. (A woman’s perineum is much shorter than a man’s.)
  
• The ring of the anus contains a multitude of nerve endings. Women and men who don’t have aesthetic problems with anal stimulation might enjoy an exploration of their rectal area. You may find that one part of the anus is more sensitive than others. Putting a finger on it might generate a deep sense of pleasure. But be careful about going from a woman’s rectum to her vulva without washing your hands.
  
• Place a well-lubricated hand between the woman’s legs with your fingertips resting below her vulva but not touching her anus. Pull the hand all the way up to her belly, with your fingertips gently separating her labia with each stroke. Then do the same thing with your other hand, alternating strokes.
  

• While lying next to your partner, rest your arm across her body with your fingers on her vulva. Separate her labia with your first and third fingers and stroke between her inner lips with your middle finger, bringing lubrication up from the bottom of her vaginal opening. If she isn’t already wet, lubricate your finger with saliva or store-bought lube. Also, some women like to have their vulvas tapped with fingers, and some even like to be lightly slapped on the genitals. Be sure to ask, first.
  
• A woman’s pubic bone can be a fine perch for a tired hand whose fingers are playing with the lips and folds below.
  
• Some women enjoy being touched from behind, when they are lying on their stomach or are on all fours or while they are leaning over something. You can reach between your lover’s legs from behind. This changes the angle that your hand and fingers make with her genitals.
  

Massaging the Mons

The mons pubis is the fleshy mound at the top of the vulva just above where the lips begin to open. It usually has hair on it, or at least it did right after puberty. It’s easy to ignore the mons and head straight for the clitoris, yet some women masturbate by putting moderate fingertip pressure on the mons and making a circular or back-and-forth motion with it. Some women enjoy it when a partner kneads the mons or taps on it with his fingertips.

Or you can try pushing the padded part of your palm against the mons and make a circular motion with it. (This is the part of your palm you push into bread dough when you are kneading it.) Making a circular motion stretches the entire vulva. She should tell you how wide she wants the circle to be. If you are looking for amplification of sensation, you might try pulling up on the mons with one hand while gently tugging on the inner lips with the fingers of the other.